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Editorials

Halloween Drive-thru: Outrageous Fast Food Promotions

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I’m sure most Halloween-heads are fully aware of Burger King’s A1 Halloween Whopper from a couple years ago. It featured a sesame bun that was supposedly black in hue due to A1 sauce being baked right into the bread. However, widespread rumors of some who ate it experiencing dark-green colored stool for days after leads one to believe perhaps the bun was black from added colorings. Just a hunch. As unappetizing as it might have appeared, my horror/Halloween obsessed ass took myself to a local BK to try it out. As I pulled up to the drive-thru, in one of the windows I noticed the typical flat-gold crowns given out with every kiddie meal had been replaced. The new crowns were black, adorned with bones instead of paper gems and emblazoned in the center was the BK logo printed in blood red. It didn’t matter that I was a fully grown adult, I wanted one!

As I pulled up to the window to hand the young woman my money, I asked simply, “Can I get a crown?” Her eyes jumped a bit and then she practically leaned out the drive-thru window, scanning my car. She craned her neck searching…searching for a child or at least a car seat. There was none. Once I realized what she was doing, I responded “Oh, it’s not for me!” with an understanding chuckle. She seemed relieved as she smiled, handed me my change and my crown. It proudly sat atop my head as I pulled to the next window to receive my spooky Halloween meal. The burger? It was okay, and I thankfully avoided any toxic colored BMs.

In the pantheon of Halloween themed fast food gimmicks, the A1 burger isn’t really that special. There have been far more bizarre dishes, head scratching combinations, and some truly-simply adorbs treats from quick service chains across the world. In honor of these Franken-foods, lets bite into a list of some of the most wicked Halloween delectables.


Pizza

Some promos are just plain cute. This jack-o-lantern shaped pie has been available the past few years at take n’ bake pizza chain Papa Murphy’s. Usually these pepperoni-pumpkin plagiarists are made available the last week of October. No announcement has been made this year as to whether you’ll be able to pluck one up to throw in your own oven. 
Papa Murphy's Jack-o-lantern Pizza

A more frightening example of pizza promotion comes in the guise of the Black Halloween Pizza from Pizza Hut China. This limited time treat featured a crust made with cuttlefish powder, diced pumpkin topping, and a sweet mayo sauce to form the spider’s web. Of course, the actual spider is formed from leftover “cuttlefish powder” dough(?).

Pizza Hut Black Halloween Pizza


McDonald’s

Not to be outdone by the BK A1 burger, Mcdonald’s in Japan rolled out two specialty items, an “Orange and Black” burger and a ghostly white crab-meat sandwich. According to the site Brand Eating, both dishes are describes as follows:

“The Squid Ink Burger features black sesame buns, cheddar cheese, two beef patties, a black squid ink sauce, crispy fried onions, and an orange chipotle sauce….The Camembert Chicken Filet comes with white buns, a creamy white Camembert cheese sauce, lettuce, and a crispy chicken filet.”

McDonald's Black and Orange Burger

Yum. Naturally, they couldn’t miss out on the “everything pumpkin” craze as well. Enter choco-pumpkin fries. The name pretty much says it all. These are McDonald’s french fries covered in two sauces: chocolate drizzle and a pumpkin spice sauce. Even as a die hard “basic” who will inject pumpkin into everything (I’ve already handmade pumpkin ravioli and ice cream this season as well stocked up the ingredients for pumpkin chili), I don’t think I could get down with these fried slivers of potato product.

McDonald's Choco-Pumpkin Fries


Starbucks

No stranger to gimmicky promotions (looking at you Unicorn Frap), Starbucks has offered the Frappula Frappuccino for the past two years as a limited edition beverage. It’s really just white chocolate milk blended with ice and topped with some strawberry goo. While that certainly doesn’t scream Halloween, the presentation is bloody beautiful.Starbucks Frapula Frap

While this gory beverage might not be on the chalkboards this season, Starbucks Secret Menu breaks down just how simple it is to order this drink any time of year:

How to order (off season):

  • Mocha sauce on the bottom of cup
  • White chocolate sauce, milk and ice blended together
  • Finish with a drizzle of raspberry syrup and whipped cream on top

BONUS BEVERAGE: Fans of Harry Potter can bring one of the book’s more fantastical drinks to life – Pumpkin Juice! Simply order an Iced Apple Juice with Pumpkin Spice and sip away like your cruising on the Hogwart’s Express. Personally, I love driving a butternut squash through my juicer with an apple and a fresh piece of ginger. Ahh. Refreshing.


What’s your favorite fast food Halloween treat?

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Editorials

Not Another ‘Scary Movie’: Revisiting Forgotten Parody ‘Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th’

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Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th

After Scream (1996) made a killing at the box office, as well as won over critics and audiences, a lot of folks in the movie biz thought they could do the same thing (and yield similar results). That thing, of course, being a slasher. Most of these opportunists wound up being pretty straightforward; they were low on humor or commentary. Yet others, like Scary Movie (2000), saw the potential for spoofing Scream, and acted on that impulse with both haste and excitement.

