Books
Looking Back on 6 of Stephen King’s Scariest Cursed Objects Ahead of ‘The Monkey’
Presented by Neon’s The Monkey, Bloody Disgusting is celebrating this Friday’s release of Osgood Perkins’ highly anticipated horror with Stephen King Week. Yesterday, Jenn Adams talked King’s creepy critters, and today, Luiz H. C. catalogues his cursed objects.
There’s a classic Family Guy cut-away gag where author Stephen King pitches his 307th horror book to an editor, with the writer coming up with an absurd story about a killer lamp on the spot after looking at the objects on the editor’s desk. While this joke was clearly meant to be a jab at the author’s prolific output, I think most fans would agree that, if the King of Horror ever chose to write a book about a lamp monster, it’d be one hell of a scary lamp!
After all, King’s nearly-six-decade-long career has gifted us with countless examples of seemingly inanimate items that harbor supernatural secrets. And in honor of Osgood Perkins bringing one the writer’s most bizarre creations to life in the highly anticipated horror-comedy The Monkey, we’ve decided to come up with a list celebrating six of Stephen King’s scariest cursed objects!
While this list is obviously based on personal opinion, don’t forget to comment below with your own inanimate favorites if you think we missed a particularly spooky object.
With that out of the way, onto the list!
6. Gaunt’s Valise – Needful Things (1991)
After decades of similar stories (and an especially memorable parody in a first-season episode of Rick & Morty), it’s only natural that folks no longer count Needful Things among King’s most terrifying books. However, looking back on the novel without modern-day baggage, it’s easy to see why this tale about a mysterious store stocked with freaky wares was once hailed as King’s horrific comeback after his difficult battle against addiction.
From paranoia-inducing lampshades to impossibly cheap baseball cards, Needful Things contains a whole smorgasbord of memorable cursed objects. However, we’re going with Leland Gaunt’s Valise because it represents the heart of his evil store – containing the lost souls of all his unfortunate victims.
5. The Teeth – Chattery Teeth (1992)
Much like the mischievous toy Monkey that inspired Perkins’ upcoming adaptation, the murderous set of novelty teeth from Chattery Teeth is one of King’s most humorous creations. In fact, these oversized teeth are actually the only benevolent object on this list, fiercely protecting their owner from harm and only really being cursed if you happen to be a hitchhiker up to no good.
Of course, being brutally bitten to death by metallic teeth is an exceedingly nasty way to go, and the haunting description of the dead antagonist’s numerous bite-marks is what earns the cursed toy a place on this list.
And here’s a fun-fact: the Mick-Garris-directed adaptation of Chattery Teeth which comprises half of Quicksilver Highway was originally meant to be a pilot for an episodic television show which would follow the teeth as they violently protected a suburban family.
4. The Mangler – The Mangler (1972)
It may not be King’s most famous piece of genre fiction, but I have no doubt that his 1972 short story The Mangler is responsible for popularizing the notion that his scary stories are frequently motivated by inanimate objects with a mind of their own. Case in point: the speed-ironing/folding machine affectionately referred to by fearful laundry workers as “The Mangler”.
Seemingly brought to life by the accidental consumption of ingredients traditionally associated with witchcraft, this demonic piece of machinery more than lives up to its name by mauling innocent workers and causing bizarre accidents at an industrial laundry. However, all this localized chaos is merely the beginning of the Mangler’s rampage, as the story ends with the machine finally freeing itself from its concrete prison and stalking the streets for more delicious human-beings!
3. Flagg’s Spellbook – The Eyes of the Dragon (1984)
While Randall Flagg’s spellbook isn’t exactly a huge plot element in The Eyes of the Dragon (King’s only foray into high-fantasy storytelling), I think it’s a great addition to the list because of a passage explaining that the madness-inducing volume was originally written by the Mad Poet himself, Abdul Alhazred. This clever detail implies that King’s multiversal antagonist rose to power by studying the grandaddy of all cursed tomes: H.P. Lovecraft’s Necronomicon.
