Lost In Time aka Drifting School starring Bubba Smith and Billy Drago. I was and am a huge fan of the latter and sought out anything he did back in the day, and much to my delight I found this insanely rare VHS under the Lost In Time title. This movie featured one of the most annoying child performances I ever saw, and was so cheap that when Drago mutated into a sort of monster (my memory is fuzzy on specifics) that he literally just growled and spit water with no makeup to speak of. It's technically more sci-fi, but I still have to mention it for the creature subplot. This movie would be gold on riff night.
Cathy's Curse, which was recently heralded as some lost classic in certain misguided or disingenuous circles. Cough... Horror Movie A Day..cough. Some shit gets lost for a reason and this should've stayed that way. Nothing to recommend unless you're an insomniac. Saw some 35 cent excrement on B Movie TV called Cannibal Campout last weekend although I don't really think garbage like that should qualify as an actual film. The same standard could be applied to the Long Island Cannibal Massacre too.
As far as bona fide films go, in the past week or so, I saw three of the worst slashers. Don't Go In The Woods, The Mutilator, and Fatal Games. All awful but at least the Mutilator featured some decent gore. Now if you want to talk about something that has been held up as a staple, I finally saw The Slumber Party Massacre and it didn't register as anything other than some outdated artifact.
Death Row Diner without a doubt. Some of the most atrocious acting ever put on celluloid, an incoherent plot, and crappy fx work make this one of the last horror movies you'd ever want to watch.
We're talking worst movies ever? No matter what you think of stuff like the Conjuring, which I hated... Or House of the Dead which is poorly made but can be fun to watch under the right conditions.
The Halloween remake isn't great but it's not entirely poorly made. Even the second which i think is an artistically bankrupt dumpster fire, doesn't qualify for worst movie ever in my books.
Its gotta be something visually boring with a tone and story to match... something like Frogs (1972) comes to mind. Hated it.
It was Pieces for a long time, a long long time, but we've got a new contender.
The Cabin He Calls Home (2018 ) I went into it with an open mind, I expected something that was a cut above the rest. I'm not saying I was expecting Kubrick or Carpenter levels of goodness, but somewhere nestled between say Fulci and Romero. What I got was just low rent, not good low rent like Fragasso or Lustig, but low rent like Steinmann.
If this movie pops up in your area, avoid it at all costs. The lighting was non existent, I was left wondering if they even had a DP. The camera cuts between characters was too fast, no holding on any character long enough to hear them speak; and then the angles used were uninspired, typical headshots meant to get the actor in frame and that was it. The action was stilted at best, the actors didn't appear to be trained in any way to handle the running and light fighting they would have to be doing. I feel like with proper blocking and maybe a dolly track they could have shot the action scenes better, but their production quality screamed cheap so they probably couldn't afford the equipment or a competent director. The script had some promise, but with actors that deliver their lines like they're in a fast food commercial and a director with the instinct of a dead pigeon, that script was doomed to fall.
1/10 - Give it a remake with new blood and some money for equipment and you've got a mildly suspenseful hit. As it is now, it's hot garbage.
@Blakelock, I am getting so fucking sick of your goddamn trolling. Wonderlust and I already told you to knock it off in the other thread. It's a fucking fan film for God's sake. Get over it. Final warning.
There was some anthology movie with Sean Astin and Donkeylips from Camp Anawanna called The Willies. Clu Gulager also received a paycheck for this garbage. I'm pretty sure it was too shitty to even show on Nickelodeon.
Yeah, Fright Night Part 2 (1988) was disappointing. I enjoyed seeing Ragsdale and McDowall together again, but other than that it was a complete misfire. It was original though, at least.
I think all those remakes I listed would be okay movies if they weren't called the names of the originals. If I saw Dawn of the Dead remake under a different title, I would think it was okay. But things get complicated when filmmakers announce - "this is our interpretation of Dawn of the Dead." Because then I have no choice but to compare the two films.
Seems filmmakers are willing to take that risk, in exchange for the name recognition, the built-in audience that comes along with remakes - cash cows. I have always said though, if one good thing ever comes from these remakes, maybe they will guide new and curious horror fans to the original movies.
