Movies
[Trailer Tracks] Dissecting the ‘Lords of Salem’ Trailer!!
Movie commercials offer us a great service; they not only show us which upcoming movies look good, but also which ones to avoid. And if one looks closely, they often reveal more than intended about the film in question. In honor of this profound art, I give you TRAILER TRACKS, an examination of upcoming movie commercials: What they say, what they don’t say, and what they say on accident about the product being sold to you, the excited chump.
Today’s Entry:
The Lords of Salem (Dir. Rob Zombie)
Introduction:
Rob Zombie is a filmmaker you all know. He made some music videos for songs he wrote and sang about scary stuff like Bunnicula and Frankenberry.
Upon aging out of the music scene, Zombie turned to feature films with an entry into the Texas Chain Saw Massacre series entitled House of 1000 Corpses. After that he made the fake-grindhouse classic The Devil’s Rejects and then pivoted directly into two films celebrating and honoring John Carpenter’s Halloween the same way you celebrate and honor your best friend’s mom when you film her in the bathroom without her knowing it.
Now Zombie is back to making his own movies again. It’s been a while, so anticipation is high. Can The Lords of Salem deliver?
The Set Up:
Sheri Rob Zombie Moon plays a Rob Zombette named Sheri Rob Zombie Moon. She is a high ranking defense attorney at a prestigious law firm that allows beautiful women to dress up like Rob Zombie.
After moving into the Overlook Hotel, the Rob Zombette notices women down the hall but they always disappear before she can talk to them. They are very curious to her because they don’t have dreadlocks, tattoos, or gigantic beards. When she asks her landlord who they are, she looks confused and accuses the Rob Zombette of being delusional. Then Beverly D’Angelo shows up and masterbates at her.
The Problem:
It looks like the Overlook hotel might be haunted. As Sheri Rob Zombie Moon walks around her apartment there are apparently Rob Zombies just standing around in dark corners, waiting for her to finally see them.
These aren’t just ghosts, either, but rather Female Satan Worshipper Ghosts who are out for revenge because of tortures they endured way back in pilgrim days. We see a little of this in the trailer as two dreadlocked, tattooed pilgrims with giant beards wheel out a witch in an Iron Maiden.
So, from what I can understand, the Salem Witch Trials were not murders motivated by sexism and small wieners. Those were actual witches, mean ones. It was good that the Rob Zombie pilgrims tortured them. But now they’re back, and I guess they want to use Sheri Rob Zombie Moon as some kind of conduit to the living world. That’s bad news for us because people are way less into torturing women these days, so they’ll probably get away with it.
The Solution:
I wouldn’t count on there being much of a workable solution, so let’s instead discuss the attempted solution.
Late in trailer we meet three new Rob Zombies, one who Sheri Rob Zombie Moon talks to on a telephone. He might be her boyfriend, or filmmaking/musician husband. Then we have to academic Rob Zombies. These guys are beardless and have grey hair because they’re older and work indoors. They seem to know a thing or two about witches and demonic possession and stuff like that. So they offer Sheri Rob Zombie Moon a potential avenue for aide. They’re also probably only in the film so Rob Zombie has more people to murder. There’s also a scary Brad Dourif lady, but I don’t think she’s friendly.
I don’t want to be too blunt, but I’m pretty sure this film will end with a giant Witch Possessed Godzilla version of Sheri Rob Zombie Moon knocking over buildings and roasting Japanese people alive with her radioactive fire breath.
In Summation:
This movie is going to be crazy, and nothing but death could keep me from seeing it. A lot of people already have seen it. Even if they unanimously shot this down as one of the worst movies ever made, I’d still have to watch it. Rob Zombie is such a bizarre, potentially talented filmmaker that I have no choice. If nothing else, this trailer seems to be free of his overzealous redneck profanity. Perhaps he’s grown.
Ghostface is back on the big screen this weekend… well, sort of… with the release of Scary Movie, which marks the Wayans brothers’ return to the horror spoof franchise for the first time since Scary Movie 2 back in the day. It’s likely to be the talk of the horror community for the weekend, but don’t overlook the other six genre movies that were freshly unleashed today.
Here’s all the new horror that released on Friday, June 5, 2026.
The horror spoof franchise is back with Scary Movie now playing in theaters!
Marlon Wayans (“Shorty”), Shawn Wayans (“Ray”), Anna Faris (“Cindy”), and Regina Hall (“Brenda”) reunite for the new Scary Movie, with the cast also including Dave Sheridan, Lochlyn Munro, Cheri Oteri, Chris Elliott, Jon Abrahams, Damon Wayans Jr., Gregg Wayans, Kim Wayans, Benny Zielke, Cameron Scott Roberts, Heidi Gardner, Olivia Rose Keegan, Ruby Snowber, Savannah Lee Nassif, Sydney Park, and Felissa Rose.
Twenty-six years after outrunning a suspiciously familiar masked killer (“Ghostface”), the Core Four are back in the killer’s crosshairs and no horror movie IP is safe…
Scary Movie will slash through reboots, remakes, requels, prequels, sequels, spin-offs, elevated horror, origin stories, anything with the word legacy in it, and every “final chapter” that absolutely isn’t. A whole lot has changed in the horror genre since the Wayans Brothers were in charge of the franchise; their involvement ended with Scary Movie 2 back in 2001!
