Editorials
Ranking the 5 Films in the ‘Conjuring’ Universe (So Far), From Worst to Best
Would my horror journalist accreditation be revoked if I didn’t leap at the chance to rank Warner Brothers’ The Conjuring Universe (“Conjurverse,” to me) after this past weekend’s release of Corin Hardy’s The Nun? Of course not (because that’s not a real thing), but why not dissect totem dolls, sisterly sinners, and more possessions than Ash Williams could shake his boomstick at. What started with James Wan’s The Conjuring currently spans five horrific entries with the promise of more to come. One misstep aside, Warner Brothers is fighting the good fight for mainstream horror releases and under Wan’s guidance (to varying degrees), we’ve been proficiently spoiled. Plain and simple. I’m sure you’ll all agree with me and not a soul will voice any differing opinions on the matter!
Hold up. Before we get all list-happy, mind if I raise a quick point about the “Conjurverse” and horror in general? I’ll be quick. Scout’s honor.
Every year, without fail, some outlet asks readers “Is Horror Dead?” or “Is Horror Back From The Dead?” Neither, you irreconcilably misguided dolts. Horror is, was, and will be fine. Warner Brothers couldn’t mirror Marvel’s cinematic universe formula if otherwise. The Conjuring dates back to 2013 at this point and each year since has proven that horror thrives and thrives. Warner wouldn’t be acting so enthusiastically or extravagantly if horror was dead. Likewise, the studio can also take no credit for “reviving” horror since interest in such content reaches much farther than James Wan’s grasp. The “Conjurverse” is proof that horror’s doing just fine ($53 million domestic opening for The Nun, eh?), which we should all remember when November comes and we’re back to square uno with this argument.
Sorry. I feel better now. Enough beating around the proverbial burning bush. Let’s rank the “Conjurverse,” shall we?
5. ANNABELLE
John R. Leonetti’s Annabelle is, without argument, the “Conjurverse’s” worst and only failure. By a moonshot. It’s a late-50s sitcom episode with one psychopathic guest star, wholly content on copying Wan’s previous cinematic signatures blow-for-blow. The “half-demon-face-behind-you” jolt in Insidious. The Conjuring‘s unsettling vibrations. Leonetti has absolutely nothing to say in terms of stylistic horror that hasn’t been better established by countless other genre visionaries and Annabelle suffers mightily from this days-old stench (Wish Upon too while we’re at it, albeit a different horror subgenre). Spooky doll, spooky poses. We get it.
What’s worse, there’s a single scene that teases an inkling of something more competent. Annabelle’s spiritually conjoined tar-skinned demon lurking, chasing, then getting in the camera’s face. At that moment, Annabelle seems salvageable – but that’s all it is. A fleeting moment. The rest is wooden acting (sans Alfre Woodard’s B-grade, ill-fitting bookstore owner), Rosemary’s Baby inspirations, and a deflating lack of originality that so fumbles what we thought to be unstoppable momentum coming off of James Wan’s The Conjuring behemoth.
4. The Nun
Understand that this jump from Annabelle to The Nun is rather noticeable in my eyes. No simple “5” to “4.” As Marvel movies have begun toying with varied thematic inspirations (70s political thrillers, heist laughers, hard sci-fi), Hardy’s “Conjurverse” detour gets more into monster-mash aesthetics versus atmospheric dread. “The Nun”/Valak (Bonnie Aarons) returns, but Gary Dauberman’s script also brings zombified abbesses with rotting facial wounds, blood demons from Hell, ghost boys – it’s a bit kitchen sink in terms of malevolent villains, which hits upon an alternate “Conjurverse” tone that breathes fresh air. Sometimes. More than it doesn’t?
Cinematographer Maxime Alexandre is gifted Romanian architectural gold by The Nun’s locations team and not an ounce of Gothic castle broodiness is left unused. It doesn’t always translate to unmanageable scares, but with Hardy’s guidance, foggy graveyards and empty convent hallways make for a *beautiful* period throwback. Ghouls and hanging corpses earn their afterlife keep, even though Demián Bichir and Taissa Farmiga struggle to find stand-out potential given Dauberman’s sometimes messy screenplay. Flat out, there’s fun to be had with The Nun. Keyword: “fun.” The Conjuring grabs you by the throat and squeezes until blue becomes your natural skin tint. The Nun’s here for a good time – knights, serpents, and the sweet blood of Jesus Christ?
