Editorials
The Devil Made Me Do It: Ranking All Eight Films in ‘The Conjuring’ Universe, From Worst to Best
Would my horror journalist accreditation be revoked if I didn’t update my ranking of Warner Brothers’ Conjuring Universe (“Conjurverse,” to me) with every new canonical release? Of course not (because that’s not a real thing), but why not dissect totem dolls, sisterly sinners, and more possessions than Ash Williams could shake his boomstick at. What started with James Wan’s The Conjuring currently spans eight horrific entries with the promise of more to come. Missteps aside, Warner Brothers is fighting the good fight for mainstream horror releases, and under Wan’s guidance (to varying degrees), we’ve been proficiently spoiled. Plain and simple. I’m sure you’ll all agree with me and not a soul will voice any differing opinions on the matter!
Hold up. Before we get all list-happy, mind if I raise a quick point about the “Conjurverse” and horror in general? I’ll be brief—Scout’s honor.
Every year, without fail, some outlet asks readers, “Is Horror Dead?” or “Is Horror Back From The Dead?” Neither, you irreconcilably misguided dolts. Horror is, was, and will be fine. Warner Brothers couldn’t mirror Marvel’s cinematic universe formula if otherwise. The Conjuring dates back to 2013, and each year since (with some gaps) has proven that horror thrives and survives. Warner Brothers wouldn’t be acting so enthusiastically or extravagantly if horror was dead (a reported Crooked Man movie is still on the way). Likewise, the studio can also take no credit for “reviving” horror since interest in such content reaches much farther than James Wan’s grasp. The “Conjurverse” is proof that horror’s doing just fine (a $24 million domestic opening for The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It in pandemic conditions), which we should all remember when we’re back to square uno with this argument.
Sorry. I feel better now—enough beating around the proverbial burning bush.
Let’s rank the “Conjurverse,” shall we?
8) Annabelle
John R. Leonetti’s Annabelle is, without argument, the “Conjurverse’s” worst and only failure. By a moonshot. It’s a late-50s sitcom episode with one psychopathic guest star, wholly content on copying Wan’s previous cinematic signatures blow-for-blow. The “half-demon-face-behind-you” jolt in Insidious. The Conjuring‘s unsettling vibrations. Leonetti has absolutely nothing to say in terms of stylistic horror that hasn’t been better established by countless other genre visionaries and Annabelle suffers mightily from this days-old stench. Spooky doll, spooky poses. We get it.
What’s worse, there’s a single scene that teases an inkling of something more competent. Annabelle’s spiritually conjoined tar-skinned demon lurking, chasing, then getting in the camera’s face. At that moment, Annabelle seems salvageable – but that’s all it is. A fleeting moment. The rest is wooden acting (sans Alfre Woodard’s B-grade, ill-fitting bookstore owner), Rosemary’s Baby inspirations, and a deflating lack of originality that so fumbles what we thought to be unstoppable momentum coming off of James Wan’s The Conjuring behemoth.
7) The Curse Of La Llorona
Michael Chaves’ introduction into the Conjurverse is…unfortunate. I’ve written over and over again how Mikki Daughtry and Tobias Iaconis’s ghost story fails the Latin American mythos of “The Weeping Woman,” and how that might not even be the script’s fault. Should whispers be true, The Curse Of La Llorona wasn’t even supposed to be a La Llorona movie until late-game choices pulled some backend strings to insert more cultural resonance into the Conjurverse. Frankly? I wouldn’t be shocked. That’s precisely how this lacking Linda Cardellini thriller presents itself.
As for Chaves’ direction, the atmosphere and structural integrity of the horror shown represents a filmmaker trying to duplicate James Wan’s talents. Where movies like The Nun and Annabelle Comes Home feel more indebted to their helmers, The Curse Of La Llorona is very much Chaves reminding us why Wan is indeed the master of this Conjurverse domain. It’s disappointingly generic, cheapens La Llorona’s inclusion, and exists without the oomph that comes with Conjurverse entanglement. There’s a reason I’ll continue to recommend La Llorona on Shudder over The Curse Of La Llorona for eternity—and why cultural representation shouldn’t be a last-minute gimmick with an Americanization washover.
