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13 Days of F13: B-D Reviews ‘Friday the 13th’ a Double-Take

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New Line Cinema’s Friday the 13th reboot is now in theaters everywhere and we’ve got not one, but two reviews to kick off the weekend’s festivities. If you click here, you can read BC’s positive review, while beyond the break you’ll find Tex’s brutal look at Jason’s massive return to the big screen. Don’t forget to return here after you’ve seen the film to write your own review and tell all of B-D what YOU think (your review will show on the main page)!13 Days of Friday the 13th

On the off chance that you don’t know the legend of Camp Blood or the backstory of one of filmdom’s more enduring icons—Jason Voorhees—the crew behind the latest Hollywood remake takes the opportunity, not once, but twice in the first 20 minutes of their latest cash cow, to tell it to you again…and then again. If that’s not proof positive that this is a beginner Friday the 13th film then nothing else I can say will convince you otherwise.

Not made for the seasoned veteran of the original 11 film versions that have come before it (Yes I included FREDDY VS. JASON in there), this film is made for those born after May 9, 1980. So, since it’s not a continuation of the original film or a sequel to a franchise that jumped the shark two decades ago when it sent a psychic to do battle with Jason, let’s begin by taking a look at the “new” FRIDAY THE 13TH without the inevitable comparisons to the original series.

Director Marcus Nispel stepped out of the music video world that he called home for about 10 years to helm the 2003 reimagining of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. In that film, Nispel managed to take what was originally a very dirty, grainy and desaturated film and enhance those elements by adding that gritty SAVING PRIVATE RYAN vérité to the mix. He took all the nihilism of the original film and concentrated it into a post SAW world of pain for the sake of pain. By all accounts that worked wonderfully and Nispel’s TCM remake stands a very clearly realized feature. It explains a few things that probably don’t need explaining but, for the most part, it just allows its storied killer to do his job. And, it takes that job very seriously. Amazingly, everything that Nispel did right in that film, he manages to undo in this one—which has to beg one question. How much of the success of that film was due to the screenplay by Scott Kosar (THE MACHINIST) and how much of the failure of FRIDAY THE 13TH is due to the musings of Damian Shannon and Mark Swift (FREDDY VS. JASON).

In the prologue of the film, we discover that 28-years ago a child—“His name was Jason”—drowned in Crystal Lake, his mother then went nuts and began killing the counselors that were responsible for Jason’s death. Just as she is about to kill the (ahem) final girl, she literally loses her head to a machete blade. Watching all this from the woods was a young Jason—who apparently did not drown at all. Flash forward to the present day (or rather 6-weeks earlier than the present day) and we meet a group of horny backpackers who are in search of a hidden cache of marijuana plants purported to be growing in the area. One by one, they are felled by a hulking murderer with a burlap sack over his head. OK, now we‘ve actually reached the present day. We are introduced to a new group of twenty-somethings that are headed to the rich one’s cabin for a weekend of drinking and debauchery. Along the way they meet Clay (Jared Padalecki) who’s searching for his sister—she vanished about 6 weeks ago. Guess who they find instead?

From the outset, it’s hard to get a gauge on what Shannon, Swift and Nispel are aiming for. The film has a lot of light dialogue and it seems like the whole thing is a bit of a lark. In interviews the filmmakers have promised that this FRIDAY THE 13TH would be a hard “R” film full of the blood and breasts that tried and true genre fans seem to be clambering for. But I would contend that those were words of appeasement by men who never intended to make a movie for fans of the original films. Nispel keeps the grain and grime that he did so well in TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE but transported to the dark woods at night the film looks muddled. Then they have populated this film with an assortment of some of the dumbest characters to ever grace a horror film. To begin with we have Trent (Travis Van Winkle, ASYLUM) a kind of Spencer Pratt character who is very concerned with Mommy and Daddy’s cottage and not so concerned that his girlfriend Jenna (Danielle Panabaker, MR. BROOKS) has just rode off into the woods on a motorcycle with Clay (whom she’s only known for about 5 minutes). We’ve got the token (and tokin’) Asian and Black characters (DISTURBIA’s Aaron Yoo and Arlen Escarpeta) who mostly just sit around, get drunk, get high and then die. But, my personal favorite is Ryan Hansen’s character Nolan who looks like Wooderson from DAZED AND CONFUSED and only has about a page and a half of dialogue before getting the business end of an arrow shot through the back of his bulletproof blond haircut.

