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‘Willard’ – An Inferior Remake Despite the Dream Casting of Crispin Glover [Revenge of the Remakes]

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'Willard' (2003)

The producers of 2003’s Willard chose to nix “remake” from the film’s marketing vocabulary, but 2003’s Willard adaptation is irrefutably a remake of 1971’s furry social outcast chiller. At the forefront of 2000s remake trends, Glen Morgan‘s Willard features altered themes and a deeper thirst for suspense, going the “darker and grittier” route displayed by subsequent studio remakes (including Morgan’s 2006 Black Christmas slasher). Stephen Gilbert’s novel Ratman’s Notebooks inspires both pictures, although neither dare touch the subplot about “Ratman Robberies” — the narrator steals money from shopkeepers and neighbors before the whole workplace murder climax. Where’s my movie about a criminal aided by rat accomplices? Rat King in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will do, I guess.

It’s daffy to think that 2003’s Willard was hidden as a remake when you watch them back-to-back, but the general moviegoer wouldn’t know any different. That’s not a jab — teenage Donato didn’t realize My Bloody Valentine 3D or House of Wax were remakes. Director ​​Daniel Mann and writer Gilbert Ralston sought psychological animal horrors in the early ’70s, decades prior. Nor is Willard common knowledge amongst weekend movie lovers. Morgan follows every simple rule for remaking cult horror favorites, with New Line Cinema trying to stifle the pungent aroma of Mann’s prior adaptation. Like placing Limburger next to an open window.


The Approach

‘Willard’ (1971)

Willard shaves away the technicolor playfulness of Mann’s almost television-staged version since 2000s remakes were so keen on grim reinventions. Morgan introduces rodent rivalries, makes Willard Stiles (Crispin Glover) less sympathetic, and exaggerates grungy visual dimness. Ralston’s script doesn’t barrel into mercenary mammals doing their master’s bidding, initially playing on more everyday suburbia normalities — a pain point for critics like Leonard Maltin. “[A] touching story of a boy and his rats captured public’s fancy at the box office, but [the] film’s lack of style prevents it from being anything more than a second-rate thriller.”

Morgan doesn’t dare waste time on Willard’s amassing of a rat army or Crispin Glover’s portrayal of a delirious animal whisperer. Willard’s verbally abusive mother is already sick at the film’s onset and requests their basement rat problem be handled violently. Willard meets the white-haired Socrates after freeing him from a sticky trap, then beefy boy Big Ben later on. Socrates is his leader, and Ben his muscle — it’s not long before Willard has his rats running miniature military obstacle courses and training their attack commands. Willard is done being pushed around by Martin-Stiles Manufacturing CEO Frank Martin (R. Lee Ermey), relying on his rats for companionship and backup when they accidentally (or purposely) kill his mother.

To flood 2003’s Willard with dread, Morgan opts for less development and more macabre events. Ernest Borgnine plays a cantankerous and womanizing bastard as Mann’s Mr. Martin, but at least shows a tad more care towards Willard before axing the son of the company’s former owner — R. Lee Ermey does from the start what his drill sergeant, ass chewin’ gruffness does best (looking like J. Jonah Jameson). Bruce Davison portrays Willard Stiles as an off-center loner doing his best with fractures of a deranged recluse who befriends rats, while Glover becomes the whimpery voiced, softly erratic psychopath next door he was always destined to play — yet scripting fails the latter infinitely more. In transforming Willard into a horror-only tale with legions of rats pouring out of elevators as Willard poses, smirking like a nightmarish villain, Morgan cares more about forcing genre beats that are underserved despite Glover’s tremendous dialogue with squeaking costars.


Does It Work?

‘Willard’ (2003)

On paper, 2003’s Willard veers into the more beastly, teeth-gnashing direction that horror fans want to see. Willard’s pitter-patter posse doesn’t crash a fancy buffet party — they gnaw Mr. Martin’s spankin’ new Mercedes-Benz’s thick rubber wheels. Ben’s quicker to organize anarchy in Willard’s massive home, chewing through wooden boards to create passageways and placing dislodged silver cane toppers in Willard’s bed like a mafia threat. Willard’s relationship with the rats quickly becomes standoffish, whooshing past full adoration (except Socrates), unlike Davison’s Willard, who seems more schoolboy about his clawed new friends for much longer. Glover’s rat infestation becomes an uncontrollable problem that crashes through chandeliers, breaks through fortified aluminum barriers, and gnaws on his deceased mother’s foot with disrespect.

