[BD Review] ‘Nurse 3D’ Is Endlessly Quotable, Hilariously Bloody and Cavalierly Clothed!

nurse-3d-Paz-de-la-Huerta-3-726x248

Your life as a horror fan won’t be complete if you don’t see Nurse 3D. I’m not entirely sure it’s a good film, and I’m not entirely sure that its makers intended it to be good but it is a true delight in every sense of the word. Endlessly quotable, hilariously bloody and cavalierly clothed – I can’t imagine a group of people sitting down to see this thing and not having a good time.

If you’ve seen the trailer for the film, you know the essentials of the plot. Abby (Paz de la Huerta) is a psychotic nurse who becomes obsessed with new recruit Danni (Katrina Bowden). As it becomes evident that Danni won’t willingly reciprocate Abby’s advances, chaos ensues. But the pleasures of Nurse 3D don’t lay in the essentials, they’re found in the incidentals. The amazingly candid voiceover, dialogue that is (hopefully) so willfully stupid it’s instantly memorable, a high body count and a rampant lack of pants. None of this is really in the trailer, making the process of watching Nurse 3D a wonderful sense of illicit discovery. The movie takes you back to the sensation of sneaking downstairs while your parents are asleep to watch your first “R” rated movie and it achieves it simply by being so left of center that none of the behavior in the film is recognizable as human. These aren’t people. This isn’t remotely the real world. These are chess pieces in a world created by people raised on a steady diet of Cinemax.

One of the weird things about the film is that, for all of the nudity and sex on display, it’s not very erotic. Abby kills cheating men as kind of a side hobby at night, which provides plenty of scenarios that aim for titillation – but the movie’s dissociative qualities render these transactions as inhumanly recognizable as anything else in the film. This actually works to Nurse 3D’s benefit, upping the comedy and allowing us to view Abby as a praying mantis that happens to have some medical knowledge rather than anyone we’ve ever actually had a conversation with.

While there’s almost a slow burn quality to the film’s second act (which seems odd in a film that clocks in at under 90 minutes), it’s buoyed by the perverse noir of Abby’s voiceover, the very use of which positions her as an alternative protagonist to Danni – a highly carnal and mentally challenged Private Investigator trying to make sense of her own overspun web. Just as this conceit starts to wear thin, we get the relentlessly bloody third act which culminates in a hilariously random rampage through a hospital ward where Abby gets to use all of the instruments at her disposal – much to the detriment of the innocent patients around her.

Nurse 3D forces us to ask the question, “what is good?” And while I’m sure that my judgment could be recalibrated by another viewing of Her or Wolf Of Wall Street, right now I’m comfortable swimming in the delirium this skeezy world dropped me into. Right now, if Nurse 3D is bad I don’t want to be good.

PS – if you can’t find a theater, don’t sweat it. The 3D isn’t all that important to the experience. In fact, I’d love this movie even more if was released exclusively in 2D, keeping 3D in the title as a dadaist statement. Just get some friends together, buy some beer and hit up the VOD option.

Official Score

  • woodchuck

    I’m sold!

  • Seal_Clubber

    Now I am excited to see this …

  • https://www.facebook.com/WhereDarknessLurks WhereDarknessLurks

    This movie is freakin hilarious! Watched it last night, laughed my ass off with tears rolling down my face until my jaw hit the floor from the incredibly bloody relentless third act. Immediately one of my fave films!

  • STRIK9

    I got exactly what I was looking and hoping for outta this film. The trailer is accurate.So sad that this film is not in more theatres, compared to the crap that the moronic classes go to see every weekend.

  • blake3371

    The Nurse 3D ads plastered over BD and other sites definitely got my attention, and I sculpted what I thought this flick would be in my head even before watching the trailer. That turned out to be a stupid idea. When I finally did see the trailer, I was a bit on the fence as to what I’d think about this film. Now, after just finishing it, I wanted to share few thoughts on Nurse 3D.

    The camp didn’t work for me with this film. I appreciate camp in horror movies, and as an extra on the movie All About Evil, I know N3D could have had a lot more of it. Even still, the character Abby (Huerta), to me at least, came off as forced and annoying at times. Clearly a part of the shtick, Abby is unhinged and hilariously creepy throughout, with some ‘pearls of wisdom’ one-liners in her narration.

    Outside of Huerta, the rest of the cast is forgettable, with maybe the exception of Niecy Nash’s moments. Bowden’s character was done well enough but was completely overshadowed in almost every way due to the fact that all you really want to know is what the next shit-storm Abby is about to unleash.

    The makeup work on Martin Donovan was pretty great, but I’d have liked to see more makeup effects work. With quite a few makeup artists from the Resident Evil franchise, including Mr. Paul Jones himself, I really wanted more. The third act brings a few more effects and a whole lot of blood, so the end product in the makeup department is still satisfactory.

    I paused this film about 35 minutes in just to get away from it for a moment. After a renewed sense of promise for the movie (bottle of bourbon), the film progressed well enough.

    The “reveal” of how Abby ended up getting to where she is in the present time of the film is a but trite, but it’s also hardly something to knock points of for, given what the film really is. And then end, well, we all saw that satisfying ending coming.

    Evan is right when he questions if the makers of Nurse 3D intended for it to be good or not, but it’s definitely memorable. It is very much so.

    For now, if I want to watch talented actresses wield bone saws and cut off arms, I think I’ll stick to American Mary.

    I’ll definitely be revisiting Nurse 3D soon with a handful of friends. It’s a film that begs for company. It kind of feels like a waste of time and funny lines to watch alone.

  • Joey

    Watching right now Nurses always scared me a little…

  • Ricardo Sousa

    Just watched and even liked the CGI is what bothered me most in the film.

    http://www.cerebroinfernal.blogspot.com.br/