Editorials
Ranking the 10 Coolest ‘Gremlins’!
There really is no Christmas horror-comedy out there quite like Gremlins. With his 1984 blockbuster, director Joe Dante raised the bar to significant heights with the legend of the mischievous little critter. Gremlins gave the mythical troublemakers a new look, hilarious yet malicious personas, and a set of rules to abide by in order to avoid an invasion of little green monsters. I think it’s fair to say that the “Mogwai” have come a long way since that infamous gremlin tormented the shit out of William Shatner at 20,000 feet.
One of my favorite things about the Gremlins films and the cinematic evolution of this little beast is the different personalities each Gremlin possesses. While most look pretty similar, each Gremster has some feature that helps separate them from the horde. Of course, it was a lot easier to tell some of them apart in the second film, thanks to the Splice O’ Life Lab in the Clamp building.
With the holidays looming over us, I wanted to celebrate one of the greatest Christmas horror-comedies with a look back at 10 of the goddamn coolest Gremlins from the series!
10. Daffy Gremlin
Daffy, the hyperactive member of the New Batch squad, was probably the least evil out of the original four Mogwai. He was more prone to plain old-fashioned mischief than pain and suffering. Daffy is that drunk best friend you have to babysit, and if he’s not carefully watched, chances are he’ll turn into a deranged version of Frank the Tank.
9. Flasher Gremlin
Simply known as the almighty “Flasher Gremlin”, this Gremlin has some balls (no pun intended). Sure, his appearance lasts for mere seconds, but his scene stands out as one of the funniest moments in the film.
8. Gremlin Carolers
The squad of fa-la-la nightmares were instrumental in bringing down the biggest bitch in Kingston Falls, Mrs. Deagle. The caroling crew serenaded that dog threatening, cold-hearted wench to her death, and I loved every second of it. Face it, she had it coming and we all cheered when she met her demise, thanks to these anti-heroes.
7. Spider Gremlin
Now, this is a true arachnophobes nightmare. He was already a sufficient bad-ass before his eight-legged transformation, however, this version is considerably cooler. Although, to be fair, not quite as cool as Rambo Gizmo who got the better of ol’ Spidey Gremlin.
6. Bat Gremlin
Half bat, half Gremlin terror and one mean little sucker from The New Batch. The Brain helped fulfill this Gremster’s destiny by injecting his comrade with some handy bat serum along with added UV protection from the Splice O’ Life Lab. The results left us with a bad-ass flying nightmare that created chaos on the streets of New York City.
5. Greta Gremlin
The only female Gremlin, technically by way of a sex change serum, but a lady nonetheless. Greta is the most docile creature in both films put together. Presumably because of her gender, and her newly raging hormones, Greta has only one thing on her mind – a man. She develops a quick obsession with Clamp employee Forester, channeling that Gremlin killer instinct into doing everything she can to win his heart. She’s also the only Gremlin to survive the fallout of the Clamp Center. You go girl.
4. Phantom Gremlin
This Gremlin is so cool because he channeled his inner horror fan and turned his misfortune into one of the most memorable characters from the sequel. The Phantom Gremlin perfectly recreates one of horror’s most infamous scenes as seen in Phantom of the Opera. “So do you end your days with me, or do you send him to his grave?”
3. The Brain Gremlin
While the Gremsters managed to utter nonsense and a few random words here and there, a full-fledged talking Gremlin came on the scene in the sequel. The little bugger who drank a brain-enhancing serum in Clamp Labs quickly replaced the Mohawk (Spider) Gremlin as the leader. With his intelligence quadrupled, the serum allowed him to speak and ultimately become the most dangerous out of the squad. Being able to communicate and with his heightened awareness, the Brain spoke exclusively with Grandpa Fred laying out exactly what he wanted for himself and his fellow tribe.
2. Bogart Gremlin
At the end of the day, almost no other Gremlin is cooler than the Humphrey Bogart Gremlin. This dude is just sitting there listening to jazz, drinking, and minding his own business when one of the other Gremlins comes along interrupting his “me” time. He gets deservingly Bogarted.
1. Stripe
Facts. Stripe reigns supreme as King Gremlin and always will. The little terror-bomb was the alpha male in the original movie and remained so up until his demise. He also seemed to be the most clever out of the entire squad, being one step ahead of Billy at every turn. He was also the only Gremlin that managed to avoid the Snow White Massacre at the theater (even if it was circumstantial, due to him being on the hunt for some yum-yums). Vicious, cunning, and boasting wonderful little one-liners, I’ll leave you with my personal favorite clip because nothing beats Stripe doing a cannonball into the school’s pool.
