Editorials
10 Long Lost Horror Products!!
As we travel farther and farther away from childhood, it’s often nice to bask in the nostalgic glow of old items, even if we were never lucky enough to actually own any. Reliving childhood insecurities could even be considered a form of time travel, really.
I’m going to stop now, before I kill myself.
Check out these long lost horror products. They don’t make them like this anymore. Mostly because parents have gotten so lame. Wait a minute… we’re the parents now aren’t we? That’s it. I’m killing myself.
Ecto Coolers
I don’t know if kids these days still drink tons of Hi-C out of rectangular boxes made of waxed cardboard. If not, they’re really missing out on a huge pain in the neck. Those things were two things: Very delicious and very small. If you worked up a thirst playing outside, it’d take at least three of these bad boys to quench it, and Mom usually only gave one.
For many years, probably the most popular Hi-C flavor was the Ecto Cooler, a kind of tangerine flavored sugar pile with Slimer from Ghostbusters on the cover. It made us think we were drinking Slimer’s ass. We liked it that way. Are kids these days drinking any of their favorite characters’ asses? Didn’t think so.
Slimer Gum
There were many Ghostbusters related food items back in the day, more than enough to adequately populate this entire list. So I’m just going to pick one more and move on.
Once upon a time there was such a thing as Slimer gum. You squeezed it from a toothpaste tube into your mouth. It was green. It may have tasted like gum, but it looked like poop. Poop from a very sick person. I have eaten my fair share of tubed bubble gum, but I don’t believe I ever had the pleasure of trying Slimer’s Poo-Poo gum. I wish I had just so I could tell you how awful it was.
Gremlins Cereal
Like Ghostbusters, Gremlins has lots fun stuff for kids because its overt horror elements were hidden within a relatively family friendly package. As a result, we had wonderful items like this Gremlins cereal, though it’s really more of a Mogwai cereal.
Supposedly Gremlins cereal tasted a lot like Captain Crunch. I never had it because I was always too busy eating the Batman cereal, which was awesome. No word on whether or not Gremlin cereal ravaged the top of your mouth like Captain Crunch, but given the nature of Gremlins, it seems like a missed opportunity if it didn’t. Each box also came with a Gremlins sticker, but I hear they tasted awful.
Crestwood House Books
It might just be me, but these books were a huge part of my childhood and movie education. From what I hear, some libraries out there still have them, so I’d look into that if I were you, especially if you have kids.
Why? Because these books offer the best introduction possible to movie monsters of old. From Dracula to The Blob to King Kong (my favorite), each book gave you loads of info (from a kid’s perspective, anyhow) about the movie or history of character in question. This includes both filmography and real life history stuff, so kids could learn about Vlad the Impaler, to give just one example. Absolutely vital stuff.
Stephen King’s Creepshow Graphic Novel
If you went to the library in the late 1980s or early 1990s, it’s likely you and your friends came upon this violent gem. Modeled after old E.C. comics, this graphic interpretation of Stephen King and George Romero’s first Creepshow film chilled bones and thrilled kids for the horror introduction waiting inside. This was before graphic novels were all over the place. To most adults, a book was a book. Many didn’t know what gory wonders this one held. And then, right next to it, was King’s illustrated Cycle of the Werewolf. That guy knew what he was doing.
This is out of print now, but you can easily find it so long and you don’t mind paying and arm and a leg. Of course, you’re old enough now to watch the film without upsetting your mother, but I always found the book much cooler.
Fright Flicks Trading Cards
Fright Flick cards were these amazing trading cards which featured a typically gory screenshot from a 1980s horror film accompanied by a horrible Crypt Keeper-worthy pun at the bottom and a brief, real life horror story and/or urban legend on the reverse side. I had the whole set, and they were about as awesome as not sexual things can get.
If they still made Fright Flick cards today I imagine they’d be pretty Saw heavy, with allowances for torture porn and found footage stuff. Unfortunately, part of the fun of the originals was the inherent effectiveness and/or goofiness of the practical effects we had back then. The series included cool shots from both Alien and Predator, for instance, while screenshots from either monster these days would likely be computer generated. They also came with stickers and a series of collectible cards that created a larger horror collage when put together.
