Bloody-Disgusting is pleased to bring you another entry into the popular ‘Top 10 Lists’ series! This time, we’ve got Jeremy Spencer, drummer of Five Finger Death Punch who are currently on the road on the main stage of the Rockstar Mayhem Festival, sharing his Top 10 WORST Horror Movies! Read on for some laughs and see if the ones that you hate have made it into his list!
1. Jaws 3-3D
I saw this horrible third installment of the Jaws franchise at the theater when I was extremely young. Even then I wanted my 90 minutes back. The special effects are laughable even by those early 80’s standards. They tried to cover up a cheesy story by making it in 3D. The shark would come in to frame and it looked like “Oh no, here’s comes the tilting and twisting shark”. You could tell it was on the mechanical arm. This was so bad it actually made me laugh. It was pretty much the door slammer on a masterpiece of a franchise.
2. Basket Case
In Basket Case, a baby is born with a parasitic twin. A small, evil parasitic twin the size of a basketball. It grows out of the boy’s shoulder. The boy’s parents decide to save the “normal” twin by having the parasitic twin surgically removed.
The ugly lump of flesh is removed and thrown into the garbage. And the other twin grows up to be a normal young man. A normal young man that keeps his parasitic twin brother in a picnic basket that is!
Total shiznit!
3. Cannibal Ferox (a.k.a Make Them Die Slowly)
The subtitle of this movie is “make them die slowly” and the movie certainly lives up to its name. The mindless plot involves some Americans captured by cannibals in the Amazon. There is not much plot except a series of mutilations, eye removals, and gory torture.
Some might call this movie a cult classic for its harsh, cynical portrayal of gore and violence. I call it a messy blood bath of boring horror cliches. For some reason – perhaps the producers had too much money – the movie was actually shot on location in Brazil and in New York. The New York scenes involve a largely unrelated subplot in which a police detective searches for a drug dealer. The artlessly thrown together plots and bad acting elevate this lousy movie to the level of horribly bad.
4. Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (1979)
A sleazy zombie cheesefest with horrible dubbing of English over the original Italian dialogue. The mouths are out of synch with the sound which adds to the fun.
A classic in the Euro-Horror zombie genre. Gratuitous sex and horrible acting. So bad it’s almost good.
5. Eaten Alive
This is yet another Italian horror movie with a cannibal theme. Americans venture into the jungle where they encounter cannibals. Eating ensues.
6. A Night to Dismember
A female murderer is released from an insane asylum, supposedly cured. Then the body count begins. The film is dreadful on almost every level: the sound is awful (where are the foley artists when you need them?), the cinematography is lousy, the plot and acting are D-grade. The whole mess doesn’t make sense, so the director added a narrator that valiantly tries to make sense of the movie and explain the plot to you. The movie must be seen in order to appreciate just how brilliantly awful it is.
7. Santa’s Slay
It seems that truly bad horror movies always try to be clever by using an obvious pun in their title. For example: Gingerdread Man, or the awful Santa’s Slay, about a murderous Santa Claus.
What’s even funnier is that the killer Santa is played by talented actor and former wrestling star Bill Goldberg. Need I say more?
8. Jaws: The Revenge
It seems they couldn’t leave it alone after the woeful JAWS 3: 3D. as if that was bad enough. No, they had to try and milk one more money-grabbing attempt before retiring the franchise. Lorraine Gary should be ashamed of herself for signing up for this mess and so should Michael Caine. Both are talented actors in their own right. One funny thing I noticed was that they kept changing actors for the sons in every film. In Part 3 they had Dennis Quaid and in this stinker they had the actor from The Last Starfighter. I guess the Vacation series did this as well. Is it supposed to be blatant, or we’re not supposed to notice or care? It would have been great if Lorraine Gary said “I liked you better as a Quaid” to the guy in this movie. It would have made for some comic relief, at least. But, the biggest problem here is the story. The shark follows them to the Carribean to kill the Brody family. Uh, ok. Absolutely pathetic!
9. A Nightmare On Elm St. (2010)
This one was gonna have tough shoes to fill, regardless. But Michael Bay should take his name off this pile of crap. Horrible cast and acting. The star had not even an inkling of the charisma that Robert Englund did. I had high hopes for this after a successful remake of Texas Chainsaw, but Michael Bay obviously didn’t care about anything but making a few dollars on this one. There wasn’t even one dream sequence that was scary in this turd.
10. Night of the Bloody Apes
It’s the night of the Bloody Apes – well, actually, only one bloody ape. And he’s not really all ape, either.
You see, it seems that a mad scientist had a son with a heart defect. So he gives his son a heart from an ape, which naturally turns his meek, weakling son into a ferocious, murdering, sex crazed monkey man. What else would you expect? 🙂
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