There’s nothing inherently wrong with remakes. Updating classic stories for a new generation is a time-honored tradition that human beings have been partaking in since the dawn of storytelling itself. However, not all remakes are created equal.
During the 2000s, genre fans experienced an especially turbulent moment where studios were desperate to reboot aging slasher franchises with more modern sensibilities. While genre purists often insist on discarding this era of Blockbuster remakes entirely, I’d argue that this cinematic movement had interesting results which are still worth talking about today.
That’s why I’ve decided to come up with a list ranking all ten of the major slasher remakes released between 2000 and 2010!
As usual, this ranking is obviously based on personal opinion, but keep in mind that I’ll be defining “slasher” as a horror movie where characters are systematically stalked and murdered by a masked/deformed killer in a style reminiscent of John Carpenter’s Halloween. Naturally, this definition leaves out a couple of classic horror remakes like The Hills Have Eyes and The Hitcher. I also won’t be including sequels on the list in order to keep things simple.
That being said, don’t forget to comment below with your own opinion on millennial remakes if you have a different take on the ranking.
With that out of the way, onto the list.
10. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
I don’t think anyone will be surprised to see this infamous remake in last place, but I actually don’t think it’s quite as irredeemable as some folks make it out to be. In a vacuum, the micro-naps are a neat idea, and I actually enjoy both Rooney Mara as the new Nancy and Jackie Earle Haley as a more gruesome Freddy Krueger. It’s also always fun to see Kyle Gallner show up in a scary movie.
The real problem here is that the flick’s new ideas are few and far between, with everything else having been done better in the original series. This is especially unfortunate since 2010’s A Nightmare on Elm Street is a particularly humorless experience that can’t even coast on the inherent entertainment value of Robert Englund’s over-the-top dream demon.
9. Prom Night (2008)
The original Prom Night might not be quite as popular as some of its contemporaries, but it actually happens to be one of the most influential Slashers of all time. The remake, on the other hand, is a serviceable scary movie that you’ll likely forget about the day after you watch it.
I’d be more lenient towards the flick if it at least offered up some interesting kills, but the PG-13 rating makes it all the more frustrating when you realize that the movie is wasting serious talent like Idris Elba and Ming-Na Wen.
8. Sorority Row (2009)
Stewart Hendler’s cheeky reimagining of The House on Sorority Row might not work for every horror enthusiast out there (you really have to be a fan of “mean girl” dialogue and extreme camp to dig this one), but I’m part of the small subset of moviegoers that think this charming little romp is better than the original.
Sorority Row is certainly no masterpiece, but I’m still waiting on that sequel we were teased about nearly two decades ago.
7. Black Christmas (2009)
Unlike the previous entry, 2009’s Black Christmas is by no means an improvement over the original. However, this batshit crazy flick is also so different from Bob Clark’s eerie movie that it’s hard to even compare the two.
When evaluated as a standalone slasher only tangentially related to 1974’s Black Christmas, I’d argue that Glen Morgan’s follow-up is a really fun, not to mention absurd, romp with gnarly kills and a memorable, if at times ridiculous-looking, villain.
6. The Toolbox Murders (2004)
Another remake that only borrows the basic premise of the original and reinvents everything else, Tobe Hooper’s take on The Toolbox Murders is a delightfully bizarre thriller. Feeling like a cross between classic Giallo, Rosemary’s Baby and Konami’s Silent Hill 4, there’s nothing else quite like this weird little horror experiment.
In fact, the only reason I don’t rank this one any higher is the fact that Hooper technically never had the chance to finish shooting the film, with the theatrical cut having been cobbled together from incomplete footage.
5. House of Wax (2005)
The 1953 version of House of Wax was more of a gothic thriller than anything resembling a slasher, and its 1933 predecessor even more so, but Jaume Collet-Serra fully embraced mid-2000s excess when the time came for him to direct his iconic remake.
While the result was more than a little influenced by 1979’s Tourist Trap, it also happened to become an instant cult classic. In fact, 2005’s House of Wax is still remembered fondly as one of the most entertaining B-movies of the 2000s, and not just because of Paris Hilton’s highly advertised death scene.
4. Friday the 13th (2009)
I never understood the hate for Marcus Nispel’s Friday the 13th. Not only does this flick feature Jason Voorhees at his scariest, except maybe for the sackheaded variant we saw in Part II, but with the exception of the prologue/opening credits that recap the first couple of movies, this could easily have been just another sequel paying homage to all of the franchise’s greatest hits.
In fact, a lot of the criticism directed towards this movie is word-for-word the same kind of complaining that fans used to hear about older films in the series, which is why I think 2009’s Friday the 13th remains a must watch addition to the franchise.
3. Halloween (2007)
I have mixed feelings about Rob Zombie’s Halloween, but I can’t bring myself to call it a bad movie. While I agree that the film shouldn’t have tried to humanize the boogeyman and the parts that simply repeat Carpenter’s work are done so with less elegance, Tyler Mane’s incarnation of Michael Myers is the only version of the character to have ever truly scared me. I also appreciate the breakneck pacing of the second half of the picture.
I actually think that this is a great standalone slasher, with an even better sequel. It’s just not a very faithful recreation of the elements that made Halloween such a fascinating movie in the first place. However, I can’t fault Zombie for at least trying to do something a little different, and that’s why I still rewatch this one almost as often as the 1978 original!
2. My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
1981’s My Bloody Valentine is one of the most underrated slashers of all time, but its three-dimensional remake is no slouch either! Directed by Patrick Lussier, this over-the-top whodunnit is one of the best in its class despite merely following the classic slasher formula to a T.
I mean, the characters are memorable, Jensen Ackles makes for a great lead, and the kills are awesome even if you watch the movie in 2D, so what else do you need? Hell, my only gripe with the movie is that they don’t reuse the charming Ballad of Harry Warden from the original, though Michael Wandmacher’s new soundtrack is pretty cool, too.
1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Tobe Hooper’s original Texas Chain Saw Massacre captured lightning in a bottle, and the filmmaker himself was aware of this when he came back for a sequel. That’s why a remake attempting to recreate the exact same look and feel of the first movie was never going to work, especially in a post-9/11 society where exaggerated violence had become something that you could watch for free on the nightly news.
With that in mind, Marcus Nispel’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the best retelling of this story that we could have hoped for, with all the blood and guts dialed up to eleven in a neo-grindhouse experience that still holds up as the best slasher remake of the 2000s – and the third-best entry in the Texas Chain Saw Massacre franchise as a whole if you ask me.
