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Thanks for Giving Us Nightmares: Eli Roth’s 6 Nastiest Movie Moments

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Pictured: 'The Green Inferno'

In honor of Thanksgiving now playing in theaters, I decided to take a look at the filmography of Eli Roth. After spending a few days watching films like Cabin Fever, Hostel and The Green Inferno, I cried in the shower for about twenty minutes and am vegan now!

In no particular order, here are the most gnarly moments of Roth’s fun career in horror…


“I’m Never Gonna Shave Again” – Cabin Fever (2002)

Without a doubt my favorite Eli Roth film and in my opinion one of the most underrated horror comedies of all time, Cabin Fever features tons of laughs and gross-out scares. One in particular that is hard to forget. Specifically, for those who shave their legs.

After Sweet Lou (the always memorable Joey Kern) decides to reasonably say “To hell with all of you since you WON’T STOP TOUCHING THE BLEEDING AND INFECTED PEOPLE” and storm off into the woods to be alone with more beer than he can drink before it gets warm, Marcy (Cerina Vincent) decides to get him back by revenge banging Paul (Rider Strong). A really, really bad idea considering the ease of which folks’ skin is flopping off of them like fake mustaches from a Dollar Tree. They get through the fornication safely and I’m guessing very quickly based on what we know about Paul. Marcy decides to do the second dumbest thing at that moment and run a warm bath to shave her legs. You just KNOW what’s coming next and the suspense will make everyone in the room start acting like they are in one of those slow-motion paper towel ads when a spill is about to reach the carpet. Bounty is not here to save you, Marcy. 

The flesh begins to rip off of her leg along with the razor. She doesn’t stop and continues to shave the entire side of her leg. Clearly, she’s a completist. I respect it. I also need therapy now.


“These Guilty Feet Have Got No Tendons” – Hostel (2005)

Hostel was such a fun movie to be alive for the marketing of. It had almost Blair Witch Project levels of hype (emphasis on almost). Horror fans congregated at shopping malls and in our fluorescent lit cubicles to discuss how this “might finally be the one to make me spew in the movie theater.” Not to be. But it wasn’t for a lack of trying.

In this scene, Josh (Derek Richardson) is covered in his own vomit and being tortured by a Dutch businessman (Jan Vlasak) who eats salad with his hands and likes to rub the legs of strange men on trains. His first order of business is to take a power drill and insert it into his skin. As he pulls it back out, it is grossly covered with Josh’s leg meat. After some more leg rubbing, Josh convincingly begs to be set loose. And that’s when things get REALLY nasty.

The man taunts him with the whole “Well, why didn’t you say so?” dick move and leans over and does something the camera doesn’t show. Then he cuts his restraints and opens the door for him. Josh stands up and takes one step forward before BAM! Roth decides to let us see what them feet do and we see that his Achilles has been sliced open. When he tries to step forward we get to watch his legs move but his feet stay on the ground, meaning we see his shit split open. It’s one of those things that makes you involuntarily scream strange words at the screen like “GOO!” while pointing. Josh tries to crawl away but the man stops him and slits his throat.


“Pour Some Blood on Me” – Hostel: Part II (2007)

Heather Matarazzo (Scream 3) just seems like the sweetest, most innocent person that has ever lived. So, it’s very upsetting to see her hung upside down completely naked and begging for her life while a lady uses a scythe to cut her body open from beneath her whilst bathing in her blood. Yes, I said scythe. Like the giant Children of the Corn sized one that Michael Myers uses in Halloween V. I’ve never been to a spa before but thanks to Eli Roth, I think I now have a negative relationship with them in my brain.

In all seriousness, I remember seeing this scene play out alone in the dollar theater and feeling actual anger. Like, the kind of mad people get on the internet when you say or do anything at all. Which means the scene and more specifically Heather Matarazzo did their job and did it well. Even the leadup is hateful and mean as this wack-a-doodle slowly scrapes the scythe across her skin for what seems like an eternity before breaking it. It’s the kind of scene you really want to take a shower after watching. THE REGULAR KIND! 