6) The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
It’s impossible to view The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It apart from James Wan’s first two entries because, despite the lack of numerical subtitle, this is the (fake) Warrens’ supposed trilogy ender. Michael Chaves returns to tackle the infamous defense of Arne Cheyenne Johnson, as an American courtroom first hears the words “Demonic Possession” as a plea of innocence. It’s a story that blends procedural investigative drama with satanic totems and more religious blasphemy but lacks Wan’s guidance. Chaves is still a far cry from Wan’s mastery of horror storytelling, and I still don’t know who he is as a director beyond a cog in the Conjurverse franchise.
As for the more prominent beats, Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are why I’m still vaguely positive overall on The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It. Do we believe the hunky and ripped Wilson can’t jog a few feet without collapsing? Not really. Do I think Chaves works well within the relationship evolution of Ed and Lorraine, especially as an emasculated Ed has to hold Lorraine’s purse as she takes point on their most dangerous encounters? Absolutely. Scares become repetitive as Chaves reworks the same fundamental “lights out, demon jumps” jolts, but Horror Mom and Horror Dad endure, even in the sappiest glimpses where Chaves tugs on our heartstrings. Liberties are taken with the real-life account versus cinematic narrative, no doubt, but we’re here ultimately for the Warrens, and with that in mind, I’m content.
5) The Nun
As Marvel movies have begun toying with varied thematic inspirations (70s political thrillers, heist laughers, hard sci-fi), Corin Hardy’s “Conjurverse” detour gets more into monster-mash aesthetics versus atmospheric dread. “The Nun”/Valak (Bonnie Aarons) returns, but Gary Dauberman’s script also brings zombified abbesses with rotting facial wounds, blood demons from Hell, ghost boys – it’s a bit kitchen sink in terms of malevolent villains, which hits upon an alternate “Conjurverse” tone that breathes fresh air. Sometimes. More than it doesn’t?
Cinematographer Maxime Alexandre is gifted Romanian architectural gold by The Nun’s locations team and not an ounce of Gothic castle broodiness is left unused. It doesn’t always translate to unmanageable scares, but with Hardy’s guidance, foggy graveyards and empty convent hallways make for a *beautiful* period throwback. Ghouls and hanging corpses earn their afterlife keep, even though Demián Bichir and Taissa Farmiga struggle to find stand-out potential given Dauberman’s sometimes messy screenplay. Flat out, there’s fun to be had with The Nun. Keyword: “fun.” The Conjuring grabs you by the throat and squeezes until blue becomes your natural skin tint. The Nun’s here for a good time – knights, serpents, and the sweet blood of Jesus Christ?
4) Annabelle Comes Home
When I say Annabelle Comes Home is reminiscent of a Halloween Horror Nights maze, that’s meant to praise the fun-filled diversion that is Gary Dauberman’s directorial debut. The Warrens have an entire room filled with artifacts tied to possessions, demons, and other unsightly nightmare creatures. Why not unleash a few and play the hits? A ferryman, a werewolf, and so many bumps in the night take horror’s formulaic babysitter setup and nails all the notes tentpole Conjuring movies don’t have time to entertain.
Annabelle Comes Home is primarily an homage to 80s creepshow chaos, but credit Mckenna Grace as Judy Warren with a meaty performance that digs into life, death, and knowing an in-between exists. For a solid three-quarters or more, we’re engaged by “The Black Shuck” or any number of villains now roaming the Warrens property. For the moments outside a rather relentless assault of freakshow ferocity? Grace proves herself such a talented little darling of the horror genre and furthers what could, and should, be a much more forgettable roll of the underworld’s dice. Curiosity kills the cat, or in this case, summons forth a small army of the Conjurverse’s not-yet-seen monsters, with an emphasis on popcorn thrills on a Friday night.
3) Annabelle: Creation
David F. Sandberg’s Annabelle: Creation is mean, creepy-doll-but-scary-this-time redemption. Lights Out proved that Sandberg could scare the bejesus out of audiences, and Annabelle: Creation confirmed just that. Red flags and false childhood confidence may be abound, but that doesn’t mean Sandberg can’t muster up some wicked telekinesis bone snaps, or scarecrow anthropomorphic attacks, or a paralyzing antique pop-gun bit. Horror jolts overpower a more mundane farmhouse paranormal story, but when Sandberg manipulates darkness for a scream – watch out.
