[BD Caption Contest] We’re Back With A New Contest! Sorry For The Delay!
![Orig TCM 6312 [BD Caption Contest] Were Back With A New Contest! Sorry For The Delay!](http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Orig_TCM_6312.jpg "Orig_TCM_6312")
Sorry it took me two weeks instead of one, I was travelling and I let it get away from me for a little bit.
First Prize is our MYSTERY PRIZE (this week it consists of 3 DVDs and 2 Blu-Rays). Winner is drock85053 with “I think you’re all f*cked in the head. We’re ten hours from the f*cking fun park and you want to bail out.” Kudos for the Vacation reference! Please DM me your US mailing address (no PO boxes).
Rules:
1. We pick a still from a movie. It’s included after the jump. You head to the comments section and submit your best one-liners, zingers, pathos riddled couplets etc…
2. You can enter as many times as you like and submit as many captions as you want, but each caption must be in a separate comment. Otherwise it will be too hard to tell where one caption ends and the other begins. Your entries can be posted anytime during the first five days after the still is announced (you don’t want to submit your winning zinger after we’ve picked the winner). Also any racist, sexist, homophobic or generally hateful jokes will be disqualified. You don’t have to be insanely PC – just use your best judgement.
3. We pick the winner and announce them and their winning caption when the next photo in the contest is posted. We will address you by your BD Infected name. You can then DM me your address and I will send you your prize in a timely manner (i.e. you should have it in about a week). You must be a US resident to receive your prize!
First Prize is another MYSTERY PRIZE grab-bag of Blus and DVDs.
Head inside for this week’s picture!
![Wicker Man 61712 [BD Caption Contest] Were Back With A New Contest! Sorry For The Delay!](http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Wicker_Man_61712.jpg "Wicker_Man_61712")
1 Comments
You take that back! I am not a crazy hair, poopy face.
you dont realize how theraputic it is to wear a bear costume!
OH LOOK! ANOTHER SHITTY ROLE I WON’T TURN DOWN!
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
And thats…..your lesson on acting 101. Boom.
I’m the teacher now. So shut up. Sit down. And write.
Now who wants to smell what this bitch left on my finger.
The first person to pull my finger gets to pick my next movie.
Don’t you dare say an unkind word about The Time.
-Turns from the blackboard to the students- “Wait, wait, wait, YOU, repeat that again for me, Ghost Rider 3?”
And THAT, Alva…is how you say your ABCs. Next I will teach you how to catch and eat cockroaches.
You. I’m going to punch you in the face next. But first, where did I put my bear suit?
Maybe you can explain what happened to my career and then my increasingly large forehead
Okay now who can tell me what remake of a cult film was lauded as one of the biggest critical disasters of the past decade? You.
Rule number 1. I’m number 1! So listen up fuck stick when I speak because knowing was a fantastic cinematic adventure and if you think otherwise then I have a good piece of mind to come over there and skull fuck the shit out of you.
“My hair is a bird, your argument is invalid!!”
“You want to pull my finger kid? *crazy face* Go on, I dare you!! I’m freaking Ghost Rider you little piss ant!!”
What are you talking about? Elbow pads ARE TOO back in style.
Kindergarten Cop Part 2: It’s Not A Tuma
Whats the age of consent in this state?
Don’t tell me you have the same rash?
Were you just staring at this woman’s breasts?
I’m not touching you
Hey you, how much am i getting paid for this?
You fucked my wife?
You, go get me my bear suit!!
For the third time today, please put your penis away.
You sir, with the bees in your face, you have a question?
Where were you on the morning of Rodney King’s supposed drowning?
Yes, these are suede patches on my jacket. No, you may not “have it”.
And this is why you should not pick your nose. Your finger will be stuck!…frozen in this position…FOREVER!
You have a point, as can I.
You can have the brunette. The blonde with pig tails is mine.
