By Zena S. Dixon.
Sadly, we missed National Kiss Day. It was July 6th. But have no worries! I thought it would be extra awesome if I came up with a TOP 10 MAKE OUT SESSIONS GONE WRONG! A little dating advice to all the people out there who are single and ready to mingle: horror movies CAN make great date movies. With this list, your boo will definitely want to be all over you like melted cheese on a burger. You can thank me later!
Usually, kissing someone displays affection, maybe even love. However, many people may not realize that it is also the perfect opportunity to rip someone’s lips and face off in a single movement. For instance…
In this awesome gore-fest, a zombie priest makes out with a zombie nurse. She literally rips his lips off and eats them. The couple begins to do some other explicit things, but I’ll save that so this article can remain spoiler free!
Imagine finally kissing the man you can’t seem to get away from. Aside from bad breath, he has bees in his mouth. Then, a little unintentional fondling reveals swarms of bees inside his rib cage, hidden behind that trench coat he wears all the time. Lesson learned in this? Never date a man that wears trench coats. He’s obviously hiding something deadly!
Not only does this creature guy thing capture the girl, but he french kisses her with his long, scaly, snake-like tongue. The poor girl tries to stop this traumatizing event by biting a piece of his tongue off.
Some girl on girl action for you? But wait, one of the girls is a bit more mature than the other and happens to be a gypsy witch. Still okay with that? Well, apart from trying to put a deadly curse on the younger girl, the toothless witch attempts to suck the girl’s face off, leaving the viewer squirming at the hot spit trailing down the girl’s neck. I know a lot people would have preferred to be dragged to hell than to have that happen.
When kissing someone have you ever thought, “Hey, I could completely rip this dude’s tongue out?” Yeah? Me, too. And we’re not alone. Allow me to introduce Angela. She’s our spokesperson. You can probably see why.
And the number ONE classic of course goes to The Shining. I’ll paint a picture for those unfortunate souls who have never seen the movie: A beautiful naked woman steps out of the bathtub without saying a word and goes to Jack for a slobbering session. Jack peeks into the mirror and sees his arms wrapped around a decaying old woman with flabby patches of skin that probably reeked of stale hot dogs. How romantic….
Did I miss any? Let me know!