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10 Stephen King Stories That May Be Too Weird for Adaptation

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Stephen King has been churning out novels and short story collections on a yearly basis for the last forty-plus years, giving film and television plenty of fodder to fill their screens. While the frenzy to adapt King’s work has had its ups and downs, both in quality and frequency, it seems we are now in something of a Renaissance for Uncle Stevie’s adaptions.

With television shows like 11/22/63 and Mr. Mercedes garnering critical praise and the upcoming theatrical version of IT projected to slay at the box office, it feels pretty damn good to be a King fan right now. And despite a few hiccups (*cough*The Dark Tower*cough*), the King Machine isn’t showing any signs of slowing as properties are being announced for adaptation on what seems like a weekly basis.

But what about the properties that aren’t being cherry-picked? What works by King are just too out there for general audiences?

Well, here are 10 Stephen King tales that just may be too weird for the masses…

Note: Some of the entries on this list have been turned into short films, but not full length features. And while most of these are short stories that seem like they don’t warrant a full length movie, keep in mind, there are 10 Children of the Corn flicks, so…

Also, there could be an announcement for any of these to be greenlit, any day now. After all, we are getting a movie based on Gerald’s Game, which is a book I never thought anyone would take a chance on adapting. So, never say never!


The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon (1999)

A girl obsessed with former Red Sox pitcher, Tom Gordon, takes a hallucinatory adventure through the woods after she gets separated from her family on a hiking trip. Oh, and a wasp-faced evil entity is stalking her and sometimes it takes the form of a bear. Honestly, I think this one would be pretty cool as a film. Give it to Laika, the animation studio behind Coraline and ParaNorman. They might be able to make sense of it.


“I Am the Doorway” (from Night Shift, 1978)

This story is goddamn terrifying. I’m a sucker for cosmic horror and body horror, and this one has them both in spades. The pitch: an astronaut comes home and starts growing extraterrestrial eyes all over his body, which doesn’t really lead to a happy ending… as you might imagine. Sounds like a real crowd-pleaser, doesn’t it?


“The Lawnmower Man” (from Night Shift, 1978)

The only things the 1992 cyberpunk film and King’s original short have in common are the title and some aspect of lawn care. Now if the movie had featured a grass-eating satyr who worshiped the Greek god Pan, maybe they’d be in the same ballpark.


Rage (1977)

There’s a reason King’s first publication under his pseudonym, Richard Bachmann has never been optioned for a movie: It’s an angry, ugly book written by a young man who had not fully discovered his voice. It’s a novel about a school shooting in which we are almost expected to take the side of the shooter. Now, this might be a moral conundrum that could make for an interesting drama, but a direct film adaptation would probably be abysmal and in poor taste.


The Long Walk (1979)

Arguably King’s best Bachman novel, The Long Walk is a harrowing and painfully realistic dystopian tale about a group of teenage boys who participate in a walking contest where there are no runner-ups. Maybe this story hasn’t seen a proper adaptation because of the glut of young adult dystopian movies filling multiplexes, or maybe it’s because The Long Walk is absolutely brutal and soul-crushing.  


“Gray Matter” (from Night Shift, 1978)

This is a story of recluse who buys a “bad” beer carrying a mutagen that turns him into a disgusting, cat-eating blob. I know that doesn’t sound too out there (at least not for King), but the detail Uncle Stevie puts into the transformation (and the recluse’s more refined cravings later on) is equal parts disgusting and terrifying. I can assure you, you’ll never drink a skunky beer again after reading this one.


“The Moving Finger” (from Nightmares & Dreamscapes, 1990)

This was previously adapted as an episode of the anthology show Monsters, and while it was blast to see Tom Noonan battle a giant finger growing out of a drain for twenty-two minutes, I could have watched it for two hours. Alas, I don’t know how many people would be in that same boat.


“The Breathing Method” (from Different Seasons, 1982)

This is easily one of the weirdest and most oddly endearing stories King has ever written. The tale is told from the point of view of an aging doctor as he recalls an incident where a young, pregnant woman is involved in a fatal car crash and stays alive long enough to deliver her baby. I know this sounds like the setup to a Lifetime or Hallmark TV movie, but did I mention the woman has been decapitated and her head is several feet away from her body as she goes into labor? Yeaaahh.