I love the way you sing, okay? I fucked up my whole life because of the way you sing. - Before Midnight
Yeah, certain aspects of the original Hills Have Eyes haven't aged all that well. The cannibal women are dressed like the goddamn Flintstones and the guy who plays Mars is basically a joke with that goofy looking afro and wearing ridiculous fake Bubba teeth. Lizard in the remake is a massive upgrade. The choice to turn the cannibals into full blown mutants was also influenced by Wrong Turn, which itself was a throwback to The Hills Have Eyes at the time of its release.
Besides that awful Texas Chainsaw 3D piece of shit was way worse than any of those remakes. Not to mention that it was misleading because even though it called itself a true sequel its stupid opening was a very insulting idiotic remake of the original movie. There was never any trailer park full of Sawyers and Carsons in the original. It was just the Cook, the Hitchhiker and Leatherface. That's the real shame. A bunch of little idiots who have never bothered seeing the original probably had no idea nothing went down like that in the original. The piece of shit turned Leatherface into a dangerous retard instead of an abused pit bull. Oh no, we're simple rednecks. Oh no, my idiot nephew killed a couple of stupid hippies that wandered onto our property. Cannibalism? No Siree, Bob. We got a bunch of big strong hunters like Gunnar Hansen.
Comments
The Meateater
The Stay Awake
As far as bona fide films go, in the past week or so, I saw three of the worst slashers. Don't Go In The Woods, The Mutilator, and Fatal Games. All awful but at least the Mutilator featured some decent gore. Now if you want to talk about something that has been held up as a staple, I finally saw The Slumber Party Massacre and it didn't register as anything other than some outdated artifact.
The Halloween remake isn't great but it's not entirely poorly made. Even the second which i think is an artistically bankrupt dumpster fire, doesn't qualify for worst movie ever in my books.
Its gotta be something visually boring with a tone and story to match... something like Frogs (1972) comes to mind. Hated it.
The Cabin He Calls Home (2018 ) I went into it with an open mind, I expected something that was a cut above the rest. I'm not saying I was expecting Kubrick or Carpenter levels of goodness, but somewhere nestled between say Fulci and Romero. What I got was just low rent, not good low rent like Fragasso or Lustig, but low rent like Steinmann.
If this movie pops up in your area, avoid it at all costs. The lighting was non existent, I was left wondering if they even had a DP. The camera cuts between characters was too fast, no holding on any character long enough to hear them speak; and then the angles used were uninspired, typical headshots meant to get the actor in frame and that was it. The action was stilted at best, the actors didn't appear to be trained in any way to handle the running and light fighting they would have to be doing. I feel like with proper blocking and maybe a dolly track they could have shot the action scenes better, but their production quality screamed cheap so they probably couldn't afford the equipment or a competent director. The script had some promise, but with actors that deliver their lines like they're in a fast food commercial and a director with the instinct of a dead pigeon, that script was doomed to fall.
1/10 - Give it a remake with new blood and some money for equipment and you've got a mildly suspenseful hit. As it is now, it's hot garbage.
Dawn of the Dead remake
Nightmare on Elm Street remake
The Hills Have Eyes remake
Those are all in competition for worst horror movie I've ever seen, but the worst one of all, even worse than all those, is the Fright Night remake
- Posts what title of thread asks.
- Gets threatened by MOD.
Don’t threaten me, either ban me because I watched and posted my opinion about some idiots fan film or get the fuck off my back about it.
I think all those remakes I listed would be okay movies if they weren't called the names of the originals. If I saw Dawn of the Dead remake under a different title, I would think it was okay. But things get complicated when filmmakers announce - "this is our interpretation of Dawn of the Dead." Because then I have no choice but to compare the two films.
Seems filmmakers are willing to take that risk, in exchange for the name recognition, the built-in audience that comes along with remakes - cash cows. I have always said though, if one good thing ever comes from these remakes, maybe they will guide new and curious horror fans to the original movies.
Besides that awful Texas Chainsaw 3D piece of shit was way worse than any of those remakes. Not to mention that it was misleading because even though it called itself a true sequel its stupid opening was a very insulting idiotic remake of the original movie. There was never any trailer park full of Sawyers and Carsons in the original. It was just the Cook, the Hitchhiker and Leatherface. That's the real shame. A bunch of little idiots who have never bothered seeing the original probably had no idea nothing went down like that in the original. The piece of shit turned Leatherface into a dangerous retard instead of an abused pit bull. Oh no, we're simple rednecks. Oh no, my idiot nephew killed a couple of stupid hippies that wandered onto our property. Cannibalism? No Siree, Bob. We got a bunch of big strong hunters like Gunnar Hansen.