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‘The People Under The Stairs’ Should Stay There.

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Another late night, another trashy nineties horror watched with absolutely no regrets. Well, except for actually sitting through the damn thing. See “The People Under The Stairs” presents itself as this socially conscious horror movie about racial oppression, with a new type of horror from mastermind Wes Craven. The reality is a terribly written take on the haunted house story devoid of logic and character.

Seriously this thing comes across more as a zany cartoon than a horror movie. Don’t believe me, Jesus Christ, let’s walk through it. Ving Rhames speaks like a broad idiotic stereotype, and despite walking around like a major badass, he’s scared half to death by a grandfather clock, and attacked by a dog where he’s driven to tears in an instant.

That’s not the fucking worst part. Early in the film, Ving Rhames deliver’s his most prolific line yet, after laying face first in a fucking hole in the wall. Listen for the voice cracks, stay for the insightful quotes.

Look, just for the record. I find Evertt McGill to maybe be a victim in all this, more so than Wes Craven. His performance as Man is downright laughable. His dialogue is atrocious and his dedication to the performance is astounding. I mean for a chunk of the film he’s in a full gimp outfit.

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“I regret nothing.”

But I’m digressing. See, the film is about a boy known as The Fool, who’s from this mythogically terrible place called “the ghetto” where wild dogs fight in slow motion to sexy saxophones. (No, Really.) He decides to break into the house of his mysterious landlord, a fortified prison of sorts that houses a collection of mysterious people inside the walls, and beneath the stairs. Their sexual moans echo throughout the basement. When The Fool is trapped and pursued by Man, to quote the film “the only way out, is in.”

That premise may not sound so bad. But I assure you this film is a strange nineties cartoon version of a horror film, that takes itself far too seriously. Some great examples are:

Everett brings the pain.

Expressions like this.

Vingmakesitraintruth

Dialogue lines like these.

Or just this scene entirely.

Seriously the sound effects are schlocky and the entire message is muddled that it’s trying to communicate when it’s revealed that it was just 80’s metalheads left over from the painful transition to the nineties who actually dwelled under the stairs.

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Last known location: Rock in Rio 85′

But the film does end with the entire block full of black people from the ghetto dancing in the street right after the house explodes into money thanks to an exploding stick of dynamite jerry-rigged together by the Fool.

Please spare yourself the pain, and don’t succumb to watching this piece of shit because Wes Craven’s name is attached. It’s not the man we once knew from Last House on the Left, it’s a cheap parody he became.

If for some reason you still want to see the film, here’s the best trailer I can find.

Movies

SCREAMBOX Investigates UFOs and Extraterrestrials: Several Documentaries Streaming Right Now!

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As someone who is obsessed with UFOS (or more recently known as UAPs) and the concept of extraterrestrials, I love a good documentary. Sightings have been on the rise since the 1940s, with the atomic bomb seemingly acting as a catalyst for new visitors. But what are these UFOs/UAPs? Is there an explanation or are they simply beyond our explanation? Why are they here? Who are they? How much do our governments know? The questions are endless and so are the documentaries that attempt to uncover the secrets behind decades of sightings and alleged confrontations.

Whether you’re a seasoned viewer or new to the rabbit hole, there’s always a handful of interesting documentaries to get your neurons firing and leave you with sleepless nights. SCREAMBOX is investigating with the addition of several docs, all streaming now on the Bloody Disgusting-powered service. Here’s the breakdown:

Aliens (2021): Beam into this unidentified streaming documentary for a glimpse into Extraterrestrial life. Aliens are hypothetical life forms that may occur outside Earth or that did not originate on Earth.

Aliens Uncovered: Origins (2021): Before Area 51, hidden deep in the desert, the military discovered a hidden gem that helped them create Project Bluebook.

Aliens Uncovered: ET or Man-Made (2022): The crash of Roswell wasn’t meant for New Mexico. In 1947, a neighboring state had 3 major sightings that were swept under the rug.

Aliens Uncovered: The Golden Record (2023): In the late 70s, the US government launched a message to our distant neighbors.

Roswell (2021): This high-flying documentary examines the July 1947 crash of a United States Army Air Forces balloon at a ranch near Roswell, New Mexico. Theories claim the crash was actually that of a flying saucer, but what is the truth?

Also check out:

The British UFO Files (2004): Since the 1940’s the British Government has been investigating the Flying Saucer phenomenon. High-ranking military and government personnel, speak out for the first time, offering unique eyewitness accounts and inside information.

Alien Abductions and Paranormal Sightings (2016): Amazing Footage and stories from real people as they reveal their personal encounters of being abducted by Aliens.

And do not miss Hellier (2019): A crew of paranormal researchers find themselves in a dying coal town, where a series of strange coincidences lead them to a decades-old mystery.

These documentaries join SCREAMBOX’s growing library of unique horror content, including Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls, Here for Blood, Terrifier 2, RoboDoc: The Creation of RoboCop, Hollywood Dreams & Nightmares: The Robert Englund Story, The Outwaters, Living with Chucky, Project Wolf Hunting, and Pennywise: The Story of IT.

Start screaming now with SCREAMBOX on iOS, Android, Apple TV, Prime Video, Roku, YouTube TV, Samsung, Comcast, Cox, and Screambox.com.

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