Editorials
Best & Worst of 2009: The Year’s Best One Sheets
Before any footage from a film is seen, typically a teaser or full one sheet is released by a studio. This is an incredibly important, even detrimental process as it is the first thing the consumers will see and identify with a movie. If the poster stinks, the consumer might write it off all together, while a good poster could lead to them checking out the official website, trailer and best case scenario, hanging it from their wall (the most personal relationship any of us have with a movie). To say the least, posters are damn important. As part of our year end coverage, we present to you the year’s best theatrical posters.

BEST ONE SHEETS OF 2009
Click any to see it larger
Posters listed in no particular order

Carrying inspiration from other top-notch one sheets like Open Water, the poster for Frozen is remarkably eye-catching. Anyone who catches a glimpse of this in a theater is sure to walk over and ponder on it for a second. It’s also quite representational of the flick and is sure to get people marking their calendars for the February release.

A breath of fresh air from the previous one sheet that was incredibly confusing. The imagery is frightening, and more importantly, the tagline is awesome. “Fear Thy Neighbor.” Bing, bang, boom.

I’m not a very big fan of Screen Gems’ posters where they render an image to look like a painting, but for some reason I think the one sheet for STEPFATHER works. It’s eye-catching, simple and actually a little unnerving. Too bad the movie wasn’t half as entertaining as the poster.

I loved Lionsgate’s one sheet for their remake of MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Outside of us hardcore horror fans, the average theatergoer has no clue who the killer is. The poster gives us a clear look at the slasher while also highlighting the 3-D aspect by creating two other slightly transparent versions. Good stuff.

After Dimension’s nauseating one sheet for the remake, Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN II was blessed with this violent and chaotic masterpiece of wall art. Like the movie or not, the marketing was well done – too bad it had to go up against THE FINAL DESTINATION, a film that delivered a brutal blow at the box office.

Whether it’s by name or image, everyone knows who Jason Voorhees is, therefore there’s no reason to keep him in the shadows. Warner Bros. released this stunning one sheet for the FRIDAY THE 13TH remake that features a full shot of the infamous masked killer in all of his powerful glory. Whether that translated to film is up to you to decide.

With the movie looking to finally hit theaters in February, Universal Pictures released this gorgeous blue-tinted poster for THE WOLFMAN. Again, who doesn’t know the Wolfman? So why not let him tear it up in this action-packed one sheet that has serious bite.

To our surprise this has been one of the most popular and well-received poster debuts here on Bloody Disgusting. While CLASH OF THE TITANS is a fantasy film, there are some horrific elements like the three blind witches, the Kraken, and of course that sexy snake-headed Medusa. This one sheet screams for your attention. It’s bold, strong imagery is captivating and the color scheme blends beautifully with our hero. Aces.

With a film titled DRAG ME TO HELL it doesn’t hurt to display exactly what the film is about on your poster. I enjoy Universal’s choice in drowning out the background images and bringing our star to the forefront with the fire and brimstone. And for those of you who read the little tagline… how can you beat, “But in three days, she’s going to hell”?

A terrible, terrible film that features probably the single best one sheet of the year. Too bad you could only see it at the comfort of your home on your computer screen. Lionsgate released this “motion poster” that’s one of the first to actually do something. Vomiting ectoplasm? Yes please.

When I first saw the poster for SAW VI at the San Diego Comic Con, it blew my mind. The imagery is striking, eye-catching and bold. How incredibly arrogant is it (have to appreciate it) to feature a giant VI without even a single mention of the title. It quite simply says, “you know it, you got it, here’s it comes.”

Megan Fox’s long legs and a school shirt=WIN.

Again, not a fan of artistic renderings, but the color scheme and creepy image are beyond eye-catching. This poster calls for your attention and begs you to come over and spend a few seconds seeing what it’s all about.

There’s nothing better than a poster that tells you exactly what you’re going to see in theaters. IFC’s one sheet for ANTICHRIST says “sex in a creepy place, over and over again.” Don’t be shocked when you see a bloody penis.

Magnolia Pictures/Magnet Releasing created a series of “retro posters” for the release of Ti West’s 80’s horror period piece THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL. They’re all amazing, especially the one with the hand reaching out for you.
CHECK OUT THE WORST ONE SHEETS OF 2009
Editorials
Tales from ‘Tales from the Crypt’: Exhuming Season Six’s “Only Skin Deep” Episode
The penultimate season of Tales from the Crypt (1989–1996) aired its first three episodes on October 31, so it’s understandable that at least one of those three stories is set on Halloween.
Sandwiched between “Let the Punishment Fit the Crime” (Russell Mulcahy, Ron Finley) and “Whirlpool” (Mick Garris, A. L. Katz & Gilbert Adler) is the most severe episode of the bunch. Maybe the entire series? William Malone and Dick Beebe’s “Only Skin Deep” traded the show’s typical sense of fun for startling amounts of bleakness and kink.
“Only Skin Deep” is, apart from the Crypt Keeper’s intro and outro, noticeably unfunny. There are no considerable attempts at making the viewer laugh. Come to think of it, if those bookends had been replaced, and there was more of a sci-fi element in the story, HBO could have easily squeezed this tale into that successor anthology, Perversions of Science (1997). In Crypt, though, “Only Skin Deep” is much too grim for an audience that had become accustomed to campiness and levity.
What makes “Only Skin Deep” feel dark, among other things, is its protagonist. Showing up to a Halloween party where he’s not welcome, and where his former girlfriend (Diane DiLasco) is attending, Carl Schlag (Peter Onorati) first comes across as your standard bitter ex. You soon realize it’s much worse than that, once Carl threatens Linda (“You know, silly me, thinking I gave you what you deserved. If I’d have done that, I’d have killed you”). Now, I haven’t forgotten that Tales from the Crypt was teeming with vile men who did women harm. Yet Carl’s brand of misogynistic menace hits differently—it borders on being too realistic for this kind of series.

