If there is one thing Kill Matilda likes doing more than rocking out, it’s taking out zombies. That’s why the band felt it necessary to let the rest of the world know their favorite techniques for disposing of the walking dead, which they have kindly shared with BD Music. You can check out their methods after the jump!
Kill Matilda have a new album entitled I Want Revenge coming out next Tuesday. Make sure to pre-order your copy.
Photo Credit: Esperanza Gomez
This simple, silent and environmentally friendly weapon will never let you down. It keeps the bloody mess to a minimum (flying zombie guts means a heightened risk of infection), and you’ll never run out of ammo, which makes it both perfect for a post-apocalyptic world with limited resources AND reusable is awesome! On top of that the crossbow fires very quietly, meaning you can take down a zombie without alerting other zombies in the area to your presence. And it looks super bad-ass.
2. Baseball bat to the head
Although aiming for the head goes without saying, a baseball bat is the perfect short-range blunt-force weapon. It was made for walloping and if made of wood, can crack a lot of zombie skulls before the tool itself cracks. It has good grip and allows you to be far enough away to avoid most splatter-back (though Kill Matilda always recommends wearing protective gear including goggles and/or a full facial mask when dealing with zombies in short-range combat). It’s easy enough to carry around or strap to one’s back, is silent, and doesn’t require ammo or maintenance.
3. Fire (lots of it)
Immolation can be an effective way to neutralize a reanimated corpse both short- and long-range. Kill Matilda recommends dousing the zombie in question with something flammable, though gasoline or diesel may be hard to come by. Although the zombie will continue to present danger to you for about a period of ten minutes after you light him or her up like a roman candle, the body will eventually be rendered unable to move and eventually the brain will become burnt, eliminating the threat. Just remember to keep a safe distance, continue to be vigilant until you are sure the zombie has been burnt to a crisp, and don’t go near the body until it has burned completely down to the bone. Many a foolish, busty young actress has met her demise this way.
4. Immersion in boiling water
There are headhunting tribes in south America which have a long-running tradition of sewing shut the eyes and mouths of the heads they hunt, then boiling them until they shrink. This effectively melts the brain inside. If you can’t get a large enough vat of boiling water at a high enough temperature to cook an entire zombie, try finding a way to separate the head from the body safely and boiling just the head. Contrary to popular media, a zombie’s body is still controlled by its brain, and without a head the body will eventually cease to move, though the nerves, infected with the zombie plague, may continue to cause it to flail about uselessly for awhile. Boil the head as long as you would cook a lobster to ensure thorough disintegration of neurons and brain matter.
5. Shovel to the head
This is a very effective means of killing a zombie at short-range distance without actually having to get too close, because most shovels meant for digging (not snow shovels!) have long handles. The shovel functions both as a blunt object and a sharp edged weapon. Make sure to aim so that the blade of the shovel slices into the head or neck of the zombie, but beware splatterback from the force of the shovel.
6. Liquid Nitrogen
Although this may be hard to get your hands on, there is nothing more effective than dousing your undead opponent in liquid nitrogen and shattering his or her reanimated corpse into a thousand pieces. It eliminates any concerns or issues surrounding viral transmission of zombie-ism through mucus, blood or other bodily fluids. The pieces can be easily disposed of (preferably scattered far away from one another) and even a small or feeble person can easily smash a frozen zombie into a thousand yucky little pieces.
7. Lawn mow those assholes
As exhibited in Peter Jackson’s classic, “Dead Alive”, nothing more quickly puts a stop to a swarm or group of zombies like plowing through them with a lawnmower hoisted over one’s shoulder, blades exposed and ready to shred any living or undead thing that gets in its way. If you are facing a large number of zombies all at once, a set of lawnmower blades may be the only things standing between you and having your intestines masticated and then turned into zombie poo. Kill Matilda recommends only engaging in lawnmower combat if there is no option of escaping a pack of zombies as the risk of contamination is high; make sure to wear protective coverings from head to tow, such as a hazmat suit, space suit, or wet suit with swimming cap, ear plugs and goggles. A gas mask is always a good idea too. Furthermore, gasoline may be hard to come by in the post-apocalyptic zombie world, so save this killing machine for a time when you really need it.
8. Sawed-off shotgun
A classic and a standard among zombie killing. 100% effective at neutralizing a reanimated corpse, IF you have good aim. Don’t underestimate the difficulty in the precision of hitting a zombie exactly in the brain, especially if you have never shot before. Can be used short or long range, but make sure to wear appropriate protective covering if blowing a zombie’s head off from less than five feet away. Try practicing with watermelons BEFORE the zombie apocalypse hits your area, if possible.
9. Slice with a Katana
Silent and light, the Katana is easily the most preferable blade to use against an undead horde. Make sure your Katana is sharpened and of good quality steel, and make sure to cut AWAY from yourself. Again, it’s best to practice on some watermelons wrapped in steak or something first, as using a Katana is not always as easy as it looks. If you aim right, you can slice the zombie’s head clean in half. if you miss and sever the head, make sure to finish the job; leaving the head detached from the body won’t kill the zombie.
10. Use a chainsaw
It’s loud. It’s messy. It requires gasoline, which will be hard to come by (as noted earlier). But nothing makes you feel as good as using a chainsaw to hack a bunch of zombies into squirming, bloody pieces. Don’t go off the deep end and waste a lot of gas and energy rending the undead limb from limb; cut their faces in half, neutralize the brain and move on to the next one. And as always; wear protective covering.