“The Ruin of A Career”
– W. Blake
“The R Hack Actor Woodward
Roses the Huge Forehead Grows
And Ugly Shabby Suit Neath
My Career is over BEES!”
– W. Blake
What do you mean my career is fading?
It was YOU who farted and Negative Nancy here smelled it!
“Once meek, and in a p-RONNIE! You put your fucking tongue BACK in your MOUTH, OR I’LL CUT IT OUT OF YOUR FACE, do you understand? Where were we..”
And you, you little bitch, don’t forget, I’VE GOT AN OSCAR!
“Now remember, to be a famous actor, just pick one exact character to play and then play him in every movie. Regardless of whether it fits, just always play the same guy, and I’ve already picked myself, so make your own.”
“i said, put the bunny in the box.”
Did you ever see Deadfall? Do you know how FUCKING GREAT I WAS IN DEADFALL?!?!?
you guys better have have watched ghost rider 2 or my friend will come out and will take to hell!
Who can tell me which of the following movies I starred in sucks. Wicker Man, Ghost Rider or Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance? No one? Trick question…they all sucked.
No I am not sending you to detention. I am going to make you watch Wicker Man for 3 days straight
i Dare You To Sit Through 2 Hours Of THe Wicker Man
do any of you want to buy one of my islands?
hey kid. pull my finger. ill tell you the secrets of the world.
I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion.
F*ck you, f*ck you, you’re cool, and f*ck you!
“You in the back…can you tell I got hair plugs?”
Who is your daddy and what does he do?
You, little girl in the back, come up to the front and step ‘In the Cage’ with Nick Cage where I can teach you about acting and receding hairlines, then we can ride on to our next adventure…..we’re going to kill the ghost of Adolph Hitler, then make a movie about Nazi zombies! Wait, what? That’s already been done?!? I only have one question to ask you: HOW WAS I NOT IN THAT MOVIE!??!
Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.
You’ve just got……..”Caged”! Which by the way is a trademark that I own.
Go ahead young lady….pull my finger.
The next time I have to come in here I’m crackin’ skulls
“Your name is Metta World Peace…..?”
Now remember kids; eat your bees.
Or, “Alright, who took the Goddamn Honey. Was it you?”
You, over there. Stop laughing at my suit. Ever see 9mm? I killed Tony Soprano. That’s right. Tony f*cking Soprano. I think I can take a little girl.
(EDIT)
You, over there. Stop laughing at my suit. Ever see 8MM? I killed Tony Soprano. That’s right. Tony f*cking Soprano. I think I can take a little girl.
Hey! This remake is NOT inferior to the original film. The original movie was a MUSICAL for Christ’s sake. This movie has bees. BEES! Did the original have bees? No, I didn’t think so. Case closed.
Shut up! “The Weatherman” was brilliant. I co-stared with Anthony Hopkins. Or was that Michael Caine? Oh, who am I kidding? Even I didn’t see that movie.
You know, even for an island of inbreds, you chicks are ugly. That albino retard from “Deliverance” who played the banjo with his toes was hotter. I should know; that guy and I dated for years. Sadly, he dumped me for Ned Beatty because I could never squeal the way he wanted. Something about my pitch being of. Where was I? Oh yeah. You ugly, bitch.
You know, even for an island of inbreds, you chicks are ugly. That albino retard from “Deliverance” who played the banjo with his toes was hotter. I should know; that guy and I dated for years. Sadly, he dumped me for Ned Beatty because I could never squeal the way he wanted. Something about my pitch being off. Where was I? Oh yeah. You ugly, bitch.
Welcome boy to punching women 101, this is my assistant Sister Rose. Let’s see what you have learned from your summer reading. You in the front. Cone up and HIT HER.
Excuse me you little bitch, my bad acting is NOT a sign of the apocalypse!
Does a . . . this look infected to you?
Really!? This is the ONLY Nic Cage fan club? But you are all just a bunch of cultish inbred mountain dwelling folk! Well, beggars can’t be choosers I guess.
