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[Review] ‘Jersey Shore Massacre’ Fails In the Parody Department

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I admit it, I watched the hell out of Jersey Shore. Every rotten season of it. When Snooki first walked into the beach house dragging trash bags as luggage, I was there. When Ronnie knocked that kid out with one punch, I loved it. And when the Situation drove his own head into a wall to get out of fighting Ronnie, I laughed my ass off. My viewing had nothing to do with being from Jersey, I’m simply a glutton for schadenfreude and the anthropological study of assholes.

It’s been two years now since Jersey Shore left the air and there’s been a gaping hole in my heart ever since (not really though). That’s why the announcement of Paul Tornopol’s slasher-comedy Jersey Shore Massacre got me all excited. How hard can it be to successfully parody the bronzed bennies and poofy-haired boneheads of my beloved reality show and throw in some fun kills?

Apparently more difficult than it seems.

Jersey Shore Massacre starts with a group of hair stylists “goin’ down the shore.” When they arrive, they find that their stoner landlord (Ron Jeremy, duh) has mistakenly rented out their timeshare to another group of equally obnoxious girls. Teresa (Danielle Dallacco) offers up her gangster uncle’s woodland estate in the Pine Barrens as an alternative. Begrudgingly, the girls head into the woods for an alternative weekend getaway.

From there, Jersey Shore Massacre goes through the slasher beats, with a neighboring cannibal as the prime suspect. Mixed in with the slasher elements is the sexual aggressiveness and misogyny Jersey Shore was known for. Then again, slashers are known for that as well, so it’s all business as usual in those departments.

The cast is made up of a bunch of believably trashy chest-beaters and guidettes, though none of them are particularly adept in the acting department. it’s never a good sign when Ron Jeremy is the only recognizable name in a film (outside of a porno, if you’re into watching a troll doll meshed with a mangy Mario ravage women).

My biggest problem with the film is that it doesn’t embellish the madness of its source material. It’s not a clever parody at all. It plays out like a typical slasher, but the victims happen to say “youse guys” instead of “you guys” and they go tanning. The cast is just doing bad impressions of the Jersey Shore cast without any effort. Aside from JWoww listed as an executive producer, Jersey Shore Massacre has nothing to do or in common with the show. That’s what I was looking forward to! I watch enough lousy DTV slashers already!

Jersey Shore Massacre is now in limited theaters and hits DVD and Blu-ray on August 26.

Patrick writes stuff about stuff for Bloody and Collider. His fiction has appeared in ThugLit, Shotgun Honey, Flash Fiction Magazine, and your mother's will. He'll have a ginger ale, thanks.

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Don Mancini in the “Early Stages” of Working On a New “Chucky” Movie!

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Chucky death

Everyone’s favorite killer doll is headed back to the small screen with “Chucky” Season 3: Part 2 on April 10, but are any further movies being planned at this time?

Created by Don Mancini, the “Chucky” television series remarkably plays around with existing elements from all previous films without disregarding ANYTHING from the past. From the original Child’s Play to sequels including Child’s Play 2, Bride of Chucky and even Seed of Chucky, it’s all one cohesive timeline that Mancini remains deeply committed to.

Of course, the most recent film in the Child’s Play franchise was the 2019 remake, to date the only movie in the saga that’s NOT part of Mancini’s vision. Is Mancini’s original incarnation going to spend his final days on TV, while another Chucky will be featured in the movies? It’s a question we’ve been asking ourselves for the last few years, and we may now have an answer.

Speaking with the Scream Dreams Podcast this week, Mancini revealed that he’s in the early stages of development on a potential new installment in the original Chucky film franchise!

new Chucky movie

CHUCKY — “Jennifer’s Body” Episode 303 — Pictured in this screengrab: Chucky — (Photo by: SYFY)

“Like anyone in this business, I want to do more things. At this point though if it’s only Chucky I’m totally cool with that,” Mancini explains. “I have other things I want to do. I’m working on a new pilot. I’m also, actually, in the early stages of working on a new Chucky movie.”

Mancini adds, “At this point, my goal is just to keep working.”

Outside of the aforementioned Child’s Play remake, there are to date seven installments in the franchise, with Cult of Chucky (2017) being the original franchise’s most recent film.

For now, Chucky remains a small screen icon. Don’t miss the premiere of Season 3: Part 2 on both USA and SYFY on April 10, with new episodes hitting Peacock the day after they air.

You can watch Don Mancini’s full chat with Scream Dreams below.

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