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Open Letter to Paramount: Make a Damn ‘Friday the 13th’ Already!

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Friday the 13th - Paramount Logo

Dear Paramount,

As of this past Monday, February the 13th, it has officially been eight long years since a new Friday the 13th graced the screens of hometown multiplexes. It’s also been four years since you, Paramount, regained the rights to the Friday franchise with intent to “fast track” a sequel’s production. Well, here we are. News and rumors have swirled around Jason’s potential return to the big screen. We’ve had amazingly talented screenwriters attached, a couple of promising directors, and numerous concepts have been bandied about: found footage, origin story, no Jason, and Camp Crystal Lake…IN THE SNOW!

None of these, except maybe the winter setting, have been met with any real excitement by the fans. You know, those people who would actually show up on opening weekend? Yeah, those guys. Despite the meager enthusiasm, a lot of us would still be there, hoping that this would be the one. All wishing this Friday the 13th would return us to our childhoods, leave us feeling that amazing mixture of giddy and terrified, yelling at the screen. However, with each morsel you let slip, Paramount, you were quick to snap it right back up. Delay. Delay. Delay. That’s the word of the day…er, past four years.

Why is that? A lot of the news we heard regarded the script. “The script’s not finished.” A series of films built around a hulking undead killer with a big machete hacking up horny teens is NOT what one might call “hard to crack”. What I mean is, just film a damn Friday the 13th already! What’s worse, we were so close. We, the fans and you, Paramount, were so close to sealing the deal. Whether it sucked or not, it was coming. We would finally be able to judge for ourselves.


‘Rings’ Should Have No Bearing on ‘Friday the 13th’

RINGS

So what happened? Rings? Seriously? Now, I happen to love The Ring and upon its release it was a massive success, actually pulling in MORE money in its second weekend thanks to strong word of mouth. That’s fantastic performance for what was an original property in the eyes of most Americans. Then The Ring Two was released. While it still made money, it wasn’t as successful as the first, and that’s okay. Sequels rarely out perform their originals. The problem with The Ring Two is most people didn’t care for it. Flash forward to a couple weeks ago and Rings was unleashed upon the world to mediocre numbers.

This film, the one rumored to have affected the 13th Friday’s greenlight, is one you appeared to have no faith in to begin withYou shoved Rings aside, moved it around, perhaps you tweaked and reworked it until it was unrecognizable from its original conception. Who knows? What we do know is that you somehow spent $25 – $33 million dollars (that did not end up on the screen) for a sequel that most people weren’t asking for. I’m sure in addition to that bloated budget there was a hefty marketing spend, what with all those fun prank videos and ads running during every commercial break. As of this writing, the film stands at a $20 million domestic gross and $50 mil worldwide.

You said, “Oh, fuck! Rings didn’t perform. This whole Jason thing is a bad idea.” The problem here is that your audience for Rings IS NOT the same audience you would pull in for a Friday film. I’m going to let you in on a secret. I know this is something some in Hollywood are unaware of, but there is not one lump pile of “horror fans”. We have varying interests. That said, there are certain properties that carry a substantial cache within the horror community. Jason has a legacy, especially here in the states, Samara doesn’t hold a flickering flame to. Yet, at the end of the day, money talks loudest.


So, Let’s Talk Money

Rating

The American Ring franchise has pulled in a total of $221 million dollars ($280 adjusted for inflation) domestically. That’s nothing to sneeze at, and of course, they tend to play well overseas. The Friday series has raked in over $380 million. Now, considering most of those titles were released in the 80’s, the adjusted for inflation (further presented as “adj.”) amount is a massive $720 million. The two most recent Fridays (’09 and Freddy vs Jason) both had opening weekends in the 40 million range. So, judging the likely success of a new Friday off the presumed failure of Rings and its $13 million opening, a completely different type of horror film (remember? different types and different fans?) and a much less popular IP, is…for lack of a better word, dumb.

So, let’s assume, though, that your fear of financial lukewarm-iness is correct. The adj. average opening weekend of all 12 films in the F13 franchise is around $21 mil. That’s not mega bucks, but it takes into consideration films released when opening weekend numbers were not the end all-be all for a film’s box office. We can make a safe assumption that Friday could warrant at least $20 million minimum opening weekend (though I feel it would be closer to $40). Let’s assume that that 20 million is going to represent 30% total domestic box office gross for the film, which leaves us with a total of $66.6 million at the end of its box office run (again, this is worse case scenario). How do you make your money back? It’s simple.

