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Duel to the Death: Classic Zombies Vs. Non-Zombies
Welcome one and all to a brand new series here on Dead Pixels, home of all things geeky and videogame-y. TJ and I have been slaving over our hot computers to bring you what we affectionately refer to as the Duel to the Death. In this new series we’ll take popular characters, monsters, bosses and everything in-between and pit them against each other so we can watch the giblets fly. All you have to do is watch the fight, root for who you want to win, and if your side loses you can vent your rage in the comments. Easy, right?
In this issue it’s all about the zombies. But we’re not just talking about the classic, shambling undead made popular in Resident Evil – we’re expanding this duel to a few more contenders as well. Also in this match are the agile, “rage” zombies like what’s found in Left 4 Dead, the sort-of-but-not-really zombies from the last two Resident Evils, and the possessed townsfolk from Alan Wake and Deadly Premonition. Now, this isn’t a “who would win if we put one of each in an arena and watch them fight?” sort of scenario, this is more about which poses the biggest threat to humanity. So who wins? Let’s find out.
Adam: Ahh, the classic zombie. This one’s easy to root for because the moaning, shuffling zombies are the ones many of us grew up with. They can only go down after massive trauma to the brain (a bullet to the eye socket should suffice) and while they’re easy to overpower (or outmaneuver) alone, it’s when they’re in groups that you really have to worry.
TJ: See I feel as if these are the lamest of the zombies. I mean don’t get me wrong, they’re still zombies. If I saw a real one I would probably drop an unsightly load in my pants. I feel as if these zombies are way LESS threatening in large groups, because they are still slow as hell compared to the other types of zombies. The only advantage that I feel they have, is that aside from some occasional quiet moaning, they are fairly quiet, and you wouldn’t see one coming at you from the bathroom stall or closet.
Adam: Old school zombie fans please direct your complaints regarding TJ’s unabashed hatred for George Romero and his entire line of work to TJ’s email. With that said, I think I agree. I love classic zombies, they’re terrifying no matter what, but out of the many types of undead they’re definitely the least intimidating.
TJ: Right here bitches, bring me the hate.
Adam: These crazy mother fuckers were introduced to us in 28 Days Later before making their way to the realm of bytes and sprites in Left 4 Dead. Unlike their slower counterparts, these guys aren’t as easy to outrun, and they’re also still as difficult to put down. They also don’t seem to have much interest in eating your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti, instead they’re usually far more interested in tearing you apart, limb from limb.
TJ: 28 Days Later got me real nervous. I’m also pretty sure that you didn’t specifically have to be bitten to change into one of them. It freaks me out if they have a lot more ways to change you. Like spitting in your eye, getting some blood on your skin, plowing your girlfriend. Taking your mom out for a nice steak dinner and not calling her back.
Adam: I forgot about that! I remember a scene in 28 Days Later when the dad is infected when some tainted blood gets in his eye, or in its sequel, when the main guy is infected after a steamy makeup session with his wife. I fucking love those movies. And on a side note, does it make me a bad son if I’ve never taken my mom out for a nice steak dinner?
TJ: Yes! That was the scene, blood in the eyes will fuck you up. As far as your mom, not if you can’t afford it. Take her to Outback, great steaks, great prices. (Pitch for Outback ad/free steak coupons.)
Adam: The Non-Zombies include a handful of creatures like Resident Evil 4’s Ganados, RE5’s Majini, and Siren’s Shibito. What’s so terrifying about these guys is they’ve managed to retain some semblance of thought that’s displayed in their ability to flank their prey and use complex machinery. They also seem to be able to communicate with each other, at least in most cases. They remind me a lot of velociraptors, only these guys can fire guns. Clever girl. (second movie reference? Check.)
TJ: It does frighten me that they can use weapons. But the probability of them getting their hands on, oh I don’t know let’s say a gattling gun and a box backpack full of bullets is slim to none. Now the fact that they know how to use everyday items like pitchforks, knives, rakes, etc to their advantage gets me a little more worried.