MAXx FX Toys
They don’t make MAXx FX toys anymore, not because of shifting trends, but because dumb mothers across the country got mad about their talking Freddy Krueger doll, and shut their line down. Stupid moms, ruining everything.
In fact, other than that talking Freddy, MAXx FX only got one of their main toys into stores. The gist was really cool. Maxx was a regular looking toy representing a Hollywood makeup guy. He came with add-on pieces that, when applied, turned him to a movie monster. They produced a cool Freddy Krueger one, and had prototypes for Frankenstein’s Monster, Alien, Jason Voorhees, and some additional generic monsters before they closed their doors on the product all together.
Nightmare on Elm Street Board Game
Speaking of Freddy Krueger, he also got his own board game. I never played it but it sounds pretty cool, if a bit overcomplicated by too many rules. Essentially, you and a group of friends each took a regular, every day looking human as your game avatar and traversed Freddy’s house via the 3D game board (it had vertical “walls” separating each room). Eventually, gameplay would force one player to reveal himself as Freddy, bastard son of a hundred maniacs.
So you get to kill your friends. That’s great! The big potential problem is you need at least three players for the game to be interesting. Four would be better. But it’s never easy to get that many people interested in a board game, especially one in which everyone has to learn a bunch of new rules.
Texas Chain Saw Massacre Atari Game
There have been a few video games based on horror characters. Atari had a Halloween game. The NES has both Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street games. But only the Texas Chain Saw Massacre game for Atari let you play as the killer.
As a Leatherface-ish blob, it is your job to kill as many teenager-ish blobs as you can before your chainsaw runs out of gas. Unfortunately, the random cow skulls and wheelchairs strewn about your lawn slow you down. That’s it. Maybe this one is long lost for a reason, though it could find a second life someday as a really crappy mobile game.
Alien Movie Viewer
If you had this when you were a child then consider yourself the luckiest boy on Earth and prepare yourself for the retroactive knowledge that everyone probably hated you.
This amazing toy was a user cranked film viewer in which you could watch (providing you had an adequate light source) roughly two minutes of Alien footage, that’s footage from a violent R-rated film, mind you. It featured three scenes: A bit of Facehugger action, Dallas’ death, and Ripley’s last bit with the Alien. This is just way too cool to have lasted.
The problem with filming sequels back-to-back is that, unless you can afford expensive reshoots, there’s no easy way to adjust course in between movies if fans react badly to where the story is headed. That’s why it’s important to have a complete narrative thought out well in advance lest you accidentally kill a budding franchise.
However, this isn’t always the case. Every once in a while, it seems like the cinema gods smile upon certain chaotic productions and gift moviegoers with complete franchises that feel like more than the sum of their hastily produced parts. Ted Nicolaou’s Bloodlust: Subspecies III is precisely one of these miraculous pictures, with the raw talents of the artists involved (as well as the continued support from Romania) turning the feature into an effective conclusion for a series that kind of made things up as the filmmakers went along.
That’s why I’d like to invite my fellow readers to join me on this third part of our journey through the Subspecies franchise as we look into Bloodlust and talk about how it remains a surprisingly satisfying finale to the original trilogy.
A Trilogy Planned on the Fly
Released only a year after Bloodstone found plenty of success in rental stores and mail-in VHS catalogues worldwide, 1994’s Bloodlust was produced at the same time as its predecessor in (mostly) the same locations and with the same team. This means that the movie benefited from all the same upgrades as Bloodstone, with the crew now being more experienced with the ins and outs of surviving a low-budget Romanian production and the cast really settling into their characters.
At this point, everything from location scouting to the makeup process had been streamlined, with Wayne Toth and Norman Cabrera, the main duo behind special effects, even switching out time-consuming prosthetics for latex gloves in order to speed up Anders Hove’s monstrous transformation. The titular “subspecies” demons were also once again relegated to a mere cameo appearance due to the laborious puppetry required to bring them to life.