Glover is dream casting for Willard Stiles, the goodie mamma’s boy left to spiral after her passing allows Mr. Martin to force a financial takeover of the Stiles homestead. Davison is batty yet homely and approachable — Glover inspires unrest and simmers with exquisite death stares. It’s the role Glover was born to play, meant with no disrespect. If there’s any reason to pick 2003’s Willard over 1971’s originator, it’s to watch Crispin Glover become a murderous Pied Piper as he bargains with rats, almost snots into his dead mother’s coffin, and parlays his sanity for a chance never to feel alone again.

Morgan pushes harder where Mann straddles the line between drama and terror. Coworker Cathryn (Laura Elena Harring) still gifts Willard a cuddly kitty when his mother dies — a ridiculous present on any whim — which becomes a tasty snack after Ben oversees a multi-room chase. Willard also puts up more of a fight against Ben’s final stand, as seas of rats cover flooring to the point where it’s just fur moving in all directions. Even Ben gets a gore shot when he gnaws his foot/hand off Saw style to escape a snap-trap, leading not to an eaten Willard, but an asylum-crazy Willard muttering lines like “quiet as a mouse.” It’s hardly a duplicate experience of Mann’s deeper character study, although the significant plot milestones mirror note for note.


The Result

Willard remake Ben

‘Willard’ (2003)

There’s a hybrid of Mann’s and Morgan’s Willard that yields the best results because 2003’s lacks depth beyond the adrenalized untamable horrors. Morgan upgrades rat action by introducing Ben as a chonkin’ bruiser double the size of his counterparts, setting this boss feel to Willard’s eventual nemesis — although Mann’s Ben the Rat won a PATSY Award as the best animal performer in a feature film for 1971 with those devilish, squinty eyes. Nonetheless, there’s more darkness to Willard 2.0’s rat usage and more elaborately staged dangers. Special effects are a massive upgrade from Mann’s team (rightfully) using blatant dummies whenever harm could befall a pocket-sized costar. Drowning in hungry rats is a fear I never knew I could have until Willard.

That said, there’s a lack of impact on Willard’s story this time as storytelling speeds through his sympathetic phase. Glover is not the issue — Glover is often the solution. The same goes for a sleazy Ermey, whose corporate earnings-first cruelty and penchant for dial-up internet pornography are hilarious notes that fall bluntly in the grand scheme. There’s no contextual reason for Cathryn to quit her job on Willard’s behalf and appear at his doorstep, whereas Sondra Locke makes you believe Joan’s possible romantic connection. Morgan becomes lost in the bolstered horror accents, subtracting developmental angles that make Mann’s somewhat more interesting from a narrative standpoint.

Not lost are the tongue-in-cheek moments, necessary laughs in an already absurd grim fantasy. “Business is a rat race, and I will not be devoured by all of those other rats,” Ermey’s boss shouts, dripping with foreshadowy doom. I rather enjoy how Mann’s film shows Martin eating slices of cheese or drops more subtle lines about “crawling” back home, but there’s no jokiness lost as Morgan slams viewers over the head with rat-inspired dialogue. Willard requires a nasty sense of humor to enjoy no matter the year, which Morgan honors. Even as 2003’s Willard pushes into more bonkers realms that recall the climactic escape sprint in Arachnophobia, except instead of spiders scurrying from every opening, it’s whiskery rat ranks spilling through doorways. It’s a rat avalanche, complete with Glover’s mercy pleas to a beady-eyed foe.


The Lesson

Willard remake crispin glover

‘Willard’ (2003)

The 2000s became famous for blackening and souring classic horror films à la Platinum Dunes’ formula — Willard falls right in line. ​​Daniel Mann’s 1971 adaptation feels almost nonchalant about the whole rat pack plot, while Glen Morgan cranks the horror dial regarding seething aggression (the same method he’d use for Black Christmas). Violence isn’t always the answer despite “torture porn” dictating an entire phase of mid-to-later 2000s horror popularity, as it becomes easier to ignore structural foundations outside ferocious set pieces. In its second cinematic interpretation, Willard falls for that trap more than once, albeit exceptionally cast and overflowing with Willard’s tailed housemates.

