Editor’s Note: This was our April Fool’s Day joke from 2011.
It wasn’t shocking when unreleased Michael Jackson music was discovered, it was kind of surprising when new footage from Halloween was uncovered (and still never shown to us), but this my friends has got to be the Holy Grail of unknown discoveries. It’s life changing…
One of my good friends, Chaz, is an avid auctioneer. He owns all sorts actual props used in movies, from the clown in Poltergeist to a giant tooth from Steven Spielberg’s mechanical Jaws; I enter his house with a smile, and typically leave in a jealous rage.
Anyways, he attended a police auction in San Antonio, Texas where a slew of movie canisters were seized in a drug raid downtown. Described simply as “vintage movie print”, the labels carried tags for films none of us have ever heard of. Suffice to say, his purchase was for a shocking $10. Upon inspecting the strips from canister #1 with a magnifying glass, he noticed a little mongoloid boy in what looked like an ’80s slasher. He immediately called me hoping to confirm the movie: “Probably Friday the 13th,” I stated. But the scene he described was confusing, so I asked him to send me a few frames via e-mail.
Fellow horror fiends, what I saw literally (and I’m not exaggerating) made me fall off my chair. Read on for the big reveal!
Ok, so I’m lying on the floor staring at the ceiling fan hypnotized. It occurs to me that what I was looking at was a deleted, and lost, scene from Sean Cunningham’s Friday the 13th. I called Chaz and explained to him my thoughts, immediately begging him to convert the segment to digital so I could further investigate. But that’s when he hit me with the bomb: “Brad, you don’t seem to understand, this is a full feature-length movie.”
“Shut. The. F*ck. Up.” I retorted.
He told me he’d string it up, watch it, and send me the details so I could investigate further. Here’s his e-mail:
Here’s everything I was able to conjure up. First and foremost, the title card on the film is “Friday the 13th II: Jason’s Revenge”. The film is trademarked 1980 (I’m thinking this was ready for December/January?) and appears to be a workprint. The only cards besides the title were the director and writer, who were both Zak Cillons (do you know who this is?).
The movie opens with a first-person shot of someone running through the woods screaming. The person runs to a lakefront where a decapitated head lay freshly bleeding on the ground. The unknown person bends down and picks up the head, throwing it into a sack. As he stands, the camera moves up and pans to his right displaying a young redheaded girl pushing off into the lake, just past a Camp Crystal Lake “swim at your own risk” sign. That’s when the title card hit and I realized what I was watching (and you weren’t, muahahahahah). Kill-kill-kill-ma-ma-ma stings the screen. Black.
The blackness transitions to a “5 years later” card where we open with a group of campers getting off of a yellow bus and entering a giant cabin. A sign hangs over the entrance, “Welcome Back to Camp Crystal Lake!”
It’s a cafeteria inside, and all of the lunch tables are jam-packed with screaming kids, surrounded by counselors. A blonde girl takes center stage and basically welcomes everyone back, assuring everyone that it’s going to be the best summer ever. White noise litters the room, with barely audible comments splashing around, “Jason this, Jason that, Mom, Mom, died, murder, etc.”
Kids sleep, counselors make out, and that’s when the watching begins: Some one is gazing at the campers and counselors from afar.
End Reel #1.
Bad news, both reels #2, and #3 need to be cleaned up and restored before I can watch (they’re in bad shape), but with my magnifying glass I can tell there are some BRUTAL murders. And through all of it, the killer is off camera.
So, reel #4, this is where the magic happens… (Editor’s note: beware of insane spoilers)
Brad, this is so brilliant, it’s going to blow your mind. You may need a seat belt for this.
Ok, so, the movie plays out just like any ‘Friday the 13th’ sequel, only the director keeps the killer off screen, the entire time (much like the first). But we all know that Jason’s mother was killed, and we saw her head dropped in a sack in the opening sequence, so we can only assume it’s Jason. Still, I begin to think something is fishy, maybe it’s a red herring and the killer is another camper and it’s super lame? No, no, no, no, noooooooooo, not even!
With about 15 minutes left, there are three counselors fighting against the unknown assailant. One of them steps in a bear trap and howls. All of a sudden he’s fiercely yanked into the darkness, as the trap was strung to a long piece of rope. A bunch of gore sounds lead up to a head being tossed out of the darkness.
Out of the woods steps a full-grown man with a machete. He has the CORPSE of a little boy in a satchel on his back. No f*cking joke. It’s little Jason Voorhees, who died in the lake six years prior. The camera zooms in to focus tight on his gas station jumpsuit, which carries a nametag: “Jason Voorhees.” He leans back and whispers to the decaying child, “Junior, it’s gonna be OK,” and then drops a sack on the ground stating “Pam, honey, tonight we get our revenge.”
To be 100% clear, Jason Voorhees is actually Jason Jr.’s father, husband to Pamela Voorhees!
At this point, I’m coughing on my popcorn. I nearly died. Jason almost killed me from shock.
So a kinda boring battle ensues and the girl throws little Jason’s corpse into the fireplace. The father screams in pain, and appears to sort of “take on” the personalities of his son, I guess in a sort of refusal to let his son go. He starts talking like a child, much like Pam in the first, and ends up getting caught in his own traps. The girl is too smart and played “the hunter” on Jason. When the police arrive, Jason is missing setting up another sequel. Kill-kill-ma-ma-ma. Black.
That’s it friend. How jealous are you? Although, I’ll get it all restored and hook it up.”
Chaz tells me that once he finishes restoring the film he’ll be showing it to buyers, and thus eventually you’ll get to see it. I’m working to see if he won’t send us some goodies to tease you with over the next few months. He’d be foolish not to give Bloody Disgusting the exclusive.