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5 Horror Main Characters We Shouldn’t Be Cheering For

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Movies are a great way to see certain characters and feel inspired to be more like them. We watch movies like Apollo 13 and want to have the leadership of Ed Harris’ Gene Kranz. We see Amelie and think that it’d be nice to do good things for other people for no other reason than to see them smile. Hell, when I watch “Hannibal”, I find myself wanting to be more like Dr. Lecter, in that he is well read, educated, urbane, charming, and elegant. Apart from his strange diet, he’s kinda admirable.

But there are also movies where the main character is an anti-hero, someone that we shouldn’t be cheering for because godDAMN are they an asshole! While I love many of these characters and want to cheer their survival, I also recognize that I shouldn’t approve of their behavior. After all, some of these people are flat out dicks.

So let’s look at a few of these characters that go about things in all the wrong ways!


THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD, SO VENTURE FORWARD AT YOUR OWN RISK!


Mary Mason – American Mary

Rape revenge movies aren’t a genre that I particularly enjoy. Honestly, I tend to avoid watching them simply because I find myself getting disgusted and I lose interest in the story. There’s a rape, the rape victim kills the rapist, usually through some horrible method, and that’s that. However, I didn’t know that American Mary was essentially a rape revenge film, so I went into it unaware of what was to come.

While I fully respect where she’s coming from – seriously, fuck that professor – the actions she took went beyond justice and dove right into the deep end of depravity and torture. Mary Mason is not a good person, plain and simple. Her death at the end of the film doesn’t bring satisfaction, it simply helps alleviate the sour taste in my mouth that built throughout the movie.


Snake Plissken – Escape From New York

Okay, hear me out here for a second before crucifying me, alright? Snake is pretty much the perfect example of an anti-hero. He was a decorated military man before turning to a life of crime, using his skills against the government. He’s also a surly prick who doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself. Sorry, but it’s true and we all know it. People die left and right around Snake and he carries on because he has to save his own neck. Even at the end of Escape From New York, Plissken fucks over a summit that would’ve brought peace between the US, China, and the Soviet Union. It wouldn’t have really affected Snake in any way, shape, or form to allow the summit to carry on. He sabotaged it out of pure spite. What a dick.


Blade – The Blade Films

Blade is an interesting character because his heart is absolutely in the right place (he saves people left and right) but he’s an absolute asshole as a person. So, while he may do the right thing, he does it in a way that makes people go, “…thanks?

I get it. I really do. He’s pissed at vampires for what they did to him and his family. But you would think that after a certain amount of time that he’d learn how to cut loose and have a good time every once in a while. At least in a way that doesn’t involve slaughtering dozens of vampires at a time. Just give me one scene where Blade is not only genuinely grateful to those around him but also goes into his room and instead of meditating in front of his sword he puts on a record and maybe lights up a joint. Give me that and I’ll suddenly have so much more respect for the guy.


The Gecko Brothers – From Dusk Till Dawn

These guys are bank robbers and Richie is a rapist and murderer. Seth isn’t exactly the nicest of individuals either, happily waving his gun around and threatening the lives of pretty much everyone he comes into contact with. Just because Seth helps protect the Fullers doesn’t mean that he’s a good person. He’s still a scumbag who just happened to fall into a situation where he needs as many around him alive as possible so that they can last until morning. He evens says at the end, “I may be a bastard, but I’m not a fucking bastard“, as though that absolves him of his past.

The only person we should be cheering in this film is Tom Savini’s Sex Machine because he’s got a cock gun. End of story.


Ash Williams – Army of Darkness

I have a feeling this is the one where I get my ass handed to me…

Okay, so Ash in Evil Dead is totally fine. He’s a sweet guy who gets caught up in a horrible situation. Ash in Evil Dead 2 is a bit more of a jerk but he’s just a more revved up version of Evil Dead Ash. Army of Darkness and “Ash vs Evil Dead” Ash? Yeah, he’s a prick. He’s a total asshole and what’s even worse is that he knows it and embraces it! His bravado and machismo is there to protect only one person: himself.

Look, I realize that Ash has these great one-liners and Bruce Campbell plays the characters MAGNIFICENTLY! Hell, I love these movies and will happily watch them pretty much any day of the week. But that doesn’t change the fact that Ash is a total dick. I appreciate that he dispatches Deadites with total ease but does he have to be such a bottom-of-the-barrel kinda guy doing it?

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Editorials

Before ‘The Blair Witch Project’, ‘Alien Autopsy’ Showed How Real Found Footage Could Feel

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Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction

The line separating artist from con man is a lot thinner than you might initially believe. While I think we can all agree that lying for the sake of profit is actively malicious behavior, isn’t it also true that the faux documentary aspect of The Blair Witch Project is half the reason why that film became such a cultural phenomenon? After all, if there’s one thing filmmakers have in common with stage magicians, it’s that misleading and misdirecting audiences is simply part of the job.

That’s why I’ve developed a habit of mostly ignoring the moral quandaries behind many of film and television’s biggest “hoaxes” in favor of appreciating the narrative elements that drive productions like Mermaids: The Body Found and even Animal Planet’s highly underrated The Cannibal in the Jungle. However, if there’s a definitive case of a highly publicized broadcast fooling the world into taking it seriously, it has to be Fox’s infamous 1995 TV special Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction.