The budget does not need to be in the $20+ million dollar range. That’s absurd. It’s as absurd as the amount of money “spent” on Rings. The original F13 films were punk rock. They were the red-headed stepchild of Hollywood. You weren’t necessarily happy about them, but they made you money. Therefore, you cranked out a new entry yearly like clockwork. Filmmakers were set free to turn in a slasher for fans and a product for you. After a 2017 that has included a well publicized loss from Monster Trucks, you need Friday the 13th back on your slate! To reignite that punk rock spirit, set a young and hungry filmmaker loose. Throw $2 million at the film and see what happens. $2 million? Yep, that’s all it would take. You need to adopt an indie mindset. Take a cast of unknowns, a non union director, a four week shoot in a state that offers decent tax incentives, and you’re sitting on a potential gold mine.

Let’s use Alabama as an example. It’s a perfect setting (after all, this is where Part VII was shot). The current tax incentive is 25% on total production costs, only putting you in the hole for 1.5 million. Furthermore, any portion of the budget spent towards filling positions with AL residents will land you another 35% towards their salaries. Let’s assume cast/crew make up 60% of our budget (1.2 mil) and we fill those roles with a minimum of half local AL residents. You can chop another $210 thousand off your risk. There’s also additional savings to be had with tax exempt status towards lodging and food. That 2 million dollar investment just keeps getting whittled down, doesn’t it?


How to ‘Crack’ It

FRIDAY THE 13TH : JASON TAKES MANHATTAN

You probably also thought of Rings’ failure, “The horror audience isn’t interested in revisiting the origins of their big screen boogeymen. We need to pull the plug!” You happen to be right there, actually. We really don’t want a friggin’ origin, but in the name of Voorhees we would’ve swallowed it anyway. Here’s your chance to get it right! A down and dirty Friday that focuses on inventive, memorable kills and does things slightly different by presenting likable characters and a strong final girl to rival the greats is all that’s needed to breath life into the series. Forget the damn gimmicks! No “in space”, no Goes to Hell. Those films are fine on their own right, but besides fans not being too pleased by them – the general public is turned off by gimmicky entries in the genre as well. Yes, Jason is a big enough name that the general public will turn out to see what he’s up to. They see, woods, hockey mask, machete, and think, “cool.”

Why? Because unlike Samara Morgan, Jason Voorhees is a bonafide screen legend. Small children don’t know what The Ring is, let alone, “what is a VCR?” I bet, though, if you showed them a photo of a brute in a hockey mask they would turn and run the other way. But, after all that time trying to hammer down a script, what’re you going to do now? You can’t go back to square one. Well, remember, F13 aren’t hard to crack.

I present you a simple concept. The memory of Jason has faded. He’s merely an urban legend whispered about around camp fires. A group of friends, escaping for a weekend of camping and fun, mistakenly stumble upon the decrepit remains of Camp Crystal Lake and decide to crash in one of the cabins when a massive storm breaks out. The story unravels in almost realtime during one night, trapped in the surroundings of Camp Blood. There’d be a couple more kinks in the plot to keep things feeling “fresh”, but that’s it. That’s all you need! A simple set up, likable characters, and again…inventive kills and gnarly practical effects. Best part, all of this is feasible on our shoestring budget! Hell, I’ll even write the damn script over a long weekend for 10k and a bottle of wine (preferably a nice red, but I’ll settle for some Mondavi Select).

To ensure maximum profit, you would keep your marketing spend to a minimum. The great thing is that a F13 film done right will sell itself. That’s right! There’s no need to have Jason show up on “The Today Show”! Though, that would be pretty cool. Follow the lead set by A24 and their advertising for The Witch. Don’t throw dollars around willy-nilly. Focus your advertising online, where it counts, with the people who are actually going to see your film. Ma and Pa Average-Joe aren’t going to be interested when the TV spot pops up during “Live! With Kelly”…so, why waste the money?


All We Need is ‘Voorhees’

Ultimately, the Friday the 13th films have taken on an almost mythic, ritualistic quality. They exist beyond the movies themselves. Much like the fantastic Cabin in the Woods showed us, these films exist to fit a need deep within. In a chaotic world that grows more and more fractured by the day, we need our boogeymen now more than ever. Fear is all around us in the real world. For at least an hour and a half, we need to be able to enter the comforting confines of a darkened theater only to have the shit “safely” scared out of us. For in a movie, within Jason, we can exorcise our fears and frustrations. We can become the final girl, victorious. We can slay the monster.

The choice is yours, Paramount. I’m not naive enough to think you’ll take any of this into consideration. But, if you’re ready to not only make some cash but shake up the industry – take a miniscule financial risk. There’s still time for a quickie turnaround in order to make that October 13th date. Put some small indie style into that big studio mentality of yours.

