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[Review] Ludicrous Premise, Lazy Writing Plagues ‘Bonejangles’

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Now that the Phantasm series (for now, at least) has wrapped itself up, you’d think “The Hardest Working Man in Horror” himself, Reggie Bannister would take it easy. Not in the slightest, as he’s continuing to do what he’s been doing for the past 40 years. His newest film is Brett DeJager’s Bonejangles. Part-slasher, part-zombie flick, and part-comedy, you might think that with such an ambitious concept (especially since it’s DeJager’s second film), Bonejangles bites off a little more than it can chew. It’s good to set your aim high, but man, when you decide to go low instead…

After capturing the infamous Edgar Friendly Jr., aka Mr. Bonejangles, a group of four cops are tasked with transporting the killer to the town of Argento, where he’ll then be taken to Smith’s Grove Sanitarium. Coincidentally, Argento is also one of the cops’ (Kelly Misek Jr.) home town. Unfortunately for the team, it’s also April 18th, and the team soon becomes stranded in fog that has descended upon the town. The hometown cop explains that Argento is cursed and that zombies rise to attack citizens every year on that date. The person behind the curse is Rowena Abernathy, a prostitute, and witch who was burned at the stake in 1872 for being a succubus, and whose spirit still resides in the town’s bordello. As Rowena’s minions rise, not only does the team have to deal with zombies and a demon, but Mr. Bonejangles, who has conveniently broken loose.

Now obviously, with a premise like that, and a title like Bonejangles the film obviously doesn’t (and shouldn’t) take itself too seriously. Clearly, the film’s writer Keith Melcher didn’t when he wrote the story or the script (death in part by porn magazine?). The idea of Mr. Bonejangles is a tall tale in and of itself: A mountain of a man with flashbacks of his deceased dad (played by Reggie Banniester) telling him what to do, and who seemingly can’t be hurt by being shot, stabbed, burned or even drowned in toxic waste. And yes, that was indeed a reference to Jason Voorhees. The film is peppered with references to the horror genre like these. Throw in some humorous banter courtesy of our protagonists, and you get the idea of Bonejangles.

Despite it being a low-budget film, Bonejangles attempts to be more than that, at least in terms of its production. The sets, while pedestrian, are lit appropriately, and the camerawork is mainly static but mostly competent in its execution. The gore that is here is accomplished via practical effects and is nicely punctuated by sound. You do unfortunately get cheated out of some kills via quick cuts and lackluster “after the fact” shots, but when you look at Bonejangles as a whole, it’s the least of the film’s problems.

You see, all that setup with a ludicrous premise, while complicated, could’ve been a great film if it was done correctly. Instead, Bonejangles chooses to be lazy. Very lazy. The “humor” mainly comes from dialogue that ranges from “Protect your wee winkie!” uttered by Bannister (who is a wasted opportunity in this film, by the way), to jokes about a gay character that are frankly cringe-worthy and insulting. It also doesn’t help that the gay character is another over-the-top flamboyant stereotype. Speaking of the acting, it’s all amateur hour. Apart from Reggie, everyone is horrid in their delivery and believability. Of course, it definitely doesn’t help that the writing is garbage. I’m sure that they tried, but as the saying goes, you really can’t polish a turd. To add even more insult to injury, the horror aspect of the film is lame. It’s hard to have tension in a scene with little-to-no build-up for your killer’s rampage on hapless campers. Or when you use generic techno music throughout the scene. Am I supposed to get up and dance? And in the case of this film, dance badly? I dance horribly anyway, so that’s no effort on my part.

And you can pretty much say that about Bonejangles: The very least in effort, or no effort at all. The convoluted premise is meant to be a setup for a tongue-in-cheek ride, but when a film uses moronic dialogue, lame acting, and no real foundation for a horror-comedy, it’s quite clear that this was a trainwreck of a misfire. I hope Reggie’s okay financially, since why else would he want (or need) to be in a film like this? There are so many other low-budget films that take a farcical approach to its ridiculous material, run with it and succeed (like Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Bad Taste, or even Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes). Not this one. Avoid this one, even out of curiosity.

Bonejangles is out on VOD July 18 from Wild Eye Releasing.

Writer/Artist/Gamer from the Great White North. I try not to be boring.

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‘Herencia Diabólica’ – 1993’s “Mexican Child’s Play” Finally Has a Blu-ray Release [Review]

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Did you know that there is a Child’s Play-inspired film from Mexico? If you didn’t, you can thank Vinegar Syndrome’s new label Degausser Video for making 1993’s Herencia Diabólica available for the masses to watch. Or at least for the VS hardcore fanbase, Chucky completists and anyone else who needs something like this in their lives.

