[BD Review] ‘The Upper Footage’ Is the Most Boring Movie of 2013

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Ya gotta admit, the viral campaign surrounding The Upper Footage was pretty damn impressive. The filmmakers made up a bunch of phony NYC socialites and released a video on YouTube depicting one of them fatally overdosing. Everyone’s face was pixelated, and the uploader was allegedly using the video as blackmail. Pay up, or the identity of the ODer and her posse will be revealed. More clips surfaced, this time said to feature young celebrities inhaling a mountain of cocaine. Then major media outlets started reporting that Quentin Tarantino had purchased all of the footage and would be editing it into a documentary called “Upper.” Then nothing happened.

Fast forward to 2013 and here’s The Upper Footage, directed by Justin Cole – a man so enigmatic his face is pixelated on his IMDB page. Of course, we know now that the whole thing is fake, but the viral marketing they pulled off is remarkable in hindsight. It was like the bubble boy hoax of marketing. So was all the effort and media attention worth it?

Absolutely not.

The Upper Footage is the most boring movie of 2013. It’s downright painful to sit through. The movie follows a group of shitty, rich knuckleheads as they “party” the night away, which consists of boozing, using, and shouting racist/homophobic slurs from their limo. It’s like a feature-length TMZ episode with lousy actors reenacting celebrity bad behavior. Then they go back to a one Blake Pennington’s apartment to party some more. Eventually the girl, Jackie, ODs and the gang disposes of her body. But who cares? Everyone in the movie is an asshole. Hanging out with them for 90 minutes was a nightmare. Why couldn’t they all have died? That would have been a WAY tighter ending!

Cole relies on a hefty lineup of found footage nuisances, such as leaving the camera to shoot on a blank wall while the audio plays out. The ending brazenly calls back the Blair Witch Project – the godfather of found footage marketing. Cole may have a mind for marketing, but he needs to work on his craftsmanship.

The viral marketing itself can be read as a comment on truthfulness and accountability in the media. If they had just left it at that it would have been a great experiment. The movie really tarnishes what they accomplished though by failing to pierce any relevant topic. Shitty rich kids are shitty. Hanging out with a group of them for 90 minutes is pure hell. Once the veneer of authenticity was wiped away (Cole dropped a press release earlier in the year admitting it was all fake), what’s left is a grating film about a bunch of rich dickheads.

 

Official Score

  • SaltSlasher

    This movie looks more entertaining than Paranormal Activity, yet it was a blockbuster hit and this looks like the stupidest thing ever.

    Personally I hate found footage movies, they always cram it down your throat “this is real” “this is legit”, “were telling you this is real so believe it”. If you watched “4th Kind” it is the pinnacle of this, having to show you “real footage” alongside a decent movie every 10 minutes to “prove” its real, and if it was so damn real, than why do they have to cram it so hard.

    Found footage movies are the worlds biggest “trolling” in history. Blair Witch was stupid, but since it was the first it was OK. Now everyone wants to repeat that formula, and even go to great lengths like this Upper crap.

    Why don’t these people just go to film school, and make a crap movie with actual substance and then hope it turns into a cult classic, rather than just a publicity stunt to “troll” people into your stupid movie.

  • Krug09

    LOL smh. This movie went from being on my top watch list from late 11 – early 13 to me not giving a fuck about it. First all, all this film had going for it is. it could be real. and a celebrity was even accused of being in the footage snorting coke. brilliant marketing it really worked until the guy announced it was fake. who wants to see it now? what a mistake and a shame… i didnt see it but damn it sounds awful. the biggest problems today are movies with unlikable scumbags.

    • Matts787

      Problem with movies is the unlikeable characters? Coming from someone with the username and avatar of one of the most unlikeable characters of all time. What a goof.

      • Krug09

        Hes the bad guy not an antihero. You are suppose to hate him. he did his job, stupid.

        • Matts787

          Pretty sure you aren’t supposed to like the kids in this movie either, dummy. Funny that the fact that you loathe this movie so much is because you can’t actually see a girl die. You sound like a winner lol.

          • Krug09

            Nice deflecting act you have going on here onto last house. This movie as i hear, and even you yourself say has ZERO likable characters. Last House was well acted all around. This movie according to this person has shit acting. LHOL has characters that aren’t all bad people. Not everyone is Krug. Krug even though hes a scumbag, the viewer still enjoys him because he is well played. whats likable about cokeheads being rapist and dumping a body?

  • Chainsaw Graphics

    Can’t be any worse then V/H/S.. that movie was terrible.

  • Matts787

    Saw it last night and could not disagree more. I think it is quite possibly the best found footage film I have sever seen. Amazing film.
    Reviews like this are why this place became a joke years ago. This reeks of an amateur writer desperate for attention. Most boring film of 2013? Really? I guess it is to be expected though after the dudes behind the film fooled you guys into giving them free press and running hoax stories for years.

    • Krug09

      LMAO! Man you are really grasping at straws! Stop deflecting onto usernames, avatars, this site, and more. People have diff opinions you stupid dick, deal with it. He gave his honest opinion. the site featured it because they were excited to see it and asked to do it. They did the movie a favor. Should he lie? it sounds like a piece of shit. Tell us why this film is good? he said clearly why this movie sucks. ZERO likable characters. Whats good about that? Rich douchebags doing drugs, being racist, bad acting and dumping a girls body. sounds like a masterpiece. FYI dumbass. they covered this mess when the first trailer was released and it was obviously fake, good marketing to a point, yeah a movie about a real girl oding would be a feature film. The Dirty (not BD) covered before any trailer. all they had to go on was a pic of some asshole and a fake story sent to them that sounds like an interesting news story. But no news articles or pics of “Blake” killed the realism…. even the marketing had its holes. LMAO it would so fucking funny if you were involved on the film or are friends of..

      • Matts787

        LOL if you think I am going to read your 4th grade level writing skills past the first sentence. I knew it was a movie from the start, too bad your too dumb to figure out that real snuff films don’t get turned into feature films. Keep trolling every article about a film you will never even see. This is why I stopped posting here, the people that comment are almost as dumb as the writers LOL. I’m out, have a good one stud.

    • rgold

      …and the viral marketing machine is still hard at work. I’m not sure how much your getiing paid, Matts787, but its not nearly enough. If it look like a turd, smells like a turd, you know

      • Matts787

        If I am “getting paid” for posting how I liked a film that I saw I wonder how much Krug, the guy who posts far more on this than I, is getting paid to bash a film he didn’t see. Logic works both ways.

  • randallflagg666

    If it was Ti West presents “The Upper Footage” it would be the b
    est movie of the year for these guys!

  • viking1983

    you not gonna give credit to the guy who exposed justin cole as a hack and had justin cole go insane at him on facebook? ben gillie, an absolute legend

    • Poussey

      are you ben?

      i’m interested in this so can you share the emails somewhere (pastebin?) for those of us who don’t use fb or missed what happened if you have it? thanks. :)