Adam: And don’t forget their ability to sustain themselves even when they’re not tearing up innocent people and eating them Jeffrey Dahmer style. In the village in Resident Evil 4 I’m pretty sure I came across a bunch tables set with rotting meals. I like picturing the townsfolk sitting at the table, saying grace before chowing down and talking about their day and how little Johnny got an A on his report card. Then suddenly, Leon comes into town and starts killing everyone. Somehow, Little Johnny is the only survivor, but he doesn’t know how to live without his mom’s cooking and he doesn’t want to go to bed until his dad reads him a few pages from that storybook he loves so much. So Johnny decides his only option is to take the chainsaw from his slain uncle who wore a bag over his head to cover the burns on his face that he got from saving two puppies from a burning building a few years back, then Johnny turns on the chainsaw and lies on top of it, sobbing until he breathes his final breath.
TJ: Holy shit, you’ve got me LOL’zing over here. I think I just read the official pitch for Resident Evil 4-2.
Adam: I like paranormal stuffs, like ghosts and all that jazz. I even spent my 21st birthday in a necropolis here in California (Colma, CA – Google it) So games like Alan Wake and Deadly Premonition that add a paranormal aspect to the hordes of undead creatures coming at you is more than a little intriguing to someone like me. The only problem here is these creatures have to be taken over by some sort of malevolent presence before they become dangerous, and for that reason (and maybe the fact that an author managed to take out hundreds of these things), I can’t say I’m too worried about these guys winning.
TJ: See I feel as these guys pose more of a threat than they lead on. Think about Deadly Premonition. These guys come out of black goo holes. They technically never stop manifesting. If you don’t find the source of them and destroy it, game over man. The have an endless supply of minions. Though the Alan Wake guys are a bit more giddy about running right fucking for you.
Adam: I keep trying to comment on your argument but all I can think about are black goo holes. Amazing.
Adam: I’m going to have to side with the Majini and Ganados. Really, it all boils down to who poses the biggest threat and I feel these guys do for a few reasons. They can take a lot of damage before going down, they can use complicated machinery (guns, vehicles), they can reach you no matter where you hide (rendering mall rooftops useless), and most importantly, they’re self-sustaining. No other enemy in this fight will continue to take care of itself, like eating, when there’s no prey nearby. If they have no one left to hunt these fuckers will rebuild civilization, and that’s terrifying.
TJ: I’m going to have to back the Rage Zombies. Why? Because the Majini and Ganados, while yes they sort of act like humans, eating, taking care of themselves, and handling weapons, that can be their fatal flaw. They aren’t as focused on turning the entire population into one of “them”. I mean, they hang out and farm! The rage zombies are completely fucking amped up and will chase you down like they have been running in the olympics their entire lives. They can spread a zombie virus faster than Adam spreads his chlamydia. They don’t need to eat, because they’re going to eat you. And they won’t let anything stand in their way. And in a crowd of them, or once they start running towards you in a group, you might as well just lay down and accept the fact that pretty soon you’re going to be running with them.
It’s no secret that between the two of us TJ and I are pretty damn smart. I mean, if there was a way to crudely combine our brainpower, our fused mind prowess would easily rank at an eleventh grade level. With that said, even the sexiest, most intelligent of people can make mistakes, so whether you agree or disagree with our choices this is your chance to toss in your own two cents. So do it, because if you don’t that means you’re killing democracy, and you’re not a murderer. Are you?
We are now one full month into Spring 2024, which kicked off on Tuesday, March 19 and comes to an end with the start of Summer on Thursday, June 20. This year’s summer movie season has a whole bunch of exciting horror highlights, including A Quiet Place: Day One, MaXXXine, and Alien: Romulus, but let’s hold that particular thought until June rolls around.
We’re here today to talk about Spring 2024 and the many horrors we still have left before the weather gets warmer and we find ourselves in the heat of one hell of a spooky summer.
Here are 12 horror movies you don’t want to miss in Spring 2024!
STING – April 12
Two words: SPIDER HORROR. Writer/Director Kiah Roache-Turner (Wyrmwood) hopes to induce eight-legged terror with his brand new horror movie Sting, only in theaters April 12.
Of particular note, Sting features practical spider effects from 5-time Academy Award Winner Weta Workshop, with the spider in this one inspired by H.R. Giger’s Xenomorph!