So what did we learn?

  • Retooling themes while following an original’s blueprint is surely remake behavior.
  • Tone is everything, and remakes that deviate from original tones have the right idea.
  • Adaptations enter a murky area for remake conversations, except if you can clearly draw parallels like with the Willard movies (again, neither take the rat robber bait).
  • “Dark and gritty” is as much a curse on horror remake ideologies as it is a mantra.

I’m shocked to admit I think ’71’s Willard trumps ’03’s despite Crispin Glover as Willard Stiles. For as typecast as Glover is, Bruce Davison earns his keep as a soft boy with a wicked side waiting to explode outward. I was tickled to see Davison respected in Morgan’s update, photographed and painted as Willard’s father in likeness only (no shoehorned requel connection). There are elements to praise about both, but there’s more missing from Morgan’s screenplay than there is excitement from Mann’s biting melodrama. A rare defense, especially for a 2000s horror remake apologist.


In Revenge of the Remakes, columnist Matt Donato takes us on a journey through the world of horror remakes. We all complain about Hollywood’s lack of originality whenever studios announce new remakes, reboots, and reimaginings, but the reality? Far more positive examples of refurbished classics and updated legacies exist than you’re willing to remember (or admit). The good, the bad, the unnecessary – Matt’s recounting them all.

Editorials

‘Amityville Karen’ Is a Weak Update on ‘Serial Mom’ [Amityville IP]

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Amityville Karen horror

Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”

A bizarre recurring issue with the Amityville “franchise” is that the films tend to be needlessly complicated. Back in the day, the first sequels moved away from the original film’s religious-themed haunted house storyline in favor of streamlined, easily digestible concepts such as “haunted lamp” or “haunted mirror.”

As the budgets plummeted and indie filmmakers capitalized on the brand’s notoriety, it seems the wrong lessons were learned. Runtimes have ballooned past the 90-minute mark and the narratives are often saggy and unfocused.

Both issues are clearly on display in Amityville Karen (2022), a film that starts off rough, but promising, and ends with a confused whimper.

The promise is embodied by the tinge of self-awareness in Julie Anne Prescott (The Amityville Harvest)’s screenplay, namely the nods to John Waters’ classic 1994 satire, Serial Mom. In that film, Beverly Sutphin (an iconic Kathleen Turner) is a bored, white suburban woman who punished individuals who didn’t adhere to her rigid definition of social norms. What is “Karen” but a contemporary equivalent?

In director/actor Shawn C. Phillips’ film, Karen (Lauren Francesca) is perpetually outraged. In her introductory scenes, she makes derogatory comments about immigrants, calls a female neighbor a whore, and nearly runs over a family blocking her driveway. She’s a broad, albeit familiar persona; in many ways, she’s less of a character than a caricature (the living embodiment of the name/meme).

These early scenes also establish a fairly straightforward plot. Karen is a code enforcement officer with plans to shut down a local winery she has deemed disgusting. They’re preparing for a big wine tasting event, which Karen plans to ruin, but when she steals a bottle of cursed Amityville wine, it activates her murderous rage and goes on a killing spree.

Simple enough, right?

Unfortunately, Amityville Karen spins out of control almost immediately. At nearly every opportunity, Prescott’s screenplay eschews narrative cohesion and simplicity in favour of overly complicated developments and extraneous characters.

Take, for example, the wine tasting event. The film spends an entire day at the winery: first during the day as a band plays, then at a beer tasting (???) that night. Neither of these events are the much touted wine-tasting, however; that is actually a private party happening later at server Troy (James Duval)’s house.

Weirdly though, following Troy’s death, the party’s location is inexplicably moved to Karen’s house for the climax of the film, but the whole event plays like an afterthought and features a litany of characters we have never met before.

This is a recurring issue throughout Amityville Karen, which frequently introduces random characters for a scene or two. Karen is typically absent from these scenes, which makes them feel superfluous and unimportant. When the actress is on screen, the film has an anchor and a narrative drive. The scenes without her, on the other hand, feel bloated and directionless (blame editor Will Collazo Jr., who allows these moments to play out interminably).

