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All Hail These 10 Satanic Movies!

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Everyone has sinister fantasies. Quiet secrets and inner desires of being a witch, casting spells – there’s a little devil in us all. We all crave power, covet things we shouldn’t want, and seek even the slightest feign of rebellion against authority figures who attempt to control us. Whether we face down our demons by picking our poison at a local bar with friends, attending an ear-shattering show, or adorning our bodies with skin-deep forever portraits, one way or another, we all tap into something we’ve been taught to ignore. We all want to be a little evil.

Movies allow us to flirt with the darkness without going overboard with experimentation. In its own special way, film is a portal into other universes, a crystal ball that projects alternate dimensions and sinful scenarios that we might normally never tip a pinkie toe into, and yet, here it is, so easy to access and stimulating to see. That’s why demonic movies can be so much fun to watch, and that’s why, on the heels of the holiest of days, this writer is delivering unto thou a list of the very best satanic movies to watch.


THE DEVIL RIDES OUT (1968)

It’s always a pleasure seeing Christopher Lee barking out orders about how to avoid the devil, showing the amateurs how to cast our spirits with a slight, annoyed wave of his hand, and The Devil Rides Out is no exception. In the film, Lee, a.k.a. Nicholas, attempts to save the lives of Simon and his friend Tanith, lest they be stolen by a local satanic group and used to serve the devil. Together, Nicholas and his old friend Rex Van Ryn try to protect their friends from the satan worshippers, who seek to baptize the youngsters in a ritual to sell their souls. Terence Fisher’s 1968 masterpiece is a gorgeous picture, filled to the brim with fascinating depictions of the dark arts, all culminating in a showdown between good and evil where no one is safe and everyone is susceptible to the power of Satan.


THE SENTINEL (1977)

Michael’s been begging Alison to move in with him for what seems like forever, but Alison, terrified that she’ll wind up like her mother, is determined to remain independent. That’s why when he asks her to marry him and come live rent-free in his fancy condo, Alison uses what little money she’s made from modeling to rent a cheap Brooklyn apartment and live alone. Although initially proud of her decision, Alison soon finds the real reason that she found a place to live that’s so affordable: it resides over the gates of Hell. Truly unnerving and wickedly atmospheric, The Sentinel is not one to be missed – even if only for the few moments where you get to see young and yet-to-be-famous Jeff Goldblum in a distractingly deep v-neck ensemble.


THE WAILING (2016)

The Wailing

There’s a strange disease going around a small village in South Korea, and it’s causing a myriad of murders. No one knows exactly what’s causing the sickness to spread, but it all seems to lead back to the day that the Japanese stranger entered the premises. He lives up in the mountains, and the trail that leads the way to his home is littered with photos of the deceased and shrines bejeweled with goat heads and gore. Officer Jong-Goo knows he must investigate the situation, for the sake of his family, and his hometown, but little does he know that if he had just stayed away from the odd old man up in the hills, his daughter never would’ve come down with the same sickness that’s been permeating every corner of this little Goksung town, and he never would’ve had to call upon a priest to extract the demons that now plague her tiny soul. If you haven’t seen The Wailing, stop what you’re doing right now and watch it. As if it weren’t hauntingly gorgeous enough on its own, just wait until you see the exorcism scene.


DEATHGASM (2015)

Okay, so technically, if you wanted to get down to brass tacks, this is less a movie about Satan and more a movie about this demon called ‘The Blind One’, but hey, I would use any excuse to put his ridiculously awesome, brutal and bloody film on this list. Written and directed by Jason Lei Howden, Deathgasm is a story about a bored teenage boy named Brodie who stumbles upon – or steals, if you wanna get technical about it – an ancient text which contains old music for some heavy metal jams. Already in a band with his buddies, Brodie and his best friend Zakk decide to learn the riffs and play them loud, an action which inconsequently leads to the end of the world. Unwittingly, the boys summon a primeval being, and inadvertently turn all of their friends and loved ones into ravenous monsters. Now, it’s up to the gang, along with Medina, the babe whom Brodie carries the biggest torch for, to battle the bloodsucking fiends that swarm in from every angle, and find a way to end the apocalypse before it’s too late.