Sincerely,

Zachary Paul

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Editorials

32 Things We Learned from Commentary for ‘Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight’

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The great Ernest Dickerson turns seventy-five years old this month, so we’re looking back at his most memorable contribution to the horror genre – 1995’s Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight!

The film hit screens while the Tales from the Crypt series was winding down its run on television, and it stands apart with a story that feels a step or two removed from the franchise norm. That was the smart play, though, as the show’s stories – and those from the original EC comics – work best in short bites. The result is a film that holds up beautifully as a gory good time.

Now keep reading to see what I heard on the commentary for…


Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)

Commentator: Ernest Dickerson (director), Michael Felsher (moderator)

1. Dickerson was in post-production on Surviving the Game when he got a call from his agent saying that producer Gil Adler wanted to meet about a Tales from the Crypt feature film. It went well, so Dickerson met with Joel Silver next and secured the job.

2. The original screenplay for the film came to the producers as a spec script wholly detached from the Tales from the Crypt brand. They added the Crypt Keeper (voiced by John Kassir) bookends to make it fit.

3. Dickerson was more familiar with the original EC comic books having read them as a kid, but he had watched a few episodes of the HBO series, so he knew what the current vibe was for the project.

4. Adler directed the film’s wraparound segments, meaning Dickerson never actually got to work with the creepy puppet. “Gil and the Crypt Keeper had a great relationship,” he adds, “they worked together for years.”

5. While he was new to the Tales from the Crypt family, Dickerson had previously worked as a director of photography on the Tales from the Darkside anthology series. That show is underappreciated in my humble opinion, and I will go to bat for both it and the equally underloved Monsters.

6. A big appeal of the horror genre for Dickerson is the idea of dark mysteries that challenge our imagination. For this film, that came down to the mythology being created between the characters.

7. Five executive producers are listed in the opening credits, but Dickerson says the only two he had dealings with were Silver and Richard Donner. The other three were Walter Hill, Robert Zemeckis, and David Giler.

8. Dickerson had only ever seen Billy Zane in movies with a full head of hair, so he was surprised when Zane showed up on the first day with a bald head. “He had this case, and he opened up the case that he had all these hair pieces in, and he says, ‘So which one of these do you think I should use?’” Dickerson looked at him and suggested he just go bald for the character.

9. While the bulk of the opening exteriors were filmed in a desert just outside Los Angeles, the shot of the old church at 11:26 was created on a warehouse hangar soundstage where the film’s interiors were shot.

10. When he had read the script, Dickerson pictured the character of Jeryline (Jada Pinkett Smith) “as a little, tough lady.” He had recently seen Smith in Menace II Society, and while the producers had someone else in mind for the role, he fought to get her instead.

11. Just as Zane surprised Dickerson with his hair (or lack thereof), Smith arrived on the first day with her hair dyed platinum white. He “liked the idea” but asked her to please get it tweaked so it looked more yellowish blond. “It’s definitely a statement.”

12. He had seen Brenda Bakke in the 1989 sci-fi/action film from Japan, Gunhed, and thought she’d be great here as Cordelia. The rest of us might recognize her from Death Spa or Trucks.

13. Felsher comments that the film’s setup does a good job not telegraphing who’s going to live or die, and he uses the “nice guy” (Charles Fleischer) and “the kid” (Ryan O’Donohue) as examples. “You don’t play by those rules here,” he says, and Dickerson replies that he wanted to subvert those rules. That extends to Smith as well because she’s Black, “and usually in movies like this they’re the first folks to die.”

14. Dickerson says they had forty days of filming, “which, the way I’m used to working, was a very generous schedule.” It was budgeted at around $10 million.

15. This probably won’t surprise you, but Zane improvised the bit at 26:25 after he jumps out the window and says, “Fuck this cowboy shit! You fuckin’, hodunk Podunk, well, then, motherfuckers!”

16. In the original script, the demons that The Collector (Zane) raises from the dirt actually looked more like the people they used to be. “They were more human,” but the very smart decision was made in pre-production to make them look far more unique instead.

17. The demons are killed by shooting their eyes, but Dickerson felt there should be one more element to it. “Shoot out their eyes, you gotta duck because the souls come shooting out, and if it hits ya, boom, it can kill ya.” This is a fun touch.

18. He’s been asked more than once if these demons are where Peter Jackson got the idea for how the orcs would look in his Lord of the Rings movies. “They do look like orcs.”

19. He recalls having seen Ronny Yu’s The Bride with White Hair shortly before going to work on Demon Knight, and he hoped to bring some of that staged style into his own film. An example of that in practice is Brayker’s (William Sadler) brief flashbacks to Christ on the cross.

