Music

Top 10 WORST Horror Movies: Jeremy Spencer ‘Five Finger Death Punch’

Published

14 years ago

August 3, 2010

Bloody-Disgusting is pleased to bring you another entry into the popular ‘Top 10 Lists’ series! This time, we’ve got Jeremy Spencer, drummer of Five Finger Death Punch who are currently on the road on the main stage of the Rockstar Mayhem Festival, sharing his Top 10 WORST Horror Movies! Read on for some laughs and see if the ones that you hate have made it into his list!

1. Jaws 3-3D

I saw this horrible third installment of the Jaws franchise at the theater when I was extremely young. Even then I wanted my 90 minutes back. The special effects are laughable even by those early 80’s standards. They tried to cover up a cheesy story by making it in 3D. The shark would come in to frame and it looked like “Oh no, here’s comes the tilting and twisting shark”. You could tell it was on the mechanical arm. This was so bad it actually made me laugh. It was pretty much the door slammer on a masterpiece of a franchise.

2. Basket Case

In Basket Case, a baby is born with a parasitic twin. A small, evil parasitic twin the size of a basketball. It grows out of the boy’s shoulder. The boy’s parents decide to save the “normal” twin by having the parasitic twin surgically removed.

The ugly lump of flesh is removed and thrown into the garbage. And the other twin grows up to be a normal young man. A normal young man that keeps his parasitic twin brother in a picnic basket that is!

Total shiznit!

3. Cannibal Ferox (a.k.a Make Them Die Slowly)

The subtitle of this movie is “make them die slowly” and the movie certainly lives up to its name. The mindless plot involves some Americans captured by cannibals in the Amazon. There is not much plot except a series of mutilations, eye removals, and gory torture.

Some might call this movie a cult classic for its harsh, cynical portrayal of gore and violence. I call it a messy blood bath of boring horror cliches. For some reason – perhaps the producers had too much money – the movie was actually shot on location in Brazil and in New York. The New York scenes involve a largely unrelated subplot in which a police detective searches for a drug dealer. The artlessly thrown together plots and bad acting elevate this lousy movie to the level of horribly bad.

4. Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (1979)

A sleazy zombie cheesefest with horrible dubbing of English over the original Italian dialogue. The mouths are out of synch with the sound which adds to the fun.

A classic in the Euro-Horror zombie genre. Gratuitous sex and horrible acting. So bad it’s almost good.

5. Eaten Alive

This is yet another Italian horror movie with a cannibal theme. Americans venture into the jungle where they encounter cannibals. Eating ensues.

Five Finger Death Punch – Hard To See from Matt Silverman on Vimeo.

6. A Night to Dismember

A female murderer is released from an insane asylum, supposedly cured. Then the body count begins. The film is dreadful on almost every level: the sound is awful (where are the foley artists when you need them?), the cinematography is lousy, the plot and acting are D-grade. The whole mess doesn’t make sense, so the director added a narrator that valiantly tries to make sense of the movie and explain the plot to you. The movie must be seen in order to appreciate just how brilliantly awful it is.

7. Santa’s Slay

It seems that truly bad horror movies always try to be clever by using an obvious pun in their title. For example: Gingerdread Man, or the awful Santa’s Slay, about a murderous Santa Claus.

What’s even funnier is that the killer Santa is played by talented actor and former wrestling star Bill Goldberg. Need I say more?

8. Jaws: The Revenge

It seems they couldn’t leave it alone after the woeful JAWS 3: 3D. as if that was bad enough. No, they had to try and milk one more money-grabbing attempt before retiring the franchise. Lorraine Gary should be ashamed of herself for signing up for this mess and so should Michael Caine. Both are talented actors in their own right. One funny thing I noticed was that they kept changing actors for the sons in every film. In Part 3 they had Dennis Quaid and in this stinker they had the actor from The Last Starfighter. I guess the Vacation series did this as well. Is it supposed to be blatant, or we’re not supposed to notice or care? It would have been great if Lorraine Gary said “I liked you better as a Quaid” to the guy in this movie. It would have made for some comic relief, at least. But, the biggest problem here is the story. The shark follows them to the Carribean to kill the Brody family. Uh, ok. Absolutely pathetic!

9. A Nightmare On Elm St. (2010)

This one was gonna have tough shoes to fill, regardless. But Michael Bay should take his name off this pile of crap. Horrible cast and acting. The star had not even an inkling of the charisma that Robert Englund did. I had high hopes for this after a successful remake of Texas Chainsaw, but Michael Bay obviously didn’t care about anything but making a few dollars on this one. There wasn’t even one dream sequence that was scary in this turd.

10. Night of the Bloody Apes

It’s the night of the Bloody Apes – well, actually, only one bloody ape. And he’s not really all ape, either.

You see, it seems that a mad scientist had a son with a heart defect. So he gives his son a heart from an ape, which naturally turns his meek, weakling son into a ferocious, murdering, sex crazed monkey man. What else would you expect? 🙂

JonathanBarkan

Managing editor/music guy/social media fella of Bloody-Disgusting

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Music

“He Walks By Night” – Listen to a Brand New John Carpenter Song NOW!

Published

2 weeks ago

April 9, 2024

John Squires

It’s a new day, and you’ve got new John Carpenter to listen to. John Carpenter, Daniel Davies and Cody Carpenter have released the new track He Walks By Night this morning, the second single off their upcoming album Lost Themes IV: Noir, out May 3 on Sacred Bones Records.

Lost Themes IV: Noir is the latest installment in a series that sees Carpenter releasing new music for John Carpenter movies that don’t actually exist. The first Lost Themes was released in 2015, followed by Lost Themes II in 2016 and Lost Themes III: Alive After Death in 2021.

Sacred Bones previews, “It’s been a decade since John Carpenter recorded the material that would become Lost Themes, his debut album of non-film music and the opening salvo in one of Hollywood’s great second acts. Those vibrant, synth-driven songs, made in collaboration with his son Cody Carpenter and godson Daniel Davies, kickstarted a musical renaissance for the pioneering composer and director. With Lost Themes IV: Noir, they’ve struck gold again, this time mining the rich history of the film noir genre for inspiration.

“Since the first Lost Themes, John has referred to these compositions as “soundtracks for the movies in your mind.” On the fourth installment in the series, those movies are noirs. Like the film genre they were influenced by, what makes these songs “noirish” is sometimes slippery and hard to define, and not merely reducible to a collection of tropes. The scores for the great American noir pictures were largely orchestral, while the Carpenters and Davies work off a sturdy synth-and-guitar backbone.

“The trio’s free-flowing chemistry means Lost Themes IV: Noir runs like a well-oiled machine—the 1951 Jaguar XK120 Roadster from Kiss Me Deadly, perhaps, or the 1958 Plymouth Fury from John’s own Christine. It’s a chemistry that’s helped power one of the most productive stretches of John’s creative life, and Noir proves that it’s nowhere near done yielding brilliant results.”

You can pre-save Lost Themes IV: Noir right now! And listen to the new track below…