Welcome to yet another disappointing edition of Horror In Your House, which features all of the DVD/Blu-ray releases for this Tuesday, December 16th. While Universal Pictures brings you another disappointing MUMMY sequel in THE CURSE OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR, Genius Products will be bringing you Blu-ray releases of PLANET TERROR and DEATH PROOF, the two films that made up Dimension Films’ GRINDHOUSE. Still no trailers, still won’t purchase….

Horror in Your House
12/16/2008
By: Tex Massacre

THE BLOODY APE: Wild Eye

A carnival barker foolishly releases his 400 pound gorilla, who then literally goes bananas on a rampage of raw rape and boffo butchery – leaving the low rent population of Long Island either sexually violated, slaughtered – or both!

DARKLIGHT: Image

Captured by a secret society known as the Faith and mentally controlled with a powerful spell, ancient demoness Lilith now lives as a young woman with no memory of her ageless past. However, the terrifying plague unleashed by a rampaging monster, the Demonicos, forces one human to recruit her mystical power known as the Darklight to fight this terrifying beast… and confront the equally insidious dangers hiding within themselves.

DEATH PROOF (Blu-Ray): Weinstein

Kurt Russell stars as a sociopathic stuntman whose taste for stalking sexy young ladies gets him into big trouble when he tangles with the wrong gang of badass babes. Their confrontation escalates to a hair-raising, 18-minute automotive duel with one of the girls strapped to the hood of a thundering Dodge Challenger

TEX SAYS: No pick of the week here! I can’t imagine what you would need these films on Blu-ray for. On top of that, I really can’t imagine why you’d buy another release of these flicks and not demand the 6-disc Asian box set be released in the States!

ICE CREAM: THE REMIX: Music Video Distribution

This horror/comedy is about a perverted ice cream shop owner, Ricky who boosts declining sales by renaming his shop to Scoopettes. He markets it as an adult ice cream store. The sleepy town’s store now dishes out gobs of Orgasmic Orange, Peppermint Panties, and Busty Buttercrunch. But wait – what’s that? Eeeeek! There’s an eyeball staring up from the Cherry Forever! The Scoopettes so hot the ice cream will never stay hard! One of the Scoopettes is found murdered in the freezer. The killing continues one at a time and the customers find a little something extra in their ice cream!

THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR: Universal

When a 2,000-year-old curse is broken, a ruthless dragon emperor comes back to life with a diabolical plan to enslave the world. Mankind’s only hope against him and his legions of undead warriors lies with the courageous O’Connell family, who chase him from the dangerous catacombs of China, to the icy Himalayas and beyond.

TEX SAYS: The MUMMY started off as a poor man’s Indiana Jones film, that was–in a lot of ways–better than an actual Indiana Jones film. In 2008 the father met the son for a knockdown, drag out, steel cage match, summer smack down, as both franchises released new film. The winner. Who cares, they both sucked! The loser? The audience!

PLANET TERROR (Blu-ray): Weinstein

Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Bruce Willis, and an all-star cast fight for their lives in the ultimate showdown between an army of flesh-eating mutants and a motley group of rag-tag survivors.

TEX SAYS: See DEATH PROOF!

SILENT NIGHT, GORY NIGHT: SRS Cinema

Season’s Bleedings, Horror Hounds. This holiday, why not celebrate with a triple feature of slashing Santas and murderous merrymakers. This release features 3 full-length frighteners, including Christmas Season Massacre, Satan Claus, and Psycho Santa.

SPIKER: MTI

A nightmare come to life, the Spiker is a massive pink-eyed albino and a maniac killing machine whose physical endurance borders on the fantastic. He escapes from an asylum and returns to the small town he terrorized years before, where he slashed his victims to pieces with railroad spikes and buried the bodies under the train tracks outside of town. When a group of local teens decide to camp out at an abandoned house, they are attacked by the Spiker and discover a web of terrible secrets hidden there.

WILD COUNTRY: Lionsgate (TEX’S PICK OF THE WEEK)

Teenage members of a church youth group find an abandoned baby while on a retreat hike through the Scottish Highlands. As they make their way to deliver the baby to safety, something is watching them from the darkness…something not human. It’s not long before the beast attacks.

TEX SAYS: Sure, the “something” hunting them, has some pretty crappy effects work to overcome, in this “Beware of the moors.” type flick. But, still…this one is all about the cast, and I really dug this pseudo-werewolf flick. Subtitle alert! If you haven’t got a keen ear for Scottish dialogue, you might just miss some of the funnier bits of dialogue here.