In Sting, “One cold, stormy night in New York City, a mysterious object falls from the sky and smashes through the window of a rundown apartment building. It is an egg, and from this egg emerges a strange little spider. The creature is discovered by Charlotte, a rebellious 12-year-old girl obsessed with comic books. Keeping it as a secret pet, she names it Sting.
“But as Charlotte’s fascination with Sting increases, so does its size. Growing at a monstrous rate, Sting’s appetite for blood becomes insatiable.”
BLACKOUT – APRIL 12
Indie darling Larry Fessenden is back with new horror movie Blackout this Spring, Fessenden’s third movie – following Habit and Depraved – to put his own spin on classic monsters.
While Habit was centered on vampires and Depraved was a fresh take on Frankenstein’s Monster, Larry Fessenden’s Blackout is the filmmaker’s contribution to werewolf cinema.
The film follows Charley, an artist whose drinking binges blur with his sneaking suspicion that he might be a werewolf. He distances himself from those he loves and sinks deeper into solitude, his flashes of memory of his nighttime grisly acts manifested through his artwork.
ARCADIAN – APRIL 12
If Nicolas Cage is covered in blood, you better believe we’re going to be watching. Cage gets his own A Quiet Place with Arcadian, a new creature feature coming to theaters April 12.
In Arcadian, which also comes to Shudder later this year, “After a catastrophic event depopulates the world, a father (Nicolas Cage) and his two sons must survive their dystopian environment while being threatened by mysterious creatures that emerge at night.”
Jaeden Martell (IT 2017) also stars in the post apocalyptic monster movie.
ABIGAIL – APRIL 19
If you’re bummed about Melissa Barrera being fired from the Scream franchise, you’ll definitely want to get out to your local theater this month to support Abigail, the new VAMPIRE BALLERINA horror movie from Scream and Scream VI directors Radio Silence.
Barrera stars alongside fellow horror favorite Kathryn Newton (Freaky) in Abigail, which is actually the latest horror movie in Universal’s relaunched Universal Monsters Universe.
In the film, “After a group of would-be criminals kidnap the 12-year-old ballerina daughter of a powerful underworld figure, all they have to do to collect a $50 million ransom is watch the girl overnight. In an isolated mansion, the captors start to dwindle, one by one, and they discover, to their mounting horror, that they’re locked inside with no normal little girl.”
LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL – APRIL 19
One of the most talked about horror movies of Spring 2024 has been the Halloween 1977-set Late Night With the Devil, which has been playing in theaters since its premiere on March 22.
Late Night with the Devil will begin streaming at home on April 19, 2024, less than one month after arriving in theaters. Shudder will be the exclusive streaming home of the movie.
David Dastmalchian (Dune, The Suicide Squad) stars as the host of a late-night talk show that descends into a nightmare in Late Night with the Devil, set on Halloween 1977.
In the found footage-style film that captures a period aesthetic, “A live television broadcast in 1977 goes horribly wrong, unleashing evil into the nation’s living rooms.”
INFESTED – APRIL 26
Spring 2024 is all about SPIDERS – sorry, arachnophobes! – with the previously mentioned Sting being followed by the French creature feature Infested (Vermines) later this month.
What’s particularly exciting about Infested is that its director, Sébastien Vaniček, has been hired to direct the next installment in the Evil Dead film franchise, so this will be our first taste of what Vaniček is capable of within the genre. And the buzz for this one is strong.
In his review out of Fantastic Fest last year, for starters, Bloody Disgusting’s own critic Trace Thurman raved that Infested is “one of the best spider attack movies in years.”
In the upcoming horror film, “Fascinated by exotic animals, Kaleb finds a venomous spider in a shop and brings it back to his apartment. It only takes a moment for the spider to escape and reproduce, turning the whole building into a dreadful web trap.”
HUMANE – APRIL 26
The daughter of horror master David Cronenberg, Caitlin Cronenberg is making her own mark in the genre filmmaking space with IFC Films’ Humane, coming to theaters this month.
The film is described as “a dystopian satire taking place over a single day, months after a global ecological collapse has forced world leaders to reduce the earth’s population.”
The wild premise? 20% of the world’s population must VOLUNTEER TO DIE!
