Music

Seven Animals That Should Be Metal Singers

Published

13 years ago

December 17, 2010

We live in an amazing world with some of the most diverse forms of life one could imagine. We have plants that eat insects, insects big enough to eat birds, birds that can dive into water to grab fish and so on and so forth. With this vast amount of fauna, it only makes sense to have animals share their feelings and frustrations in one of the ways we do: through song. With that, I present to you seven animals that should be singers for metal bands. Grab your leash and check it out after the jump!

Roosters

That crowing will wake me up ANY morning. Plus, look at that lung control: That rooster can hold his breath longer than Maynard from Tool! The only problem is that he’ll crap everywhere. But if you’re looking for the next G.G. Allin, you’ve got your bird.

Parrots

It might take a few times, but once he memorizes the lines, he won’t forget them. Plus, he’s open to suggestions and rewrites. Also, if you keep him in the cage for live performances, he won’t be able to get any of the girls! More for the rest of the band!

Howler Monkeys

Not only do they look like a hairier Danzig, but they…wait a minute…Danzig, is that you?!?!

Cats

They’ll claw the ever living SHIT out of you if you don’t buy their album/t-shirt combo at their band’s basement gig. Avoid it at all costs my friends, half the album is just them retching up a hairball. Makes me want to throw up each time I hear it.

Dogs

Fierce and loyal, these guys work for dog treats! How great is that?? You keep the money, they get a Beggin’ Strip. I don’t see how the label will have a problem signing you with that clause.

Sharks

Sure they can’t sing, but they’ll eat the hell out of any crowd member that heckles you. And THAT is more important than any octave range.

Godzilla

Do I really need to explain? Okay, I’ll at least say this: the only shows you’d be able to book would be stadium tours. I mean, where else can the big guy fit?

And now, in all seriousness, if you’re tired of metal bands with human singers, here are two that should fill the void for you:

Hatebeak

A metal band that has a parrot as their singer. All the vocals you hear in the above video are parrot. Nothing else.

Caninus

Double the animal vocal power! Two, TWO, pit bull terriers take on the vocal duties in this metal band.

If you’ve got any more suggestions, comment below and one day we may see a sequel article! Also, you can shoot me suggestions via my Twitter.

JonathanBarkan

Managing editor/music guy/social media fella of Bloody-Disgusting

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Music

“He Walks By Night” – Listen to a Brand New John Carpenter Song NOW!

Published

2 weeks ago

April 9, 2024

John Squires

It’s a new day, and you’ve got new John Carpenter to listen to. John Carpenter, Daniel Davies and Cody Carpenter have released the new track He Walks By Night this morning, the second single off their upcoming album Lost Themes IV: Noir, out May 3 on Sacred Bones Records.

Lost Themes IV: Noir is the latest installment in a series that sees Carpenter releasing new music for John Carpenter movies that don’t actually exist. The first Lost Themes was released in 2015, followed by Lost Themes II in 2016 and Lost Themes III: Alive After Death in 2021.

Sacred Bones previews, “It’s been a decade since John Carpenter recorded the material that would become Lost Themes, his debut album of non-film music and the opening salvo in one of Hollywood’s great second acts. Those vibrant, synth-driven songs, made in collaboration with his son Cody Carpenter and godson Daniel Davies, kickstarted a musical renaissance for the pioneering composer and director. With Lost Themes IV: Noir, they’ve struck gold again, this time mining the rich history of the film noir genre for inspiration.

“Since the first Lost Themes, John has referred to these compositions as “soundtracks for the movies in your mind.” On the fourth installment in the series, those movies are noirs. Like the film genre they were influenced by, what makes these songs “noirish” is sometimes slippery and hard to define, and not merely reducible to a collection of tropes. The scores for the great American noir pictures were largely orchestral, while the Carpenters and Davies work off a sturdy synth-and-guitar backbone.

“The trio’s free-flowing chemistry means Lost Themes IV: Noir runs like a well-oiled machine—the 1951 Jaguar XK120 Roadster from Kiss Me Deadly, perhaps, or the 1958 Plymouth Fury from John’s own Christine. It’s a chemistry that’s helped power one of the most productive stretches of John’s creative life, and Noir proves that it’s nowhere near done yielding brilliant results.”

You can pre-save Lost Themes IV: Noir right now! And listen to the new track below…