I have never been more ready for dinosaurs to be scary again. Nature didn’t take its time building impossibly large creatures made of muscle and teeth so a legion of geeks could spend a couple hundred hours building bigger, toothier versions made of CG and Red Bull. The Velociraptor isn’t a trainable attack dog, it’s a “clever girl” that disembowels you with its foot scythe.
Our shameful mistreatment of a creature like the Tyrannosaurus Rex may beat Jurassic Park III as the worst atrocity we’ve committed on Dino-kind. This is the same toothy bastard that could swallow you whole after eating three quarters of a goat and have more than enough energy to chase Jeff Goldblum — Jeff fucking Goldblum — on a speeding truck despite not being even a little bit hungry.
I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure it was a crippling fear of being eaten whole that inspired the Quetzalcoatlus to learn how to glide, and that thing was basically a giant bird monster with a 35-foot wingspan and a sword for a head that we named after a god.
The point I’m trying to make is dinosaurs are super cool and they don’t deserve to have their reputation sullied any longer. If we’re going to set things right, Capcom will need to get the ball rolling with another Dino Crisis.
It’s true. I’ve examined this problem with my journalism, and this really is the only way.
The timing is right for a horror series like Dino Crisis to put the terrible back in terrible lizard, only not at all in the same way Dino Crisis 3 did. Horror games are big right now and dinosaurs are beginning to make a comeback thanks to the blockbusting blockbuster that was Jurassic World.
Looking at the success of Ark: Survival Evolved, and even The Stomping Land before its meteoric downfall, could be a sign that gamers are ready to see Dino Crisis return like the video game equivalent of a Dino-Jesus so it can save us from the pitiful zoo animals we now call dinosaurs.
If you’re with me on this, let me know in the comments. We’ve already squeezed the stubbornness out of Capcom until they agreed to a Resident Evil 2 remake. Surely there’s another Dino Crisis in there somewhere, we only have to squeeze hard enough.
Also, Dino Crisis 2 turns 15 today, and what a fine anniversary gift it’d be to see this series return.
Come on, Capcom. Don’t be a dick about this.