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[Review] Quentin Tarantino Presents ‘Hell Ride’

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Last night I caught the world premiere of the Quentin Tarantino-produced thriller, HELL RIDE, which was one of the most crowded screenings thus far at the Sundance Film Festival. Fans were in high spirits and paying over $60 just to get in and catch a glimpse of the legendary director. When the film finally came to an end the theater erupted into applause infuriating me beyond belief… it sickens me that people will like a movie JUST because Tarantino’s name is on it. I swear to God that if there was a movie called “Quentin Tarantino presents… Watch Grass Grow,” and the entire film was just footage of grass flowing in the wind with spaghetti western music behind it, people would applaud it. It’s too bad I have to be the one to stand up and say something… HELL RIDE is an atrocity, and is guaranteed to make my worst films of 2008 list.

In the film written and directed by Larry Bishop, Bishop plays bad-ass biker Pistolero, (named after the original title for Robert Rodriguez’s “Desperado”) who along with his brother The Gent (Michael Madsen) and Comanche (Eric Balfour), hit the road to avenge the death of Pistolero’s old lady Cherokee Kisum (Julia Jones), by the 666ers a rival motorcycle gang lead by Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones).

HELL RIDE is terrible – it’s so bad it’s beyond comprehension. At the top of the list of reasons why is the screenplay, which is a jumbled mess of nothing. For an entire hour and a half bikers talk, bikers talk more, bikers point guns at each other, bikers have sex, bikers then talk some more and then we get to watch one of the most anticlimactic finales in a long time. I’d say it’s safe to say that about 30% of the movie features Bishop either flirting with a girl or having sex with a girl or even talking about having sex with a girl; the other 70% of the film is pretty much chatter. In HELL RIDE all of the characters talk in circles repeating the same dialogue over and over again. There are even a few sequences that are JAMMED with silly puns, such as hilarious references to the number 6 and a five-minute conversation about “fire”. Think of every single pun you can possibly imagine and then picture that in reference to sex and imagine watching this. I understand that Larry Bishop’s film was produced by Quentin Tarantino, but that doesn’t mean you have to BE HIM. Instead of trying to find his own voice Bishop comes off like one of the worst Tarantino imitators in the history of the universe.

Furthermore, there is zero character development and new characters are introduced for no apparent reason. I didn’t care about a single person in this film and couldn’t even tell who was good and who was bad, if it even mattered. There are no payoffs, and the finale is extremely weak. The plot twists revolving around the characters made no sense because we couldn’t tell who was in which gang and who was supposed to be loyal to whom – it was a god-awful mess.

Sure the film was loaded with super hot chicks, but the only reason they were there was to try and make HELL RIDE “hip and cool,” which it’s not.

In terms of quality, the film looked horrendous, like it was shot on HD and they attempted to clean it up in post. Many scenes were too bright and the color appeared to be off as every character looked red. Sure the score was badass (like that was a big surprise) and some of the editing was quite polished, but you all know what they say about polishing a turd?

Adding more fuel to the fire (no pun intended), there’s a scene where Balfour opens a safety deposit box, he makes a face and we never find out what’s in it. This was Bishop’s homage to PULP FICTION and more proof that he was trying to emulate a legend. So what exactly was in the box? My hope is that it’s the only print of the film and it’ll be buried again so it hopefully never again sees the light of day.

I don’t care if HELL RIDE is referential or an homage to classic ‘70s flicks, and I don’t care who produced it, a bad movie is a bad movie. I like to be entertained when I go to a cinema, and if I wanted to watch a bunch of old people having a mid-life crisis I’d go see THE BUCKET LIST, which is the last on my list of films to see this year. HELL RIDE is one of the most incoherent, boring, useless films I have ever seen and I pray to God that you guys never subject yourself to it.

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Editorials

André Øvredal’s ‘Troll Hunter’ Remains One of the Best Found Footage Movies

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André Øvredal's Troll Hunter

In this day and age, the wordtrollis often used to describe various online nuisances. Yet as abundant and irksome as the modern troll can be, they aren’t usually as fearsome as their mythological counterparts. I’m not talking about the small and gentler versions that have become more common to see in media. No, there are much bigger and scarier trolls out there—and André Øvredal’s movie Troll Hunter is one of the best places to find them.

It doesn’t take long for Troll Hunter (or Trolljegeren) to dump the Blair Witch Project-esque setup and aim for something a lot fresher. The trajectory of the story is augmented by Otto Jespersen’s character Hans, the titular Troll Hunter. The second he comes barreling out of the deep, dark woods and shoutstrollat the camera, this movie takes a turn into what feels like uncharted territory. Not only subject-wise, but also conceptually.