“Survivor Type” (from Skeleton Crew, 1985)

This is a story that King himself has said “goes little bit too far.” And he’s not wrong. This one I actually consider a litmus test for new King readers. If you can get down with this story, you can get down with anything. “Survivor Type” is a story of a man who winds up on a deserted island with a whole lot of heroin and nothing to eat. What could go wrong?


From a Buick 8 (2002)

Interdimensional portal in the trunks of cars. Father and son relationships. Giant alien fish. This book has EVERYTHING…except a film adaptation. This one must be a pretty hard sell. At one point the late, great George A Romero was reportedly working on it, and then the reigns were handed over to Tobe Hooper. Now, it’s as dead as the creatures the titular Buick gives birth to.

So there you have it. What did I miss? What your favorite Stephen King story that is perhaps too messed up to be brought to life?

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Editorials

Neon-Soaked Cult Classic ‘Vamp’ Starring Grace Jones Still Has Bite 40 Years Later

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Vamp 1986
Grace Jones and Dedee Pfeiffer in Vamp

College kids, strippers and vampires—those were Donald P. Borchers’ only requirements when he approached Richard Wenk about writing and directing a movie for New World Pictures. As requested, Wenk cooked up Vamp (1986), a tailor-made blend of the decade’s teen movie craze as well as its horror boom.

Grim and earnest stories were still very much a part of the ’80s horror landscape, yet Vamp is something of a comedy. One difference between it and, say, Saturday the 14th, though, is the former avoids using schtick. Wenk’s movie proves that horror comedies also don’t have to subtract thrills from their recipes. Of course, it takes a minute before reaching that point; college antics and culture shocks preface this one macabre misadventure.

Vamp‘s initial setup is apt for a typical college-set, sex-driven comedy; to bribe their way into a fraternity house, two pledges (Chris Makepeace, Robert Rusler) go looking for some adult entertainment. Without wasting time on any further exposition, the characters embark on an all-in-one-night trip that quickly detours into terror.

To procure their elusive MacGuffin—a stripper willing to gyrate for some frat boys—Keith (Makepeace) and AJ (Rusler), plus a third wheel named Duncan (Gedee Watanabe), trade the safety of their remote college campus for the seediness of some unnamed city. The setting is recognizably L.A. by day, but as soon as night falls, downtown, along with the characters, slips into a kind of surreal universe. Director of photography Elliot Davis gave this early entry on his prolific résumé an unusual yet distinctive look; that Mario Bava-esque, magenta-green lighting is omnipresent, so much so that it’s almost its own character. 

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Chris Makepeace and Robert Rusler in Vamp

The faint comparisons to Martin Scorsese’s After Hours are merited, although not just because of Vamp’s distinguishing nighttime aesthetic. Save for the primary characters, the supporting roles in Wenk’s movie are also quite colorful and transactional in their behavior. The difference here, though, is the additional urge to ruin Keith and his friends at every turn. Some of that harm is humorous and tolerable enough, whereas the moment Vamp dishes out its first fatality, it’s abundantly clear how this movie qualifies as horror.

Vamp falls into that category of horror movie that reveals its genre with a scream rather than a series of whispers. The opening scene can function as a hint of what lies ahead—things are not at all what they appear to be—but otherwise, Wenk is more than happy to hold off on the horror. When that time does come, though, it catches the viewer off guard. In addition to the pure shock value is that sudden decision to upend the movie’s foremost feature. Or so it would seem.

If afraid of major spoilage, those new to Vamp would be wise to stop reading here. There’s just no skirting around the fact that the central fellowship in this buddy movie hits a serious snag when AJ is killed. That development causes the story to become more of a “long, bad night” journey for Keith and his romantic interest. So while Wenk scores points for subverting expectations, there is also a touch of sadness in his decision. Because if Vamp does anything well, it’s making the characters likable.

Something that comes easily to Vamp—and other teen horror movies from this same era—is its ability to invent young characters worth caring about, or at the very least, are interesting and not so immediately off-putting. More impressive is how Wenk did all this without actually fleshing out those characters. Still and all, Keith and his kind are a grade above cookie-cutter, and in some cases, aren’t completely devoid of growth.