“All Will Be Carved” – Grindhouse (2007)

'Thanksgiving' 2023 - Eli Roth Finally Carving Up His 'Grindhouse' Spinoff!

This parody of old slashers was a part of a series of fake trailers used for Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse. If you figured out that it was the basis for Roth’s new Thanksgiving film then congratulations, Batman. The trailer is so undeniably unforgettable that fans demanded to see this perverted masterpiece become a real movie.

Roth managed to pack a full movie’s worth of slasher-dom into a couple of minutes of a trailer that features multiple beheadings, a cameo from Roth himself and actors from his previous movies such as Jordan Ladd from Cabin Fever and Jay Hernandez from Hostel. A turkey mascot is even beheaded at a parade in front of everyone. These are not the things that stand out however, oh no. Beheadings alone aren’t enough to make Eli Roth’s list of unholy what-the-fucks.

The two moments that take the cake are of the gnarliest order. In one scene, a cheerleader gets naked while jumping up and down on a trampoline and everyone is having a great time! That is until the Pilgrim slasher goes all MythBusters on us and sticks a very large knife facing upright through the bottom of the trampoline. Next, a turkey is unveiled to the family, only it’s a human being basted and roasted and tied in the position of a turkey. Complete with stuffed orifices and even a meat thermometer. Next to it a smaller, normal sized turkey with someone’s head on it.

It’s a turducken of depraved, hilarious and horrific proportions.


“Eye Didn’t See That Train Coming” – Hostel (2005)

Just as Paxton (Jay Hernandez) has almost escaped the Holiday Inn Torture Dungeon, he hears a woman screaming and doubles back to save her. There, he encounters a man (Rick Hoffman) who screams at him to “Get your own fuckin room! I paid for this!” as the camera reveals to us that he is taking a blowtorch to a woman’s (Jennifer Lim) face. Paxton shoots him down and helps free the woman and OH MY GOD did I mention her eyeball is dangling from her face?!? And not like a silly Friday the 13th Part 3D ping pong type eyeball. A gross, gooey, deflated bag type of eyeball (they used a condom for the effect). She understandably starts to lose her mind like she’s at a Taylor Swift concert and Paxton tries to help her by (for some reason) taking a pair of scissors and cutting the dangling eye bag off of her face. Whew. That’s better, right?

It’s so disgusting you’ll want to scrub your own eyeballs with dish soap, and it leaves the character in such bad shape that she walks into an oncoming train afterwards. Sounds about right.


“Where’s My Face Again?” – The Green Inferno (2013)

When Jonah (Aaron Burns) and his activist friends are captured in the Amazon by a tribe of cannibals, they have a civil discussion and everyone goes home to think about what they’ve learned from each other. But really though, they pin him to a rock and eat him in front of his friends.

This scene utilizes a strange blurring effect that weirdly makes it even scarier as if even the movie is saying “this is too much for you.” But don’t worry, like articles about Will Smith and Jada’s marriage, you’ll see more than you ever wanted to! This absolutely frightening lady with wooden beads running throughout her facial orifices puts some sort of wooden tool up against his eye sockets and starts digging around in there. I mean, she gets in there. By the end of it, his face is squished to Hell and she’s eating his eyeballs as the crowd cheers her on. She then saws his tongue off and enjoys that so much her eyes start rolling around in the back of her head. This lady really loves eyeballs. Right about then some dudes pop over and start using gigantic weapons to hack away at Jonah’s limbs like he was a big moist man-cake before finally sawing his head off.


What horrors will Roth unleash next? Thanksgiving is now playing in theaters!

