Episodes of Tales from the Crypt (1989–1996) have a tendency to revolve around immoral characters, which, when you think about it, is very fitting. This anthology series loved to dish out just desserts. Hardly do we ever find ourselves rooting for these awful people; more often it’s a matter of waiting for the inevitable, then maybe feeling a bit (or lot) of schadenfreude.
Yet, even in a show well known for its brutal comeuppances, there are those times where sympathy for the dirtbag isn’t totally out of the question. One example resides in Season Two’s “Television Terror”. The unfortunate protagonist in this humdinger of a haunted house story isn’t an upstanding guy; there’s no denying that. However, you also wouldn’t be wrong to feel a tad sorry for the opportunist who got more than he bargained for—way more, to put it mildly. At the very least, you’re happy to not be in Horton Rivers’ shoes as he achieves the highest ratings ever in his now short-lived TV career.
While some actors wouldn’t have been caught dead doing Tales from the Crypt, others were more than pleased to play a part. Even big names, such as Demi Moore (“Dead Right”) and Kirk Douglas (“Yellow”), didn’t agree with the consensus that doing a cable show would be beneath them. For its actors, Crypt was a safe place—an outlet, if you will. Where else could they do these weird and gruesome roles?
Whoopi Goldberg, for instance, was particularly enthused with her casting in the Tobe Hooper-directed episode, “Dead Wait”. Her only condition, though? To be “repulsive,” recalled producer Alexander B. Collett. According to Tales from the Crypt: The Official Archives, the Ghost star said she “had been playing a lot of squeaky clean nice people and [it was] getting to be a drag.”
The closest Crypt ever came to blatant stunt casting was Morton Downey, Jr. That loathed talk-show jerk rose to shame in the 1980s, and his notoriety, plus his over-the-line opinions and shock tactics, made him the ideal candidate for “Television Terror”. Sure, Morton’s range as an actor was limited; he knew he was just playing an exaggerated version of himself. Nevertheless, you can bet some viewers had a hard time resisting the possibility of Mort the Mouth getting flayed by a bunch of bloodthirsty ghosts.
“Television Terror” director Charlie Picerni began in Hollywood as a TV stuntman, as well as an actor on occasion. Then, after his long tenure on Starsky and Hutch, Picerni got the directing bug. He cut his teeth on action shows throughout the ‘80s, including Vega$, T. J. Hooker, and Stingray, before stepping outside of his comfort zone with Crypt. Experience varied from director to director, but in this show, Picerni was seemingly at a bigger disadvantage. On top of being relatively new to directing, he had no discernible background in horror. Having said that, some greenness didn’t stop Picerni from making what is now considered one of the most popular episodes of Crypt.
As far as Crypt episodes go, “Television Terror” is straightforward. Perhaps more than some fans might like. Admittedly, writers Randall Jahnson (“King of the Road“) and G. J. Pruss didn’t bother with any twists or turns in their script; they most certainly didn’t hide what lay ahead for Downey’s character. The story did all but shout the ending at you. I am referring, of course, to those not-so-subtle winks at the audience, including Dorothy Parke’s character planting the most low-hanging setup halfway through the episode: “The ratings are gonna be out the goddamn window, if you don’t do something to spice it up.” However, as undemanding as this story very much is, it’s also never short on fun.
The real-life property chosen for the dreaded domicile in which Horton hears a boo is none other than the famous Higgins/Verbeck/Hirsch Mansion located in Los Angeles. This grand, Queen Anne-style home can be spotted in a good chunk of horror films (to name some, Ben, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, Witchboard, and Waxwork) and at least two erotic thrillers. Elsewhere on TV, the dwelling popped up in Darkroom, Freddy’s Nightmares, and Beverly Hills, 90210. So, yes, this is a house with an interesting history both on and off screen.
As for the mansion’s Crypt makeover, it’s nothing extreme; don’t go into the episode expecting anything along the lines of a modern-day Halloween haunt. That said, the understated approach was the right way to go. You know what’s coming to Horton well ahead of schedule—there’s no need to make that fate obvious to him, too. ”Television Terror” is unsubtle in just about every other area, but the atmosphere and setting? No notes.
The source material for “Television Terror”, a story from EC Comics’ The Haunt of Fear, is rather different from what eventually manifested in Tales from the Crypt. For starters, that ominous, on-air tour through the Creedmoor Mansion is a great deal more restrained than the one in Ritter House. In lieu of that art-imitates-life rendering of Downey, we have the blander Al Hunt, the host of TV’s ‘Hunting with Hunt’. This amateur ghost chaser is nowhere as obnoxious as his on-screen counterpart, and his demise is the opposite of grisly. In fact, the money shot—Hunt is last seen hanging from the ceiling of the room at the top of the stairs—is largely obstructed by a door frame. What little you do see of Hunt’s death, though, is quietly horrifying. Like something out of Ghostwatch (or is that the other way around?). Also worth mentioning is the striking artwork from EC artist and writer Harvey Kurtzman; take note of his fierce hatching and cross-hatching, as well as his use of rich shadows.
The episode “Television Terror” yields no surprises, but does the sheer predictability do it any harm? Not really, especially if you crave jump-scares—some of the show’s best and most intense are right here. While his part doesn’t undo every repellent thing he said or did in his lifetime, Downey was a good sport. His performance, even a self-parodying one, is nothing to scoff at, either. Downey’s reactions are so visceral that you actually begin to fear for his character.
Truth be told, if some random stranger on the street were to bring up Tales from the Crypt with me, asking for recommendations, my mind would go straight to “Television Terror“. It’s S-tier, plain and simple.
Season Two of Tales from the Crypt can be streamed on Shudder, starting on May 8.
Tales from Tales from the Crypt celebrates the show’s Shudder premiere by singling out one episode from each season. So don’t even think about changing that dial, boys and ghouls. More spot-“frights” are to come.