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Grace Jones in Vamp

Vamp appeals with an assorted cast of characters. No two are the same, nor are they operating on the same wavelength. The cinematically extroverted AJ, whose actor conveyed charm and vulnerability in near equal amounts, comes alive when he’s at his most undead. Makepeace then makes the chronically cautious Keith a sympathetic fellow, even as he’s more and more affected by the night’s bizarre events. Meanwhile, Duncan is indeed the designated loser of the whole bunch, but Watanabe still manages to humanize him. As a bonus, the role didn’t require him to pull a Long Duk Dong.

As for Dedee Pfeiffer, she is plain adorable as the mysterious After Dark server nicknamed “Amaretto”. She spends all night fixing her dress strap while at the same time trying to get Keith to remember how he knows her. As their offbeat romance grows, it becomes another highlight of this movie. Whether or not Pfeiffer’s character is really a vampire also creates some welcome tension in the story.

Like a lot of its contemporaries, Vamp went on to become a bit of a cult classic. That current status is determined by several factors, but without a doubt, the casting of Grace Jones is the most considerable. The image of her writhing on that unique-looking chair, a Keith Haring original, springs to mind whenever this movie is brought up.

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Chris Makepeace, Billy Drago and Paunita Nichols in Vamp

Prior to that first display of unequivocal horror, local vampire queen Katrina (Jones) took to the stage and delivered a strip show like no other. One would expect nothing less from that renowned model and performance artist. By now reports of Jones’ tardiness on set are no secret, yet it’s also hard to deny her commitment to the part of Katrina. It was, in fact, Jones who took charge of her character’s appearance—on top of Haring painting her body and that now-iconic chair, she had Andy Warhol handle her costuming. And not too many actors could seize a room’s attention without saying a single line of dialogue.

In 2022, Vamp received a retrospective novelization from Encyclopocalypse. This literary union of preexisting source material—Wenk’s original screenplay—and new ideas from author Christian Francis amounts to a more comprehensive visit to the After Dark Club. The basic story there is no different than what’s shown on screen; however, Francis gets creative with the characters’ origins and designs, and he enhances a number of key scenes.

The novelization expands on the urban and social decay of the main setting, and supplies a background for the After Dark Club. Sandy Baron’s character, Katrina’s emcee and familiar, is given ample motivation for sticking around; up until the fiery end, he is loyal to his friend and former business partnerSqueak, who looks like he wasfed through a combine harvester, and left as nothing more than a heap of mangled remains. Then there is Billy Drago’s character Snow, the leader of a street gang called The Dragons. His reason for menacing Keith and AJ is more altruistic than in the movie; he and his peers act tough to scare off any potential food for the vampires. 

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Lisa Lyon in Vamp

If not for all the backstories, Francis’ Vamp would be a hell of a lot shorter. Instead, this tie-in read dives into how AJ met Keith—the orphaned Anthony Joseph hailed from a broken home back in Brooklyn—and how their friendship flourished over the years. Keith’s archership is no longer just an assumed part of his entire being; it’s a confidence-building extracurricular for a boy who got picked on before coming into the protection of the new kid in town. These supplemental, in-depth looks at the protagonists, plus their close connection, are maybe unnecessary. The movie already did a fair and concise job of addressing their platonic intimacy without the need for flashbacks and insights, specifically in that scene where AJ lays it all out as he sacrifices himself.

Where the novelization gets off course is its approach to the minor characters. Intermittently backstorying the likes of Katrina’s indentured servants, Seko (Leila Hee Olsen) and Vlad (Brad Logan), ends up disturbing the flow of the writing. Was it absolutely essential that readers know Vlad was the Grand Duke of the House of Romanov, or how Snow’s accomplice Maven (Paunita Nichols) became so dentally challenged? No, not really. However, one’s mileage with these random biographies may vary.

The novelization is a more substantial experience, but for a movie like Vamp, less is more. And as plentiful as they are, it never simply coasts on its campy charms, either. The character work sits comfortably in that realm between cursory and meticulous, the script is sharper than first realized, and Greg Cannom’s vampire makeup is straightforward yet effective. Most of all, the movie didn’t squander its out-of-the-box concept. Richard Wenk made his vision of acomic nightmare in which just about anything that can go wrong doescome true, and it is very enjoyable.

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