Books

‘Jaws 2’ – Diving into the Underrated Sequel’s Very Different Novelization

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It took nearly five decades for it to happen, but the tide has turned for Jaws 2. Not everyone has budged on this divisive sequel, but general opinion is certainly kinder, if not more merciful. Excusing a rehashed plot — critic Gene Siskel said the film had “the same story as the original, the same island, the same stupid mayor, the same police chief, the same script…” — Jaws 2 is rather fun when met on its own simple terms. However, less simple is the novelization; the film and its companion read are like oil and water. While both versions reach the same destination in the end, the novelization’s story makes far more waves before getting on with its man-versus-shark climax.

Jaws 2 is not labeled as much of a troubled production as its predecessor, but there were problems behind the scenes. Firing the director mid-stream surely counts as a big one; John D. Hancock was replaced with French filmmaker Jeannot Szwarc. Also, Jaws co-writer Carl Gottlieb returned to rewrite Howard Sackler’s script for the sequel, which had already been revised by Hancock’s wife, Dororthy Tristan. What the creative couple originally had in store for Jaws 2 was darker, much to the chagrin of Universal. Hence Hancock and Tristan’s departures. Hank Searls’ novelization states it is “based on a screenplay by Howard Sackler and Dorothy Tristan,” whereas in his book The Jaws Log, Gottlieb claims the “earlier Sackler material was the basis” for the tie-in. What’s more interesting is the “inspired by Peter Benchley’s Jaws” line on the novelization’s cover. This aspect is evident when Searls brings up Ellen’s affair with Hooper as well as Mayor Larry Vaughan’s connection to the mob. Both plot points are unique to Benchley’s novel.

The novelization gives a fair idea of what could have been Jaws 2 had Hancock stayed on as director. The book’s story does not come across as dark as fans have been led to believe, but it is more serious in tone — not to mention sinuous — than Szwarc’s film. A great difference early on is how Amity looks and feels a few years after the original shark attack (euphemized by locals as “The Troubles”). In the film, it seems as if everything, from the townsfolk to the economy, is unaffected by the tragedies of ‘75. Searls, on the other hand, paints Amity as a ghost town in progress. Tourism is down and money is hard to come by. The residents are visibly unhappy, with some more than others. Those who couldn’t sell off their properties and vacate during The Troubles are now left to deal with the aftermath.

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Image: As Martin Brody, Roy Scheider opens fire on the beach in Jaws 2.

It is said that Roy Scheider only came back to fulfill a three-picture deal with Universal (with Jaws 2 counting as two films) and to avoid having his character recast. Apparently, he was also not too pleased (or pleasant) after Szwarc signed on. Nevertheless, Scheider turned in an outstanding performance as the returning and now quietly anguished Martin Brody. Even in the film’s current form, there are still significant remnants of the chief’s psychological torment and pathos. Brody opening fire on what he thought to be the shark, as shocked beachgoers flee for their lives nearby, is an equally horrifying and sad moment in the film. 

In a candid interview coupled with Marvel’s illustrated adaptation of Jaws 2, Szwarc said he had posted the message “subtlety is the picture’s worst enemy” above the editor’s bench. So that particular beach scene and others are, indeed, not at all subtle, but neither are the actions of Brody’s literary counterpart. Such as, his pinning the recent deaths on Jepps, a vacationing cop from Flushing. The trigger-happy drunk’s actual crimes are breaking gun laws and killing noisy seals. Regardless, it’s easier for Brody to blame this annoying out-of-towner than conceive there being another great white in Amity. Those seals, by the way, would normally stay off the shore unless there was something driving them out of the ocean…

Brody’s suspicions about there being another shark surface early on in the film. For too long he is the only one who will even give the theory any serious thought, in fact. The gaslighting of Brody, be it intentional or otherwise, is frustrating, especially when considering the character is suffering from PTSD. It was the ‘70s though, so there was no intelligible name for what Brody was going through. Not yet, at least. Instead, the film delivers a compelling (and, yes, unsubtle) depiction of a person who, essentially, returned from war and watched a fellow soldier die before his very eyes. None of that trauma registers on the Martin Brody first shown in Jaws 2. Which, of course, was the result of studio interference. Even after all that effort to make an entertaining and not depressing sequel, the finished product still has its somber parts.