Compounding the issue is that the majority of the actors are non-professionals and these scenes play like poorly performed improv. The result is long, dull stretches that features bad actors talking over each other, repeating the same dialogue, and generally doing nothing to advance the narrative or develop the characters.

While Karen is one-note and histrionic throughout the film, at least there’s a game willingness to Francesca’s performance. It feels appropriately campy, though as the film progresses, it becomes less and less clear if Amityville Karen is actually in on the joke.

Like Amityville Cop before it, there are legit moments of self-awareness (the Serial Mom references), but it’s never certain how much of this is intentional. Take, for example, Karen’s glaringly obvious wig: it unconvincingly fails to conceal Francesca’s dark hair in the back, but is that on purpose or is it a technical error?

Ultimately there’s very little to recommend about Amityville Karen. Despite the game performance by its lead and the gentle homages to Serial Mom’s prank call and white shoes after Labor Day jokes, the never-ending improv scenes by non-professional actors, the bloated screenplay, and the jittery direction by Phillips doom the production.

Clocking in at an insufferable 100 minutes, Amityville Karen ranks among the worst of the “franchise,” coming in just above Phillips’ other entry, Amityville Hex.

Amityville Karen

The Amityville IP Awards go to…

  • Favorite Subplot: In the afternoon event, there’s a self-proclaimed “hot boy summer” band consisting of burly, bare-chested men who play instruments that don’t make sound (for real, there’s no audio of their music). There’s also a scheming manager who is skimming money off the top, but that’s not as funny.
  • Least Favorite Subplot: For reasons that don’t make any sense, the winery is also hosting a beer tasting which means there are multiple scenes of bartender Alex (Phillips) hoping to bring in women, mistakenly conflating a pint of beer with a “flight,” and goading never before seen characters to chug. One of them describes the beer as such: “It looks like a vampire menstruating in a cup” (it’s a gold-colored IPA for the record, so…no).
  • Amityville Connection: The rationale for Karen’s killing spree is attributed to Amityville wine, whose crop was planted on cursed land. This is explained by vino groupie Annie (Jennifer Nangle) to band groupie Bianca (Lilith Stabs). It’s a lot of nonsense, but it is kind of fun when Annie claims to “taste the damnation in every sip.”
  • Neverending Story: The film ends with an exhaustive FIVE MINUTE montage of Phillips’ friends posing as reporters in front of terrible green screen discussing the “killer Karen” story. My kingdom for Amityville’s regular reporter Peter Sommers (John R. Walker) to return!
  • Best Line 1: Winery owner Dallas (Derek K. Long), describing Karen: “She’s like a walking constipation with a hemorrhoid”
  • Best Line 2: Karen, when a half-naked, bleeding woman emerges from her closet: “Is this a dream? This dream is offensive! Stop being naked!”
  • Best Line 3: Troy, upset that Karen may cancel the wine tasting at his house: “I sanded that deck for days. You don’t just sand a deck for days and then let someone shit on it!”
  • Worst Death: Karen kills a Pool Boy (Dustin Clingan) after pushing his head under water for literally 1 second, then screeches “This is for putting leaves on my plants!”
  • Least Clear Death(s): The bodies of a phone salesman and a barista are seen in Karen’s closet and bathroom, though how she killed them are completely unclear
  • Best Death: Troy is stabbed in the back of the neck with a bottle opener, which Karen proceeds to crank
  • Wannabe Lynch: After drinking the wine, Karen is confronted in her home by Barnaby (Carl Solomon) who makes her sign a crude, hand drawn blood contract and informs her that her belly is “pregnant from the juices of his grapes.” Phillips films Barnaby like a cross between the unhoused man in Mulholland Drive and the Mystery Man in Lost Highway. It’s interesting, even if the character makes absolutely no sense.
  • Single Image Summary: At one point, a random man emerges from the shower in a towel and excitedly poops himself. This sequence perfectly encapsulates the experience of watching Amityville Karen.
  • Pray for Joe: Many of these folks will be back in Amityville Shark House and Amityville Webcam, so we’re not out of the woods yet…

Next time: let’s hope Christmas comes early with 2022’s Amityville Christmas Vacation. It was the winner of Fangoria’s Best Amityville award, after all!

Amityville Karen movie

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