3. Annabelle: Creation
David F. Sandberg’s Annabelle: Creation is mean, creepy-doll-but-scary-this-time redemption. Lights Out proved that Sandberg could scare the bejesus out of audiences, and Annabelle: Creation confirmed just that. Red flags and false childhood confidence may be abound, but that doesn’t mean Sandberg can’t muster up some wicked telekinesis bone snaps, or scarecrow anthropomorphic attacks, or a paralyzing antique pop-gun bit. Horror jolts overpower a more mundane farmhouse paranormal story, but when Sandberg manipulates darkness for a scream – watch out.
Credit pre-teen Lulu Wilson with stealing Annabelle: Creation. The very-much-arrived actress earns her right to play protagonist after assuming antagonistic duties in Ouija: Origin Of Evil. Wilson’s wide-eyed, scampery nature feeds right into Sandberg’s hand, promoting gory reveals and morbid curiosity through pint-sized eyes. A toymaker’s folly, an orphanage bus doomed, and Sandberg’s bloodcurdling manipulations of safety make for one white-knuckled rise to relevance for the once shamed doll. Sandberg’s prequel is…*whips on sunglasses*…no lifeless dummy.
2. The Conjuring 2
The Conjuring 2 isn’t just “horror sequel” good, it’s damn-near almost The Conjuring level good. Welcome, Crooked Man! Hello, Enfield! James Wan not only delivers a successful horror sequel – hard enough as-is – but services standalone sturdiness never dependent on fan-pandering. A grander scope. Subversions of genre norms. Teeth-chattering chills and unspeakable terror. The Conjuring restricts possession punishment to a more contained home-away country setting, but Wan takes to London streets like a bat spat out by Satan’s puckered lips in terms of his mastery of horror in *any* setting. Wan’s showcased talents launch him into an upper-echelon of today’s working directors (horror or not) – and we haven’t even gotten to The Conjuring yet.
The Conjuring 2 is a daring feast for all senses, tastes, and expectancies. Creature fans benefit from the Crooked Man, who’s birthed from a spinning child’s moving picture with colorful hat and menace like a motherjumper. Enjoy your horror day or night? Wan employs frights of both the light and dark, disproving any notion that horror’s most dreadful enchantments only manifest under the moon’s glow. Janet’s (Madison Wolfe) possession, Lorraine’s (Vera Farmiga) encounter with “The Nun” painting, countless exorcism beats drenched in miraculous damnation – The Conjuring 2 deserves to be in sequel conversations with Evil Dead II, Aliens and [REC 2]. There’s your fucking hot take, internet. What now.
1. The Conjuring
Do you remember your first The Conjuring watch? I do. Opening weekend, a packed house at midnight. Me sitting next to two friends, both horror fans. My heart was racing for the entirety of Lorraine and Ed Warren’s first James Wan-ified cinematic investigation, as my appreciation for horror was redefined by one of the most viscerally chilling, monstrously moody, atmospherically gifted haunts of my moviegoing career. But even better? Having to detail some of the best scares post-viewing because one accompanying guest watched half the film through crossed fingers. The same friend who’d slug beers with me at the bar, return to one of our pads, and then select a 2AM midnight flick to sober up to (lol jk, we drank and geeked out more).
Whatever preconceived notions and “torture porn” boxes James Wan might have been painted into at one time, The Conjuring exemplifies every facet of his multi-layered filmmaking arsenal. Maybe Insidious wasn’t enough proof for you? Here comes Wan with this 5-star record breaker that masterfully manipulates shadows and silence. Keeps us nervously awake with simple claps. Destroys every fiber of calmness with flipping chairs, hide-and-go-seek demons, and unfathomable presence. Patrick Wilson. Vera Farmiga. Ron Livingston. Lili Taylor. Joey King. There’s a reason Warner Brothers invested so much money and faith into a Conjuring universe. No fluke. The Conjuring is what every paranormal exorcism flick created since dreams of growing up to be. It’s…*back with the sunglasses*…Wan in a million.
From child-eating witches to village-burning dragons, fairy tales have always had a foot in the horror genre. That’s why it makes sense that, for every The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia, there are also darker and more adult-oriented stories about magical worlds inhabited by ravenous monsters and cruel villains.