Not only is this a fun easter-egg for Lovecraft fans, but it also retroactively adds a tinge of cosmic horror to all of Flagg’s previous appearances in stories like The Stand and The Dark Tower.
2. Delver’s Mirror – The Reaper’s Image (1969)
One of Stephen King’s earliest short stories, The Reaper’s Image is also one of the author’s first attempts at centering a horror yarn around a terrifying cursed item. In this case, the object in question is an Elizabethan Mirror that supposedly reveals an image of the grim reaper to its viewers before making them disappear.
A perfect example of King’s genius bit of advice on how short horror stories should aim to be concise affairs comparable to “a quick kiss in the dark from a stranger”, The Reaper’s Image remains one of the author’s most memorable yarns – and I wouldn’t be surprised if it inspired elements of Mike Flanagan’s excellent thriller Oculus as well.
1. Christine – Christine (1983)
No list of cursed objects would be complete without the blood-red Plymouth Fury that inspired legions of fictional killer cars, Christine. This ‘58 Fury may not be the only supernatural vehicle to inhabit King’s interconnected horrorverse (I’m partial to a certain Green-Goblin-headed truck myself), but she’s undeniably the most iconic.
And while the spirit of abusive veteran Roland LeBay may be the one driving the car to commit murder in the book, I actually love how the film adaptation implies that Christine was simply born bad, with the car inexplicably rolling off the assembly line with an inherent taste for homicide. I mean, even the vehicle’s crushed remains were evil enough to still be able to draw blood, so it’s only natural that she earns the number-one spot on this list.
The Monkey drums into theaters this Friday. Get tickets now and enter to win an exclusive 1/50 resin sculpt made from the original Monkey.
Books
Urban Legends, Serial Killers, and Space Epics: 10 Horror Books We Can’t Wait to Read This June
We have entered summer reading season.
Schools are emptying, beaches are filling, and it’s a great time to pack a tote full of brand-new books and get some reading done in the shade. But even if the sun is bright, your fiction can still be dark, because June is absolutely packed with great new horror releases from rising stars and genre icons.
From a Psycho retelling to a dark twist on Peter Pan lore to a new book from a Pulitzer Prize winner, these are the horror titles we can’t wait to crack open this June.
The Children by Melissa Albert – June 2
A blend of dark fantasy, Gothic family saga, and horror novel that’s received rave reviews from Stephen King and more, The Children follows the adult children of a legendary fantasy author who died when a fire consumed their home. Now, living their own creative lives, Guinevere and Ennis must revisit the secrets from the night of the fire, the darkness surrounding Ennis’s new art installation, and the truth of their family legacy in both fact and fiction. It sounds like a wonderful twisted nest of secrets and magic, and I’m eager to dive in.
Marion by Leah Rowan – June 2
Just when you thought we’d run out of interesting ways to riff on Robert Bloch and Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho, Leah Rowan comes along with Marion. As the title suggests, it’s the story of the Bates Motel’s most famous victim, but this time, she doesn’t die in the shower. She takes control of the knife and the narrative in this daring retelling of a proto-slasher classic. The story we know is just the beginning, and I can’t wait to find out the end.
Headlights by CJ Leede – June 9
Through her first two novels, Maeve Fly and American Rapture, CJ Leede emerged as one of the most exciting new horror voices of the 2020s, and she’s just getting warmed up. Leede’s third novel follows an FBI agent on the brink of retirement, running from his past and from the unsolved case that haunts him most, as he’s slowly pulled back into a gruesome serial killer narrative. Victims start turning up again, wearing someone else’s skin like a cape, with no memory of how they got that way, or how they got a lone strand of unidentified hair tied around their tongue. Both a riff on The Shining and a journey into the dark Colorado night, Headlights is one of the year’s most exciting horror lit events.
