Anger of the Dead comes to us courtesy of Uncork’d Entertainment, a distribution company that has given us such gems like Krampus: The Reckoning, The Ouija Exorcism and Patrick: Evil Awakens (Okay, that last one is actually pretty decent). It tells the familiar story of a small group of people attempting to survive the zombie apocalypse. Oh yeah, and it was produced by Uwe Boll.

That last part should tell you everything you need to know about Anger of the Dead, as it is a poorly-scripted and poorly-acted slog of a film that should satisfy only the most hardcore of zombie fans.

Alice (Roberta Sparta) is taking care of her toddler daughter when she receives a frantic call from her husband warning her not to leave the house. Little does she know that her daughter has opened the front door and let in a zombie. Some mayhem ensues and Alice teams up with Stephen (Marius Bizau) before the film flashes forward four months and they have had enough time to become seasoned zombie fighters. Meanwhile Rooker (Aaron Stielstra), a truly loathsome character (at one point he threatens to sic his “racist and pedophile friends” on someone), is attempting to locate the unnamed female Prisoner, a young woman whom he was holding hostage that somehow escaped his clutches.

There are a slew of problems present in Anger of the Dead, the worst of which is the aforementioned script. For example, there is a groan-inducing monologue in which Rooker compares a disloyal henchman to Pinocchio and proceeds to explain to him in detail who Pinocchio is and how his comparison is apt. There are also a plethora of plot contrivances. From a character leaving himself wide open to zombie attacks by sitting in his parked car with the windows open to another character who had previously been willing to shoot a friend for getting bit suddenly wanting to keep another infected until the moment when they turn. There are enough nonsensical moments in Anger of the Dead to make your head spin and to attempt to list them here would be a seemingly endless task.

Side-by-side comparison of the one-sheets for Anger of the Dead and season four of The Walking Dead.

What Anger of the Dead truly suffers from is issues with its tone. Everything on screen plays as silly while the actors are all doing their best to deliver lines in the most melodramatic ways. Had the film just gone the Sharknado route and played it all for laughs, it would have been a better film. Unfortunately the film takes itself so seriously that it makes a joke of its entire 84 minutes.

It’s not all bad though. The makeup effects are well done by Carlo Diamantini, even if the zombies look more like vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (see above). Francesco Picone, adapting his short film of the same name, is actually quite a talented director. He chooses to film about 95% of the film in daylight and it works in his favor. The film isn’t gorgeous by any means, but it looks a lot better than you would expect something like this to. Cinematographer Mirco Sgarzi’s should also receive credit for this. These factors make Anger of the Dead somewhat watchable, as it is a competently made film.

Anger of the Dead might entertain those who are desperately in need of a zombie fix before The Walking Dead returns in February, but all others should stay away. It is nothing more than a cheap way to cash in on the buzz surrounding AMC’s popular series (the opening credits of the film are a near-replica of the credits of that show, music and all). This is depressing, since zombie films can be so much better than this. Anger of the Dead just isn’t up for the task.

Anger of the Dead opens theatrically in NY and LA on January 8th before its DVD release on February 2nd.