An interesting phenomenon that can occur in Hollywood is when two movies with roughly the same plot are released in the same year by different studios. These films, as I have recently learned, are called “twin movies.” Look at 1997 when Dante’s Peak and Volcano were released within three months of each other. Or in 1998 when Deep Impact and Armageddon were released within two months of each other (Deep Impact is the better movie by the way. I don’t care what anyone says.).

Anyway, I turned 27 a few weeks ago and rather than go out and party I decided to stay in and watch two birthday-themed horror movies. I’m a rebel, I know. Little did I know that Happy Birthday to Me and Bloody Birthday were released a mere two weeks apart from each other. Bloody Birthday was released on April 28, 1981 and Happy Birthday to Me was released on May 15, 1981. Those of you who are online super-sleuths know that the United States didn’t get to see Bloody Birthday until 1986, but that’s a technicality I’m willing to overlook in the interest of having a hook for this brief piece. My question to you is this: Which is the better film? Let’s begin.

If you want to skip reading the long article, I’ll spoil the verdict for you right now (highlight the text to see): Happy Birthday to Me is the better film. Bloody Birthday is a big ol’ turd. 

***SPOILERS FOR 35-Year-Old Films Below***

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Me is one of the more popular holiday-themed slashers to crawl out of the 80s, and it’s very clearly a ripoff of Friday the 13th, since it was released just over a year later. Interestingly enough, Freddy Vs. Jason would rip off this film in the subplot regarding main character Ginny fighting with her father over her dead mother. Just watch the first scene where they argue after Ginny comes home late and tell me it doesn’t bear a striking resemblance to the scene where Laurie (Monica Keena) argues with her father (Tom Butler). Sporting the catch tagline “Six of the most bizarre murders you will ever see,” Happy Birthday to Me had an interesting hook, though it does spoil the shish kebob death in its poster. As a matter of fact, it spoils three of those six “bizarre” deaths in the poster, though it gets the names mixed up since it’s Etienne who gets killed with his motorcycle and Steven who gets the shish kebob shoved through his head (maybe as a way to throw the audience off, but I refuse to give the marketing team that much credit).

The score is a simple blend of piano tunes, that actually reminded me a lot of the main theme from Valentine. Well, I suppose I should say that the main theme from Valentine reminds me a lot of the main theme from Happy Birthday to Me, but you get what I’m saying. It’s sufficiently creepy though and definitely gets the point across.

That being said, at no point is Happy Birthday to Me particularly scary. That may just be because it hasn’t aged as well as something like Halloween has, but at no point does it ever truly terrify. What the film does do well, however, is provide a decent buildup. At an arguably too-long 110 minutes, Happy Birthday to Me spends a lot of time with its character development. Most of this time is devoted to Ginny, whom the film consistently wants us to believe is the killer, but more on that in a bit.

The plot is inventive yet simple: Ginny (Little House on the Prairie’s Melissa Sue Anderson, in a rather controversial bit of casting), is about to celebrate her 18th birthday, and she plans on inviting members of the Top Ten (of which there are less than ten members, so there’s that), an elite clique comprised of the richest and douchiest teenagers at her school. In the days leading up to her birthday, the members of the Top Ten begin getting murdered one by one. As the film progresses, Ginny begins having flashbacks to her previous birthday, where her mother drove them off a bridge after going on a bender when the Top Ten members chose to go to Ann’s (a member of the Top Ten) birthday party instead of Ginny’s.

One surprising (and maybe even commendable) aspect of Happy Birthday to Me is that there is absolutely no nudity of any kind in the film. Maybe it’s because of the casting of Anderson, but whether it was a conscious decision or not to have no sex scenes or nudity in the film, it raises its status in terms of maturity as a slasher film.

The deaths are actually very well done in Happy Birthday to Me. The opening kill is a throat slash, but the real treat in this kill is that the character does something that I always wish characters would do when they are being strangled: pretend to die mid-strangulation and then make a break for it when the killer’s guard is down. It’s something that should happen in more films, but I digress. You’ve got a character who gets his scarf thrown in the spoke of his motorcycle (in an homage to Isadora Duncan’s death). Another gets his neck crushed with weights in what is possibly the film’s most gruesome kill (seriously, the blood sprays everywhere). Then you’ve got a stabbing, the aforementioned shish kebob in the mouth and a supposed drowning that happens off screen.

All of the deaths are quite fun and appropriately gruesome and tons of fun, but I would like to go back to the off-screen death of Ann, whom Ginny finds drowned in the bathtub. It is the film’s major misstep, as Ann is revealed to be the killer. It’s understandable why the creators had thought this wouldn’t be an issue or raise a red flag as to the killer’s identity. After all, we had actually seen “Ginny” murder two people prior to her finding Ann’s body, which brings us to the ending of the film.

