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[Future Movie Reviews] Len Wiseman’s ‘They Live’

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Movies
Posted by Evan Saathoff on October 25, 2012 @ 7:31am
Category: Movies / Editorials

Greetings. I am a film critic from the future. The near future. So near it wouldn’t even impress you. Everything’s the same. It’s depressing. As a future film critic, it’s my task to electronically deliver spoiler-filled reviews of awful films from my present to yours with an aim to keep these cinematic atrocities from existing in the first place through the power of premature bad press. These are my chronicles: The Future Movie Reviews.

Len Wiseman‘s (credited, here as Alan Smithee) update of John Carpenter’s They Live is so bad it may start its own fight clubs. Its cockeyed point of view bravely damns all those who disagree to such an extent, I’m tempted to call it high art. But that would be a mistake. This isn’t an example of artistic expression, it’s class warfare. READ MORE

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[Future Movie Reviews] Len Wiseman’s ‘The Exorcist’ Remake!

Avatar of Evan Saathoff
Movies
Posted by Evan Saathoff on August 29, 2012 @ 1:11pm
Category: Movies / Editorials

Greetings. I am a film critic from the future. The near future. So near it wouldn’t even impress you. Everything’s the same. It’s depressing. As a future film critic, it’s my task to electronically deliver spoiler-filled reviews of awful films from my present to yours with an aim to keep these cinematic atrocities from existing in the first place through the power of premature bad press. These are my chronicles: The Future Movie Reviews.

Raise your hand if the one thing that always bugged you about The Exorcist was its lack of CG vomit? I only see a couple hands, but you guys are going to f*cking love Len Wiseman’s remake. The remaining 99% of you may find some slight issues with the film.

Head inside for more! READ MORE