The direct-to-video sequel is a force to be reckoned with, considering they take up a pretty hefty portion of any local rental shack’s wall space. There’s a special portion of those that I’d label “Sequels nobody ever asked for,” and considering that, I guess it should really come to no one’s surprise that someone thought Mirrors 2 was an idea worth capitalizing on. In the grand scheme of things, the original Mirrors was not exactly a complete failure, raking in $77 million worldwide, but aside for a few cool gore scenes, it’s hated by almost everyone and really, this sequel isn’t going to sway anyone one way or the other in respect to the franchise.

Unlike its predecessor, Mirrors 2 is surprisingly simple and easy to follow. After his girlfriend dies in a car crash, Max (Nick Stahl) is all torn up and understandably depressed. His father (William Katt) offers him a job at the Mayflower department store as a security guard – to give his life a purpose, I guess – and on his first night, he’s visited by a female specter trapped in the store’s mirrors. People start dying shortly thereafter, and it’s up to him and Elizabeth (Emmanuelle Vaugier) – the sister of a former employee who went missing – to sort things out.

I’ve probably said too much already, but it’s kind of hard not to figure out what’s going on after the first act. The plot is thin and cookie-cutter, and it plays out like a Lifetime movie with gore – I half-expected an anti-drug and rape advisory to pop up at the film’s conclusion. The kill scenes, one of the two saving graces of the original (the other being Keifer Sutherland going all Jack Bauer on a nun), are cheap and repetitive here. Each victim looks in the mirror, sees the double kill itself, and that’s that. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me the film was written without Mirrors in mind, and then they just cobbled stuff together to have name recognition. Aside from taking place in a Mayflower store – now in New Orleans instead of New York – and having a malevolent force in the mirrors, the mythology really has nothing to do with the Aja’s film.

The acting is dire across the board, including Stahl giving an unsurprisingly wooden performance. William Katt is entertaining in a bad sort of way, no doubt helped by his pony-tailed pimp wig – as bad as any Nic Cage hairpiece. If that doesn’t do it for you, try humming the Greatest American Hero theme during his cold-pizza scene; it makes it THAT much better.

I’m at a loss in coming up with anything positive to say about Mirrors 2. It’s as bad as you think it is, and about as forgettable as Victor Garcia’s last DTV sequel, Return To House On Haunted Hill – sadly, you don’t get to play choose-your-own adventure this time around. Since I’m grasping at straws, I’ll just say that if you have an Even Stevens fetish and always wondered what Christy Carlson Romano looked like naked, your curiosity will be satisfied.