Editorials
‘Hatchet’: Victor Crowley’s 5 Best Kills!
Earlier this week, Adam Green celebrated the 10th anniversary of debut feature Hatchet by dropping the super huge surprise reveal that brand new film Victor Crowley was not only shot in secret, but it’s heading out on the road this year!
So what better time to revisit Crowley’s 3-film reign of terror thus far, which has spilled massive quantities of blood in the past 10 years?
The Hatchet franchise has given us some of the most outrageously over the top kills in the history of slasher cinema, all brought to life with old school practical effects that feel like they were ripped right out of the decade Green pitch perfectly pays tribute to. They may not have been made in the ’80s, but the Hatchet films sure do feel like they were.
Crowley has torn countless unlucky victims (literally) limb from limb, but what are his most memorable kills? Put on your raincoat. Things are about to get messy.
5) DECAPITATED WITH INTESTINES – HATCHET 2
If a slasher sequel is supposed to one-up its predecessor in the gore department, oh boy did Adam Green check off that particular box with Hatchet 2. Makeup effects legend John Carl Buechler reprised the role of Jack Cracker for the sequel’s opening death scene, wherein Victor Crowley rips out his intestines and chokes him with them. Going one step further, Crowley chokes Cracker so hard with said intestines that his head literally pops off – which we see in shadow against the wall of Cracker’s cabin. It’s a comically INSANE kill, promising right off the bat that Hatchet 2 was damn sure gonna be going for broke.
4) SKULL AND SPINE RIPPED OUT – HATCHET 3
Adam Green did not return to direct Hatchet 3, instead handing over those duties to B.J. McDonnell. The third installment in the franchise was more of the same, but I’m not sure any of us really wanted anything else from it. Derek Mears, who played Jason Voorhees in the Friday the 13th remake, starred in Hatchet 3, coming face-to-face with Kane Hodder’s Crowley for a kill scene that was pure fan service for the Friday diehard. Crowley reaches into the stomach of Mears’ character, grabbing hold of his spine and pulling both spine and skull clean out of his body. The effect is incredibly disturbing in execution, as you see Mears’ neck wrinkle as his skeleton is being removed from his body.
3) CHAINSAWED IN THE GENITALS – HATCHET 2
Anything other horror icons can do, Victor Crowley can do it… more brutally. Giving Leatherface a run for his money, Crowley enlists the help of the biggest chainsaw in horror movie history for one of the most memorable scenes in Hatchet 2. Brandishing the big ass chainsaw, Crowley uses it to murder two men at once, sticking it between their legs and literally lifting them off the ground with it while he slices them straight up the middle. True to the over-the-top nature of the films, a pair of bloody testicles drop to the ground beneath the bodies.
2) SKINNED ALIVE – HATCHET 2
Victor Crowley makes sure his victims die painfully, and few characters got it worse than poor Reverend Zombie (Tony Todd). In Hatchet 2, Zombie takes the fight to Crowley in his final moments, but it’s all for naught; Crowley repeatedly swings his trusty Hatchet into Zombie’s body, separating his top half from his bottom half. But he’s not done just yet. Crowley then grabs the spine sticking out of Zombie’s top half and pulls on it so hard that he rips him clean out of his skin… through it all, Zombie is still alive.
You’re a sick man, Adam Green. And we love you for it.
1) HEAD RIPPED IN HALF AT THE MOUTH – HATCHET
The Hatchet sequels got pretty damn gruesome and creative, but if you’re asking me, Green has yet to top the infamous “jaw rip” from the first film. This was the very first scene I ever saw from Hatchet, when it was shown as a sneak peek at a horror convention I attended right before the film was released – needless to say, it made me an instant Adam Green fan. After dispatching her husband, Victor Crowley rips Mrs. Permatteo’s head completely in half with the ease of you or I opening up a can of soda. A cleverly hidden edit makes the kill look like it was filmed in a single take, solidifying it as one of the most gruesome and well-executed horror movie kills of all time.
How much more brutal can this franchise get? We’re thinking we ain’t seen nothing yet.
No conversation about cartoons based on live-action movies is ever complete without mentioning The Real Ghostbusters.
This animated continuation is, warts and all, a notable example of turning a hit movie into a hit series. And although the new target demographic skewed a little younger, even kids-at-heart could partake in the further adventures of Peter Venkman, Ray Stantz, Winston Zeddemore and Egon Spengler.
For a good part of its run, the show required fans to wait at least a week for more Ghostbustin’. That’s torture for a kiddo. Luckily, though, the entire series, or at least most of it, is now available for streaming.
So, as you revisit The Real Ghostbusters on Tubi—for now it’s just the first five seasons there—use this guide to help prioritize some must-see episodes.
The Boogieman Cometh
“The Boogieman Cometh” (Season 1)
Season One’s “The Boogieman Cometh” is a classic episode featuring one of the show’s more iconic villains. It’s hard to forget the unique character design used for the Boogieman (whose creepy voice was provided by Ray and Slimer’s actor, Frank Welker). In this story, Egon is reunited with that bump-in-the-night entity who haunted his own childhood, all while trying to keep him away from his latest targets: the brother and sister claiming to have the Boogieman in their closet. Although the Ghostbusters do save the day here, the Boogieman eventually returns (“The Bogeyman Is Back“). That same episode also features the love-’em-or-hate-’em Junior Ghostbusters.
Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream
“Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream” (Season 1)
You could say the namesake of “Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream” had good intentions for putting mankind to sleep for the next few centuries—he wanted to end war and keep everyone dreaming. Sounds nice until you remember that whole free will business. But when it seems like the Ghostbusters have lost to their latest foe, the last one standing, Winston, gains a sudden ally. Janine’s dream of becoming a Ghostbuster is manifested, and she helps put this rogue spirit to bed.
When Halloween Was Forever
“When Halloween Was Forever” (Season 1)
Before the show’s execs capitalized on Slimer’s popularity by making him the focus of later episodes, early stories like “When Halloween Was Forever” better utilized that gooey ghost. Here, the spirit of Halloween itself, Samhain, hopes to make the holiday a permanent thing by stopping time. And who does the embodiment of All Hallows’ Eve use in his nefarious plot? Slimer, of course. Thankfully, the lil’ green bud knows where he really belongs, and Samhain is banished (at least until Season 3’s “Halloween II 1/2“).
Night Game
“Night Game” (Season 2)
Because Season Two was rather long, in comparison to other seasons, it accumulated quite a few solid episodes. One of the most beloved, though, is that ultimate good-versus-evil story, “Night Game“. Winston gets to shine here as he participates in a battle that was 500 years in the making. Except this time, the fighting is done on the baseball field. The other-dimensional settings in The Real Ghostbusters are always great, but the one here is particularly memorable.
Drool, the Dog-Faced Goblin
“Drool, the Dog-Faced Goblin” (Season 2)
Not all ghosts and whatnot were bad in The Real Ghostbusters. As “Drool, the Dog-Faced Goblin” showed, some were actually benevolent. Sadly, it took a lot of convincing, and one very heroic act, for Peter and the others to see past this goblin’s grotesque appearance. The heroes find more than one shapeshifter at a sideshow carnival in the Poconos; a sinister Class-4er called the Metamorph does a swell job of menacing the Ghostbusters before they finally realize Drool’s not their culprit. The good guys indeed win here, but that victory is a bittersweet one.
The Collect Call of Cathulhu
“The Collect Call of Cathulhu” (Season 2)
While “The Collect Call of Cathulhu” does misspell “Cthulhu” in the title (probably to avoid legal issues), it is clearly the Old One in this Lovecraft-inspired episode. The story kicks off with the Necronomicon being stolen by the deity’s modern-day cult, who then raise their ancient god at Coney Island. From there, the Ghostbusters’ typical methods don’t work on the big guy, so they seek advice from an old issue of Weird Tales (or “Wierd Tales”, as it’s spelled on screen). That build-up to the finale comes with a decent amount of dread before the Ghostbusters, as well as a scholar named Alice, face off with one of the show’s most powerful entities.
Knock, Knock
“Knock, Knock” (Season 2)
A number of Real Ghostbusters episodes could be reworked into big-screen features, but perhaps “Knock, Knock” is the most hopeful. It helps that this story feels in step with the first two movies. Here, some ignorant construction workers accidentally uncover and open an ancient door in the subway. What’s behind said door is none other than those unspeakable evils that only the Ghostbusters can quell. A good deal of the imagery here is prime for adaptation.
The Grundel
“The Grundel” (Season 3)
One of the darker episodes, which was written by the prominent J. Michael Straczynski, is “The Grundel“. Here, a boy is being influenced by the titular entity, a type of ghost who ultimately turns his targets into new Grundels. The episode does have something of an after-school special quality to it, but that doesn’t take away from the eerier moments. For more Grundel lore, be sure to check out the episode “Grundelesque” from the sequel series, Extreme Ghostbusters.
Standing Room Only
“Standing Room Only” (Season 4)
It’s no secret that The Real Ghostbusters experienced multiple changes after the second season. Out of all of them, though, retooling the show so that Slimer would get more of the spotlight is maybe the most egregious. Thankfully, Season Four (the first to be called Slimer! and the Real Ghostbusters) didn’t completely obey that new directive; episodes like “Standing Room Only” felt more like the old days. The focus here was on the well-being of the city and its people, rather than on the series’ green mascot (or the Junior Ghostbusters). In the episode, Peter’s new ghost attractor isn’t to blame for the ensuing chaos; the ghost-eating Mee-Krah is what’s really imperiling everyone. And the Ghostbusters must dish out everything they have to avoid a doomsday situation.
The Halloween Door
“The Halloween Door” (Season 5)
While many fans will skip the later seasons in their rewatches, episodes like “The Halloween Door” are still worth checking out. This colorful helping of Halloween pandemonium premiered on primetime, so the animation is better than usual. And save for a random musical moment, it’s an enjoyable event. Here, a group of anti-Halloweeners tries to cancel the holiday, but they only end up making things worse by unleashing a baddie named Boogaloo.
The first five seasons of The Real Ghostbusters are available on Tubi, starting on July 15.
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