We live in an amazing world with some of the most diverse forms of life one could imagine. We have plants that eat insects, insects big enough to eat birds, birds that can dive into water to grab fish and so on and so forth. With this vast amount of fauna, it only makes sense to have animals share their feelings and frustrations in one of the ways we do: through song. With that, I present to you seven animals that should be singers for metal bands. Grab your leash and check it out after the jump!
That crowing will wake me up ANY morning. Plus, look at that lung control: That rooster can hold his breath longer than Maynard from Tool! The only problem is that he’ll crap everywhere. But if you’re looking for the next G.G. Allin, you’ve got your bird.
It might take a few times, but once he memorizes the lines, he won’t forget them. Plus, he’s open to suggestions and rewrites. Also, if you keep him in the cage for live performances, he won’t be able to get any of the girls! More for the rest of the band!
Not only do they look like a hairier Danzig, but they…wait a minute…Danzig, is that you?!?!
They’ll claw the ever living SHIT out of you if you don’t buy their album/t-shirt combo at their band’s basement gig. Avoid it at all costs my friends, half the album is just them retching up a hairball. Makes me want to throw up each time I hear it.
Fierce and loyal, these guys work for dog treats! How great is that?? You keep the money, they get a Beggin’ Strip. I don’t see how the label will have a problem signing you with that clause.
Sure they can’t sing, but they’ll eat the hell out of any crowd member that heckles you. And THAT is more important than any octave range.
Do I really need to explain? Okay, I’ll at least say this: the only shows you’d be able to book would be stadium tours. I mean, where else can the big guy fit?
And now, in all seriousness, if you’re tired of metal bands with human singers, here are two that should fill the void for you:
A metal band that has a parrot as their singer. All the vocals you hear in the above video are parrot. Nothing else.
Double the animal vocal power! Two, TWO, pit bull terriers take on the vocal duties in this metal band.
If you’ve got any more suggestions, comment below and one day we may see a sequel article! Also, you can shoot me suggestions via my Twitter