Director Alfredo Salazar, known for his writing connection to the 70s Santo film series, also serves as the writer here to bring us a film seemingly inspired from the Child’s Play franchise. While it has been recently labeled as the “Mexican Child’s Play” (there’s a special feature on the disc with that very title), the killer doll concept is where the comparison should start and end. Despite having some seeds planted by that franchise, Salazar delivers a story that blossoms into something unique.

Tony (Roberto Guinar) receives a letter informing him that his aunt has died, and he has inherited her estate in Mexico. He quits his job and uproots his life in New York with his wife Annie (Holda Ramírez) to relocate south of the border and move into his new crib. Now I know what you’re thinking, what person just quits their job and drags their wife to another country without having reliable monetary income? Tony does, everyone, Tony does.

And what’s the first thing they do once they arrive in Mexico and check out the estate? They hit the bedroom, naturally. We are treated to a sex scene with an erotica song that feels like a knockoff of “Sadness” by Enigma (remember them?). Sounds fun and all, but the scene takes place completely in the dark and we see absolutely nothing. Maybe that’s why the sexy-time tune was pumping, so we could know what was exactly going down.

While Tony goes on a job interview, Annie explores the estate’s grounds in a tedious chore to experience, going room by room, plodding along. But it does lead us to her discovery of our antagonist—the evil clown doll, Payasito! Of all the things in the house, she decides to bring this monstrosity down to show Tony when he gets home. What an exciting way to celebrate (sic)! Then out of nowhere, she spouts off some exposition about rumors that Tony’s aunt dabbled in the dark arts and now we know where our title Diabolical Inheritance (the English translation for Herencia Diabólica) originates. For those of you who keep score for things like that.

Before proceeding with this review, you really need to visualize what Payasito looks like to truly embrace the rest of the film’s shenanigans. While Chucky resembles a cute ginger child, Payasito resembles a small clown that is much larger in stature than Chucky. That’s because Payasito is performed by an actor (Margarito Esparaza) in clown cosplay whenever he’s on the move (like Mannequin 2), and makes some really horrible facial expressions. Chucky dresses in “Good Guys” overalls and a striped shirt, but Payasito wears a new wave Santa hat while sporting a Sgt. Pepper jacket and Peter Pan tights. As you can now tell, he is quite beautiful.

Back to our story, Payasito begins to spook Annie cerebrally until she becomes unnerved to the point of having a complete mental break down, making her easy prey to eliminate. She dies but the unborn child survives, with Tony believing that her death was caused by her mental instability. Fast forward some years later and the couple’s surviving spawn has grown into child Roy (Alan Fernando), who at this point has already bonded with Payasito to help him over the loss of his mother. Dun-dun-duuunnn!

Meanwhile wealthy Tony remains single, still grieving his late wife, until his blonde assistant Doris encourages him to move on with his life and start seeing other people. And by other people, she naturally means herself. As the old Kanye West song lyric goes, “I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger…”, and it seems that she might be until we learn more about her character. Doris is played by the stunning Lorena Hererra who has an extremely extensive resume in Mexico, and she carries most of the film quite well during the feature’s second half. The singer and former Playboy centerfold for their Mexico edition is by far the most recognizable face in the cast.

Doris and Tony do indeed hookup and she moves into La casa de Herencia, where she does her best to impress Roy and lessen his obsession with the doll. There is a scene where they go to a nearby park without Payasito that is filled with famous fairytale figures, such as Pinocchio, Cinderella and King Kong! What, you didn’t know King Kong is a fairytale? Me neither. But Roy continues to be obsessed with Payasito after their trip, much to Doris’ chagrin.

Her actions to separate him from Roy gets Payasito angry, setting up the film’s most memorable scene. We already know that Payasito is a devil doll like Chucky, but now we learn he also has the power to invade people’s dreams like Freddy Krueger! Does Payasito enter the dream world and concoct a creative way to kill Doris in her sleep? No, he harnesses his power to sexually assault her instead. Yes that actually happens. After she awakens, Doris grabs the doll and tosses him into a lake, only to find him waiting for her by the time she gets back to the house. So now we know he also maintains the ability to “transport” like Jason Voorhees too. This doll is the total package!

More insanity happens before we close out the film with the longest victim chase sequence ever. It makes the previously mentioned painful house search scene seem like an eyeblink. It feels like it’s the film’s entire third act, filled with so much padding that you could soundproof an entire three-story house.

So how’s the transfer? Considering it was created using a mix of VHS and film source elements from 1993, they did one heck of a job! The work they put into it is especially noticeable in the dream invasion sequence, with the pulsing multi-colored psychedelic visuals. Super trippy stuff. Even the film’s score provides a pretty chill vibe, during the times when Payasito isn’t on the prowl.

If anything you read has piqued your interest in the very least, you should give it a shot. But if not, it is best to leave this doll on the shelf.

Herencia Diabólica is now available to purchase at VinegarSyndrome.com.

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