Credit pre-teen Lulu Wilson with stealing Annabelle: Creation. The very-much-arrived actress earns her right to play protagonist after assuming antagonistic duties in Ouija: Origin Of Evil. Wilson’s wide-eyed, scampery nature feeds right into Sandberg’s hand, promoting gory reveals and morbid curiosity through pint-sized eyes. A toymaker’s folly, an orphanage bus doomed, and Sandberg’s bloodcurdling manipulations of safety make for one white-knuckled rise to relevance for the once shamed doll. Sandberg’s prequel is…*whips on sunglasses*…no lifeless dummy.
2) The Conjuring 2
The Conjuring 2 isn’t just “horror sequel” good, it’s damn-near almost The Conjuring level good. Welcome, Crooked Man! Hello, Enfield! James Wan not only delivers a successful horror sequel – hard enough as-is – but services standalone sturdiness never dependent on fan-pandering. A grander scope. Subversions of genre norms. Teeth-chattering chills and unspeakable terror. The Conjuring restricts possession punishment to a more contained home-away country setting, but Wan takes to London streets like a bat spat out by Satan’s puckered lips in terms of his mastery of horror in *any* setting. Wan’s showcased talents launch him into an upper-echelon of today’s working directors (horror or not) – and we haven’t even gotten to The Conjuring yet.
The Conjuring 2 is a daring feast for all senses, tastes, and expectancies. Creature fans benefit from the Crooked Man, who’s birthed from a spinning child’s moving picture with colorful hat and menace like a motherjumper. Enjoy your horror day or night? Wan employs frights of both the light and dark, disproving any notion that horror’s most dreadful enchantments only manifest under the moon’s glow. Janet’s (Madison Wolfe) possession, Lorraine’s (Vera Farmiga) encounter with “The Nun” painting, countless exorcism beats drenched in miraculous damnation – The Conjuring 2 deserves to be in sequel conversations with Evil Dead II, Aliens and [REC 2]. There’s your fucking hot take, internet. What now.
1) The Conjuring
Do you remember your first The Conjuring watch? I do. Opening weekend, a packed house at midnight. Me sitting next to two friends, both horror fans. My heart was racing for the entirety of Lorraine and Ed Warren’s first James Wan-ified cinematic investigation, as my appreciation for horror was redefined by one of the most viscerally chilling, monstrously moody, atmospherically gifted haunts of my moviegoing career. But even better? Having to detail some of the best scares post-viewing because one accompanying guest watched half the film through crossed fingers. The same friend who’d slug beers with me at the bar, return to one of our pads, and then select a 2AM midnight flick to sober up to (lol jk, we drank and geeked out more).
Whatever preconceived notions and “torture porn” boxes James Wan might have been painted into at one time, The Conjuring exemplifies every facet of his multi-layered filmmaking arsenal. Maybe Insidious wasn’t enough proof for you? Here comes Wan with this 5-star record breaker that masterfully manipulates shadows and silence. Keeps us nervously awake with simple claps. Destroys every fiber of calmness with flipping chairs, hide-and-go-seek demons, and unfathomable presence. Patrick Wilson. Vera Farmiga. Ron Livingston. Lili Taylor. Joey King. There’s a reason Warner Brothers invested so much money and faith into a Conjuring universe. No fluke. The Conjuring is what every paranormal exorcism flick created since dreams of growing up to be.
It’s…*back with the sunglasses*…Wan in a million.
Tales from the Crypt has been influential in keeping EC Comics alive in the public conscience, even after going off the air thirty years ago. That classic horror show pulled from multiple stables within the iconic comic publisher, but it also didn’t adapt everything. Even the ones the producers did pick weren’t always faithfully retold on screen.
So while it might seem like Tales from the Crypt covered plenty of EC Comics’ works, a lot still remains unadapted.
These ten great stories would have made fine additions to the series.