Funnily enough, these sinister tales were precisely the ones that I gravitated towards back when I was a kid, and I was reminded of this while watching Netflix’s recently released I Am Frankelda, Mexico’s first ever feature-length stop-motion animation and one hell of an entertaining parable about the intersection between fiction and reality.
In honor of this special kind of horror-adjacent fairy tale, today I’d like to share this list recommending six Dark Fantasy films that horror fans might enjoy.
For the purposes of this list, we’ll be defining Dark Fantasy as fantastical stories that don’t shy away from the more macabre elements that fuel classic fairy tales. That being said, don’t forget to comment below with your own grim favorites if you think we missed a particularly thrilling one.
With that out of the way, onto the list!
6. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
I’m fascinated by bizarre attempts at blockbuster filmmaking – especially when the resulting movies are somehow still fun despite their corporate-mandated origins. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is precisely one of these strangely compelling studio projects, as this surprisingly successful action-thriller boasts a lot of heart (and tongue-in-cheek humor) for a CGI-heavy creature feature.
Directed by Dead Snow’s Tommy Wirkola, Witch Hunters re-frames the classic fairy tale as an origin story for a duo of badass monster-slayers. Of course, it’s the flick’s anachronistic aesthetic and overall visual flair that make it stand out from other action-horror endeavors from around the same time.
5. The Wolf House (2018)
Made in the tradition of faux cursed films in the same vein as Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made, the eerie backstory to 2018’s Chilean animated flick The Wolf House (La Casa Lobo in the original Spanish) already makes it a nightmarish experience before the flick even really begins.
After all, the movie is presented to us as a faux propaganda film produced by the leader of a death cult (heavily inspired by the real life Colonia Dignidad), with this hybrid animated feature using complex movie magic to simulate a single uninterrupted shot as it tells the story of a lazy young girl who runs away from an isolated colony and encounters a creepy old house in the woods.
4. The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Out of all the Monty Python alumni, Terry Gilliam has had the most interesting career outside of the original comedy group. From fascinating canceled projects (such as his scrapped adaptation of Watchmen) to dystopian parodies that feel more relevant by the minute (1985’s Brazil), even his “lesser” films are still intriguing in their own way.
2005’s The Brothers Grimm is one such project, with this peculiar movie attempting to combine the comedian-turned-filmmaker’s unique visual style with a more blockbuster-oriented plot reimagining the titular brothers as con-artists rather than mere writers. The end result isn’t exactly a masterpiece, but it’s still a legitimately fun ride with plenty of memorable monsters and wonderful performances by both the late, great Heath Ledger and Matt Damon.
3. Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010)
2010’s Dante’s Inferno game may have a reputation as something of an unapologetic God of War clone, but I’d argue that the now-obscure game was aesthetically unique enough to deserve a bigger fanbase. However, while the title remains trapped on the seventh console generation, its highly underrated anime adaptation is a lot easier to get a hold of!
Animated by 6 different studios in order to make the 9 circles of hell feel unique from each other, this may not be a completely faithful adaptation of Dante Alighieri’s poem, but it’s still one heck of a great (not to mention gory) time that I’d highly recommend to fans of Netflix’s take on Castlevania.
2. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)
My personal favorite entry in the Underworld franchise, Rise of the Lycans, is a highly ambitious prequel that actually works better if you haven’t had the story spoiled to you by the previous Underworld films.
While the rest of the series features plenty of urban fantasy elements as the movies combine machine guns and modern environments with gothic storytelling, Patrick Tatopoulos’ prequel fully embraces its fantastical origins and tells a classic tale about a doomed romance between a werewolf and a vampire amid a medieval uprising.
And the best part is that we get a lot more Michael Sheen as the fan-favorite Lucian.
1. Solomon Kane (2011)
One of my personal favorite movies on this list, MJ Basset’s criminally underseen adaptation of Robert E. Howard’s other iconic warrior is thoroughly steeped in horror ambience and features plenty of memorable monsters. However, it’s also a classic origin story for a swashbuckling hero that wouldn’t feel out of place in a tabletop RPG.
While I’ve already written about how the film deftly combines both horror and fantasy elements without breaking the bank, I’ll never pass up an opportunity to recommend the bizarre movie where James Purefoy expertly plays a puritan John Wick.
It’s just too bad that we never got the other films in this intended trilogy.
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