The only real hiccup came from the fact that actress Denice Duff had replaced the first film’s Michelle (Laura Mae Tate) and was immediately expected to portray the character as both an innocent victim in part II and as a secondary villain in part III. According to behind-the-scenes interviews, the hectic production schedule that blended two different movies meant that Duff would often find herself having to alternate between two incredibly different versions of Michelle during the same shooting day – though it’s obvious that she’s having more fun with Bloodlust’s more traditionally vampiric version of her character.
In the finished film, we pick things up immediately where the previous entry left off as Rebecca (Melanie Shatner) is forced to leave her vampire sister Michelle (Duff) behind in the dungeons of Castle Vladislav due to the rising sun. This allows Mummy (Pamela Gordon) to use Michelle’s blood to revive the vicious Radu (Hove) so that he may continue his quest for the coveted Bloodstone – a magical artifact that perpetually drips the Blood of Saints.
Meanwhile, the dreamy US embassy agent Mel (Kevin Blair) agrees to help Rebecca plan a rescue mission, though they’re unaware that Radu has become infatuated with Michelle during his attempts to guide her growing bloodlust. This all culminates in a climactic confrontation meant to tie up all of the series’ loose ends in one of Full Moon Pictures’ most ambitious productions.
The Evolution of Radu
Like its predecessor, Bloodlust: Subspecies III was also warmly received by fans who argued that the series was an even bigger success than Full Moon’s other major horror franchise, Puppet Master. This praise wasn’t unanimous, however, as 1994 had seen the rise of a more modern breed of sexy vampire popularized by Anne Rice, with old-school Nosferatu like Radu being viewed as obsolete when compared to the likes of Lestat and Gary Oldman’s take on Dracula.
In a way, one might argue that Nicolaou’s film is something of a swan song for the classic vampire story, as Bloodlust combines all of the traditional elements we tend to associate with these tales into a single tragic yarn that ties a neat little bow on Radu’s story as well as the old-fashioned monster movies that he represents. The finale remains shocking despite the fact that this is the third time we see Radu get brutally killed onscreen, with the brief tease that he may one day return feeling more like a nod towards the nature of evil rather than sequel bait.
The film dabbles a bit in gothic romance and even explores the inherent power fantasy behind transforming into an immortal creature of the night, but the filmmakers never lose sight of Radu as a demonic force even when he’s willing to betray his beloved Mummy for Michelle’s sake. In fact, his twisted “love” for his fledgling makes him even creepier as we get the feeling that his passion comes from a dark and disturbing place.
Anders Hove is at his absolute best in this film, with the effects department boosting his moments of what the younger generation would call “aura farming” whenever Radu emerges from shadows like a 90s version of Count Orlok. There are even a couple of surprisingly effective jump-scares here, which is why I’d argue that Bloodlust cements Radu as one of the most memorable cinematic vampires of all time despite his humble origins.
Subspecies Saves Its Best For Last
Nicolaou and Vlad Panescu also saved the best for “last” (more on that in a bit) regarding the film’s visuals, with the cinematography and overall atmosphere of Bloodlust absolutely surpassing what we saw in the previous films. Everything feels appropriately climactic this time around (including the wonderful soundtrack that was co-composed alongside an authentic Romanian orchestra), and I appreciate how this is the fastest-paced entry in the trilogy since the film doesn’t need to waste time setting anything up.
Bloodlust still suffers from some of the same low-budget blemishes as its predecessors, but there’s so much creative passion here that no amount of wonky effects work or stilted dialogue can get in the way of appreciating the flick’s gothic grandeur. That’s why it’s not surprising that the movie’s definitive(-ish) ending would later be retconned as fans begged for more Radu.
Of course, the next entry in this series would be a different kind of vampiric endeavor altogether, with the filmmakers attempting to engage with the same trends that ultimately killed Radu and his antiquated kin. That, however, is a story for another time. For now, I’ll merely insist that Bloodlust: Subspecies III remains a highlight of Full Moon’s expansive catalogue and is definitely worth seeking out today.
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