You, yeah you! Pig faced child in the back. Yeah. So, you are making a little video with your friends, huh? How much does it pay? Because I happen to know someone who is free to play ANY role you want. And the pay doesn’t even have to be that big! I’m flexible! Flexible I tell ya!!
These tacos taste funny to you?
Wait wait wait wait wait……you are a gymnist?
Look you bunch of hillbillies, I’m not leaving this room until I hear at least ONE good role I have done! You hear me!
*** Nicolas Cage died two years later in that very room. Some say his mediocre ghost can still be heard wondering the halls of the school, crying for the respect it feels it deserves.
None of you are leaving until the guilty party comes forward. For the last time, who wrote Woodward on the blackboard? Who? ANSWER ME!
Why? Because I never finished the 4th grade that’s why! And if you keep this up you little fuck I’ll meet you at the playground after class!
Did [dramatic pause] you [dramatic pause] call me the [dramatic pause] wicker man?
I am useful! I am! I discovered Johnny Depp ya know!
Quiz time you little pukes. What year did my acting career start to nosedive? TRICK QUESTION! I never left the ground!
*IT never left the ground!
I’m, I’m sorry. Not sure why I’m the teacher, I can’t even read. I’m only good with pictures. That’s how I choose my movie rolls.
And that is how you do Blue Steel. That face that made my career.
Why would you ask if my face was made out of plastic?
Young man, THIS is my serious face! It’s also my sad face, my depressed face, my in-love face, well . . . you get the picture.
My name……. is Johnny Blaze
Your mother doesn’t like my acting? Yo mamma sounds like a messed up bitch.
I’m going to try my hand a teaching since ya know, the acting thing wasn’t going so well.
“Bitch better have my money.”
Are you the one that stole Sailor’s snakeskin jacket?
Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck d*ck for coke. Now that’s an addiction. You ever suck some d*ck for marijuana?
I’ll be slapping all of you later. Class dismissed.
Do you feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz? I sure do, babe.
Hey you in back, yeah THE BOY IN BLUE. I am a NATIONAL TREASURE! You got that! I am truly WILD AT HEART and you simply cannot comprehend how much I KICK-ASS. Stop being a bully because IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. And if you don’t cut it out I will be SEEKING JUSTICE and I will rip your FACE/OFF. Oh, look a BIRDY.
Which one of you little bastards said ‘Ghost Rider sucks balls’?!
You did not just destroy my Chuck Norris Poster!
“Wait – YOU’RE the movie critic who liked Season of the Witch??”
You saw The Sorceror’s Apprentice? Then I owe you $12.50.
“I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got.”
You in the back, do you know were I went wrong with my career?
Did you say you needed some financial advice?
Sister Rose you tell me right now which one of these little bastards are making fun of my sons name Kal-El Cage.
Hey you! Yeah you in the back! Aren’t you the guy I found nude in my house?? I recognize that fudgecicle anywhere!!
What do you mean your not legal?! You said you were 18, Hell she said you were 18…Fuck!!! Ok…ok, how about this, i give you and her an A in Sexual Education, if we keep this between us three. Deal?
I said, “Not. The. Bees…”
You gonna finish that?
“I said, put the bunny back in the box.”
“Sure. I experimented in college. Until my roommate asked me if I would be willing to take a trip to visit Aunt Flo. I misunderstood.”
”Did her, did her, who hasn’t done her, did her…”
”I will NOT give back my Oscar! I will NOT!!!”
”Plastics!”
”If I were to let you suck my tongue…would you be grateful?”
”A mind…is a terrible thing to Cage.”
”Hey, fuck Sean Penn! Alright?! Fuck Sean Penn!”
“Hey, fuck you kid.”
“If you make another twilight bitch ill kick your ass”
U Watch Ur Fucking Mouth!
-Face/Off
One more ghost rider crack and i will come back there and END you!!!
If we’re gonna do this thing, I prefer the back door.