It Came From Neverland by Cynthia Pelayo – June 9
Cynthia Pelayo‘s novels have always felt like dark fairy tales, and with her latest, she’s taking things into the realm of one of the most famous children’s stories ever. It Came From Neverland follows a version of Wendy Darling who, while working as a schoolteacher and as an aid to rehabilitate World War I soldiers, finds old fears returning when a student goes missing. It seems that an entity Wendy knows only as “Peter Pan” is back on the prowl, and unlocking her memories might be the only way to stop it. That’s right, it’s a dark Peter Pan retelling as only Pelayo can do it, and you know you want a piece of that.
The Other by Annie Neugebauer – June 9
Annie Neugebauer’s The Extra ranks as one of the most clever and frightening horror novellas in recent memory, but that was only the beginning. This June, Neugebauer returns with the next book in what’s been dubbed “The Outsiders Sequence.” This time, Neugebauer’s strange world of doppelgangers and mimics turns to a couple on a hike who run into their exact duplicates, setting off a chain of events that will test their understanding of each other in terrifying ways. Neugebauer’s one of horror’s finest rising stars right now, so if you haven’t jumped on board The Outsiders Sequence yet, pick up The Extra and get ready for The Other.
Marla by Jonathan Janz – August 18 (Editor’s update: Release has now shifted from initial June 23 publication date)
Speaking of rising stars in the horror world, we’ve got Jonathan Janz, whose work has hit another level in recent years thanks to work like Children of the Dark and Veil. Now he’s back with Marla, the story of a local woman surrounded by urban legend, and her possible connection to a string of crimes in the community of King’s Branch. Is Marla a witch, a killer, a victim, a helpless child? We’ll have to read and find out in what feels like a perfect jumping-on point for new Janz readers.
The Sixth Nik by Daniel Kraus – June 23
Daniel Kraus has long been a favorite among genre readers, but thanks to his recent Pulitzer Prize win for his brilliant novel Angel Down, he’s more visible than ever, and all that visibility comes as he’s about to unleash a space epic with all the hallmarks of epic sci-fi and horror alike. The Sixth Nik promises everything from a sentient spaceship to a rogue planet full of plague to a nine-year-old “cultist” with an enhanced brain. This is Kraus playing in a brand-new sandbox, and genre readers everywhere won’t want to miss that.
Slasher Summer by E.L. Chen – June 23
E.L. Chen‘s latest novel is described as a love letter to ’80s slasher films, and anyone who’s taken a dive into the meta-horror of Scream or My Heart is a Chainsaw will want to sit up and take notice. The book follows a group of friends who grew up in a town famous as the location of a slasher movie, where they frequently played the characters during midnight shows. As adults, they return to their hometown, and to the location of the slasher movie, only to find that someone’s out to get them, someone wearing a very familiar mask. This sounds like a blast, and the latest in an ever-growing strand of slasher novels reinventing the genre on the page.
Dead But Dreaming of Electric Sheep by Paul Tremblay – June 30
Modern horror master Paul Tremblay‘s latest novel sounds like his most ambitious yet, and that’s really saying something. Dead But Dreaming of Electric Sheep follows Julia, a former pro gamer who gets an offer she can’t refuse: For a hefty payday, she must pilot a man named “Bernie” across the country for her mother’s tech company. The catch? Bernie’s in a vegetative state, and his mobility comes from the AI chip in his head. As Julia moves Bernie’s body, Bernie’s mind moves through an unfathomable nightmare world, but where are they heading, and what’s Bernie really meant to find? Every new Paul Tremblay book is an event, and this one feels particularly special.
Red X by David Demchuk – June 30
This one’s technically a reprint, but David Demchuk’s Red X is so revered among the horror community, and particularly other horror authors, that it feels worth highlighting, especially during Pride Month. Complex and metatextual, Red X is about a series of disappearances and a demonic entity plaguing the gay community of Toronto, but it’s also an autobiographical sketch of an author navigating death, survival, queer culture, horror as a means of expression, and more. In short, it’s an essential, and this new edition, complete with fresh writing by Gretchen Felker-Martin and Anthony Oliveira, is a must-have.
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