Today marks the 15th anniversary of what is arguably legendary horror filmmaker John Carpenter’s worst film: Ghosts of Mars. In the film, a Martian police force is sent to a remote mining facility to transport a dangerous criminal named Desolation Williams back to the city. Upon arriving, they discover that all members of the facility have become possessed by the titular Martian ghosts and are now waging a war agains the humans.
Originally planned to be the third installment in the Escape From… franchise, the studio cancelled plans for a sequel when Escape From L.A. failed to make much of an impression at the box office in 1996. Carpenter then created the character of Desolation Williams for Kurt Russell. Unfortunately, the studio then decided that he was no longer a bankable star, and insisted that Ice Cube be cast in the role.
The role of female lead Lieutenant Melanie Ballard was originally going to Courtney Love, but she had to pull out at the last minute when her then-boyfriend’s ex-wife ran over her foot. Natasha Henstridge was brought in at the last minute, rounding out the cast that included Pam Grier, Clea DuVall and Jason Statham (who was also considered for the role of Williams, but the studio didn’t think he had a career as a bankable movie star in his future). With all of the behind the scenes drama, it’s no wonder John Carpenter has only made two movies in the last 16 years (the last of which being 2010’s The Ward). His disinterest shows in Ghosts of Mars, as everyone involved seems to just want the thing to end.
Even though I write for a horror site, I confess that I am not exactly up to date on my Carpenter. Yes, I’ve seen the big ones like Halloween, The Thing, Christine, The Fog and even Village of the Damned, but I haven’t watched most of his remaining filmography (Assault on Precinct 13, the Escape From…. films, Big Trouble in Little China, They Live, etc.). So I thought I would remedy that by starting with Ghosts of Mars just in time for its 15th anniversary. Was it as bad as I had heard? Or did I find an underrated gem in the film? What follows below are 60 thoughts I had while watching the film. Read them and find out!
- Here we go. This can’t be that bad, can it?
- I didn’t know Screen Gems produced this.
- Oh God. This voiceover is terrible. And so it begins.
- There sure is a lot of expository text happening on screen right now.
- Interesting choice of music for these opening credits.
- Joanna Cassidy is in this??? Right on top of that Rose!
- The freight train that went missing is called Transmarinara and now I want pasta.
- Whatever happened to Natasha Henstridge?
- Oh.
- The sexual chemistry between Henstridge and Grier is pretty intense. Were they meant to be lovers?
- Hey it’s Lizzie McGuire’s dad!
- These sets look like they were made for a stage play.
- You see a bunch of flashing lights in a deserted mining town that should be filled with residents and you’re first thought it “It’s probably nothing”???
- This is sort of like if the Resident Evil movie had a baby with Pitch Black.
- These wide shots of the Martian landscape are Syfy levels of bad.
- Joanna Cassidy does not look upset enough for realizing that her hot air balloon is about to crash.
- Wait, why is there a hot air balloon in this movie?
- Clea DuVall is a really underrated actress. I mean, not in this movie, but just in general.
- The editing in this movie is not the best.
- The ghost vision would be a pretty good Instagram filter.
- Henstridge sounds so uninterested in everything she is saying. Example: “He said something like ‘Stay away. Don’t open the door. Stay away.'” No emotion whatsoever in that ominous warning.
- “Drop the weapon before I cut this dyke bitch’s head off!” -Was that meant to be funny? It must have.
- So these glasses are supposed to help them do what, exactly?
- The ghosts can’t go through solid objects when they’re outside of a host? Sort of defeats the purpose of being a ghost, doesn’t it?
- Oooooh a flashback within a flashback!
- Bye, Pam Grier. You were too good for that role anyway. And you certainly deserve better than an off-screen death.
- I don’t know what Carpenter was doing when he was directing Joanna Cassidy, but I like it.
- That ghost wasn’t very smart. It had its choice to possess anyone in that room and it went for the person in the prison cell.
- A flashback within a flashback within a flashback. Jesus Christ. This movie is the matryoshka doll of flashbacks.
- Ahhhhh piercing the face! That was a pretty nifty effect.
- That face mask, however, was not.
- “I’ll cut your fuckin’ titties off!” – This made me laugh out loud. That had to be intentional humor.
- Why is this guy getting so high before going into battle?
- 50 minutes have gone by and there hasn’t been a Martian battle.
- “Hey bro, I don’t see no muthafuckin’ train.” “Hey lady, we don’t see no train.” Seems like that second line wasn’t exactly necessary.
- The energy in front of and behind the camera is so low. Did anyone have a good time making this movie?
- “Second time I’ve saved your life.” “Yeah, run a tab!” – Cringe.
- Damn, those ghosts aren’t fucking around with those circular saws!
- Another flashback within a flashback…..
- The exposition in this movie is handled so clumsily.
- Wait, so now they can see the ghosts when they leave a body? Why couldn’t they see them before?
- Ohhhh that’s why he was doing drugs. Ghosts don’t want to possess someone who’s high.
- I just spent a full 30 seconds watching Natasha Henstridge look constipated as she tried to push a ghost out of herself.
- Yay! She got the ghost out of her!
- How a character in this movie would have delivered that line: “Yay. She got the ghost out of her.”
- I feel like Clea DuVall is about to bite it.
- These vehicles look faker than the APC’s in Aliens.
- Oh no! Joanna Cassidy done got a ghost in her!
- I repeat: The ghosts do not. Fuck around. With those circular saws.
- Oh shit. Bye Clea DuVall. You bit it.
- Bye Jason Statham.
- Bye Lizzie McGuire’s dad. They just killed the whole cast in the span of two minutes. It’s like that plane scene from Jurassic Park III (which coincidentally came out one month before Ghosts of Mars). That plane scene was pretty cool though. What movie am I watching again?
- I’m still confused as to why the ghosts can’t go through solid objects.
- Oof. That green screen effect on top of the train is not good.
- The whole climax is set on a train. I feel like Paul W.S. Anderson borrowed from this movie a lot when he was writing the script for Resident Evil.
- “I didn’t know you was cut this deep. Should have taken care of this hours ago.” – Didn’t she just get that cut in the battle before they got on the train?
- “That’s all you have to tell us?” -Are you fucking kidding me? That was a long story!
- The Big Bad is credited as “Big Daddy Mars.” That is hilarious.
- HOLY SHIT this thing had a budget of $28 million. WHERE DID IT GO?
- Well, that was about as bad as I heard it was. Poor Carpenter. His heart just wasn’t in that one. On the plus side, my dog seemed to enjoy it:
