The third season of Stranger Things debuted on Netflix on the 4th of July, and, wow, is it more ’80s than ever. The neon colors, the loud hairdos, and the mall-bound settings all evoke a time that Gen-Xers recall with fondness and that Millennials can absorb vicariously. The show’s creators, The Duffer Bros., were born in 1984, and they drew from their experiences watching 1980s properties like Poltergeist, E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, The Goonies, Ghostbusters, and a host of others. 1980s nostalgia is, of course, very hip in 2019, and the decade’s media is, generally speaking experiencing a glorious resurgence in the horror marketplace (how many recent indie horror films have John Carpenter-like musical scores? More than a few). 

But the culture’s current focus on the pop media of the 1980s must be, by its very nature, ephemeral, and our nostalgia will most certainly reset after a certain number of years. This naturally makes the curious mind wander over what Stranger Things might look like were it based in horror nostalgia from other decades. Each decade, after all, is rife with its own rich horror traditions, and each one could easily make for a Stranger Things-like series unto itself. Since we’re all curious here, let’s go ahead and conduct that thought experiment, shall we?

We begin with Stranger Things in the 1930s…

Stranger Things of the 1930s would have to look like it was produced by Carl Laemmle, Jr., and directed by James Whale. It would be a 65-minute film version of Stranger Things, and would star a group of young people; college students but played by actors in their early 40s. The characters, all square and bland, would stumble into a castle-like government lab – a spooky edifice made of stone and lit by torches – looking for their vanished friend Will. Will’s mother would be played by a hysterical Una O’Connor. Instead, they would find Eleven (a Zita Johann from The Mummy-type) lurking therein. Eleven would be taken back to the local European duchy, learn about the way’s of humanity from a wise old scientist (a Boris Karloff type), fall in love with a slick-haired society man, but end up going on a psychic killing spree nonetheless. Stranger Things would climax back in the lab where Eleven was found, and she would be killed by a rogue bolt of lightning that came down from a hole in the roof. The force of the lightning would cause Will to reappear. 

Stranger Things in the 1940s…

The horror trends of the 1940s were based heavily in classic literature, as they were imitating a lot of the success of 1930s horror films (Dracula, et al). As such, the 1940s Stranger Things would pay homage to producer Val Lewton, and appear to come out of RKO. It would be inspired very directly by, say, Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights. Set in Haiti, Eleven (a Simone Simon type), is a local psychic who runs her own business reading minds and floating objects for wealthy travelers. She is the analogue for Catherine. Will, a bitter local raised in luxury and suffering from lung ailments, is the stand-in for Heathcliff. Will’s mother is, in this version of things, an embittered Miss Havisham type (who, I know, is from Great Expectations; don’t @ me). When Will is sucked into The Upside Down by an ancient local curse, Catherine is destitute and flees into the arms of Dustin (a Dwight Frye-in-his-final-role-type). Fast-forward a generation, and Eleven’s young daughter, also psychic, makes good with Will’s less bitter son. Will returns just in time to see the inter-generational reconciliation. The last shot is a Demogorgon eating Will.

Stranger Things in the 1950s…

The supreme shock sensation of our time! Teens in trouble! Girls caving to temptation! The nuclear threat producing monsters never seen before in cinema history! The 1950s Stranger Things would be made on a shoestring budget and evoke the work of Tarantula! director Jack Arnold. Set in a small town, the lead kids would definitely be high schoolers (played by actors in their 30s) who go to drive-ins and race around town in their hot rods. One of their races causes Will to crash into a large nuclear facility, causing him to vanish. Radiation from the accident causes their friend Florence to develop psychic powers, and she is kidnapped and held in a facility. It’s up to Mike to lead the gang into the facility. They have a Demogorgon as a guard dog, and it’s played by a crewman in an unconvincing rubber suit. The film ends with a large explosion and lots of stock footage of the military. A lot happens in Stranger Things, but it’s boring nonetheless. Several generations later, in an epilogue, hipsters will find it on a 50-in-one DVD box set at a closing Best Buy. 

Stranger Things in the 1960s…

Inspired by Mario Bava, the 1960s version of Stranger Things would be ultra-colorful, feature a hip electric jazz soundtrack, take place in Europe, and be dubbed into English. The psychic powers would be represented by extended hallucinatory sequences set at an underground rave. The rave would be the Upside Down, and the lead kids all visit there on the regular. Will takes acid and finds he cannot leave. The Demogorgon is a mute human man played by a Joe Dallessandro type who occasionally appears in monster makeup. A vampire woman occasionally appears in dream sequences. This is Eleven. All the scenes outside of the Upside Down would take place in libraries and dorm rooms where the kids would be wearing turtlenecks and smoking cigarettes. The theme song would evoke the work of The Cyrkle or some other 1960s psychedelic rock band.

Stranger Things in the 1970s…

In the 1970s, horror trends were all over the place. There were early slashers, a lot of Satanic panic, drug-inspired freak-outs, experimental art house fare, and enormous horror blockbusters like The Exorcist and Jaws. It follows logically, then, that the 1970s Stranger Things would pay homage to it all. The leads kids would be, essentially, all Tommy Doyle from Halloween, helpless as they watch their teenage counterparts get murdered by various things. The Upside Down is indeed a dark dimension of monsters, but also the source of demons that can possess your body. When Will is there, it’s black-and-white, industrial, and very Eraserhead-inspired. Barb, meanwhile, is being stalked by a masked killer. Eleven lives out the story of Carrie White almost identically, until her mom calls an exorcist. The whole season takes place at Christmas, and in a German dance studio run by witches. The lead witch is a transvestite alien. 

Stranger Things in the 1990s…

When the 1980s drew to a close, the slasher genre was staling, a general cultural cynicism was reigning supreme, and the wonderment of Spielberg’s hits crashed into the ground with misfires like Hook. Horror started to skew away from fantastical undying supervillains, and toward serial killers and crime thrillers. Metatext also became the word of the day, and the decade saw a slew of self-aware horror films like Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, In the Mouth of Madness, and of course Scream. As such the 1990s Stranger Things would have to be about the writers of Stranger Things locked in a room, trying to come up with as many ’80s references as they can. We see the characters enacting the story of Stranger Things as it appears on Netflix, but with interjections and commentary as to what’s being referenced. In place of the last episode, however, the writers are attacked and killed by the Demogorgon. 

Stranger Things in the 2000s…

It would be a found footage film, natch. Also in Japanese. And there would be at least eight horrendously grisly torture scenes. Lots of blood, viscera, and bone marrow. And, because the horror films of the 2000s were so aggressively nihilistic, none of the characters would survive. But the photography would be painterly and slick and gorgeous.