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[Review] Shoddy and Amateurish, ‘Clinger’ Should Have Stayed Dead

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Horror comedies are not as easy to produce as they seem. Too much horror and the laughs will feel out of place; too much comedy and you won’t take the scares seriously. There’s also a minimum level of drama necessary to make the audience feel for the characters, as long as it doesn’t disrupt the fun. With Michael Steves’ Clinger, all three of these elements are just barely there as the film’s decent premise is weighed down by mediocre execution.

The story follows Jennifer Laporte as Fern, an aspirant neuroscientist and high schooler that starts dating Robert Klingher, (played by Vincent Martella, of Everybody Hates Chris fame) an awkward and clingy classmate who’s been in love with her since the fifth grade. After Robert is killed in a bizarre accident of his own making, he returns to haunt guilt-ridden Fern as a deranged and jealous ghost. Enlisting the help of supernatural expert Valeria Kingsley, played by Alicia Monet Caldwell, Fern tries to find a way to exorcise her annoying ex to the afterlife for good.

This sounds like a decent enough plot on paper, and perhaps in more skilled hands (or maybe with a larger budget) it could have worked, but that’s just not the case with Clinger. Almost all the interesting elements of the script are ruined by poor execution and little attention to detail. Some extremely awful computer effects and generic direction make this seem like an exceptionally gory after-school special.

Budget constraints are certainly to blame for some of the more technical demerits, but the amateurish acting is inexcusable here. Even some of the more well-known actors have trouble getting through stiff dialogue and unconvincing drama. Though there are actual young people onscreen, you don’t feel at any point that these are real teenagers with real problems. I know these aren’t A-list award-winning thespians, but there’s a certain level of quality necessary to take the characters seriously. Laporte is definitely the best of the bunch in this case, though her performance is still hindered by the shoddy script.

However, there are few genuinely good moments lost amongst the rest of the film. The premise is interesting enough to begin with, though some of the allegory may have been too explicit. There were also a couple of deeply heartfelt scenes commenting on the nature of first love and how to deal with heartbreak. Even though the film was disappointingly vague concerning the rules of the undead most of the time, there were some interesting scenes involving other ghosts that hinted at unexplored potential hidden within this aspect of the story.

In the end, most of the humor still falls flat and the horror is regrettably sup-par, but the film is not a total waste of time. Clinger does have a certain charm to it, even though the negatives far outweigh the positives. The writing, though uninspired, has a touch of John Hughes with the quirky characters, not to mention some chuckle-worthy dark humor involving some of the murderous ghosts. Given that this is Michael Steves’ first feature film, many of these faults can be forgiven. That still doesn’t make this a good movie, however, only not entirely awful.

Born Brazilian, raised Canadian, Luiz is a writer and Film student that spends most of his time watching movies and subsequently complaining about them.

Indie

“Bite Size Short: Her House of Horrors” Announce Short Grant Program!

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Her House of Horrors, the horror division of Independent Production House WOMXNOGRAPHY, has launched its Bite Size Short Grant Program, ahead of its film festival Dollhouse of Horror, which will take place in March 2025 in Los Angeles, CA.

The Bite Size Short Grant Program awards $2,000 film grants to female-identifying and queer horror filmmakers. Shorts must be able to be made for $2,000, with a minimum runtime of 8 minutes. Submissions are now open on Filmfreeway, and are being judged by a panel of horror lovers and content creators.

The 2024 Bite Size Short Grant Program judge lineup is as follows:

“James H. Carter II- A documentary director, film producer, podcaster, marketing specialist, and writer. James is the founder and co-owner of Creepy Kingdom. Creepy Kingdom was founded in 2011 and is a multimedia website, and production studio specializing in creepy content. Their primary focus lies at the intersection of childlike fantasy and the macabre, covering horror films, theme parks, haunts, and much more. Beyond their extensive media coverage, Creepy Kingdom hosts events, offers original merchandise, and engages in film production under the Creepy Kingdom Studios brand producing original films like “Foolish Mortals”, exploring Disney’s “Haunted Mansion” fan culture, and “Georgie”, featuring Tony Dakota from the original “It” miniseries.

“In addition to founding Creepy Kingdom, James has won awards for his documentary work, including the award-winning “Foolish Mortals,” which has earned him recognition. He has been featured on Freeform’s 31 Nights of Halloween special.

“Ashleeta Beauchamp is the editor-in-chief of Peek-A-Boo! Magazine, a cheeky horror magazine created to uplift marginalized writers, artists, models and other creators within the horror community. She also runs The Halloween Coalition, a community group to provide support and marketing for horror and Halloween events around the Southern California area.

“Titeanya Rodríguez is a multi-hyphenate creative, and the founder and owner of HER HOUSE OF HORRORS, home of DOLLHOUSE OF HORROR and the horror division of WOMXNOGRAPHY. As a fellow storyteller and a self-proclaimed artivist, Titeanya’s mission is to create opportunities for women of color and queer women, across film, tv, sports, music, and beyond. She is also the creator of the BITE SIZE SHORT grant program.”

Winners will have a one-night theatrical screening at Regal Cinemas. Submissions Close April 8 at Midnight. Winners will be announced on May 27, 2024. Shorts must be shot and through post-production by June 30, 2024. The screening will take place on July 8, 2024, in Los Angeles, CA.

WOMXNOGRAPHY, HER HOUSE OF HORRORS, and Rodriguez are represented by Azhar PR, Granderson Des Rochers, and Kinsella Holley Iser Kump Steinsapir.

To submit your short to the Bite Size Short Grant Program, go to the FilmFreeway link here.

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