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[Original] Meat Loaf And The Mystery Of “That”

Perhaps one of the most famous love songs of all time, Meat Loaf‘s “I Would Do Anything For Love” is a rock opera masterpiece that captures the raw, powerful emotion of love and adoration. Originally appearing on the Bat Out Of Hell II: Back Into Hell album, which was released in 1993, the song was a smash success, reaching number one in 28 countries and earning Meat Loaf a Grammy Award for Best Rock Vocal Performance, Solo. But what cemented the songs place in history was the confusion and ambiguity over one of the recurring lines in the song: “But I won’t do that.”

What is “that”? What does “that” mean? For years now this question has plagued listeners, much to the amusement of Meat Loaf. So I decided that I would undertake the mission to decipher what “that” means. But I needed a reference point, something to base my findings on. And with that in mind, I decided that the best place to look for the answer would be in the epic music video for the song, which is at the bottom of this article. It would be there that I would find the elusive answer to the haunting question.

So join me below readers and I will share with you the many possibilities of what Meat Loaf WON’T do for love!

1) Get arrested

The first time that Meat Loaf states his infamous “I won’t do that” line is when a police officer is searching a mausoleum that Meat Loaf recently biked into. Somehow, and quite mysteriously, Meat Loaf and his bike are not there and the police officer is left sweeping the room with his flashlight, a sense of puzzlement in his eyes. All of the sudden, BOOM! Meat Loaf comes crashing through the back wall of the crypt, boulders flying everywhere! The police officer falls to the ground unconscious, perhaps even dead, although that isn’t certain.

Meat Loaf will not allow himself to be arrested. Not this time…

2) Drink a glass of wine after pouring it

The second time the infamous line comes up, Meat Loaf has fled after being caught spying on a beautiful woman who decided that bathing in a fountain is an appropriate thing to do. Whatever.

She spots him and, in his haste to flee, he drops a beautiful necklace, one that is encrusted with exquisite sapphires and diamonds. She picks it up and decides to chase after him to return it.

After much running through the woods, we see Meat Loaf sitting in what can only be described as a throne, staring into a chalice of wine so deep, it appears almost black. It is there that he sees the reflection of the mysterious woman, who is wandering through the forest, desperately searching for him. She is also desperately ignoring the blatantly placed spotlights that oh so dramatically illuminate her and her path.

So, it is now clear that Meat Loaf will not drink wine for love. This man is not an alcoholic, no siree.

3) Watch a lesbian orgy on his bed

This is no joke. Watch the video if you don’t believe me. The third time “that” comes up is when the mysterious, fountain-bathing beauty is writhing on Meat Loaf’s bed when, suddenly, three women that were basically lifted directly from Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula rise out of the sheets and proceed to lick, kiss, and caress her body. What does Meat Loaf do? Why, he just casually sits in his throne with his back to all the action.

Meat Loaf will not enjoy a plethora of women pleasuring each other upon his bedspread.

4) Put down a levitating bench

It is here that things become a bit supernatural. Meat Loaf is crooning to the enchantress via a device that I can only describe as the bastard child of a hurdy gurdy, a periscope, and a candlestick telephone. She sits on a beautiful bench, hearing his confessions of love via some invisible speaker. Suddenly, the bench upon which she so casually perches, begins to rise into the air with nary an explanation. Were I in that position, I think I’d be screaming, “GET ME THE F*%K DOWN RIGHT NOW!”

Only after the police enter and Meat Loaf becomes distracted does the divan come down.

Meat Loaf will not subdue the strange poltergeists that command the furniture of his palace. It’s up to the Ghostbusters to deal with that.

5) Be an animal/human hybrid

In the final moments of the video, the enchantress embraces Meat Loaf in all of his wolfman glory, proving that her love for him sees past his horrific visage. When he raises his head, the wolfish qualities have mysteriously vanished, leaving him solely with his human features. I’m not sure if that’s a “win” however. I mean, how badass did Meat Loaf look? Seriously!

Apparently, Meat Loaf will not be some form of lycanthrope for love. What a shame.

And there you have it my lovely readers. These are my five observations of things that Meat Loaf will NOT do for love. I’d love to hear from you if you think there are other things that he would avoid doing for the sake of amore. Why not leave some suggestions down below for me?

Got any thoughts/questions/concerns for Jonny B.? Shoot him a message on Twitter!




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