It’s hard to imagine that sitting through this film, the intention was to play the production straight. But, all evidence points to that very conclusion. The film tries to be mean spirited in its kills, but its characters are too cartoonish to make their deaths more than notches in the killer’s playbook. Derek Mears performance as Jason is hulking for sure, but menacing and terrifying? Perhaps if he was framed a bit better and the editing was a bit more deliberate. Jason is never on screen for more than a few frames—popping up in the most obvious places (due to camera angles that absolutely telescope the scare before it ever occurs). Just once I wanted to see a loving shot of Jason just standing there—not blurred out in the background or bobbing up and down from the water, flashing his machete. I wanted Jason to scare me a little. But he never did. I wanted the film to be about the characters the way the Chainsaw remake was about the characters. But it wasn’t. I guess all that was left was for it to be a showpiece for the blood and boobs that they promised us. Did they deliver on even that base pacification? Well…we got the boobs. Both from the girls (in the form of actual female breasts) and from the guys (in the form of doltish morons parading across the screen), but the gore hardly delivered anything like what we’ve come to expect over the years since HOSTEL started blowtorching eyeballs out. A few nips and tucks here (and the girls certainly had a few pairs of those) and this would have been a PG-13 horror film without blinking a (non blowtorched) eye.

You can point the fingers wherever you want when all is said and done but it took a village to raise a deformed child like Jason Voorhees into the maniacal mess that is this interpretation of the FRIDAY THE 13TH saga. It’s clearly not a film made for me, or for fans of the original who will debate the merits and motivations of this latest flick alongside lighting strikes, vats of toxic waste and trips to Manhattan. It might wink and nudge to the original film in order to make you think this one is for you too, but it’s not, even if the final moments offer a minor redemption. Nope, none of that matters, this one is for the YouTube generation, the one that purveyors of this film think need everything explained out in the opening credits so that they can just get on with the gut slinging. I wonder if they will ever realize what a disservice they are doing in dumbing down everything. I don’t think audiences today want to see movies that are stupid, or slasher films that aren’t scary, only gory. Some of the reason SAW works (at least initially) is because it is a smart series with a serious storyline. MY BLOODY VALENTINE already offered an easy to swallow homage to the 1980’s and THE UNINVITED was a well crafted film that reeked of old Hollywood haunting. FRIDAY THE 13TH is nothing more than a karo syrup coated confection of fake blood, fake boobs and fake hope that the Slasher Film would rise again. I guess next time we need to call in the psychics! – Tex Massacre

3/10 or 1 ½ Skulls

Don’t forget to write your own review and tell all of B-D what YOU think!

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Five Serial Killer Horror Movies to Watch Before ‘Longlegs’

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Pictured: 'Fallen'

Here’s what we know about Longlegs so far. It’s coming in July of 2024, it’s directed by Osgood Perkins (The Blackcoat’s Daughter), and it features Maika Monroe (It Follows) as an FBI agent who discovers a personal connection between her and a serial killer who has ties to the occult. We know that the serial killer is going to be played by none other than Nicolas Cage and that the marketing has been nothing short of cryptic excellence up to this point.

At the very least, we can assume NEON’s upcoming film is going to be a dark, horror-fueled hunt for a serial killer. With that in mind, let’s take a look at five disturbing serial killers-versus-law-enforcement stories to get us even more jacked up for Longlegs.


