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I Revisited the 2005 Remake of ‘The Amityville Horror’ and It Wasn’t as Bad as I Remembered

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In April of 2005, I and a couple of friends went to the movie theater for the opening night of Platinum Dunes’ remake of the 1979 supernatural horror film The Amityville Horror. I’d seen the original a few times prior to the remake being released and I’d read a few of the books, so I had a serious interest in seeing what director Andrew Douglas and writer Scott Kosar (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Machinist) came up with.

For some reason, I remember being seriously disappointed by the film. I remember thinking that it wasn’t scary, that it didn’t have much of an impact, and that it was an overall unnecessary remake. Since then, I largely ignored it and its existence, passing it over whenever I stumbled across it at the rental store or, later on in life, on various streaming platforms.

But something clicked in me the other day and I suddenly got a hankering to revisit the 112 Ocean Avenue and the Lutz family. I found myself wondering if maybe I was too harsh on the film upon its release. Maybe I was just a dumb 20 year old who wanted to be “hard” and “badass” when it came to horror flicks, not willing to admit that something got under my skin.

I don’t know why but the Lutz story and haunted house films in general creep me out. Therefore, I decided to hop on Netflix and pop on The Amityville Horror to see if I still had as many issues with it or if I was feeling a bit more forgiving. The answer is…both.

We all know the basic story by now, right? The Lutz family, George, Kathy, Billy, Michael, and Chelsea (the names of the children were changed for the movie) as well as Harry the dog, all move into 412 Ocean Avenue (they couldn’t use the real address for legal reasons) and begin experiencing weird shit. Doors opening and closing by themselves, chairs moving for no reason, strange smells, cold spots, weird voices, and more, all plagued the Lutz family for 28 days before they fled in terror, unable to withstand the

The film isn’t poorly made, by any stretch of the imagination. It looks beautiful and there is some damn fine practical FX work throughout. In fact, the amount of CGI is kept to a minimum, only for a few select moments where there isn’t any other way to accomplish the shot. There’s also the creepy basement, which, historical architecture be damned, is a place I’d love to have in my home…minus the prisoner ghosts, of course.

Ryan Reynolds plays George pretty damn well here, although there are still little elements of who we expect Reynolds to be coming forth in his performance. It’s not overwhelming though and it’s obvious that he put a lot of effort into NOT playing himself. However, that final, “You’ll have to kill me!” bit was pretty awful. Melissa George plays a charming Kathy Lutz who starts out somewhat meek and playful but becomes much more determined and resolute as the film progresses. The kids are fine although it should be said that Chloë Grace Moretz did very well as Chelsea. I’ll also say that I wish a bit more had been done with Father Callaway’s character as he basically sat and listened to Kathy, came to the house, ran away, told them to leave, and…well, that’s it. It was the bare minimum that was needed for his character, which simply felt lazy.

What’s interesting about this movie is that some of its weaknesses are also its greatest strengths. Nearly every haunted house ghost cliché is used at some point or another. Flickering lightbulbs? Check. Ghosts in the mirror? Check. Blood dripping from somewhere it shouldn’t? Check. It’s all very routine stuff yet the film openly and unabashedly flaunts them, shoving them so hard into your face that it’s rather impressive how much they believe each scare is going to be a winner. And yet what is most interesting is that the jump scares, of which there are FAR too many, are hit or miss while the times when the movie adds to the story and begins peeling back the horror behind the scenes is when it’s at its most effective.

An annoying aspect is that the house is supposed to be the most haunted part of the film but because of the way it was set up we, the audience, find ourselves more on the lookout for the ghost of young DeFeo girl Jodie as well as who I assume to be Reverend Jeremiah Ketcham, the evil preacher that tortured and slaughtered Native Americans in the 17th century in the cellar of that same house. So, instead of thinking that the house is the biggest threat to the Lutzes, I found myself looking for a shadow of a ghost, which isn’t what scares me. If the environment is against the family, then I feel fear. This wasn’t the case.

Overall, I enjoyed revisiting the remake. It’s not fantastic by any stretch of the imagination but it’s done with the right intentions and it won’t be a wasted 90 minutes of your day. But more importantly, it was a chance for me to recognize that I remembered not liking something and then telling myself, “Maybe time has changed that. Do yourself a favor and don’t live in a state of dislike, hate, or anything negative without giving something a second chance. You’ve changed, so maybe how you view it has too.

Hopefully many of you will try that with something you remember not enjoying in the past but might find pleasure in now. And even if you don’t, at least you tried and that means something.

Managing editor/music guy/social media fella of Bloody-Disgusting

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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