20. Character deaths were mostly based on the idea that “each person’s downfall was going to be predicated by their weakness.” The Collector discovers someone’s weakness and then uses it against them. Cordelia wants to be loved, Jeryline wants to travel, Uncle Willy (Dick Miller) is a horndog for both liquor and ladies, Danny loves horror comics, etc.

21. Dickerson says that plenty of genre classics were in the back of his head while making the film, including Assault on Precinct 13, Alien, Aliens, and more.

22. Cordelia is possessed into a demonic form, and Dickerson’s idea for how she’d look was originally a bit different. “Since Cordelia was a prostitute, I thought that her mouth should actually be a vertical slit that was in her stomach… which would open up with teeth and a tongue.” It was nixed, he says, when “the wife of one of the producers read that and said ‘no way you’re putting that in the movie.’”

23. The key makes an appearance in the followup, Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood, but it wasn’t originally meant to. Apparently, early test audiences expected it to be a more connected sequel to Demon Knight, so the filmmakers added it in to appease them. This is where I go on record saying that Bordello of Blood is a fun time. Can’t touch Demon Knight, obviously, but it’s more entertaining than its reputation suggests.

24. They had to film Uncle Willy’s bar scene “dream” twice, once with the women topless and once with them in bikinis, to have versions for both theaters and television broadcast. “Dick’s a pro.” (To be fair, Dickerson says this in regard to Miller having to endure the makeup application, but the sentiment fits both situations, so…)

25. Dickerson says he’s “always amazed at the love that people show this film,” and adds that fans bring it up to him incredibly often. This is great to hear, as we should always be telling artists how much their work means to us while they’re still alive and able to hear it.

26. Zane also suggested the gag at 1:08:21 with the sponge coming out of his mouth. The beat reminds Dickerson to praise the actor even more, adding that he was an “ally” to the director when “bad ideas” came down from the studio suits.

27. He didn’t get any pushback on killing little Danny. He did insist on one added element, though, as he wanted to immediately follow the boy exploding in the air with a shot of his bloody and torn sneaker hitting the ground below. “And the sneaker had to be a hightop.”

28. Dickerson says there’s “something kinky sexy about” Smith being covered in blood, and then the two commentators go quiet for almost two minutes out of respect for the scene. It’s a good opportunity to reflect on how Dickerson had previously mentioned Alien and Aliens as films being in the back of his head during filming, and how two scenes here reflect that – Jeryline stripping down to her underwear for the final confrontation feels like a nod to Ridley Scott’s film, while an earlier scene with Irene (CCH Pounder) and Dep. Bob (Gary Farmer) realizing they’re surrounded and choosing to blow themselves up alongside some of the demons is something of a callback to the air vent sacrifice in James Cameron’s film.

29. Asked about the film’s critical reception at the time of release, Dickerson says it received good reviews from horror-loving critics and then talks about the importance of horror in general. “Horror has always been a great way of putting out ideas, of talking about some of the things that affect us as people. Some of the best horror, like the best science fiction, talks about what it’s like to be human. Some of the best horror gets very political.”

30. The original ending would have featured The Collector showing “his true self, which is a demon made of fire.” They spent a lot of time trying to make it work, but it was “extremely difficult… back in the day of analog effects.” It was rewritten into the faceoff between him and Jeryline featuring the dancing, the crotch fire, Zane’s attempts at saying “love,” and his eventual demise from her bloody spit.

31. They both agree that a direct sequel to Demon Knight could be a lot of fun, but Dickerson says he’s unaware of any talk on the possibility.

32. Dickerson was super excited about this new Scream Factory Blu-ray in 2015, and he mentions that before its release, he had imported a Blu-ray from Germany presumably to enjoy the film in HD. He’s just like us! (Or am I the only one here who’s imported a German Blu-ray of the much maligned werewolf flick Big Bad Wolf…)


Quotes Without Context

“I was so happy to get Dick Miller for this movie.”

“There was a time when guys used to put ketchup on everything.”

“I’m a big student of Hitchcock, and the best way to make a moment of horror work is to lull the audience into a false sense of security.”

“A villain should always be the most interesting person in a movie.”

“They were a really great bunch of performers who were performing on these little leg-extension stilts wearing a diaper that had a radio-controlled tail that was being manipulated by a special effects tech right out of the frame.”

“It’s hard to direct air; it doesn’t do what you want.”

“The only censorship problem came from the producer’s wife, who didn’t want the vagina dentalis [sic] in the movie.”

“One of the executives wanted to know why the devil didn’t try to have sex with Jada.”

“It always starts with the script.”


Keep up with more horror commentary breakdowns here.

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