MEMORIES OF MURDER (2003)

This South Korean film directed by Oscar-winning director Bong Joon-ho (Parasite) is a wild ride. The film features a handful of cops who seem like total goofs investigating a serial killer who brutally murders women who are out and wearing red on rainy evenings. The cops are tired, unorganized, and border on stoner comedy levels of idiocy. The movie at first seems to have a strange level of forgiveness for these characters as they try to pin the murders on a mentally handicapped person at one point, beating him and trying to coerce him into a confession for crimes he didn’t commit. A serious cop from the big city comes down to help with the case and is able to instill order.

But still, the killer evades and provokes not only the police but an entire country as everyone becomes more unstable and paranoid with each grizzly murder and sex crime.

I’ve never seen a film with a stranger tone than Memories of Murder. A movie that deals with such serious issues but has such fallible, seemingly nonserious people at its core. As the film rolls on and more women are murdered, you realize that a lot of these faults come from men who are hopeless and desperate to catch a killer in a country that – much like in another great serial killer story, Citizen X – is doing more harm to their plight than good.

Major spoiler warning: What makes Memories of Murder somehow more haunting is that it’s loosely based on a true story. It is a story where the real-life killer hadn’t been caught at the time of the film’s release. It ends with our main character Detective Park (Song Kang-ho), now a salesman, looking hopelessly at the audience (or judgingly) as the credits roll. Over sixteen years later the killer, Lee Choon Jae, was found using DNA evidence. He was already serving a life sentence for another murder. Choon Jae even admitted to watching the film during his court case saying, “I just watched it as a movie, I had no feeling or emotion towards the movie.”

In the end, Memories of Murder is a must-see for fans of the subgenre. The film juggles an almost slapstick tone with that of a dark murder mystery and yet, in the end, works like a charm.


CURE (1997)

Longlegs serial killer Cure

If you watched 2023’s Hypnotic and thought to yourself, “A killer who hypnotizes his victims to get them to do his bidding is a pretty cool idea. I only wish it were a better movie!” Boy, do I have great news for you.

In Cure (spoilers ahead), a detective (Koji Yakusho) and forensic psychologist (Tsuyoshi Ujiki) team up to find a serial killer who’s brutally marking their victims by cutting a large “X” into their throats and chests. Not just a little “X” mind you but a big, gross, flappy one.

At each crime scene, the murderer is there and is coherent and willing to cooperate. They can remember committing the crimes but can’t remember why. Each of these murders is creepy on a cellular level because we watch the killers act out these crimes with zero emotion. They feel different than your average movie murder. Colder….meaner.

What’s going on here is that a man named Mamiya (Masato Hagiwara) is walking around and somehow manipulating people’s minds using the flame of a lighter and a strange conversational cadence to hypnotize them and convince them to murder. The detectives eventually catch him but are unable to understand the scope of what’s happening before it’s too late.

If you thought dealing with a psychopathic murderer was hard, imagine dealing with one who could convince you to go home and murder your wife. Not only is Cure amazingly filmed and edited but it has more horror elements than your average serial killer film.


MANHUNTER (1986)

Longlegs serial killer manhunter

In the first-ever Hannibal Lecter story brought in front of the cameras, Detective Will Graham (William Petersen) finds his serial killers by stepping into their headspace. This is how he caught Hannibal Lecter (played here by Brian Cox), but not without paying a price. Graham became so obsessed with his cases that he ended up having a mental breakdown.

In Manhunter, Graham not only has to deal with Lecter playing psychological games with him from behind bars but a new serial killer in Francis Dolarhyde (in a legendary performance by Tom Noonan). One who likes to wear pantyhose on his head and murder entire families so that he can feel “seen” and “accepted” in their dead eyes. At one point Lecter even finds a way to gift Graham’s home address to the new killer via personal ads in a newspaper.