Mike Vosburg’s EC-style comic cover for “Only Skin Deep”, as seen in the Tales from the Crypt episode.
Despite donning a party mask for much of the episode, Carl can’t ever mask his true nature. The invitation did say “come as you are”, after all. That inability to change and be better, however, is why Carl ends up in such a karmic predicament. His outburst of anger at the party attracts the attention of one loner partygoer named Molly (Sherrie Rose, who was also in Season Four’s “On a Deadman’s Chest”). Her bone-white, featureless “mask” and body-bag costume don’t initially register as too strange, especially on a night like this. But at a party chock-full of colorful, cartoonish, and lighthearted ensembles, it does look out of place.
Darkness attracts darkness as Carl ditches the party and accompanies the mysterious Molly to her place. Which, by the way, should have been an immediate red flag. But perhaps she’s so hot, he doesn’t seem to mind the serial killer aesthetic. Resembling a warehouse that has been converted into living spaces, but never then decorated to remove the cold, industrial look, Molly’s home (or lair) is as gloomy as this whole episode feels. It’s like the set of a grungy music video, albeit a tad cleaner. The environments in a typical Crypt episode tend to be small, overfilled, and broken-in. Warm, regardless of any weird goings-on. All that empty space in Molly’s hovel, on the other hand, elicits a creepy feeling that Carl was unwise to ignore.
Tales from the Crypt featured more sex than it didn’t, but hands down, “Only Skin Deep” boasts the steamiest scene in the show’s history. Pushing it over the line, in addition to Onorati showing bare buns and the camera never turning down one of his pelvic thrusts, is the twisted dirty talk. Carl stays in the moment, whereas Molly unleashes charged lines like “the hurt, the anger, give it to me” and “take it out on my flesh like you want to”. It’s all quite kinky, as well as tied into the story’s theme of pain.
How else “Only Skin Deep” differs from other episodes is its twists. Or rather, its lack thereof. Nothing comes as a great surprise here, particularly because the deuteragonist’s ulterior motives are so obvious. By no means is Molly a wolf in sheep’s clothing; her face is a fright mask, she practically reeks of death, and she lives in what can best be described as a serial killer’s hideout. That last-act revelation of Molly’s mask really being her face is also nothing shocking. Cleverness is certainly not this episode’s strength.

A page from “…Only Skin Deep!”, as seen in EC Comics’ Tales from the Crypt.
While “Only Skin Deep” isn’t the most universally loved episode of Tales from the Crypt, it’s an interesting preview of William Malone’s future as a director. Most notably, he went on to helm House on Haunted Hill (1999) and FeardotCom (2002), the former of which was co-written by Dick Beebe, this episode’s writer. Dark Castle Entertainment, that genre house founded by Crypt producers Joel Silver, Robert Zemeckis, and Gilbert Adler, was instrumental in bringing out Malone’s gruesome, over-the-top vision in House on Haunted Hill. However, FeardotCom and Malone’s Masters of Horror episode, “Fair-Haired Child”, are the most stylistically compatible with “Only Skin Deep”.
As one might guess, this episode is nothing like its source material. The “…Only Skin Deep!” found in the pages of EC Comics is set during Mardi Gras in New Orleans, and save for its last couple of pages, is pretty sweet in nature. There, a man named Herbert is enamored with a woman he met five years prior to the present-day story. Every year, he has come down to Mardi Gras to see Suzanne, who’s always dressed as a hag-faced witch. Well, this time, Herbert plans on popping the question and marrying someone who is, for the most part, a total stranger. Suzanne accepts his proposal, but with one condition: they stay in costume until they’re officially hitched. You can probably see where this is going…
Once they are married, Suzanne remains incognito, even when she and Herbert have consummated their vows. A semi-predictive nightmare then rattles Herbert; he dreamt that Suzanne’s real face was as wizened as her mask. Finally, in his haste to find out the truth, Herbert winds up killing his new wife. Faceless and well on her way to bleeding out, the dying Suzanne manages to say she never wore a mask.
For more traditional EC-style ghastliness, your best bet is reading the comic. It’s wickedly sad. For something less conventional, as far as Tales from the Crypt goes, the role-reversing adaptation is worth watching. It’s not the best this show had to offer, although Malone’s visual style, plus the sexual abandon, does set the episode apart. If nothing else, “Only Skin Deep” leaves an impression that, even years later, shows no signs of fading.
Season Six of Tales from the Crypt can be streamed on Shudder, starting on June 5.
Tales from Tales from the Crypt celebrates the show’s Shudder premiere by singling out one episode from each season. So don’t even think about changing that dial, boys and ghouls. More spot-“frights” are to come.

Carl discovers Molly’s collection of human ‘masks’ in the Tales from the Crypt episode, “Only Skin Deep”.

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