“In a wealthy enclave, a recently retired newsman has invited his grown children to dinner to announce his intentions to enlist in the nation’s new euthanasia program. But when the father’s plan goes horribly awry, tensions flare and chaos erupts among his children.”
I SAW THE TV GLOW – MAY 3
Fresh off the haunting and singularly creepy indie We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, Jane Schoenbrun is back with A24‘s I Saw the TV Glow, releasing only in theaters this May.
Meagan Navarro wrote in her Sundance review for BD, “I Saw the TV Glow offers a layered and authentic portrait of identity, wrapped in ’90s nostalgia and surreal imagery that embeds itself deep into your psyche.” Meagan continues, “Schoenbrun delivers a singular vision of arthouse horror that entrances for its fevered dream style and insanely cool imagery.”
In A24’s latest, “Owen is just trying to make it through life in the suburbs when his classmate introduces him to a mysterious TV show — a vision of a supernatural world beneath their own. In the pale glow of the television, Owen’s view of reality begins to crack.”
TAROT – MAY 3
Originally titled Horrorscope, a much better title if you’re asking me, Screen Gems returns to the big screen with studio horror movie Tarot this Spring, a Tarot-card themed spookshow.
When a group of friends recklessly violates the sacred rule of Tarot readings – never use someone else’s deck – they unknowingly unleash an unspeakable evil trapped within the cursed cards in the upcoming Screen Gems horror movie Tarot. One by one, they come face to face with fate and end up in a race against death to escape the future foretold in their readings.
The hook for this one? Artist Trevor Henderson designed the film’s eight monsters!
THE STRANGERS: CHAPTER 1 – MAY 17
Bryan Bertino’s 2008 home invasion classic The Strangers spawns a brand new reboot trilogy this year, with first film The Strangers: Chapter 1 kicking things off in theaters on May 17.
The Strangers: Chapter 2 is expected to follow in Fall 2024.
Madelaine Petsch is the lead of the new reboot trilogy, playing a character who drives cross-country with her longtime boyfriend to begin a new life in the Pacific Northwest.
When their car breaks down in Venus, Oregon, they’re forced to spend the night in a secluded Airbnb, where they are terrorized from dusk till dawn by three masked strangers.
IN A VIOLENT NATURE – MAY 31
Slasher fans who have been hungry for a new Friday the 13th movie won’t want to miss In a Violent Nature, which plays out like a Friday movie… entirely from Jason’s perspective!
IFC Films will release In a Violent Nature exclusively in theaters on May 31.
In the film, “When a locket is removed from a collapsed fire tower in the woods that entombs the rotting corpse of Johnny, a vengeful spirit spurred on by a horrific 60-year old crime, his body is resurrected and becomes hellbent on retrieving it. The undead golem hones in on the group of vacationing teens responsible for the theft and proceeds to methodically slaughter them one by one in his mission to get it back – along with anyone in his way.”
Meagan Navarro wrote in her Sundance review for Bloody Disgusting, “In a Violent Nature may offer slasher thrills and a delightfully gory rampage across the wilderness, but the approach captures the carnage through ambient realism. It results in a fascinating arthouse horror experiment that plays more like a minimalist slice-of-life feature with a grim twist.”
THE WATCHERS – JUNE 14
M. Night Shyamalan returns with the new thriller Trap this coming August, but the road to that film’s release will be paved by the feature debut of his daughter, Ishana Night Shyamalan.
Ishana Night directed The Watchers, in theaters from WB/New Line on June 14.
The film follows Mina, a 28-year-old artist, who gets stranded in an expansive, untouched forest in western Ireland. When Mina finds shelter, she unknowingly becomes trapped alongside three strangers who are watched and stalked by mysterious creatures each night.
Which Spring 2024 horror movies are YOU most looking forward to?
4 New Horror Movies Releasing This Week Including ‘Late Night with the Devil’ at Home
Spring 2024 Horror Preview: 12 Horror Movies You Don’t Want to Miss
The ‘Scary Movie’ Spoof Franchise Is Getting a Reboot at Paramount!
‘Ready or Not’: Radio Silence Filmmakers Tease the “Absolute Banger” of a Sequel That’s Taking Shape
“We Built Every Creature” – ‘Alien: Romulus’ Goes Heavy on the Old School Practical Effects!
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