Michael Mann (Heat, Thief) directed a film that was far too stylish for its time but that fans and critics both would have loved today in the same way we appreciate movies like Nightcrawler or Drive. From the soundtrack to the visuals to the in-depth psychoanalysis of an insanely disturbed protagonist and the man trying to catch him. We watch Graham completely lose his shit and unravel as he takes us through the psyche of our killer. Which is as fascinating as it is fucked.

Manhunter is a classic case of a serial killer-versus-detective story where each side of the coin is tarnished in their own way when it’s all said and done. As Detective Park put it in Memories of Murder, “What kind of detective sleeps at night?”


INSOMNIA (2002)

Insomnia Nolan

Maybe it’s because of the foggy atmosphere. Maybe it’s because it’s the only film in Christopher Nolan’s filmography he didn’t write as well as direct. But for some reason, Insomnia always feels forgotten about whenever we give Nolan his flowers for whatever his latest cinematic achievement is.

Whatever the case, I know it’s no fault of the quality of the film, because Insomnia is a certified serial killer classic that adds several unique layers to the detective/killer dynamic. One way to create an extreme sense of unease with a movie villain is to cast someone you’d never expect in the role, which is exactly what Nolan did by casting the hilarious and sweet Robin Williams as a manipulative child murderer. He capped that off by casting Al Pacino as the embattled detective hunting him down.

This dynamic was fascinating as Williams was creepy and clever in the role. He was subdued in a way that was never boring but believable. On the other side of it, Al Pacino felt as if he’d walked straight off the set of 1995’s Heat and onto this one. A broken and imperfect man trying to stop a far worse one.

Aside from the stellar acting, Insomnia stands out because of its unique setting and plot. Both working against the detective. The investigation is taking place in a part of Alaska where the sun never goes down. This creates a beautiful, nightmare atmosphere where by the end of it, Pacino’s character is like a Freddy Krueger victim in the leadup to their eventual, exhausted death as he runs around town trying to catch a serial killer while dealing with the debilitating effects of insomnia. Meanwhile, he’s under an internal affairs investigation for planting evidence to catch another child killer and accidentally shoots his partner who he just found out is about to testify against him. The kicker here is that the killer knows what happened that fateful day and is using it to blackmail Pacino’s character into letting him get away with his own crimes.

If this is the kind of “what would you do?” intrigue we get with the story from Longlegs? We’ll be in for a treat. Hoo-ah.


FALLEN (1998)

Longlegs serial killer fallen

Fallen may not be nearly as obscure as Memories of Murder or Cure. Hell, it boasts an all-star cast of Denzel Washington, John Goodman, Donald Sutherland, James Gandolfini, and Elias Koteas. But when you bring it up around anyone who has seen it, their ears perk up, and the word “underrated” usually follows. And when it comes to the occult tie-ins that Longlegs will allegedly have? Fallen may be the most appropriate film on this entire list.

In the movie, Detective Hobbs (Washington) catches vicious serial killer Edgar Reese (Koteas) who seems to place some sort of curse on him during Hobbs’ victory lap. After Reese is put to death via electric chair, dead bodies start popping up all over town with his M.O., eventually pointing towards Hobbs as the culprit. After all, Reese is dead. As Hobbs investigates he realizes that a fallen angel named Azazel is possessing human body after human body and using them to commit occult murders. It has its eyes fixated on him, his co-workers, and family members; wrecking their lives or flat-out murdering them one by one until the whole world is damned.

Mixing a demonic entity into a detective/serial killer story is fascinating because it puts our detective in the unsettling position of being the one who is hunted. How the hell do you stop a demon who can inhabit anyone they want with a mere touch?!

Fallen is a great mix of detective story and supernatural horror tale. Not only are we treated to Denzel Washington as the lead in a grim noir (complete with narration) as he uncovers this occult storyline, but we’re left with a pretty great “what would you do?” situation in a movie that isn’t afraid to take the story to some dark places. Especially when it comes to the way the film ends. It’s a great horror thriller in the same vein as Frailty but with a little more detective work mixed in.


Look for Longlegs in theaters on July 12, 2024.

Longlegs serial killer

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