“Bats in My Belfry!” (Tales from the Crypt)
When an actor named Harry began to lose his hearing, a friend put him in contact with a special “doctor”. After receiving the gift of super-hearing—a taxidermist implanted a bat’s auditory system inside of Harry—the protagonist learned about his wife’s affair. On top of that, she and her paramour were planning to kill Harry. Of course, they didn’t realize Harry had transformed into a humanoid vampire bat.
Something Tales from the Crypt didn’t do enough of, on account of whatever reason (budget and time restraints seem most likely), was stories about monsters. But Crypt once had the best contacts in the business, so you can bet that were-bat would have been in good hands.
“The Beast of the Full Moon!” (The Vault of Horror)
Tom and his girlfriend, June, were fearful of the werewolf who’d been on a recent murder spree in their area. Tom already suspected his brother Andrew, who may have been infected after a trip to Corocoa. And when Tom had an encounter with the werewolf, he stabbed the creature’s right paw before it could flee. Later, Tom’s suspicions were all but confirmed when he saw Andrew’s bandaged right hand.
So, Tom laid a trap for the monster—a pit—, and he waited nearby with a gun full of silver bullets. One thing led to another, and Tom ended up in the pit with the werewolf. Luckily, someone above shot and killed the beast. That’s when Tom saw Andrew above ground and June in the pit, the latter dead from her gunshot wound.
While Tales from the Crypt did have lycan episodes, like “Werewolf Concerto” and “The Secret”, there was still room for one more. With the comic having such a small cast, though, it may have been too easy to figure out the culprit. But surely someone on staff could have punched up the original story for television.
“Pipe Down!” (The Haunt of Fear)
Lila hated her older husband, Andrew. After beginning an affair with a handyman named Howard, Lila plotted Andrew’s death. She and Howard got away with Andrew’s murder, but now they couldn’t marry for a year; otherwise, it would look suspicious. In the meantime, Lila purchased a pet monkey that was born on the same day that Andrew died.
When Howard found what looked like evidence of Lila having another lover—he spotted a lit cigar and two half-empty glasses—Howard flew into a rage and murdered his girlfriend. That’s when the cops arrived, saying a phone operator reported the disturbance. However, all she heard on the other end of the phone was an animal’s shriek. Once Howard was arrested, Lila’s monkey went back into the house, picked up a book, and smoked a pipe. Just like Andrew used to do.
This story would have fit in with the wackier episodes of Tales from the Crypt. There are quite a few of those—especially later on as the series moved away from the more macabre material. “Pipe Down!” also spices up the typical adultery-and-murder plots that were so common in EC’s output.
“Swamped” (The Haunt of Fear)
Deep in the Okefenokee Swamp, a cannibalistic hermit fed on those who traveled near his shack built over the water. He fed on visiting hunters and then disposed of their remains beneath his home. Anyone who revolted or came after him only ended up in the quicksand. Finally, though, the hermit suffered the same fate as his victims; he, too, slipped into the muddy graveyard below his crumbling shack. Yet now waiting for him were the hungry souls desperate to get back at their killer.
It’s unclear who the writer was behind “Swamped”, but their work here is intense. The insight and colorful descriptions are unexpected for that mere tale of the cannibal who got his just desserts. That kind of writing, along with Reed Crandall‘s artwork, makes this one of the most engaging stories from EC’s horror run.
“The October Game” (Shock SuspenStories)
Mitch, a deeply resentful and growingly mad father and husband, hosted his young daughter’s Halloween party. Kids and other parents soon all piled into the basement. The night of fun then ended with one last parlor game: Mitch passed around the body parts of a witch (an arm, her heart, and so on). One of the young guests assumed these were really things like chicken innards.
Mitch’s wife, Louise, looked for her daughter among the crowd, wondering if Marion was scared. That’s when Louise realized the girl wasn’t there—or alive. She begged everyone not to turn on the lights in the basement, out of fear of them seeing what Mitch had done to her poor daughter. Unfortunately for Louise, her plea was in vain.
Tales from the Crypt usually refrained from child-endangered stories, and it much rather focused on adult characters. But the show also lacked Halloween entries, apart from Season Six’s “Only Skin Deep“. Perhaps the need for Halloween, as a validation of any eerie goings-on, was unnecessary.
This Ray Bradbury adaptation (originally a short found in Weird Tales) is well deserving of a read. It’s a glowing example of suspense storytelling. The comic also never shows a lick of violence, yet it feels incredibly violent.