THE DEVILS (1971)

Does it even really count as a Satanic film if Ken Russell didn’t direct it? It’s a question worth asking, especially when there’s such proof of his wicked mastery in a little film called The Devils. The Devils is the realest deal. In it, Father Urbain Grandier (Oliver Reed) is accused of witchcraft by a sexually repressed nun named Sister Jeanne (Vanessa Redgrave), and chaos ensues. One of the earliest films on this list, Ken Russell helped pave the way for the over-the-top taboo films we know today. His blasphemous bravery and unabashed artistic expression permitted other younger filmmakers to come forth and make the movies they wanted to make, without fear of being cast out of the film world forever. In his own way, Russell not only crafted a beautifully shot film, but pushed the envelope just a little bit father in cinema, thereby helping everyone who came after.


THE BELIEVERS (1987)

After his wife dies in a freak accident in Minneapolis, Cal Jamison (Martin Sheen) moves him and his son Chris to New York City where he attains a job as a police psychologist for the New York City Police Department. Finally, Cal feels that his family is safe, but unbeknownst to him, a series of brutal and inexplicable murders are about to begin sweeping through the town, and all of the victims are small children. Suddenly, the last person Cal has left is put in danger, as his little boy becomes the latest target of the cult that’s sacrificing kids in antique brujeria rituals. Will Cal be able to end a practice that’s existed longer than he’s been alive? Only time will tell, as the innocents of the city fall helplessly at his feet, and the power of black magic permeates the very air he breathes.


THE BLACKCOAT’S DAUGHTER (2015)

There’s something looming in the incandescent quiet of the halls of the boarding room at school, and it’s coming for Joan and Kat. It’s making them do evil things, whispering to them in the dark about ill deeds that need doing, and offering putrid penance in exchange for their crimes. The serpent in the garden come to spill secrets and spread knowledge. Soon, Kat has all kinds of new ideas, and begins practicing them on her classmates and her friends. Ideas that leave bloody handprints on the walls and heads in fireplaces. She is but a servant of Satan, sworn to do his bidding, and although reluctant at first, this once shy school girl now happily bends to the will of Beelzebub. Then sadly, the day dawns when the devil has left her soul, and she is alone again, a mere mortal full of sin. How far will she go to get him back again? The directorial debut from Osgood Perkins (son of Anthony Perkins), The Blackcoat’s Daughter is eerily whimsical. Taut, intense, and superbly acted by Kiernan Shipka, this little indie gem is an all-timer satanic flick.


JOHN CARPENTER’S PRINCE OF DARKNESS (1987)

John Carpenter doesn’t usually come to mind when thinking about satanic films, but the master of horror actually danced with the devil back in the late eighties under the façade of a sci-fi thriller, when he wrangled up a gang of puffy-haired youngsters and trapped them in a church with an experiment gone wrong. It’s actually quite brilliant because it’s so different from every satanic movie that came before it, and honestly, after it as well. People typically go for an angle a la The Exorcist, but Carpenter was never really one to blend in with the crowd. That’s why when it came time for the man to show his version of ‘Ol Scratch, Carpenter went with scientists typing on computer, collecting data, and ultimately accidentally morphing one of their own into the son of Satan, who then tries to bring his dad into the land of man. It’s such an unusual approach, and yet, it works so well. The tension is so heightened throughout the entire picture, and the final scene is one of the most intense and upsetting finales in all of his work. If you’ve never seen it, or it’s been a while, go watch John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness, and praise the Unholy Prince by way of the man who gave us The Thing.


THE MEPHISTO WALTZ (1971)

When the scathing reviews of his latest performance unmercifully begin to roll in, Myles Clarkson knows once and for all that his career as a pianist is over. Trying his best to cope and live his life, Clarkson befriends an older, much more famous player named Duncan Mowbray Ely. Soon after their friendship begins, Ely’s life ends, but as this old Satanist has been planning for quite some time, when his death occurs, his soul switches into Clarkson’s body, an act so sly that not even his wife notices. Suddenly, Clarkson is a star, his hands fly as though of their own accord on the piano, and he brings weeping audiences to their feet, night after night, just like he’s always dreamed. But how long can this spell last until someone sees the devil in the room?


THE DEVIL’S RAIN (1975)

Young William Shatner shirtless, bearing a carved pentagram in his chest, Ernest Borgnine as the High Priest of the Church of Satan, queen Ida Lupino in a devil-worshipping flick – honestly, what more could you want from a movie? The Devil’s Rain has it all. Directed by Robert Fuest, this story tells the tale of a Satanic cult leader who’s burned at the stake, but casts a spell that allows him to return hundreds of years later to wreak vengeance upon the descendants of those who did him dirty. Oh, did I mention that when people sell their souls to Satan and join the cult, their eyes melt out of their heads? Why are you still reading this? Go watch The Devil’s Rain.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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