It’s been over three decades since that eerie footage first haunted television screens right at the peak of the ’90s ufology craze, and in that time, the video has taken on a life of its own. From countless parodies and references in everything from The X-Files to Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater (as well as John Dower’s recently released tell-all documentary The Alien Autopsy Scandal, which I’d highly recommend to genre fans everywhere), there’s no denying the legacy of the Alien Autopsy video. However, I rarely see the tape discussed as what it truly is: a highly convincing found footage film directed by a passionate stage magician and brought to life by masterful practical effects work.

That’s why I’d like to invite readers to join me on a deep dive into one of the most infamous broadcasts of all time in an attempt to reevaluate the footage as a fascinating narrative experience rather than a complete hoax.

The TV Special That Convinced Millions It Was Real

Ray Santilli next to Extraterrestrial replica in ‘The Alien Autopsy Scandal’

For starters, regardless of whether or not you believe that there was in fact an extraterrestrial crash in Roswell during the summer of 1947 and that some form of autopsy was performed on the victims, the producers behind the black & white recordings, Ray Santilli and Gary Shoefield, insist that their video was a “restoration.” Though I’d argue that the proper word is “remake”of genuine footage that was too damaged to air on television. That’s why the duo went on to recruit filmmaker and eccentric magician Spyros Melaris and sculptor/monster designer John Humphreys to bring their version of the autopsy to life and sell it to the highest bidder.

This is where the story of the Alien Autopsy as a narrative experience really begins. Melaris claims that his approach to the faux recording consisted of striving for extreme period accuracy in both shooting equipment and setting while also planting subtle details that would initially seem like mistakes but could later be revealed to actually fit the time period. That being said, the filmmaker was under the impression that the short would be released for free as a PR stunt, with the team later producing and selling an informative documentary chronicling exactly how the footage was faked and commenting on how easy it is to manipulate public perception with a good old-fashioned magic trick.

This obviously isn’t how things went down, and that’s likely the reason why Melaris has since distanced himself from everyone else involved with the project. Yet, no amount of behind-the-scenes drama can undermine the genuine effort that went into making the short as impressive as it is. From the sourcing of real animal organs from a local butcher to make the organic part of the creature more lifelike to the highly detailed sculpt that made use of a hollowed-out underlayer that could be filled with fake blood and assorted viscera, there’s a reason why so many Hollywood specialists are still impressed with the artistry on display here.

Of course, the believability is only half the story, as I think that the best part of the autopsy is how Melaris builds on the existing tension by obscuring certain details and often embracing the chaos of what a real examination of extraterrestrial life could feel like. The camera often goes out of focus at just the right time to make certain effects hit even harder, and we can only speculate as to what the hazmat-suited doctors are gesticulating about during the operation. There’s a real air of mystery to the whole thing that almost makes it feel like a cosmically terrifying, cursed film containing forbidden knowledge that civilians were never meant to see.

So when Fox’s Fact or Fiction brings in the specialists to comment on the film and its otherworldly subject, it’s no surprise that we end up with one of the most memorable mockumentaries of all time – albeit one where the participants are unaware that the footage they’re commenting on is basically a large-scale practical joke. A joke that the network was obviously in on, as many participants claim that the TV special cut out significant portions where guests point out that they believe the footage to be an elaborate hoax.

The Lasting Impact of the Hoax Turned Cultural Event

Regardless, I remember going to bed terrified after watching reruns of the special and thinking about the respected pathologist who claimed that the body was almost certainly inhuman, with even effects maestro Stan Winston commenting on how difficult it would be to recreate some of these visuals through practical puppetry. That’s not even mentioning Jonathan Frakes’ dramatic hyping up of the disturbing imagery as if he was talking about the tape from The Ring, with his spooky demeanor here likely being responsible for his later role as the host of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction a few years later.

Personally, I’d argue that the Alien Autopsy phenomenon had just as much of an impact on me as a horror fan as The Blair Witch Project, a film that was almost certainly influenced by the success of this immensely popular hoax (to the point where they even produced their own TV special commenting on Heather’s found footage). Even if Fox didn’t intend to produce a narrative feature about the aftermath of the Roswell crash, the end product still holds up remarkably well as a highly entertaining mockumentary exploring the idea that we may not be alone in the universe.

While neither Santilli nor the rest of the production team has ever commented on this, I also think it’s very likely that the idea of a faux Alien Autopsy could have been influenced by Dean Alioto’s The McPherson Tape/UFO Abduction. I’ve already written about how this granddaddy of found footage was co-opted by rogue ufologists who began selling bootlegs of the tape at conventions as if it were real evidence of a close encounter, so it’s not that much of a stretch to imagine that Santilli and company could have heard about this phenomenon and been inspired to come up with their own highly profitable hoax.

At the end of the day, it’s unlikely that the Alien Autopsy film is recreating any real footage from Roswell, but I can still appreciate the short and the accompanying television event as a standalone horror story that still influences the way we see found footage to this very day.

After all, the possibility that something could be real is often much scarier than finding out for sure – and that’s why I think Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction is still worth revisiting three decades down the line.

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