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[Special Report] Universal Studios “Halloween Horror Nights” 2013 Maze Guide!

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Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights opened last night in Hollywood. It’s my favorite Halloween event (which is saying a lot given how many of them there are now) so naturally I hit it up and made sure to power through all of the mazes like a champ! It was, as always, a blast.

However, like any other year you’re going to need a plan going in. There’s only so much time, and lines are long, so we figured we’d provide you with our personalized guide for the event. That way you can be sure to maximize your time! Please note that this is for the Hollywood edition only – perhaps David Harley will write in with some Orlando action?

The active dates are September 20, 21, 22, 27, 28, October 4, 5, 6, 11, 12, 13, 17, 18, 19, 20, 24, 25, 26, 27, 31 and November 1, 2. Get tickets here.

UNIVERSAL MONSTERS REMIX – Priority Level: HIGHEST

Sure this attraction doesn’t technically have anything “new” to offer, it’s not like the Evil Dead maze where you’re getting some of the freshest kills in Hollywood, but it’s still great. You get almost every classic Universal monster plus a few contemporary ones (I spotted a few Chucky’s running around). It’s also the longest maze by far, which means you get a lot of added value when weighted against the amount of time you spend in line. Bonus? The lines for this aren’t too long – at least not when compared to the epic queue for the Insidious maze.

Last year this maze got a “medium” ranking, but for some reason it felt like they stepped it up a notch this time around. I had a lot of fun, it seemed gorier and again – it was a very small line.

EVIL DEAD: BOOK OF THE DEAD – Priority Level: HIGH

Most of the mazes this year are on the lower level of the park, down the escalators (only “El Cucuy” and “Monsters Remix” – along with The Purge scare zone are up top). Out of these I’d say the Evil Dead maze is probably your highest priority. Even if you didn’t love the remake (I still dig it) you have to admit that the kills are top notch and that the practical effects were amazing. HHN Creative Director John Murdy told me that this was the most difficult maze to render in terms of the gore, and it’s easy to see why. There’s some outstanding splatter on display here. Yes, the line is long – but if you’re at HHN and you only have time for 3 mazes – resign yourself to it and enjoy the show. Get to this one early to avoid queue swelling.

EL CUCUY: THE BOOGEYMAN – Priority Level: HIGH

I really liked this one quite a bit. Sort of subbing in for “La Llorona” this year, this original attraction features some cool Danny Trejo flavor and a lot of original designs. I think one of the reasons I’m attracted to these original mazes is because, since they’re not based on a movie I’ve already seen, they’re full of surprises. There were some great costumes, kills and designs and they all came out of left field. Not a long maze at all, but the short line makes up for it. Plus? The Trejo flavor.

INSIDIOUS: INTO THE FURTHER – Priority Level: MEDIUM

If you’re a fan of the Insidious films you really can’t go wrong here, seeing as the great pains they took to recreate the world of The Further really paid off. It gets dark and freaky and you’ll recognize a lot of the denizens. However, if you’re not a huge fan of the films you might want to head somewhere else. I say that not based on the quality of the maze, but the fact that it easily had the longest lines of the night. The posted times were at least 120 minutes, which means more like 160 in real time. If you get here early and the line is small though, go for it!

THE WALKING DEAD: NO SAFE HAVEN – Priority Level: MEDIUM

Much different than last year’s “Walking Dead” maze. Here you take a tram down into the deeper recesses of the backlot, where the undead roam streets that will be preternaturally familiar to anyone who’s seen a Universal film shot on the lot. This isn’t the longest maze in the world but it’s got a lot of great zombie action, gore and a fitting sense of despair. Again, the lines for the stuff on the lower level can get lengthy – but this is a worthwhile attraction.

BLACK SABBATH: 13 – 3D – Priority Level: MEDIUM

It seems like every year there’s a 3D heavy metal themed maze and 2013 was no exception. This maze is located on the backlot right next to “Walking Dead: No Safe Haven” and the line situation can be kind of confusing, but the queue for this one didn’t seem as bad. However, whether or not you should enter this maze depends entirely on your proclivity for that 3D painted world you’ve seen before (like last year’s “Alice Cooper: Goes To Hell 3D”), this is similar territory. There are some great designs based on the band’s songs, but you have to like the neon 3D stuff. I happen to like the neon 3D stuff, so I was cool with it.

TERROR TRAM: INVADED BY THE WALKING DEAD – Priority Level: LOW

While this tram goes into a completely different location than last year (a cityscape rather than Norman Bates’ house and the Bates Motel), it’s all too brief. Maybe I’m just not into trams (I gave last year’s Tram a low ranking as well)? Conversely, if you did like last year’s tram, by all means hit it up.

BONUS

The characters from The Purge running around the upper level of the park was a nice touch! A little more menacing than the normal costumes you see from year to year. Also, I never thought I’d see a Purge cage dancer but life is for living, right?

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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