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Headlines In Horror: BioShock 2! Dante’s Inferno! DLC for Left 4 Dead 1 & 2! Exclamation Points!
This has been one helluva exciting couple of months, especially if you enjoy slaying unbaptized babies (and possibly little girls, depending on how you play your games), zombies, and non-zombies. In case you hadn’t noticed this already, BioShock 2 and Dante’s Inferno are finally out and may be just what we need to tide us over until the new Resident Evil 5 and Left 4 Dead DLC come out over the next couple months.
But that’s not all, oh no it isn’t, you may have seen some Gears of War in your Lost Planet 2? Well, now there’s also a little bit of Resident Evil in there to make that game even better. As Alan Wake nears its May release date we’ve been given some more details on the game including a very cool new trailer. So read on you handsome, intelligent reader you so you can get your monthly dose of all things horror. BioShock 2 Doesn’t Mind If You Call It Big Daddy.
Without a doubt one of the most anticipated games of the year (and that’s really saying something with all the big titles on the way) is out now. When you played the original did you say to yourself, “If only this game had a multiplayer I’d do dirty, and possibly illegal, things to it all night long”, because if you did (and I completely agree you saucy minx) it’s very likely BioShock 2 is the game of your dreams. It’s out now for the PS3, Xbox 360, and PC.
Dante’s Inferno Has DEMON BOOBS; Need I Say More?
You know what else is out? Dante’s Inferno, that’s what. If you decided, while playing any of the God of War games, that there just wasn’t enough T & A in the games than Dante’s Inferno is here to soothe your boobular needs with boobage aplenty. It’s also worth noting that, while the game has no multiplayer support now, over the coming months all that will change with the two upcoming DLC packs entitled ‘Dark Forest’ and ‘Trials of St. Lucia’, the latter of which adds some much needed online features to the game. St. Lucia, due out April 29th, includes cooperative play, a new playable character (St. Lucia) and a game-editor that lets you make your own hellish levels.
BOTH Left 4 Dead Games Getting DLC
Revealed Thursday at Microsoft’s X10 event, Valve showed off some details for the upcoming ‘The Passing’ DLC for Left 4 Dead 2. In it the cast from both games meet up, and in one of the chapters the cast from the original game lend a hand to help our new heroes make it through the hordes of undead.
Included in the DLC is a new machine gun, a new common zombie, and the new Fallen Survivor infected. The Passing will be making its way to the Xbox 360 and PC late next month.
But that’s not all as Valve will be explaining how the cast from L4D came to The Passing in more DLC for the original Left 4 Dead. Don’t expect this to be compatible with L4D2 though, because it won’t. All we know about it is the DLC will fill in all the holes when it gets released sometime after The Passing.
I should also mention that Left 4 Dead 2 was recently patched to take care of that horrible auto-spawn problem during the finales and it also added Infected Bots to help aid the Infected team when they’re a few players short.
What Would Get You To Pay More Money for Dead Space 2?
I’m a bit late with this bit of news but EA is looking for your assistance in choosing what to include in a possible Collector’s Edition of Dead Space 2. This is your chance to get what you want. What do you want in your imaginary Dead Space 2 Collector’s Edition? A posable Cher figurine, perhaps? Maybe some collectable stamps featuring the late Albert Einstein? An ‘I’m With Coco!’ Banner? Speak up people!
Check it out HERE!
WTF? Darkest of Days is Being Adapted into a Movie?
In a good example of news coming out of left field, critical failure Darkest of Days will be getting adapted into a film. Before you ask, no, this is not the work of Uwe Boll. We can thank Douglas Cook and David Weisberg, the guys behind The Rock (the film, not the wrestler) for this gem of news.
Right now a screenplay is being written to try and capitalize on… well, I really don’t know since I honestly can’t see, no matter how hard I try, any reason to adapt this game into a movie. No interesting characters and a bizarre plot pretty much wraps up everything that game brought to the table. Maybe these guys see something I don’t?
On a positive note should this film get the green light at least there won’t have to worry about pissing off any hardcore fans because I’m fairly positive this game has few to anger.