A few months after the Wayans’ comedy first hit theaters, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th landed on the USA Network, as part of the channel’s “Shriek Week” programming. That straight-to-cable (then home video) destination is possibly why many people still don’t know about this one. Or they simply chose to forget. Whatever the reason, only one of these two horror parodies came out on top—and it’s certainly not the movie where Coolio channeled Prince, and Tom Arnold saved the day.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th previously went by the name of I Know What You Screamed Last Semester. That Trimark acquisition then settled on a wordier title, just so it could avoid the litigious wrath of Miramax Films. Folks may or may not remember that Columbia Pictures was sued over the “implied connection” between I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) and Scream. So, yeah, there was no way that this competing Scream parody wasn’t going to be kept on a tight rein.

A Heavy Reliance on Late ’90s TV References

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Simon Rex, Julie Benz, Majandra Delfino, Harley Cross, Danny Strong, Tom Arnold and Tiffani-Amber Thiesen in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th.

Naturally, there would be similarities between Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th and Scary Movie—their scripts are built on the backs of the same two movies. It goes without saying that the other big slasher of the 1990s, I Know What You Did Last Summer, was as much of a target as Scream. However,the film pads itself with more TV references than Scary Movie did.

Half the cast coming off of (and in some cases, returning to) a WB show could be a reason why. Dawson’s Creek is particularly zeroed in on, based on how there’s a central character namedDawson Deery, and how the teen drama’s teacher-student affair plotline is satirized to the nth degree. As if there weren’t enough nods to television, Baywatch, VH1’s Pop Up Video, and even those cheesy Mentos commercials all serve as joke prompts.

Shriek director John Blanchard and writers Sue Bailey and Joe Nelms all hailed from television, so it’s understandable that they would stick close to home. The movie’s humor in general makes more sense, in light of learning that Blanchard worked on SCTV, Kids in the Hall, and MADtv. The writers, on the other hand, were each fairly green, with Bailey being the most experienced of the two; she wrote and produced the game show BattleBots. Nevertheless, they, plus Blanchard, churned out a passable, joke-a-minute movie. The whole thing is staggeringly of its time, but no one here was aiming for longevity.

Having seen enough of these kinds of movies, we know to expect jokes of the low-hanging fruit variety. That’s the parody’s whole prime directive. From the characters having names likeScrew FrombehindandDoughy Primesuspect, to stereotyping that feels taboo nowadays, this is a movie from a different era of comedy. Its coarse, corny, and unapologetic sense of humor won’t sit well with everyone in these more enlightened times. In which case, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th can be treated as a time capsule.

Does Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th Humor Still Hold Up Today?

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“You may already be a victim”—Someone receives a most peculiar threatening piece of mail in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th.

Although Shriek doesn’t live up to its own claims of being so funny that you’ll die of laughter, its bawdier parts could still lead to some nervous laughter. For instance, after this movie’s parallel to Drew Barrymore’s Scream character is done in—not by the killer but by a bug zapper—the movie throws a newspaper next to the victim’s fresh corpse. The headline?Popular slut killed! Football team mourns.

We then move on to the wacky and inappropriate goings-on at Bulimia Falls High School, home of the Hurlers. At this nexus of constant absurdity, indecency, and surrealism, students are seen fornicating on the lawn, cheerleading squad applicants are advised to be comfortable with partial nudity, and terrorists openly prepare for an anthrax attack. It can be a tad jarring to watch, especially if you didn’t grow up witnessing this style of comedy firsthand. Hell, even if you did, you may still have awhat the hell were they thinking?reaction.

It’s not just the aggressively edgy humor here that can make you chuckle—the slapstick, the sight gags, and the ribaldry all have a decent chance of landing. The movie’s own villain, whose hockey mask was instantly transformed into a crudely Ghostface-esque one after coming in contact with an open flame, commits more cheap laughs than kills. His and his victims’ chase sequences, most of which are cartoonish in nature, left this writer grinning. The Scooby-Doo fan in me also totally ate up that clever unmasking joke.

Final Thoughts on This Forgotten Horror Parody

Scary Movie

Shriek If You Know What Did Last Friday the 13th

Now, the jury is still out on whether these comedies are to blame for the death of the first slasher revival. There is more to consider than some parodies. At the very least, the likes of Scary Movie didn’t exactly encourage big studios to put their money on a trend that was being derided to death (and not as profitable as the spoofs). These sorts of movies also felt unnecessary at the time, given how their principal inspiration is already a deconstruction of the genre. But like anything else that quickly becomes popular, mockery is unavoidable.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th is indeed a movie nobody asked for, much less needed. As a sample of pre-millennium humor and cultural attitudes, it’s not always precise. But as I’ve laid out, your mileage may vary. Horror parodies typically don’t have the best track record, so managing one’s own expectations here is recommended.

Upon rewatching, I for one laughed a bit more than I did back then. Only this time, I responded to the jokes that my younger self didn’t notice or find all that amusing. So it just goes to show that the movies don’t change—we do.

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Harley Cross and Majandra Delfino must unmask the killer a number of times in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th before learning their true identity.

 

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