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Editorials

‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’: Ranking the Films from Worst to Best!

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Between the recent movement to celebrate August 18 as Texas Chain Saw Massacre Day due to the film’s events taking place on August 18th, 1973, the 43rd anniversary of the film’s initial release on October 1st, 1974, and a highly-anticipated prequel headed our way in October, Leatherface seems to have more longevity than any of his other fellow horror icons.

While the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise hasn’t spawned nearly as many as films as counterparts Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, or Freddy Krueger, the series has undergone a much bigger transformation than any other horror franchise. Beginning with the seminal shocker classic, the series has added numerous backstories, injected humor, a ton of gore, a reboot, and even an Illuminati-like secret society in cahoots with the murderous Texas family.

In anticipation of the upcoming Leatherface, we revisited and ranked all seven Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies from worst to best:


7) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Beginning

Set around four years prior to the events in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), this prequel opens with the gruesome birth of Leatherface, or Thomas Hewitt in this iteration. Thirty years later, a grown Leatherface and his twisted family waste no time torturing a pair of brothers and their girlfriends. On the one hand, the prequel nails a brisk pace. It’s nihilistic in its dispatching of the characters, and that we get more R. Lee Ermey on screen is great. However, save for the weak attempt at unnecessary backstory to the Hewitt family, it’s almost a carbon copy of the previous entry in this series. Knowing how “Sheriff Hoyt” got his sheriff’s uniform wasn’t as shocking as it was meant to be, and felt more like filler than anything relevant. We also never really learn about the victims, save for that the brothers have been drafted into the Vietnam War much to the disappointment of the younger brother, so we never manage to care what happens to them either. Slick in style and gore, but a bit repetitive and soulless.


6) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre Next Generation

The first and only of the series to be written and directed by original co-creator Kim Henkel, The Next Generation is also one of the most panned. Light on gore and heavy on cartoonish characters, this entry keeps Leatherface mostly relegated to the background while Matthew McConaughey chews the scenery as main villain Vilmer.  McConaughey’s performance is so exaggerated that it moves past comical into grating territory. The reveal toward the end that an Illuminati-like organization hires the family to show victims the meaning of horror, offering a sort of transcendental experience to the unwitting victims, is a strange twist that doesn’t quite work for the series (it didn’t quite work for most people either, just a year later, with the Cult of Thorn controlling Michael Myers in Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers either). Why isn’t this ranked the worst? Renee Zellweger’s final girl Jenny is surprisingly one of the best characters of the entire series. Despite her nerdy appearance, Jenny demonstrates a knack for calling out bullshit from the outset. From calling out a classmate’s goofy claim that a lack of sex will cause cancer to standing up to her attackers, Jenny’s mental toughness makes her a character worth rooting for.


5) Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

Chainsaw Massacre 3D

There’s a lot that’s wrong with this entry in the series. That it ignores all other films and sets itself up as a sequel to the original isn’t a problem; continuity has never been this series’ strong point. But it does ignore all logic, like having Alexandra Daddario play what was supposed to have been a woman approaching 40. In short, Texas Chainsaw 3D is dumb. However, it’s also admirably ballsy in its dumb choices. The decision to make Leatherface a sort of anti-hero is insane and the constant tease of nudity feels completely out of place here. Yet, there’s a sense of fun and enough nods and cameos from the original cast that die-heard series fans can enjoy. It’s a very, very flawed movie, but it’s not afraid to try something completely different and have fun while doing it. Somehow it manages to nail its entertainment factor despite everything that’s wrong with it. It’s the type of bad movie you enjoy watching, even when logic says you shouldn’t.


4) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

This remake set off a whole series of horror remakes from Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes production company, and it’s easy to see why. It’s a brutal, no holds barred take on the classic with sleek modern polish.  It takes a little while to kick into high gear, but when it does it’s unrelenting. That this version is completely devoid of any humor bothered many critics upon release, and they also cited a cast of unlikeable characters as well. I disagree. While we may not fully get to know most of them, the group of five friends that find themselves in the Hewitt family crosshairs are likable enough. There’s a loyalty among them that’s endearing, and Jessica Biel’s a compelling enough final girl to maintain the film’s intensity. The story does drag on a bit longer than it should, and young David Dorfman’s (The Ring) performance as Jedidiah Hewitt is just as weird and out of place as the ridiculous fake teeth that he’s forced to wear. In terms of remakes, it’s pretty decent.


3) Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

Leatherface Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3

Released by New Line Cinema as an attempt to capture the success of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise by pushing Leatherface into the spotlight as the series’ star, the studio had to trim down the graphic violence after the MPAA slapped an X rating on it, reducing the final film to an R-rating. Even without the additional 4 and a half minutes of gore, this sequel still ranks high on this list. Why? The more traditional approach to the slasher formula with perfectly timed moments of humor makes this one of my favorites in the series. This sequel also boasts the best chainsaw of the bunch: a golden beauty engraved with the memorable quote, “The saw is family.” While Kate Hodge’s Michelle is a mostly dull final girl, Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead, The Devil’s Rejects) more than makes up for it as the badass Benny. Of the entire series, his is the only character smart enough to bring a better weapon into the fight for survival. Also, Matthew McConaughey should’ve taken a page from Viggo Mortensen, as Tex Sawyer manages to equally charm and menace without being too cartoonish. Look for a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo early on by Caroline Williams; seems like Stretch made it out of her encounter in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and became a news reporter.


2) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

How do you top the gritty, minimal horror that captured the attention of audiences everywhere? Well, if you’re Tobe Hooper you realize that you probably can’t, so instead, you push the horror into overdrive by hiring Tom Savini to handle makeup effects and head firmly into dark comedy territory. The gore and over the top humor turned a lot of people off from this sequel, yet Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkel originally intended to take the story much further by featuring an entire town of cannibals in a satire of Motel Hell. Of course, the studio wasn’t on board and their interference lead to the sequel we know today. Wacky humor aside, the sequel offers more continuity than the rest of the series; the remaining Sawyer family retreats to an abandoned carnival ground in the aftermath of Sally Hardesty’s escape and Lt. Boude Enright is the Hardesty siblings’ uncle seeking revenge. The sequel even brings back the Hitchhiker, now a dead puppet named Nubbins, lovingly toted around by Leatherface and Chop-Top Sawyer, a memorable addition to the family thanks to Bill Moseley’s performance. Dennis Hopper may have famously hated this movie, but his take on the chainsaw-wielding Enright is perfectly eccentric. This wasn’t the sequel everyone expected, but I’m glad Hooper went with his instincts to deliver one memorable horror comedy.


1) The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Texas Chain Saw Massacre

No surprises here; this is by far the best in the series. Why wouldn’t it be? Without this classic, there would be no sequels, prequels, or reboots. Over forty years later, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre remains one of the most influential horror films in history. Sally Hardesty still ranks high on the list of cinema’s best final girls, and her brother Franklin can’t be beat in terms of horror’s most annoying characters. There’s really nothing I could else I could add here that hasn’t already been said before, but I think it’s safe to say we’re all in agreement on this particular spot on the list.

Horror journalist, RT Top Critic, and Critics Choice Association member. Co-Host of the Bloody Disgusting Podcast. Has appeared on PBS series' Monstrum, served on the SXSW Midnighter shorts jury, and moderated horror panels for WonderCon and SeriesFest.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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