Wesker Kicks Buggy Alien Bums Alongside Marcus & Dom in Lost Planet 2
At this point Capcom seems to be simply tossing random characters into their upcoming game Lost Planet 2 to widen its appeal (something they really didn’t need to do when the game already had fireball throwing dragon and electric-limbed squid bosses). First it was the appearance of Albert Wesker from Resident Evil 5, and now its Marcus and Dom from Gears of War. But this is old news, right? Shut up, no one likes you for pointing out the obvious. Anyways, here are some nerdgasm inducing screenshots of the trio fighting together.
Demon’s Souls Celebrates Valentines Day the Only Way it Knows How
By switching up the world’s tendency, of course. As of right now the world tendency is white, meaning the game is somewhat forgiving, or at least as forgiving that a game like Demon’s Souls can be, until Thursday, when it all goes black. So if you’ve been trying to mess with your world’s tendency so you can get that rare item hidden a certain level now’s the time to get it (I suggest heading over to the first stage in the Boletarian Palace, there’s a healthy selection of goods waiting at the beginning of the level).
Let’s start with the good news. Lockbox looks far better than its misleading marketing materials suggest, a supernatural horror movie so darkly lit and color graded that you’ll have to squint your way through jump scares. It’s also anchored by reliable genre performers. That’s also about where the good news ends with this rote adaptation of Knifepoint Horror Podcast story “Winthrop.”
The empathetic Carla Gugino gives her all as Ellen, a saint of a woman with boundless patience who takes on life’s hard luck with a kind smile. After giving up her career as a fashion designer to become caretaker for a dying mother, she’s then forced to reinvent herself once more when her caretaker role ends. That catches us up to the events of Lockbox, where Ellen is asked to take in a cousin she hasn’t seen in quite some time who’s dealing with severe PTSD.
Just as Ellen finally establishes a real connection with Winthrop (Lou Taylor Pucci), it’s interrupted by the arrival of peculiar neighbor Vahna (Katharine Isabelle), who spells clear trouble. When Vahna shows up dead, it sets in motion a supernatural battle of possession.
Image Credit: Aura entertainment
Director Daniel Stamm (The Last Exorcism, Prey for the Devil) and screenwriter Justin Yoffe approach Lockbox in the broadest of brushstrokes, dooming it from the start with clunky storytelling and woefully underdeveloped themes of heady topics like PTSD. Winthrop is a character that comes loaded with emotional baggage and trauma that’s piled on throughout his tragic life, but much like its title, his interiority and history are treated like a tightly guarded secret meant to prolong the supernatural mystery.
The problem here, though, is that Lockbox is too sparse to sustain mystery at all, and it instead robs Winthrop of characterization. It winds up trapping the talented Pucci without anywhere to go, toggling between wounded animal and mentally disoriented.
From there, Lockbox bounds through plot developments without any sense of stakes or purpose, peppered by a smattering of haphazard paint-by-numbers jump scares. The only unwavering constant is Ellen’s resolute faith, and Stamm seems to leave it entirely to Gugino to guide confused audiences through this inconsequential story right up until its supernatural climax.
Image Credit: Aura entertainment
To give more credit, Lockbox at least injects an unconventional exorcism here; just don’t expect much in the way of explanation. When the film finally reveals the meaning behind its title, it dangles a fascinating carrot it has zero interest in delivering. More than a severe lack of fleshing out its characters beyond plot drivers or devices, this faith-based flick also seems terrified to offer any worldbuilding whatsoever.
Yoffe’s script stretches the short story beyond its means instead of fleshing it out, and Stamm fills out the gaps with cheap CGI scares and overwrought performances; Isabelle’s Vahna is beyond cartoonish in her villainy. It’s also pretty nonsensical, treating only Ellen’s faith with the utmost sincerity and largely squandering its typically reliable talent. So much so that the final imagery, pure sunkissed saccharine sentimentality, leaves you with the feeling that this horror movie might be better suited as an entry in Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Lockbox releases in select theaters on July 3, 2026.
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