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[Stanley '14 Review] ‘Blood Glacier’ Provides Creature Comforts

Blood-Glacier-The-Station-22
Reviewed By: Erik Myers

There are a lot of things in Blood Glacier, including the eponymous ice mass, an unsettling crimson giant unfrozen by global warming and oozing with disaster. Sure enough, things get weird around the Alps campsite housing a team of Austrian researchers and a boozy loudmouth technician named Janek (Gerhard Liebmann). The thing that’s so problematic with the film is the inevitable parallels it draws to The Thing (1982) and the ensuing expectations to match up, which it doesn’t.

Yet I can’t help but wonder if I would had Blood Glacier kept its original title, The Station, so as to let Big Red remain a surprise. I imagine some will take pleasure in the somewhat creepy animal monsters dreamt up by Austrian director Marvin Kren and screenwriter Benjamin Hessler. We never get too close a look at them, of course, but considering the film’s small budget, they provide a couple of scares, some of the slow-burn variety like when a poor pet gets infected.

The cast of characters here is relatively larger than its cinematic predecessors, with a team lead by an assertive government minister making a publicity visit to the station as well as a screaming young blond who comes running to them out of nowhere, pursued by a flying beastie. The route they go down is a rough and tumble ride with plenty of action moments, gory bits and a couple of laughs as well.

The film’s ending is boggling and might earn it some cult credentials down the road merely for its inanity. Blood Glacier might not feel like such a burnout if it were a bit shorter and of course scarier, but it will provide creature comforts to those seeking them.

Official Score

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

    • J Jett

      Gregory, EXACTLY!! the 100% unprofessional, terrible “actors/actresses” (and i’m using that term loosely) used for the English dub are cringe-inducing.

    • Eldritch Love

      This is exactly what I said in another review. Forty-year old scientists sounding like teenagers cut this movie off at the knees from the beginning. The WTF ending almost seemed to fit in better somehow.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Gregory Miller

    The bad dubbing made this film pretty much unwatchable. It sounded like the guys from some high school drama class doing their first cold read through. The male voices are so similar that at many points I didn’t know who was talking.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

    • Full Frontal Squashing

      Nothing like the Thing except it tried hard to be the Thing!

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • Zahk Scott

    The dubbing and the very bad special effects in some places is what brought this movie down – it was pretty much a standard monster infection horror flick not unlike ‘The Thing,’ ‘Splinter’ or any zombie movie you can think of. It’s not necessarily a bad concept, just overused, even with the new spin they put on it.

  • J Jett

    i agree guys. the HORRIBLE, unforgivably bad dubbing nearly ruins the movie. can someone explain why the VOD release ONLY has English/bad English dubbing?
    the movie overall was ok, nothing great or even very good. and that ending is SO incredibly stupid that it kind of does ruin the movie.

    overall the movie was a nice attempt but there’s no genuine character development and none of the characters are likable. the “scientists” are so stupid they could have been in PROMETHEUS. lol.

    • Full Frontal Squashing

      Beyond the dubbing, the movie was not that good. Average at best. The dubbing made it sub par.

    • Eldritch Love

      Haha, these scientists MUST have went to the same school as the ones in PROMETHEUS. Part of the graduate program is how to throw all caution or scientific principles out the window when finding “the greatest scientific discovery of all-time!”

  • amol

    forget the dubbing this movie was so over hype by bloody disgusting. no character development the monster design looks like something from troma films. the scientists are dump as hell.did damon Lindelof direct this overhype crap.

  • Brian Russell

    I was pretty excited about this movie. Talk about over hype BD! The dubbing was garbage. The special effects were garbage. The actors were garbage. The flying bug falcon was garbage. The goat that jumps through the door looked fake. This movie was horrible. I almost expected to see Asylum attached to this piece of crap. It still was better than Prometheus though. LOL.

  • H666

    sounds like we got lucky in the UK – original dialogue with subs

  • Boogie man

    The ending is weird – half man half dog baby/cub… can’t figure out how that came to be.