Quit eyeballing me and leave. Come back when you’re Amber Heard.
SO….You’re the one whole stole my copy of Action Comics #1!!!!
sorry guys, I meant “who, not “whole”!
Johnson, you put that Erection away!
You take that back – my acting does NOT suck!
Look, I don’t care HOW bad my acting is! I’m still getting a check, so sit down, shut up, and play your damn part!
Hey, you! Skull head! Put out the flames, or I’ll break your leg in three places with a tire iron!
I’ll have you know I would have been an AWESOME Superman!
Political correctness my ass, having a flaming skull for a head does NOT mean Ghost Rider is gay!
I appreciate the input, kid, and if you grow up and become a producer I might even take it seriously.
WHAT! I’m Nick Cage you little f**cker! I was god damn Ghost Rider, I was a superhero, I even escaped from f**king hell! So don’t come to me with “Oh my daddy says Nick Cage is washed up.” Blah blah blah garbage. Tell your daddy to thank our damn government for the tax audit!
Its my birthday, and I will do what ever I want! next question!
Ok…….who threw the paper airplane?!
“That’s high praise.”
Jimmy! Quit fapping on Barneys photo and answer the damn problem!
YOU! That is NOT where my cue card is supposed to go!
Don’t you ever compare me to Kevin Bacon again
Well… it ain’t “Ozzie and Harriet.”
So, remember, there’s no such thing as a ‘stupid question.’… Yes, you, the idiot in the back with a stupid question…
IT’S NOT A TUMAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
We’re going to play a wonderful game called… “Who is my daddy and what does he do?”
Stop whining! You kids are soft. You lack discipline.
YOU!………. WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE??!!!!!!!!!!……..
Emma, take your toy back to the carpet and sit down…
Kimble, you’ve wasted years chasing after me, and what has it got you? Huh? Nothing! I’ll be out of here in a week, and you’ll still be eating takeout food in that dump you live in. Yeah! I know all about you, Kimble. Without me, you wouldn’t even have a life. My old lady left because of the money. Yours left because she just couldn’t stand the sight of you!!!…
What’s the matter? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils? Huh? Had enough?
You’re ghostin’ us, m@ther-f@cker! I don’t care who you are back in the world, you give away our position one more time, I’ll bleed ya, real quiet. Leave ya here. Got that?
There’s something out there waiting for us, and it ain’t no man. We’re all gonna die…
Long Tall Sally, she built sweet, she got everything, that Uncle John need. Aw baby, I’m gonna have me some fun, I’m gonna have me some fun, I’m gonna have me some fun…
He didn’t disappear. He was skinned alive!!!
When I was little, we found a man. He looked like – like, butchered. The old woman in the village crossed themselves… and whispered crazy things, strange things. “El Diablo cazador de hombres.” Only in the hottest years this happens. And this year, it grows hot. We begin finding our men. We found them sometimes without their skins… and sometimes much, much worse. “El cazador trofeo de los hombres” means the demon who makes trophies of men
Nic Cage has a more prominant role in the upcoming sequel to Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Get over here and pull my finger!
You’ll all be fine as long as you keep those bees away from me
Did you put these f**king iguanas on my table?
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
Your soul better stop dancing and if it doesn’t, I’m gonna shoot you again.
That reminds me class, did I ever tell you that this here jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?
…and remember class, “El cazador trofeo de los hombres” means the demon who makes trophies of men…
…and you… are “Mr. Pink”…
One more wise crack about my hair system, and I’m gonna shove my number ten up your ass!!
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?!…
“What” ain’t no country I ever heard of. They speak English in “What”?
NO I WILL NOT MAKE-OUT WITH YOU!!! I’m here to learn people… not make out with you…
“A” – Always
“B” – Be
“C” – Closing
Always be closing!!!!
Let me tell you what ‘Like a Virgin’ is about. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It’s a metaphor for big dicks.