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Image: A page from Marvel’s illustrated adaptation of Jaws 2.

How Brody handles his internal turmoil in the novelization is different, largely because he is always thinking about the shark. Even before there is either an inkling or confirmation of the new one. It doesn’t help that his oldest son, Mike, hasn’t been the same since The Troubles. The boy has inherited his father’s fear of the ocean as well as developed his own. Being kept in the dark about the second shark is also detrimental to Brody’s psyche; the local druggist and photo developer could have alleviated that self-doubt had he told Brody what he found on the dead scuba diver’s undeveloped roll of film. Instead, Nate Starbuck kept this visual proof of the shark to himself. His reasons for doing so are connected to the other pressing subplot in the novelization.

While the film makes a relatively straight line for its ending, Searls takes various and lengthy detours along the way. The greatest would be the development of a casino to help stimulate the local economy and bring back tourists. Brody incriminating Jepps inadvertently lands him smack dab in the middle of the shady casino deal, which is being funded with mafia money. A notorious mob boss from Queens, Moscotti, puts a target on Brody’s head (and his family) so long as the chief refuses to drop the charges against Jepps. In the meantime, the navy gets mixed up in the Amity horror after one of their helicopters crashes in the bay and its pilots go missing. A lesser subplot is the baby seal, named Sammy by Brody’s other son Sean, who the Brodys take in after he was wounded by Jepps. Eventually, and as expected, all roads lead back to the shark.

In either telling of Jaws 2, the shark is a near unstoppable killing machine, although less of a mindless one in the novelization. The film suggests this shark is looking for payback — Searls’ adaptation of Jaws: The Revenge clarifies this with a supernatural explanation — yet in the book, the shark is acting on her maternal instinct. Pregnant with multiple pups, the voracious mother-to-be was, in fact, impregnated by the previous maneater of Amity. Her desire to now find her offspring a safe home includes a body count. And perhaps as a reflection of the times, the author turns the shark and other animals’ scenes into miniature wildlife studies; readers are treated to small bits of infotainment as the story switches to the perspective of not only the killer shark, but also the seals and a navy-trained dolphin. The novelization doesn’t hold back on the scientific details, however weird as it may sound at times. One line sure to grab everyone’s attention: “There, passive and supine, she had received both of his yard-long, salami-shaped claspers into her twin vents.”

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Image: Roy Scheider’s character, Martin Brody, measures the bitemark on the orca in Jaws 2.

Up until the third act, the novelization is hard to put down. That’s saying a lot, considering the overall shark action borders on underwhelming. There is, after all, more to the story here than a fish’s killing spree. Ultimately though, Szwarc’s Jaws 2 has the more satisfying finale. Steven Spielberg’s film benefitted from delaying the shark’s appearance, whereas the sequel’s director saw no need for mystery. The original film’s reveal was lightning in a bottle. So toward the end, Jaws 2 transforms into a cinematic theme park ride where imagination isn’t required. The slasher-at-sea scenario is at full throttle as the villain — wearing her facial burn like a killer would wear their mask — picks off teen chum and even a pesky helicopter. And that’s before a wiry, go-for-broke Brody fries up some great white in the sequel’s cathartic conclusion. That sort of over-the-top finisher is better seen than read.

It would be a shame to let this other version of Jaws 2 float out to sea and never be heard from again. On top of capturing the quotidian parts of Amity life and learning what makes Brody tick, Hank Searls drew up persuasive plot threads that make this novelization unlike anything in the film franchise. If the Jaws brand is ever resurrected for the screen, small or big, it wouldn’t hurt to revisit this shark tale for inspiration.

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Image: The cover of Hank Searls’ novelization for Jaws 2.

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