Movies
Morituris
“With an FX master working his magic, I was sure that there would be something redeemable in an otherwise putrid film. Boy was I wrong. Morituris has landed firmly in my mental list of the ‘worst films of all time.’ “
The filmmakers have responded to this review in this spoiler-filled interview.
Reviewer’s Note: Major spoilers, although I’m just saving you time…
Featuring special effects work by Sergio Stivaletti (Opera, Demons, Dellamorte Dallamore), Raffaele Picchio’s Morituris was my sole focus of this year’s Fantasia Film Festival, currently ongoing in Montreal, Canada. With an FX master working his magic, I was sure that there would be something redeemable in an otherwise putrid film. Boy was I wrong. Morituris has landed firmly in my mental list of the “worst films of all time.”
Why such hatred you ask? The plot pretty much speaks for itself. The movie opens with a trio of douche bags driving two foreign women to a rave in the middle of the woods. The dudes are super cool ‘cause they do drugs. The ladies are super dumb because they trust these guys (and verbally proclaim so.) After driving for a painful 25 minutes, the group finally takes a break and leaves the car to play some soccer. Good times, good times. After a brief game, the audience is subjected to another pitiful 10 minutes of driving before they arrive at the rave. But wait, there’s no rave because “it’s deep in the woods” and “illegal”. Ok, so these guys “trick” these moronic girls into going into the woods where they proceed to viciously rape and beat them for what feels like hours. It’s an absolutely malicious and chauvinistic viewpoint of a narrow-minded, piece of sh*t writer/director.
Ok, so, you want to just write it off and say, “no way the director hates women, he just wanted to make a brutal movie!” Maybe at the 40 minute point you can make that argument, but what proceeds is such tasteless garbage that the director of Chaos (The Demon!!!) would be jealous.
Taking a break from raping and kicking the women, one of the dudes calls his brother to check in. What’s the brother up to? Oh, he’s dripping acid on a girl’s stomach but of course! She’s tied up and being tortured by the brother, who then proceeds to stick a tube in her vagina and drop a mouse down it. For real. No joke. There’s zero point or social relevance to ANY of this.
Continuing on, we cut back to the girls attempting to escape the wrath of the trio of rapists. They come across a sacred ground that, when crossed, unleashes a slew of demonic knights of sorts. Now, you’d think this would be the point where the female protags turn the tides and regain control, only you’d be wrong. The creatures attack and torture the girls as well! It gets even more bizarre when one of the guys oversteps his evil bounds and works with one of the victims to try and survive. He fails, she fails and the creatures literally CRUCIFY the girl on a cross! Why? Well, because it’s the ultimate shocker (that’s the mind of an incompetent, disgusting, horrid filmmaker).
Morituris might just be the most vile movie since, maybe ever? I’m not a sensitive guy (at all), I don’t get offended, and frankly I wasn’t offended – but Morituris does show viewers what a disgusting piece of trash the filmmaker is. Every single thing that happens comes with such a complete lack in taste. So to the director and the movie: f*ck off.
Negative 100 million out of 5 Skulls.
From child-eating witches to village-burning dragons, fairy tales have always had a foot in the horror genre. That’s why it makes sense that, for every The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia, there are also darker and more adult-oriented stories about magical worlds inhabited by ravenous monsters and cruel villains.
Funnily enough, these sinister tales were precisely the ones that I gravitated towards back when I was a kid, and I was reminded of this while watching Netflix’s recently released I Am Frankelda, Mexico’s first ever feature-length stop-motion animation and one hell of an entertaining parable about the intersection between fiction and reality.
In honor of this special kind of horror-adjacent fairy tale, today I’d like to share this list recommending six Dark Fantasy films that horror fans might enjoy.
For the purposes of this list, we’ll be defining Dark Fantasy as fantastical stories that don’t shy away from the more macabre elements that fuel classic fairy tales. That being said, don’t forget to comment below with your own grim favorites if you think we missed a particularly thrilling one.
With that out of the way, onto the list!
6. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
I’m fascinated by bizarre attempts at blockbuster filmmaking – especially when the resulting movies are somehow still fun despite their corporate-mandated origins. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is precisely one of these strangely compelling studio projects, as this surprisingly successful action-thriller boasts a lot of heart (and tongue-in-cheek humor) for a CGI-heavy creature feature.
Directed by Dead Snow’s Tommy Wirkola, Witch Hunters re-frames the classic fairy tale as an origin story for a duo of badass monster-slayers. Of course, it’s the flick’s anachronistic aesthetic and overall visual flair that make it stand out from other action-horror endeavors from around the same time.
5. The Wolf House (2018)
Made in the tradition of faux cursed films in the same vein as Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made, the eerie backstory to 2018’s Chilean animated flick The Wolf House (La Casa Lobo in the original Spanish) already makes it a nightmarish experience before the flick even really begins.
After all, the movie is presented to us as a faux propaganda film produced by the leader of a death cult (heavily inspired by the real life Colonia Dignidad), with this hybrid animated feature using complex movie magic to simulate a single uninterrupted shot as it tells the story of a lazy young girl who runs away from an isolated colony and encounters a creepy old house in the woods.
4. The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Out of all the Monty Python alumni, Terry Gilliam has had the most interesting career outside of the original comedy group. From fascinating canceled projects (such as his scrapped adaptation of Watchmen) to dystopian parodies that feel more relevant by the minute (1985’s Brazil), even his “lesser” films are still intriguing in their own way.
2005’s The Brothers Grimm is one such project, with this peculiar movie attempting to combine the comedian-turned-filmmaker’s unique visual style with a more blockbuster-oriented plot reimagining the titular brothers as con-artists rather than mere writers. The end result isn’t exactly a masterpiece, but it’s still a legitimately fun ride with plenty of memorable monsters and wonderful performances by both the late, great Heath Ledger and Matt Damon.
3. Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010)
2010’s Dante’s Inferno game may have a reputation as something of an unapologetic God of War clone, but I’d argue that the now-obscure game was aesthetically unique enough to deserve a bigger fanbase. However, while the title remains trapped on the seventh console generation, its highly underrated anime adaptation is a lot easier to get a hold of!
Animated by 6 different studios in order to make the 9 circles of hell feel unique from each other, this may not be a completely faithful adaptation of Dante Alighieri’s poem, but it’s still one heck of a great (not to mention gory) time that I’d highly recommend to fans of Netflix’s take on Castlevania.
2. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)
My personal favorite entry in the Underworld franchise, Rise of the Lycans, is a highly ambitious prequel that actually works better if you haven’t had the story spoiled to you by the previous Underworld films.
While the rest of the series features plenty of urban fantasy elements as the movies combine machine guns and modern environments with gothic storytelling, Patrick Tatopoulos’ prequel fully embraces its fantastical origins and tells a classic tale about a doomed romance between a werewolf and a vampire amid a medieval uprising.
And the best part is that we get a lot more Michael Sheen as the fan-favorite Lucian.
1. Solomon Kane (2011)
One of my personal favorite movies on this list, MJ Basset’s criminally underseen adaptation of Robert E. Howard’s other iconic warrior is thoroughly steeped in horror ambience and features plenty of memorable monsters. However, it’s also a classic origin story for a swashbuckling hero that wouldn’t feel out of place in a tabletop RPG.
While I’ve already written about how the film deftly combines both horror and fantasy elements without breaking the bank, I’ll never pass up an opportunity to recommend the bizarre movie where James Purefoy expertly plays a puritan John Wick.
It’s just too bad that we never got the other films in this intended trilogy.
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