So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin’ and laughin’ like a bunch of young broads sittin’ in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Five guys, sittin’ in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the f@ck they got there. What should we have done, what didn’t we do, who’s fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that bullsh@t. Then one of them says, hey. Wait a minute. When we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tellin’ f@ckin’ jokes! Get the message?
Oh Audrey – I look like hell! I got bags under my eyes. What’s that? Well if you were a man, I’d punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That’s bush. Bush league. YOU HEAR ME? AUDREY! LOOK AT ME! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Alright?
Ribs. I had ribs for lunch, that’s why I’m doing this.
We have a saying in my country – the coyote of the desert likes to eat the heart of the young and the blood drips down to his children for breakfast, lunch and dinner and only the ribs will be broken…
I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you.
Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.
Those hookers let you down!!!…
I KILLED THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!……..
You want to f@ck with me?! You are a f@cking choir boy compared to me! A CHOIR BOY!!!
As you know, I’m an immigrant. I came over here as an immigrant, and what gave me the opportunities, what made me to be here today, is the open arms of Americans. I have been received. I have been adopted by America.
YOU!! I told you to put the bunny back in the box. Now where are my hair extensions?
Today’s class will be “How to evade your taxes, then make the world suffer for the next decade with all the shitty movies you’ll have to make to keep your ass out of jail.” or “PLEASE DISNEY, I REALLY NEED THAT NATIONAL TREASURE 3 PAYCHECK!!”
We both know that I’m a drunk. And I know you are a hooker. I hope you understand that I am a person who is totally at ease with that. Which is not to say that I’m indifferent or I don’t care, I do. It simply means that I trust and accept your judgment.
Okay, now it’s time for show and tell, ladies. You! The pretty blonde with the rack that just won’t quit! Do show! I promise I won’t tell!
You there, the pretty one showing me your cleavage…I’ll autograph them for you when class lets out.
If this was Hong Kong, you’d already be dead…
Who wants to hear about my STD from the Silent Film Era?
Klaatu! Barada! Nikto!!!!….
Okay you cunts… Let’s see what you can do now!
Oh, child… You always knock me for a loop!
…You’ve got Red on you…
I kick @ss for the Lord!!!…
“Fuck, I forgot my lines…”
Take cover, child! SWITCH TO KRYPTONIIIIIIIITTEE!!!
You must un-learn what you have learned…
I AM THE POSSESSOR! POSSESSOR! POSSESSOR! YOU ARE POSSESSED!
“Orange whip, Orange whip…three Orange Whips.”
“I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got.”
Alright, listen up, you primitive Screw-Heads!!..
“This film will get me another oscar. I KNOW IT!”
You little liars. Rowan Woodward IS your classmate, isn’t she? ISN’T SHE? That is HER desk! And you’re the biggest liar of them all. I am warning you, you tell me another and I’ll arrest you myself.
No, Kelly, John Travolta and I didn’t really switch faces. That was a movie. Next question.
How in the name of Zeus’s Butt hole did you get out of you cells!
Nicholas Cages’ audition for the Bill Clinton biopic…. The young lady on the left is Monica.
“Hey kid, don’t you sass me-I’m fricken Ghostrider.And I will turn into flame and skull fuck the hell outta you!”
sit down or ill set your head on fire.
Yes! I am the worst actor in the history of film! And Im damn proud of that fact!
Is that a banana in your pocket?
Poetry?? You want poetry! Roses are red. Violets are blue. Nick Cage rules. THE END!
I will not be humiliated with a caption. That’s what my movies are for.
Take a wiff…..mmmmmm, butterscotch yo it’s the best!!!
you don’t say?
you wrote a script? bring it over here, I’m in.
“And Nic Cage’s acting is beneath the bees” – W. Blake
Bear suit?! “BEAR” do I sign?
Only the penitent man will pass.
You chose…… poorly…
I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers!
Sallah, I said *no* camels. That’s *five* camels. Can’t you count?