From child-eating witches to village-burning dragons, fairy tales have always had a foot in the horror genre. That’s why it makes sense that, for every The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia, there are also darker and more adult-oriented stories about magical worlds inhabited by ravenous monsters and cruel villains.
Funnily enough, these sinister tales were precisely the ones that I gravitated towards back when I was a kid, and I was reminded of this while watching Netflix’s recently released I Am Frankelda, Mexico’s first ever feature-length stop-motion animation and one hell of an entertaining parable about the intersection between fiction and reality.
In honor of this special kind of horror-adjacent fairy tale, today I’d like to share this list recommending six Dark Fantasy films that horror fans might enjoy.
For the purposes of this list, we’ll be defining Dark Fantasy as fantastical stories that don’t shy away from the more macabre elements that fuel classic fairy tales. That being said, don’t forget to comment below with your own grim favorites if you think we missed a particularly thrilling one.
With that out of the way, onto the list!
6. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
I’m fascinated by bizarre attempts at blockbuster filmmaking – especially when the resulting movies are somehow still fun despite their corporate-mandated origins. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is precisely one of these strangely compelling studio projects, as this surprisingly successful action-thriller boasts a lot of heart (and tongue-in-cheek humor) for a CGI-heavy creature feature.
Directed by Dead Snow’s Tommy Wirkola, Witch Hunters re-frames the classic fairy tale as an origin story for a duo of badass monster-slayers. Of course, it’s the flick’s anachronistic aesthetic and overall visual flair that make it stand out from other action-horror endeavors from around the same time.
5. The Wolf House (2018)
Made in the tradition of faux cursed films in the same vein as Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made, the eerie backstory to 2018’s Chilean animated flick The Wolf House (La Casa Lobo in the original Spanish) already makes it a nightmarish experience before the flick even really begins.
After all, the movie is presented to us as a faux propaganda film produced by the leader of a death cult (heavily inspired by the real life Colonia Dignidad), with this hybrid animated feature using complex movie magic to simulate a single uninterrupted shot as it tells the story of a lazy young girl who runs away from an isolated colony and encounters a creepy old house in the woods.
4. The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Out of all the Monty Python alumni, Terry Gilliam has had the most interesting career outside of the original comedy group. From fascinating canceled projects (such as his scrapped adaptation of Watchmen) to dystopian parodies that feel more relevant by the minute (1985’s Brazil), even his “lesser” films are still intriguing in their own way.
2005’s The Brothers Grimm is one such project, with this peculiar movie attempting to combine the comedian-turned-filmmaker’s unique visual style with a more blockbuster-oriented plot reimagining the titular brothers as con-artists rather than mere writers. The end result isn’t exactly a masterpiece, but it’s still a legitimately fun ride with plenty of memorable monsters and wonderful performances by both the late, great Heath Ledger and Matt Damon.
3. Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010)
2010’s Dante’s Inferno game may have a reputation as something of an unapologetic God of War clone, but I’d argue that the now-obscure game was aesthetically unique enough to deserve a bigger fanbase. However, while the title remains trapped on the seventh console generation, its highly underrated anime adaptation is a lot easier to get a hold of!
Animated by 6 different studios in order to make the 9 circles of hell feel unique from each other, this may not be a completely faithful adaptation of Dante Alighieri’s poem, but it’s still one heck of a great (not to mention gory) time that I’d highly recommend to fans of Netflix’s take on Castlevania.
2. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)
My personal favorite entry in the Underworld franchise, Rise of the Lycans, is a highly ambitious prequel that actually works better if you haven’t had the story spoiled to you by the previous Underworld films.
While the rest of the series features plenty of urban fantasy elements as the movies combine machine guns and modern environments with gothic storytelling, Patrick Tatopoulos’ prequel fully embraces its fantastical origins and tells a classic tale about a doomed romance between a werewolf and a vampire amid a medieval uprising.
And the best part is that we get a lot more Michael Sheen as the fan-favorite Lucian.
1. Solomon Kane (2011)
One of my personal favorite movies on this list, MJ Basset’s criminally underseen adaptation of Robert E. Howard’s other iconic warrior is thoroughly steeped in horror ambience and features plenty of memorable monsters. However, it’s also a classic origin story for a swashbuckling hero that wouldn’t feel out of place in a tabletop RPG.
While I’ve already written about how the film deftly combines both horror and fantasy elements without breaking the bank, I’ll never pass up an opportunity to recommend the bizarre movie where James Purefoy expertly plays a puritan John Wick.
It’s just too bad that we never got the other films in this intended trilogy.
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