“Strictly from Hunger” (The Vault of Horror)
A posse of men stood before a cave, awaiting something horrible inside. One of the men, Doc, explained the uncanny and dangerous creature; he’d seen it before. Doc told everyone about how his patient, Pete, was diagnosed with a malignant, cancerous lump on his arm. There was nothing Doc could do to help him. Pete then sought assistance from an old witch in the mountain. Using magic, she made sure Pete would never die, although his cancer remained intact and unhealed.
Over time, the cancer cells in Pete’s body consumed all his healthy cells. To keep living, Pete turned into a giant blob that ate others’ healthy cells. Back in the present story, the posse fought the emerging creature until it retreated into the cave. The characters all finally blocked the entrance to prevent Pete from ever escaping again.
Obviously, Tales from the Crypt didn’t have the budget to support a story like this one, but imagine if it did. A body horror episode of this degree could have been fantastic, not to mention outright disgusting.
“Marriage Vow” (The Haunt of Fear)
Martin and Eva’s marriage was no longer a happy one. Eva, who’d become controlling and slovenly a few years after their wedding, refused to let Martin out of her sight. “Till death do us part,” she would always say. Eventually, Martin killed Eva; he loosened the wrought iron bars on the balcony where Eva liked to spend time, and she fell to her death. However, Eva didn’t stay dead, as she came back as a zombie intent on honoring the “till death” part of their vows.
EC did more than its fair share of stories like “Marriage Vow”, as did Tales from the Crypt. Spousal murder was pretty common. This comic, though, delivers a strong implication as the zombified wife tells her husband to “come to bed”. That line makes a reader’s imagination run wild.
“Dog Food” (Crime SuspenStories)
A prisoner named Tom swore revenge on the warden, Lester, after a fellow prisoner was tortured and killed under his command. However, to get past Lester’s voracious guard dogs, so that he could enter his house and kill him, Tom started saving meat from his meals. The other prisoners also contributed to his collection.
Tom set off on his journey to Lester’s dog-guarded house, but he ran out of meat before reaching his destination. So, Tom did the next best thing and fed parts of his own body to the dogs.
Once again, Reed Crandall elevated a gruesome, vengeful story with his realistic style. It’s so lurid. At any rate, it was just too graphic for Tales from the Crypt to adapt—and that’s really saying something here.
“Master Race” (Impact)
Carl Reissman was on a subway, remembering his “bloody war years” in Germany. Even after a decade had passed, he remained paranoid. And as he spotted a certain other passenger coming his way, a man in all black, Carl became afraid and started running. His mind flashed back to the events of the Holocaust during this “chase”.
Finally, before Carl fell on the tracks and in the path of an oncoming train, he revealed he wasn’t a prisoner in a concentration camp; he commanded one. The stranger in black said to those onlookers, asking what happened; he didn’t even know the victim. This Carl had simply run from him on the platform.
While Tales from the Crypt did occasionally go beyond what was available in their more horror-centric source material—the war-themed Two-Fisted Tales, for instance—it didn’t ever go near Impact. This short-lived series is considered toned down for EC. Even still, that didn’t make “Master Race” any less shocking. It’s a potent entry that wouldn’t have fit in with the Tales from the Crypt show we now know, but nonetheless, it’s a thought-provoking piece of storytelling.
“Forty Whacks!” (Crime SuspenStories)
A twenty-two-year-old woman named Fanny was frustrated by her parents; they flipped out when she put on makeup. However, when the daughter discovered a mysterious hatchet in her attic, she became possessed by a strange power and did the unthinkable. One after the other, Fanny used that hatchet to kill her parents.
The detective assigned to Fanny’s case was interrupted by his wife and son. The former had an out-there theory: the hatchet belonged to the infamous Lizzie Borden, and it was now capable of causing children to kill their own parents. The detective didn’t buy his wife’s idea, but that was until his entranced son picked up the murder weapon and took a swing at his pop.
Here, EC dipped into historical crime for a ghoulish story that sounds like something out of Friday the 13th: The Series. Maybe it’s a bit in bad taste, but that has never stopped Tales from the Crypt—which is why we love it.
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