The quest for the grail is not archeology, it’s a race against evil. If it is captured by the Nazis the armies of darkness will march all over the face of the earth. Do you understand me?
You lost today, kid. But that doesn’t mean you have to like it.
It tells me, that goose-stepping morons like yourself should try *reading* books instead of *burning* them!
I suddenly remembered my Charlemagne. Let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the birds in the sky…
You stood up to be counted with the enemies of everything the Grail stands for! Who gives a *damn* what you believe?
Stop looking at me, Swan!!!!!…
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.
Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
When I graduated first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.
Don’t tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one’s outta control.
If there is any attempt for either contestant to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, I am just gonna snap. Do I make myself clear?
Well, “sorry” doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it?
Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest.
You got a responsibility.’ If your dog gets lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that f*cking dog.
Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.
Well, Billy, if you spell this correctly you pass second grade.
What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?
Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl….
T-T-T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Making fun of a little kid for trying to read. Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?
We’re going to start today by reading together a short story entitled “My Sister Fanny”.
*I* don’t like you either. You just watch yourself. We’re wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems…
I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did…
Help! I think I’m melting! This is all your fault!
We seem to be made to suffer. It’s our lot in life.
Charming to the last. You don’t know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life.
Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
That’s a good story. I think you just can’t bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight.
You said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake, well, this could be it, sweetheart.
Oh, come on! How can you know my father? You don’t even know who I am. Oh, I don’t even know what I’m doing here! We’re wasting our time!
You have learned much, young one…
No, no, there is no why. Nothing more will I teach you today. Clear your mind of questions…
So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
As they work hard for our children, America’s teachers often reach into their own pockets to make sure they have the best classroom supplies. I feel strongly that the federal government should help make up for their personal financial burden.
Being a Christian, I’m eager to introduce people to Jesus. I just don’t think I should do it in the science classroom.
I don’t like you… If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I’d swim out into the ocean and EAT YOU! And then bang your tuna wife.
No, you go to hell, and while you’re there, why don’t you grab me a juicebox!
I’m so scared right now. I’m just gonna to do what’s sensible, I’m gonna file for unemployment. Then I’m gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they… they give you the tools to be your own boss…
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO’!
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt…
You are here because the outside world rejects you. THIS is your family. *I* am your father. I want you all to become full members of the Foot. There is a new enemy: freaks of nature who interfere with our business. You are my eyes and ears; find them. Together we will punish these creatures. These… turtles.
What Russian novel, embraces more than 500 characters, is set in the Napoleotic wars?
Wise man say forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.
A Jose Canseco bat? Tell me… you didn’t pay money for this…
I’d like to invite you all in but I really don’t have anything to offer you guys except for some… frozen pizza…
Pull my finger.
Cricket? Nobody understands cricket! You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!
You got something on your shirt……..HAHA gotcha!
…Then he was gone, and I was alone…
NO! YOU da man!
All right, I want some answers. Now what in God’s name happened out here tonight? Somebody better talk to me.
…and then, one day, I came upon a shattered glass jar and four baby turtles…
Go ahead. Attack me if you will. When it is over, you will call me Master!
You know, if I had a face like yours, I’d try to make up for it with some sort of personality!
You have youth, and I have experience. But only those who fight now have both…
Look Sophie, those animals are knocking down the telephone poles. What do we do if they come over here?
This is bad! Carbon dioxide is essential to the anti-mutanagenic process. Their burping is probably retarding the reaction…
“Frankdawg48, you are only to speak when spoken to. Now please be quiet.”
Who wants a body massage? You want a body massage? Mr. Body Massage Machine GO!
“iDONTCARE” I agree. My apologies for the carpet-bombing… LOL
Do I look like a fucking vampire from the Cival War?
My name is Nicholas Cage. I was born in the americas in 1587. I am Immortal. I am not alone. At the time of the gathering we will fight to the death to release the quickening. There can on,y be one
Yes, I AM Francis Ford Coppola’s nephew, and YES talent does run in the family!