Michael Tiddes (A Haunted House) directs Scary Movie 6 from a script written by Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans, original Scary Movie director Keenen Ivory Wayans, Craig Wayans (Scary Movie 2), and Rick Alvarez (A Haunted House).
From IFC, shark attack movie Chum is now available on Digital.
Alice Eve (Haunting of Queen Mary) stars in shark attack movie alongside Eric Michael Cole, Jim Klock, Elle Haymond, Lisa Yaro, Johnny Gaffney, and Sarah Siadat.
This one sounds very similar to last year’s Dangerous Animals…
Here’s the plot: “A newlywed couple joins friends on a Mediterranean yacht excursion, only to find themselves caught between a predatory shark and a psychopathic killer in their midst-transforming a sun-drenched escape into a fight for survival.”
Jonathan Zuck directs Chum, from a script by Jonathan Zuck and Joe Leone.
Samara Weaving (Ready or Not 2: Here I Come) and Kyle Gallner (Strange Darling) come together in Carolina Caroline, a sexy crime thriller now playing in theaters.
It’s not a horror movie, mind you, but it’s worth a mention here all the same.
Kyra Sedgwick (Family Movie) and Jon Gries also star in the romantic crime thriller.
Director Adam Carter Rehmeier’s film stars Samara Weaving as Caroline Daniels, whose desire to leave her small Texas town brings her into the orbit of a charismatic con man (Kyle Gallner), and together they weave a path of crime and passion across the American Southeast.
Adam Rehmeier previously directed the films Dinner in America and Snack Shack.
Tom Dean wrote the screenplay for Carolina Caroline.
Similar to Steven Spielberg’s upcoming big screen blockbuster Disclosure Day, Signal One explores humankind’s enduring question: what if we aren’t alone in the universe?
The sci-fi thriller is now available on Digital.
Isabelle Fuhrman (Orphan), Josh Hutcherson (Five Nights at Freddy’s), David Thewlis (Harry Potter), Raoul Bhaneja (Possessor), Emma Ho (“The Expanse”), and Dennis Quaid (The Substance) star in Signal One from director Jonathan Sobol (The Art of the Steal).
When tech billionaire Sam Houston (Quaid) hires the brilliant computer scientist Annika (Fuhrman), she ventures to an isolated facility run by the brilliant, nihilistic creator of LITTLEMOUTH, a machine which can communicate with alien intelligence.
Annika soon learns some humanity-altering facts: that we are not alone in the universe, that alien intelligences are communicating around us at every moment, and that we are likely too primitive to even remotely understand what they are trying to tell us.
When the goal of the endeavor shifts from listening to talking back, the project rapidly devolves into chaos. With contact comes consequences, and soon Annika and the team must work to ensure the very survival of our species.
A schoolyard dare becomes an urban legend in the creepypasta-inspired horror anthology The Summoning. The indie film is now available on Digital from Brainstorm Media.
“A babysitting gig becomes a nightmare of urban legend when three teens summon Baby Blue. Survival depends on uncovering the past to escape a mother’s wrath from beyond the grave.”
Felipe Vargas (Rosario, Hive), Sergio Gonzalez, Brandon Piskorik, Corey Benson Powers, and Brian Sepanzyk direct the segments. Valeria San Martín, Justina Ceballos, Daniela Flombaum, Nannu Spannauss, Agustín Olcese, and Giovanni Onetti star.
The Summoning is written by Camilo Zaffora.
Happy Death Day actress Jessica Rothe stars as a mom struggling to keep her grip on her sanity and memory in the mind-bending Affection, now available on Digital at home.
In Affection, “Afflicted by a mysterious condition that resets her memory, Ellie becomes trapped in a cyclical nightmare with a man who claims to be her husband. She soon must uncover the horrifying truth of her existence—before she forgets it all again.“
Joseph Cross (“Big Little Lies”) and Julianna Layne (“Chicago P.D.”) also star in the sci-fi horror thriller. Affection marks the feature debut by writer/director BT Meza.
Daniel Kurland wrote in his review out of the film’s premiere, “Affection is steeped in existential questions and fears that plague modern society, while it embraces the ethos of the ’80s through bold body horror. Add to that Rothe’s revelatory performance, and Affection is a hidden gem that will connect with your mind, body, and soul.”
Lucile Hadžihalilović’s latest dark fairy tale, The Ice Tower, loosely reimagines Hans Christian Andersen’s fable “The Snow Queen,” and it’s now streaming on Shudder.
In the ’70s set film, “Jeanne, a 15-year-old orphan, witnesses the shoot of a film adaptation of the fairy tale The Snow Queen, and she becomes fascinated by its star Cristina (Marion Cotillard), an actress who is just as mysterious and alluring as the Queen she is playing.“
Clara Pacini stars as Jeanne. August Diehl and Marine Gesbert also star in The Ice Tower, and look for a cameo from director Gaspar Noé (Climax, Irréversible).
“For me, The Ice Tower solidified Lucile Hadžihalilović’s place amongst the most fascinating creators of fairy tales today,” said distributor Yellow Veil Pictures co-founder Joe Yanick.
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