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[Trailer Tracks] Dissecting the ‘A Werewolf Boy’ Trailer

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Today’s entry:
A Werewolf Boy (Dir. Jo Sung-hee)

Introduction:
You may think this looks like a Twilight rip-off, but it’s easy to mistake most Asian cinema that isn’t focused on martial arts, gangsters, and vengeance as derivative of Twilight when in fact, they’ve been making crappy melodramas for decades. This one just looks particularly stupid.

The Setup:

So there’s this girl who lives out on a farm. Given the rural nature of her living space, she’s often in direct contact with all sorts of cute woodland creatures. Like a Korean Cinderella, the girl’s constantly surrounded by birds and squirrels and wolverines who help her get dressed and bake cakes with her and stuff like that. She probably has mild rabies.

Soon, the girl discovers that the cutest woodland creature of all is the A Werewolf Boy. The A Werewolf Boy is a boy who was raised by wolves to be A Werewolf Boy, but then he become such a good A Werewolf Boy that he overcame and ate his werewolf family. When the girl first meets the A Werewolf Boy, he’s covered in dirty and vomit and his skin looks like it has been rubbed off with sandpaper. So of course she feels sorry for him, and they have sex. (It’s okay because they both have rabies already.)

The girl decides that it’s her job to turn the A Werewolf Boy into an A BOY, so she puts clothes on him and teaches him how to use an abacus and comb his hair like an emo butthole. Before long they fall in love, which is weird for her. She doesn’t know how it all works, but she worries that if she gets married to an A Werewolf Boy it’ll literally turn her into a bitch.

The Problem:

Regular people don’t like A Werewolf BoyS because their animal instinct and strength tends to make real manly men look like Don Knotts. This prejudice is extremely strong in Asia, where guys will eat shark fins and suck milk from cow testicles just to prove that their wieners work.

On top of that, the only people who don’t want to kill the A Werewolf Boy on sight are scientists who want to kidnap him for study in labs. Soon the girl realizes that the only way to truly love the A Werewolf Boy is to set him free. But that’s not as easy as it looks. The A Werewolf Boy has feelings for her too and refuses to abandon her side. So, like John Lithgow in Harry and the Hendersons, she has to be super mean to A Werewolf Boy to make him think she hates him. It’s all very sad. But probably not as sad as it was in Harry in the Hendersons.

Love is so awful! How can she have her A Werewolf Boy without risking his death? What will her mother and father think of their forbidden love? Will he ever learn to eat without smacking his stupid lips like a dog? And seriously: If they get married does that means she becomes a bitch?

The Solution:

Regardless of what happens, the A Werewolf Boy is at some point going to have to turn into a werewolf and eat some people, maybe all the people. That much is given. If you go see this movie, and the A Werewolf Boy doesn’t eat anyone, you should try to get your money back. We’ve all had enough of neutered monsters in love on this side of the pond, thank you very much. It’s okay to ripoff Twilight, but not that part.

So let’s say the girl gets back together with the boy and they make a stand against the world. It will be bloody, but he’s a freaking A Werewolf Boy. Surely he can make short work of some dumb farmers and scientists.

With most of Korea murdered between his A Werewolf Boy jaws, the girl and her A Werewolf Boy can finally make a new start. But no nation on Earth will take him since he just ate a whole half-country. So the girl and her A Werewolf Boy turn to the stars instead, joining the Klingon Empire after a brief immigration test (battle to the death). The A Werewolf Boy never becomes a full human. But he makes a surprisingly great Klingon, known to all as A WEREWORF BOY.

Congratulations. You just read the longest set up to the lamest punchline in Internet history.

In Summation:
If everything I just said actually happens in the film, then it’s must-see material. A Korean riff on Twilight that crosses over into the Star Trek Universe should make just under $27 billion dollars just at my house alone. But you know that won’t be the film’s outcome. The best we can hope for is an ending where the A Werewolf Boy accidentally eats the girls face off.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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