Next person who says my aunt is a better actor than me is going straight to the principal’s office!
I shall Smite thee, for I am the mighty Smiter!
This is a magic jacket from JC f’ing Penny! And for me it’s a symbol of my individuality, and my belief… in personal freedom.
Those toenails dry yet, sweetheart? We got some dancin’ to do.
I said no talking in class! Mr. Johnson you just bought yourself detention watching the Wicker Man…TWICE!
“Little House on the Prairie over here to my right was just sitting on this hand just before you all walked in…anyone want to smell my finger?”
“Somewhere under this room is buried treasure! You, get a shovel.”
No I was not arrested for beating a woman…Next question…Yes you? The one not at her desk?
you will be the one I plant my seed in
Which one of you little fuckers just said they didn’t like Ghost Rider?
Pull my finger or so help me god I will punch this woman!
Sit down or I will get my habit and a ruler damnit!
You want me to give acting advice? Never accept a role just because playing a superhero who’s skull on fire is cool
Who here thinks this jacket makes me look like a tool?
And I don’t need “you”. And I don’t need “you”. And I don’t need “you”. You’re just sitting there all high and mighty in your diaper. If anything, you need me, you’re a baby.
The wrong kid died…
I told you I can’t build your candy house! It will fall apart, the sun will melt the candy, it won’t work!
You know I suffer the same temptations you do. Sometimes when I’m lyin’ in bed, I ache for a man’s touch…
Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth.
I’ve traveled five hundred miles to give my seed…
Was that a fart?… I can taste it. On my tongue. Is that onion? Onion and… Onion and ketchup… It stinks. And this is a small room.
Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes ” Oh my god, I’ve had the old bull now I want the young calf” and she grabs me by the weiner.
Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain?… If you lick my butt hole.
When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world, I made my arms short and I roamed the back yard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared, everybody knew me and was afraid of me, and one day my dad said “Cage you are 17, it’s time to throw childish things aside” and I said “OK Pop”, but he didn’t really say that he said that “Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job”.
I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.
No! I’m not that guy from Nickleback!
It’s no polite to point..unless you have an oscar, then you can do whatever the fuck you want!!
Did I ever tell ya that this here bear suit represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?
You sir cake or death?
Okay! Which one of you assholes farted?
Sold! To the man in the back with the duct tape and hunting knife.
You! Come up here right now!…for being being a straight A student, you’re sure a smart ass! for joking about my DVD collection of Bloody Disgusting Selects! They are NOT horrible movies, they are FANTASTIC movies! And for you being such a smart ass, you get to come up here and write Bloody Disgusting Selects on the chalkboard 666 times! That should do the trick, you prick!!!
Hey You! Are you staring at the Bloody Disgusting Selects Babe of the month?! Well, she happens to be my bloody girlfriend, damnit! So you better stop staring, or I’m going to subject you to a week long marathon of my films!…class dismissed! And Mary, you may take a seat on my lap in just a moment.
(all in a god awful southern voice): “I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire!” (punches a bunch of women), a bunch of F-Words, (goes to a bunch of pharmacies), (punches a bear), lot of “shit”(s), (crazy grin) “Of course! Another plant.”
(Nic Cage voice)
I want all seven of you to stop that at once. And put your goddamn clothes on!
don’t you judge me!
Army needs you, son!
Say what now ?
Awesome job guys! Contest is now closed. I’ll announce winner later today!
Mindy, no more homework, Babydoll. Time for Frank D’Amico to go bye-bye.
Hey you little girl. The phallus is not a joke. Wait till you grow one.
“HA! You thought season of the witch was bad!? Wait till you see my next movie!”
What did you say about my style of teaching? Do you want me to rip out your eye with my finger and feed it to your puppy you little slut! I didn’t think so. Now class tell Katie thank you for the extra she just earned you.
You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you!
You there. Yes you. Bring me a bucket of cold water. I believe this young ladies shirt is to warm.