For fantastical and made-up subject matter in cinema, found footage is a fast way to add a guise of believability. After all, what we accept to be the most crucial aspect of documentaries—the truth—rubs off on pseudo-documentaries, despite our understanding of the pretense involved. That is what Øvredal delivered with Troll Hunter: a movie so convincing that some viewers wondered if trolls really do exist. So, had this been straightforwardly made, it likely wouldn’t have been as effective. Conventional narratives would be more inclined to treat something like trolls as flat out unreal, and never try to convince the audience to think otherwise.

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Hans petrifies the three-headed Tusseladd troll.

The viewers, like the characters trailing Hans, are quickly thrown into the deeper end of that extraordinary story. They have to process all this new information while staying on the go. So, although there is no significant amount of meandering, narratively or physically, there is still a good amount of atmosphere, not to mention tension building. It’s never anything frightful, but then again, Troll Hunter isn’t your standard offering of horror; it’s more on the low end of the dark fantasy spectrum. We aren’t ever spirited away to a faraway world—we stay in rather familiar surroundings, as well as dip into those less so. The outcome is a movie where you’re constantly more in awe than in terror.

As fantasy fiction might do, Troll Hunter prefers not to deal with incredulity. There is no time to waste on doubt, as interviewer Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud), soundperson Johanna (Johanna Mørck), and cameraman Kalle (Tomas Alf Larsen) all follow Hans around, recording whatever this character is willing to reveal about his bizarre job. Of course, the Troll Hunter himself is not an open book; in that respect, the diegetic documentary fails to fully capture and unpack the more interesting of its two subjects. Yes, all those giant, monstrous trolls are indeed incredible, but understandably, your mind wanders to their pursuer. What kind of person signs up for this gig and then chooses to stick with it for so long?

Reviews have called out Troll Hunter for its lack of character development. In regard to Thomas and his fellow documentarians, that criticism is valid, but bear in mind, they aren’t the focus of the story, either. Meanwhile, Hans is a well-crafted character. At least better than first realized. Before he was introduced, Hans had already grown tired of the troll grind. Fed up with that low compensation for his services, resentful of the bureaucracy, and wanting to expose his employer on a large scale, Hans’ discontent is glaring.

Then there are those finer details about the Troll Hunter, such as that indifference to both the natural splendor of his everyday surroundings and the affections of an obviously smitten colleague, that also suggest some level of despondency. So it is fair to say this movie doesn’t feature any sizable growth for its characters; however, the namesake isn’t underwritten. No doubt, putting a real-life character like Otto Jespersen in that role is partly why Hans is so fascinating—maybe even relatable.

Troll Hunter

Otto Jespersen as Hans the Troll Hunter.

There is always a small risk whenever using the termmockumentaryto describe a found-footage movie, as the word could imply humor where there is none. In the case of Troll Hunter, the term’s usage is appropriate. Some folks have claimed the English-dubbed version has the more comedic tone, however, the Norwegian cut isn’t exactly humorless. Apart from the trolls’ absurd appearances, this is a movie where the characters nearly choke on the monsters’ farts, and Christians are like walking targets. Hans’ complete apathy towards everything is another cause of laughter. Overall, the comedy is intentionally dry and inconsistent. Unfunny, though? Absolutely not.

In a movie where endemic creatures are maltreated, as well as disavowed from living freely and peacefully, it’s hard not to notice the ecological message buried beneath the story. In addition to that is the unmistakable political satire. There is this whole business about intrusive and unsightly power lines—like trolls, they’re big blemishes on the land—that leads to what is perhaps the movie’s funniest moment. The scene in question is that one where certain electric lines, the ones secretly being used to keep the trolls at bay, go in a loop and don’t actually send power to any residents. Yet the monitors of said lines don’t find this at all weird. So it stands to reason that Øvredal was having a go at those who accept the government’s doings without question.

Looking past the fact that trolls aren’t actually real, this movie is an enlightening source of information. And not just for international audiences; Norwegians, too, get schooled about their homeland’s own mythology. It’s also evident from everything on screen that Øvredal and his crew were enthusiastic about the topic. The creature designs are the most indicative of that zeal; those imaginative yet myth-accurate manifestations are equally amusing and grotesque. One second you’re laughing at their phallic noses, the next you’re white-knuckling during a hairy sequence. Most surprisingly is how well the trolls’ visual effects hold up after fifteen years. It’s not all spotless, but on the whole, they remain impressive.

Vouching for a mockumentary about trolls isn’t easy, but those who do come around and give it a shot will more than likely be grateful for the recommendation. For Troll Hunter is a real find in that vast and varied genre we callfound footage.

troll hunter

A bridge troll reaches up for food and finds Hans decked out in armor.

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