Happy Birthday to Me received a fairly negative reception upon its initial release in 1981, but it has since grown a rather large cult following among horror enthusiasts, and this is mostly because of it’s bonkers ending. The ending in its entirety is not available on YouTube, but here is what happens: After “Ginny” kills several people (in what the film tries to pass off as multiple fugue states), her father walks into the cottage that serves as her family’s guest quarters to find a table surrounded by the corpses of all of the deceased Top Ten members. “Ginny” is also at the table, and she proceeds to slit her father’s throat as he cries over what his “daughter” has become. Then, one of the corpses at the table sits up. It’s the real Ginny! After a brief scuffle, Ginny rips off “Ginny’s” face, which turns out to be an elaborate mask (straight out of Mission: Impossible) that Ann is wearing. You see, Ann is all pissy because her mother slept with Ginny’s father years ago and she is actually Ginny’s half sister. It tore her family apart and she blames Ginny for it (this makes no sense, by the way).

It’s all rather silly, but the sheer ridiculousness of it works in the films favor, as it almost makes you forget the moments that dragged before. It is definitely more memorable than the original ending, which had Ginny be possessed by the spirit of her vengeful mother. Is Happy Birthday to Me a good movie? Not particularly, but it is a lot of fun and it is highly entertaining, even at an overly long 110 minutes. The movie even “goes there” by having Ginny go insane in the film’s closing moments as a detective walks in to see Ginny standing over the corpses of all of her friends.

Bloody Birthday

Imagine my surprise to find out that Bloody Birthday isn’t actually a slasher film, but rather an evil child film (the kids are murderers, but I would still consider the film part of the evil child sub-genre over the slasher sub-genre). This was my first time viewing Bloody Birthday and I went in totally blind, but that didn’t necessarily make me enjoy the film. Although I probably could have just looked at the poster and been clued in by its tagline.

In a plot straight out of Village of the Damned (or its source novel The Midwich Cuckoos), three children (Debbie, Curtis and Steven) are born at the exact same time during a solar eclipse. Little do the town inhabitants know that Saturn was also blocked during the solar eclipse, and Saturn is the planet that controls the way a person treats other people. Since it was blocked, those three children were born murderous psychopaths with the inability to feel empathy for anyone else and they go on a murderous rampage for absolutely no reason (I swear I’m not making this up).

Aside: Village of the Damned isn’t the only thing Bloody Birthday rips off, as there are scenes and shots lifted directly from John Carpenter’s Halloween. I’m referring specifically to the scenes where Joyce and Beverly (80s darling Julie Brown) are walking to school. You may be able to get by with calling it an homage, but it legitimately looks like a direct copy of Carpenter’s classic. End of aside.

The rest of the movie shows all of the different ways the kids murder people (the first of which is Debbie’s father, who is also the sheriff), as every other character turns a blind eye to the proceedings. Towards the end of the film, lead character Joyce (Lori Lethin) and her younger brother Timmy begin to suspect the trio of deviants and attempt to let the rest of the town know, but their cries for help frustratingly fall on deaf ears.

Unlike Happy Birthday to Me, Bloody Birthday features a fair amount of nudity, from both the male and female sexes. It’s actually kind of respectable (ha ha) to see the film feature male nudity as much as they do female nudity. Of course, the bulk of the nude scenes go to Beverly, who is completely game for all of the gratuitous boob shots. None of this is really important to the quality of the film, it’s just an observation.

The kids do a lot of messed up shit, but it’s all rather childish (sorry). Every trick they pull has an easy way out of it and every single one of the teenagers and adults who fall prey to their shenanigans comes off as incredibly stupid for not being able to just kick the crap out of the little bastards. One perfect example of this is when Timmy and Curtis get in a car and chase after Joyce, who can apparently only run in straight lines, in a junkyard. They chase her so, so slowly. It’s absolutely hilarious and has to be seen to be believed, so here:

For being a horror film, there isn’t a lot of carnage that happens on screen. The film certainly lacks the creativity of Happy Birthday to Me. The deaths consist of bludgeonings with baseball bats, gunshot wounds, strangulation by jump rope, etc. The only memorable death of the bunch is Beverly’s death, in which Debbie shoots her in the eye with an arrow. Other than that it’s slim pickings for gorehounds.

Another point of contention many may have with the film is that the sociopathic children don’t even get a comeuppance. Sure, Steven and Curtis get arrested, but that bitch Debbie gets away scot-free! The final shot sets up a sequel (that would never come to fruition), so the viewer is left feeling unsatisfied. I’m not saying all films need a happy ending with closure, but in this case it would have been nice.

One could argue that Bloody Birthday isn’t trying to be a good film. That may certainly be the case. It may be going for more of a midnight movie vibe, but that doesn’t change the fact that it still isn’t very good that quite honestly comes off as pretty lazy filmmaking. It’s really not even that entertaining, as it inspires more frustration in the audience than interest. You’ll be so frustrated with the stupidity of every character over the age of 10 (no one ever suspects the children of being the culprits) that you won’t be able to enjoy the film.

Winner: Happy Birthday to Me

There wasn’t really a reason for me to write 2,500 words on this topic. It’s sort of a no-brainer. Happy Birthday to Me is definitely the better film. Don’t take my word for it though, watch them for yourself! If you’ve already seen them both, what are your thoughts on this debate? Let me know in the comments below or shoot me a Tweet!